Hey, Evieeee!!!!

[BooMerengue]

Evie? You said you wanted to try a Terzanelle? Here's my humble offering. Wheres yours? I'm not thinking of doing another of these anytime soon!

A Garden Moment

The sweetness of the morning dew,
the sun's rays gently on my skin
remind me of my time with you.

A memory so deep within
my soul-there are no shadows there!
The sun's rays gently on my skin

reflect your smile, your eyes, your scent,
the energy you pass to me.
My soul-there are no shadows there,

for you have quickly set them free!
This garden stems from your design;
the energy you pass to me.

If only we could once align
our dreams and this reality
This garden stems from your design.

But now as sun begins to flee
The sweetness of the morning dew
our dreams and this reality
remind me of my time with you.​

Feel free to comment, y'all. I'm not posting this.

.

 

[WickedEve]

Evie? You said you wanted to try a Terzanelle? Here's my humble offering. Wheres yours? I'm not thinking of doing another of these anytime soon!

A Garden Moment

The sweetness of the morning dew,
the sun's rays gently on my skin
remind me of my time with you.

A memory so deep within
my soul-there (soul-there looks like a hyphenated word. It should be soul--there) are no shadows there!
The sun's rays gently on my skin

reflect your smile, your eyes, your scent,
the energy you pass to me.
My soul-there are no shadows there,

for you have quickly set them free!
This garden stems from your design;
the energy you pass to me.

If only we could once align
our dreams and this reality
This garden stems from your design.

But now as sun begins to flee
The sweetness of the morning dew
our dreams and this reality
remind me of my time with you.​

.

I said I wanted to "try" one? I've been writing them for years. Actually, I was working on a new one earlier today. It's about half way written at the moment. Anyway, you do have the form right. I left a comment in red.

 

[WickedEve]

I'll post my new one here if I ever get it finished.
Here's one from last year that's quite fun to read, though now I see where it could use some tweaking here and there.

Did You Wash Behind Your Ears?

A daffodil pierced the lobe of night.
Now "sleepy head" clings to trumpet corona,
impeding words' bloom in morning light.

Bedded and soiled, a seed in wee Mona,
she nods in dreams to Mum's early song.
Now "sleepy head" clings to trumpet corona.

Silence flowers from the petaled throng,
when slumber entices better than suds.
She nods in dreams to Mum's early song.

Syllabic morn dews the deafening buds.
A blossom sprouts from the dirtiest ear,
when slumber entices better than suds.

She never listened, too late to hear--
barely eve and moon stalks the sun.
A blossom sprouts from the dirtiest ear.

voices sleep when a garden's done
a daffodil pierced the lobe of night
barely eve and moon stalks the sun
impeding words' bloom in morning light

 

[BooMerengue]

well, hell... who was it then who said they wanted to try one? now I feel stupid...er.

Thanks for that info- I wasn't sure what to put there.

 

[BooMerengue]

I'll post my new one here if I ever get it finished.
Here's one from last year that's quite fun to read, though now I see where it could use some tweaking here and there.

Did You Wash Behind Your Ears?

A daffodil pierced the lobe of night.
Now "sleepy head" clings to trumpet corona,
impeding words' bloom in morning light.

Bedded and soiled, a seed in wee Mona,
she nods in dreams to Mum's early song.
Now "sleepy head" clings to trumpet corona.

Silence flowers from the petaled throng,
when slumber entices better than suds.
She nods in dreams to Mum's early song.

Syllabic morn dews the deafening buds.
A blossom sprouts from the dirtiest ear,
when slumber entices better than suds.

She never listened, too late to hear--
barely eve and moon stalks the sun.
A blossom sprouts from the dirtiest ear.

voices sleep when a garden's done
a daffodil pierced the lobe of night
barely eve and moon stalks the sun
impeding words' bloom in morning light

*sigh That put me in the dust!

 

[WickedEve]

I love the form. I know Ange writes terzs--excellent ones. I think Fool does.
Anyway, in a minute I'm going to put a list of mine here in hopes that they inform, inspire, or just scare someone. lol The first one will be Amorous Widow. It is an earlier one and you should not do what I did. I got the form right, but I wrote a rather cliche, sappy, whatever poem. Ange and I discussed that once. Where are you, A? Remember our "cliches and such can sneak up on you with certain forms" discussion? lol

 

[WickedEve]

Amorous Widow I was trying so hard with the form, that the poem suffered. So, don't do this!

Buried Alive Another earlier one but better than the widow poem--just a widow bit. lol

Did You Wash Behind Your Ears I think this one is fun.

Donna Marie I like this but I think someone suggested that it would be improved if I had not used this form--maybe free verse. Could be right.

Dust Colony This one reads quite smooth. Probably better than most of the others.

Elaborate Décolletage This is the first or second one that I ever wrote.

Not Nearly Heaven turned out pretty good.

Sarah Strayed I think some readers had some problems with this one. I don't remember what.

Taking Life In Stride Another one that reads pretty smooth. Some of my form poetry doesn't.

 

[WickedEve]

Anyway, my new terz has a vulture theme and it may never be shared.

 

[BooMerengue]

I love the form. I know Ange writes terzs--excellent ones. I think Fool does.
Anyway, in a minute I'm going to put a list of mine here in hopes that they inform, inspire, or just scare someone. lol The first one will be Amorous Widow. It is an earlier one and you should not do what I did. I got the form right, but I wrote a rather cliche, sappy, whatever poem. Ange and I discussed that once. Where are you, A? Remember our "cliches and such can sneak up on you with certain forms" discussion? lol

I am impressed! I wish I could make my language more sophisticated, but then I feel like it wouldn't be me. I'm going to read yours sometime tonight. Right now I'm working on a very intricate dance with a hard to please partner, whom I adore!

 

[WickedEve]

I am impressed! I wish I could make my language more sophisticated, but then I feel like it wouldn't be me. I'm going to read yours sometime tonight. Right now I'm working on a very intricate dance with a hard to please partner, whom I adore!

Write whatever comes naturally to you. If you read some of those terzanelles, you'll find some more relaxed and with simpler words. They're not all like the Wash Behind Your Ears poem. I don't even think I could write one like that now. And the Not Nearly Heaven poem. Just don't think that's in me anymore either. Well, I'm going back to my vulture poem.

 

[BooMerengue]

Amorous Widow I was trying so hard with the form, that the poem suffered. So, don't do this!

Buried Alive Another earlier one but better than the widow poem--just a widow bit. lol

Did You Wash Behind Your Ears I think this one is fun.

Donna Marie I like this but I think someone suggested that it would be improved if I had not used this form--maybe free verse. Could be right.

Dust Colony This one reads quite smooth. Probably better than most of the others.

Elaborate Décolletage This is the first or second one that I ever wrote.

Not Nearly Heaven turned out pretty good.

Sarah Strayed I think some readers had some problems with this one. I don't remember what.

Taking Life In Stride Another one that reads pretty smooth. Some of my form poetry doesn't.

These are all wonderful. You have such amazing thoughts interwoven here, and so smooth! My fav is Donna Marie. And you've taught me something. You didn't adhere exactly to the form here. You're lines repeated, but you dared to change some of the words in those repeating lines, which to me greatly enhanced what you had to say. I have always stuck to the requirements. Not this time. I'm working on another, and I am going to loosen up.

Thank you, darling!

 

[Angeline]

I love the form. I know Ange writes terzs--excellent ones. I think Fool does.
Anyway, in a minute I'm going to put a list of mine here in hopes that they inform, inspire, or just scare someone. lol The first one will be Amorous Widow. It is an earlier one and you should not do what I did. I got the form right, but I wrote a rather cliche, sappy, whatever poem. Ange and I discussed that once. Where are you, A? Remember our "cliches and such can sneak up on you with certain forms" discussion? lol

I was asleep.

I remember Amorous Widow. I wrote one too. It was ugh--too romantic. Should have been in a book sleeve with a picture on the cover of Fabio ripping some babe's bodice open.

I have a bunch of terz's. Here's the only one I can find now--written for Lauren's Exquisite Corpse challenge a while back. I'd find a better one but I gotta go to work.
'
Oval Corpse

Within the tasteful oval, though the desk is snide,
princely chair massages pompous ass
of the cowboy despot who doesn’t deign to hide

his greed between the oils and the silks. Undenied,
Naked emperor, opportunistic, magnificently crass
within the tasteful oval, though the desk is snide,

though the suit seems perfect, though he has applied
whitewash over this sprawling house of glass.
His greed between the oils and the silks? Undenied.

The absolute of power is corruption and belied
by the snarky shark smiles and the costly gas
of the cowboy despot who doesn’t deign to hide

behind the crumbling cities, starving orphans. Pride
and family honor fuels his creed. His day can neatly pass
within the tasteful oval, though the desk is snide,

Have you registered your voice? His has lied
to the masses, to the dying. This is the upper class
of the cowboy despot who doesn’t deign to hide
within the tasteful oval, though the desk is snide,

 

[ruminator]

I am awed at the creativity shown in this form. It also expresses a wrtier's flexibility in choosing how words are selected for meaning and placement.

You folks are flexible.

I am awed,....or is it odd?

 

[Angeline]

I am awed at the creativity shown in this form. It also expresses a wrtier's flexibility in choosing how words are selected for meaning and placement.

You folks are flexible.

I am awed,....or is it odd?

Probably both.

I'm back. That's my kinda workday--one hour and pffft.

The form is not difficult. And I agree--there is a flexibility in how you choose the words. You can make lines complete sentences or flow sentences across lines, which I like to do.

This is a great site for learning the form.

 

[Jennifer C]

Thanks for the link Ange

 

[Angeline]

Thanks for the link Ange

You're welcome. The explanation is well written and the examples are clear, eh?

 

[ruminator]

Probably both.

I'm back. That's my kinda workday--one hour and pffft.

The form is not difficult. And I agree--there is a flexibility in how you choose the words. You can make lines complete sentences or flow sentences across lines, which I like to do.

This is a great site for learning the form.

Thanks for the link. I'd like to learn more about these. I did my first one on a whim the other day when I first saw it come up in conversation. I'm not sure how good it is. It's around in one of these threads.

First thing I learned......they're difficult to write.



hey,....that's the same link I found when I looked to see how to write one.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks for the link. I'd like to learn more about these. I did my first one on a whim the other day when I first saw it come up in conversation. I'm not sure how good it is. It's around in one of these threads.

First thing I learned......they're difficult to write.



hey,....that's the same link I found when I looked to see how to write one.

Lol. Well, it's Google, not brain surgery.

 

[ruminator]

Just noting th coincidence. It's a good link.

 

[WickedEve]

And you've taught me something. You didn't adhere exactly to the form here. You're lines repeated, but you dared to change some of the words in those repeating lines, which to me greatly enhanced what you had to say. I have always stuck to the requirements. Not this time.

I believe I got that tip from Angeline.

 

[Angeline]

I believe I got that tip from Angeline.

Cheat?

 

[The_Fool]

I've only done one terzenelle. It was for that challenge where we took lines from other poets as our first and last lines. I'm too lazy to look up the thread though.

Interestingly enough, I used a line from Ange and a line from Eve...

Haven't really had time to go and do another one. Once again, too lazy...


Chance Encounter

 

[Guest]

I've only done one terzenelle. It was for that challenge where we took lines from other poets as our first and last lines. I'm too lazy to look up the thread though.

Interestingly enough, I used a line from Ange and a line from Eve...

That was a great challenge! Encore?

 

[Angeline]

That was a great challenge! Encore?

I'd do that one again. I loved that one. I used Eve and darkmaas. Ooooh, I love saying that--I will again:

I used Eve and darkmaas.

 

[WickedEve]

I'd do that one again. I loved that one. I used Eve and darkmaas. Ooooh, I love saying that--I will again:

I used Eve and darkmaas.

I used maria--and I ended up using monkey.