Herpes, anyone?

[River Tam]

I've been sexually active since my divorce 5 years ago, and always tried to be careful. BUT, I came down with a mild case of herpes last August. Since I'd always been clean before, I assumed the man I'd been dating for 3 months at the time was the culprit, but he tested negative.

We're still together, and we've gotten past the blame game. I've researched, and educated myself. He could have given it to me, or I to him, during a dormant phase. But he tested negative, so he's convinced I'll give it t him, so he's very hesitant to even kiss me!!

I tried posting on a different site, but got nothing helpful. So, here I am, asking my fellow sex addicts advice...

 

[Liar]

Hi. Have you tried asking in the How To forum? They're usually full of answers. Not sure a bunch or poets is your best bet for herpes advice.

Though you never know...

 

[Senna Jawa]

I tried posting on a different site, but got nothing helpful. So, here I am, asking my fellow sex addicts advice...

I know nothing about herpes, and I am not in the medical profession. Thus my comment has to be general.

• you still need to educate yourself more about the medical problem;
• you really need to find out how you got infected so that you will not get reinfected; even if you have it, it is not good to get more of it, so to speak;
• you seem serious about your partner; your situation is a tough test: either he cares about you a lot or he does not. You have to be stoical. Relax. What happened happened. Now be philosophical. That's the best that you can do. Don't argue, don't initiate any discussions, don't expect anything. Accept whatever comes. Try to be at peace in every case. Life goes on.

Best to you,

 

[Liar]

Hi. Have you tried asking in the How To forum? They're usually full of answers. Not sure a bunch or poets is your best bet for herpes advice.

Though you never know...

Ah, I see it's been moved.

Cheers.

 

[OldGitUK]

Hi

I'm no medical expert but I've lived with herpes for over 20 yrs, so a few random points I've picked up on over the years

1. Its not the end of the world

2. I believe its actually quite difficult to test for when dormant. Least it was back in the 80s.

3. Although there's some evidence of infectious risk when its dormant, I think its quite low

4. The risk of infection is high when lesions develop. You learn the symptoms that preceed an attack and avoid genital contact then.

5. I've been with my partner for 17 yrs and have avoided infecting her. (and we've got 2 kids) And yes it is a difficult conversation to have shortly after you've just met.

6. I think that it can be transmitted mouth (regular cold sores) to genitals. Although once again I think its uncommon. I assume it can be transmitted in the other direction too

7. Tea tree oil works for me in treating lesions


Hope this helps

 

[pimpslap]

[*]you really need to find out how you got infected so that you will not get reinfected; even if you have it, it is not good to get more of it, so to speak;
[/LIST]

You do get over herpes. You are always a carrier. The only difference is if you are having an outbreak or not.

This is the best resource on the web.
http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/view_the_chapters.html

 

[PertPerth]

It's a virus. It stays with you for life. You can pass it on when you don't have any visible signs. It can be treated to reduce symptoms/outbreaks.
Herpes can increase your risk of catching another infection - even when you don't see any sores, there can be micro-sores which enable the transmission of viruses. It can be transmitted through oral sex or sharing a toothbrush - but not sharing a bath/toilet seat etc.
It can be tested for when it's dormant - but I know it's often one which you have to ask for (ie not in the usual Hep B/C HIV screen).
It's best to try Google for more complete info.
Good luck

 

[SweetErika]

It's a virus. It stays with you for life. You can pass it on when you don't have any visible signs. It can be treated to reduce symptoms/outbreaks.
Herpes can increase your risk of catching another infection - even when you don't see any sores, there can be micro-sores which enable the transmission of viruses. It can be transmitted through oral sex or sharing a toothbrush - but not sharing a bath/toilet seat etc.
It can be tested for when it's dormant - but I know it's often one which you have to ask for (ie not in the usual Hep B/C HIV screen).
It's best to try Google for more complete info.
Good luck

It can be tested for when one is asymptomatic, but the results aren't necessarily accurate (e.g. there could be a false negative), according to GoAskAlice, which I've always found to provide accurate info in plainer language.

I've had HSV-1, the virus that causes cold sores, for about 24 of my 27 years. I used to get 1-2 blisters a year, but I've gotten fewer and fewer as time has gone on, to the point that I don't recall last time I had one. I understand that's quite common in relatively healthy people, so you may find you don't have to worry about it quite so much as time goes on.

In 9 years, my husband has never had any symptoms or tested positive, even though we've kissed in the early stages of an outbreak, before I was symptomatic. We take precautions, like not doing anything that could spread the virus if I even think I *might* be getting a cold sore, and when I feel symptomatic, I use both external and internal medication (acyclovir).

If I had genital herpes, I'd likely take Acyclovir as a prophylactic and take similar precautions once I had a good idea of how I felt before an outbreak. Until then, I might use female/reality condoms because they cover more of the genital area than male condoms do.

Because 20-30% of women have genital herpes, and many more have oral herpes (which can be spread to the genital area, but people with one type of herpes usually don't get the other), it's likely that my partner would be exposed to some type no matter who he was with. Like HPV, it's hard to avoid it, and most sexually active people are going to be exposed to it multiple times throughout their lives.

Find some good sites and have your guy read the facts for himself, if he hasn't done so already. You could also go talk to the doctor together. If you need more support than you get here, there are some great groups and message boards for those with herpes out there. Hell, there's even at least one big dating site for people with herpes!

Take care of your entire self and maybe do some research on boosting your immune system with diet, exercise and supplements/herbs (I've found both zinc and Decaf Green Tea Extract with a lot of EGCg to be really amazing stuff, even in terms of preventing colds and such). The better you are to yourself and more positive, supportive people you have in your life, the easier this will likely be, physically and mentally/emotionally.

 

[Bandit58]

I get cold sores now and again, usually when I'm under stress or period is due. We avoid oral sex during the time when the sore is active, and try to avoid kissing (but that is really hard )

I once had a really bad outbreak around my mouth and inside my nose. Even though I was using Zovirax cream it wasn't getting any better and was really painful. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic cream which I used together with the Zovirax and found that things healed a whole lot quicker. I now use both creams as soon as I feel one starting, and have nipped it in the bud before it gets too bad.

Gil's immune system is compromised because of his renal failure, and he has never caught herpes from me.