Here's your "To Do" list

[midwestyankee]

Nope. I'm still not offended.

You probably haven't had good fruitcake.


But I'm not offended, either. It just leaves more for me.

 

[bobsgirl]

You probably haven't had good fruitcake.


But I'm not offended, either. It just leaves more for me.

I watched Alton Brown make fruitcake on The Food Network, and actually it looked pretty good. I just have trouble dealing with those red, green and yellow mystery things. What in the heck is candied citron anyway?

 

[midwestyankee]

I watched Alton Brown make fruitcake on The Food Network, and actually it looked pretty good. I just have trouble dealing with those red, green and yellow mystery things. What in the heck is candied citron anyway?

I don't know, though I suspect that it's like a concentrated jelly bean made from citrus fruit. The fruitcake that I have always had doesn't contain anything other than real fruit. In fact, the dark fruitcake in my family's recipe box is a dense version of the steamed plum pudding that I make each year.

 

[bobsgirl]

Then there must be a huge difference between mass produced fruitcake and home-baked fruitcake? Care to share the recipe?

 

[midwestyankee]

Then there must be a huge difference between mass produced fruitcake and home-baked fruitcake? Care to share the recipe?

For a price...

 

[bobsgirl]

For a price...

Well, I might be willing to enter into negotiation. Name your terms.

 

[midwestyankee]

Well, I might be willing to enter into negotiation. Name your terms.

My terms are named George, Abe, and especially Ben.

What are yours named?

 

[bobsgirl]

My terms are named George, Abe, and especially Ben.

What are yours named?

Mine are Full, Long, Short, and ComeTo. Yep, the Terms.

Dueling corny jokes--puns at 50 paces...

 

[midwestyankee]

Mine are Full, Long, Short, and ComeTo. Yep, the Terms.

Dueling corny jokes--puns at 50 paces...

Back to topic: my to-do list this season includes doing what I can to bring cheer to everyone I know.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Don't ask me why, but I've read this several times and each time I burst from laughing.

OK, so I can't spell.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Merry Christmas, eilan. Would you like a piece of fruitcake?

I swear I heard Pat Robertson using that as a line to pick up some chick over at the First Baptist Bar & Grill.

 

[Eilan]

I swear I heard Pat Robertson using that as a line to pick up some chick over at the First Baptist Bar & Grill.

When she turned him down, did he threaten to have her assassinated? I'd think at the very least he'd tell God to send a hurricane to destroy her hometown.

 

[TBKahuna123]

When she turned him down, did he threaten to have her assassinated? I'd think at the very least he'd tell God to send a hurricane to destroy her hometown.

No, he told her that God came to him in a dream and said that if Robertson didn't get a blowjob by December 25th, that he would be struck dead by God's fury and terrible wrath.

That worked! Go figure.

 

[midwestyankee]

No, he told her that God came to him in a dream and said that if Robertson didn't get a blowjob by December 25th, that he would be struck dead by God's fury and terrible wrath.

That worked! Go figure.

You mean he got shot down? Then there is a god after all.

 

[SweetErika]

I watched Alton Brown make fruitcake on The Food Network, and actually it looked pretty good. I just have trouble dealing with those red, green and yellow mystery things. What in the heck is candied citron anyway?

Oooh...The Free Range Fruitcake? I made that last year!!! It's absolutely fantastic, BG, so good that I sent little loaves with Christmas gifts, and I got a bunch of calls and notes saying, "I don't like fruitcake, but loved this!"

Of course they could have loved it so much because it was liberally soaked in brandy, and I sent along a rumcake as well...

Looking back at the recipe, I substituted some kind of pineapple (dried, or candied, but it turned out great) for the dried blueberries, which weren't readily available here. I also used regular dried fruits, even though he specifies "unsulfured" because it was easy and far cheaper. Salted butter, microplaned zest, pre-ground spices, a little more of the fruits I liked, small pans, and basting with brandy instead of spritzing, rounded out the substitutions.

Dammit, now I'm craving fruitcake!

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

I was in Wal-Mart at 6am this morning, getting some last minute stocking stuffers, and was walking by the head clerk's station, heard the phone ring and the clerk greeted the caller with "Happy Holidays from Wal-Mart....".

A Wal-Mart cashier said "Merry Christmas" to me the last time I was in there. Guess she didn't get the memo.

 

[Quoll]

Today I will face my Anti Shopping Disorder head on, yes I have finally accepted that it is christmas, and with only one shopping day left I have no choice.
I'll go early and alone, armed only with my mantra's.
"Nothing lasts forever" "Nothing lasts forever" "Nothing lasts forever"...
For cheesy christmas music, "Not listening" "Not listening" "Not listening"...
"yes, please do block the entire aisle, hell it's christmas, what's the rush" "yes, please do block the entire aisle, hell it's christmas, what's the rush" "yes, please do block the entire aisle, hell it's christmas, what's the rush"...
When asked "How are you today sir?" "Do not tell the truth" "Do not tell the truth" "Do not tell the truth"...
"Gosh only $300 dollars, no that seems perfectly reasonable" "Gosh only $300 dollars, no that seems perfectly reasonable" "Gosh only $300 dollars, no that seems perfectly reasonable"...
"Oh I understand completely, I have chidren myself, I'm sure we have all abandoned them in the toy section at one time or another, you can barely hear her sreams from here anyway" "Oh I understand completely, I have chidren myself, I'm sure we have all abandoned them in the toy section at one time or another, you can barely hear her sreams from here anyway" "Oh I understand completely, I have chidren myself, I'm sure we have all abandoned them in the toy section at one time or another, you can barely hear her sreams from here anyway"...

I will however reserve the right to continue to drive as if I am still at work, I will continue to use indicators in the carparks just to confuse those that don't. (everyone else)
I will refrain from telling women "Yes I think your S.O. would really love a shirt with that many colours and patterns on it, I hope my wife has bought me one."
And finally, when walking through the womans clothing section I will not shout out "He's lying, it does make your arse look big."

Merry Christmas to you all.

 

[Guest]