Here's a quicky for you all

[omahaguy]

here's an untitled quicky for you all Tell me what you think and how I can improve, and this is by no means finished




The caress of fingers across my chest
Like soft feathers tantalizing my flesh
Spreading their delicate warmth along
Singing to my skin their beautiful song

 

[Rybka]

here's an untitled quicky for you all Tell me what you think and how I can improve, and this is by no means finished

The caress of fingers across my chest
Like soft feathers tantalizing my flesh
Spreading their delicate warmth along
Singing to my skin their beautiful song

"chest" and "flesh" do not rhyme, but are too close to a rhyme to claim you didn't want them to.
This at least rhymes, (but I wouldn't claim it as something of mine.)

"The caress of fingers across my torso
Feels soft, like feathers, but only more so
Spreading their delicate warmth along
Singing to my heart (or soul) their beautiful song"

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[WickedEve]

here's an untitled quicky for you all Tell me what you think and how I can improve, and this is by no means finished




The caress of fingers across my chest
Like soft feathers tantalizing my flesh
Spreading their delicate warmth along
Singing to my skin their beautiful song

Have you tried not using rhyme? Try the same idea in free verse and see what you come up with.

How about a game? Write an intimate poem about touch, but don't use any of the following words:
Heart
Soul
Warmth
Love
Tear/s
Passion
Ecstasy
Bliss

If you use feathers, don't use soft feathers. Feather already gives the reader the impression that the touch is soft. And give us more than just actions like fingers caressing. Most erotic poetry has fingers caressing something. Picture the scene in your mind, and then tell us about sights, sounds, smells, etc.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Here's a quicky for you all

...
If you use feathers, don't use soft feathers. Feather already gives the reader the impression that the touch is soft.
...

So this time you have forgotten about quills?

Regards, Rybka

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Re: Here's a quicky for you all

So this time you have forgotten about quills?

Regards, Rybka

I hope you choke on all that salt water. Or are you a fresh water fish?

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Your boat!

I hope you choke on all that salt water. Or are you a fresh water fish?

I am anadromous, but very fresh!


Regards, Rybka

 

[omahaguy]

Re: Re: Here's a quicky for you all

Have you tried not using rhyme? Try the same idea in free verse and see what you come up with.

How about a game? Write an intimate poem about touch, but don't use any of the following words:
Heart
Soul
Warmth
Love
Tear/s
Passion
Ecstasy
Bliss

If you use feathers, don't use soft feathers. Feather already gives the reader the impression that the touch is soft. And give us more than just actions like fingers caressing. Most erotic poetry has fingers caressing something. Picture the scene in your mind, and then tell us about sights, sounds, smells, etc.

I just like to rhyme what can I say =P And I'll give it a shot.

 

[WickedEve]

When I first came here, nothing could stop me from rhyming. I was addicted. Finally, I tried one poem. Gradually, I used less and less rhyme.

Here's an old one that's not too bad, but not too great. I think it's one of my first non rhyming poems. Well, it does have some rhyme, but not much. I had to wean myself. You could try something like this:

split
by WickedEve ©

We're black and white still life
in a three by five space.
In this never changing world
I love you.

No chance of a future,
leaves a smile on my face.
In this never changing world
we are frozen.

Our existence is flat,
of depth there's not a trace.
In this never changing world
I tear us in half.