Here's a poem by me! Please read and make comments. Its not erotic... But.. meh...

[lickthestar13]

Sonnet 120

Like brittle, unused bones, my hopes shatter.
The pieces rain down and my pain persists.
And yet, this misery does not matter,
for a great beauty such as yours exists.
Like ice, my heart cracks and begins to melt
as deception beats down mercilessly.
But I don't care, for in my life I've felt
love which keeps this ocean from drowning me.
My dreams and desires rot and drop away,
like fall leaves, leaving me cold and exposed.
However, you are my warm Sun, my May,
and my beacon of hope which always glows.
I wait 'til I can hold you close at last
and I can put my deamons in the past.





Well my writer's block is still here, but thanks for the tips, its starting to help...

~James

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: Here's a poem by me! Please read and make comments. Its not erotic... But.. meh...

Sonnet 120

Like brittle, unused bones, my hopes shatter.
The pieces rain down and my pain persists.
And yet, this misery does not matter,
for a great beauty such as yours exists.
Like ice, my heart cracks and begins to melt
as deception beats down mercilessly.
But I don't care, for in my life I've felt
love which keeps this ocean from drowning me.
My dreams and desires rot and drop away,
like fall leaves, leaving me cold and exposed.
However, you are my warm Sun, my May,
and my beacon of hope which always glows.
I wait 'til I can hold you close at last
and I can put my deamons in the past.

Ok, it took me a few reads to get what I wasn't getting. The imagery keeps shifting, bones to rain, ice to beating down to oceans. Now, I liked the imagery, but I fear it might be shifting a bit too much to carry the reader through to the end. It did leave me rereading the poem to get the message through the images, but then, that might be the idea

Well my writer's block is still here, but thanks for the tips, its starting to help...

~James

Glad to hear you're breaking the block, keep on swinging...

HomerPindar

 

[smithpeter]

I think you are in love with someone and you masturbate.
Don't change anything in this version.
Rewrite it as an evolution, maybe one a day about what you would like to do, experience, smell, taste, suck, see, smell, taste, suck, etc.
Explore the flavor of erotic obsession.
Don't be afraid. Push your edge.

________________________

Boundaries are for cartographers with shaky hands
Drawing the divide