Her Pampered Princess - Cute Lesbian Stepsibling Romance with Light BDSM!

[Antigone_8010]

I’m excited to announce that I will be serializing this work on Lit, with two to three chapters published every week!

Read it now: Her Pampered Princess - Part One

A brief overview of the story:

The unruly Princess Henriette returns home suddenly, bearing many secrets that her stepsister, the elegant and chaste Princess Virginie, is determined to uncover—one confession at a time.

You’ll enjoy my story (hopefully!) if you like:

Light BDSM elements: tickling, playful ENF, and a bit of vibrator bondage

Character dynamics: bratty, rebellious girls paired with shy, proper ones—with a unique twist

Step-sibling romance: with a backstory that makes their connection feel genuine

Witty teasing and playful banter that will curl your lips with a smile, because of how sweet they are

Intimate, romantic, and fulfilling lesbian scenes: with a focus on connection and passion

Lush, detailed aristocratic settings: think old-world grandeur with a modern twist

The Roman Empire: yes, it’s more than just a backdrop—I promise the Roman Empire plays a significant role in the plot!

 

[AlexBailey]

Hi there!

I didn’t read the whole part but I have some critical feedback to offer.

First off, the setting is inviting and the relationship between the characters is fun but I got a bit bogged down in the style.

I often like present tense writing but I don’t think it fits well with your slower narration, especially as you cover so much backstory. Also, the action often comes across as too wordy, which is at odds with the immediacy present tense invokes.

It seems like more of the exposition could be held in dialogue, which could also be a way to seamlessly inject more of the characters’ emotions and motivations.


It would be more engaging for me if you could make your prose more succinct. For example:

———
Without warning, Virginie slips her hands under Henriette's pullover and digs her thumbs into the girl's sides, where her sister is ticklish. "Liar!" she accuses with mock sternness as she watches Henriette squeal with surprise and then collapse into helpless laughter.
———

Could be:

———
Virginie suddenly slips her hand under Henriette's pullover and tickles the girl’s sides. "Liar!" she accuses and watches Henriette squeal and collapse into helpless laughter.
———

One of the most useful tips I heard that helped improve my style is to cut out anything that is unnecessary. In my mind nothing is lost in the reduction, it improves the flow and is more likely to maintain reader engagement.


You have a good storyline, for me it just needs to flow better to hold my attention.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

@Antigone_8010 are you from Royal road? There's something very characteristic about the "you will find + list of tropes" phrasing.