Her Old College Boyfriend

[James1957]

My darling wife is the light of my world, but as we grow more mature and comfortable in our relationship, we become more confident in ourselves and more open about sharing our past. This certainly has been true of Sharon. There have been many instances, and they seem to grow even more frequent now as she moves into her later fifties. I'm not sure if I was just ignorant of it before, but certainly since she discovered Facebook messenger things have become much more exciting for me. There are certainly instances where she has been displayed, and I am prepared to talk about them with some detail as well if you would offer to do the same with your lovely wife.

What has been attracting all of my attention over recent months is that I know a close boyfriend my wife had in college has been contacting her regularly and chatting with her through Facebook for over two years. As it started off she told me they were chatting...that he had contacted her...she was initially concerned about what I was going to think, and she cut it off with him. Later, I understood that he was contacting her again and she was continuing to chat with him. She hasn’t told him to stay away or to stop. I know he sent her a photo of her when they were dating from back then.....a nice dress...they must have been going out to some event. I found it on her cell phone...I know he had to have sent it because i've never seen it before and there is no other way she could have gotten it.

She said that initially he was saying some inappropriate things and she had to tell him he was off limits, that she didn’t want me to get the wrong idea.

I get a chance about once each week, that's all, to see her smartphone and to see her facebook chat activity with him. We were both in the living room the other night and she was looking at her phone, and I heard an old Boston song....More Than a Feeling.....didn't think anything of it as I know its one of her old favorites from when we were young. Then I saw her phone for a bit and there was a facebook messenger message from him...he had sent a YouTube link to that song to her with the message "1976 Frampton...Our Year"....and she responded "yes a very good year"

...and he came back "and '77 too"....

I can see his little terms of endearment....he is trying but very subtly....very polite and respectful.....but he hasn't gone away, has he....

She was chatting with him when we were on vacation together this summer and she mentioned she and I were at a wedding reception and how much she enjoyed the champagne....she mentioned the brand.....and he saying "I will have to remember that"....

Before another event we were attending she mentioned that she was going to be "going through a battle" because it was such a task to get all hitched up into the long line black bustier she was planning to wear underneath her gown. He responded that he seemed to remember they were much easier to get off as he recalled, she replied "what?" and he in turn said "must be selective memory."

Again, he always seems to bring back little tidbits from the past to her. I've never seen any overt sex chat between them. But also again, she hasn't shooed him away and they have kept this up. Sometimes he initiates it with a "hi sweetie" or "how are you punkin'", or she may herself after a bit of time has gone by ...I've seen her call him "boo"...there are always a host of heart emojis from her and xo's between them as they sign off.

I've not stepped in or given any indication that I know. He lives over 1,000 miles away...they seem to be having pleasure and I feel as if I want them to have those feelings between them...its something between them and I don't want to interfere, but I'd welcome your observations about his interests and your comments....

 

[DirtyAllie]

My old college boyfriend showed up at an alumni fundraiser(17 years after we had broken up because he hit me) and acted like such a cock head to me my husband kicked the crap out of him in the parking lot. Not exactly a sexy story, but....I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on in a primal way to see my man defend my honor...repeatedly...all over assholes face.

 

[carlsnake]

My wife had several college boyfriends who had sex with her when she and I were planning to be married. I have tried to get her to go back to college reunions, but she has refused. I think it may be partly because she doesn't want to renew contact with those guys. I was hoping she might give them another thrill.

 

[Justfantasies]

I have encouraged my wife to get back in touch with old boyfriends on the Internet and chat to them about anything that comes up.

It always ends up being about flirting and sex. And it really spices up our sec life to hear what she has been up to online

 

[SlutAddicted]

This isn't innocent flirting in the sense that he almost certainly does want to fuck her. Whether his circumstance (married/single, healthy or not) would allow that to happen or he is just taking things a bit farther than he would with a stranger because of their historical relationship is another question. But if he is able and the opportunity arose 1,000 miles won't slow him down one bit.

But it sounds as if you are mature enough to know that if she is attractive there are men who want to get into her pants and will try to do so. And on at least some occasion she has been tempted....maybe not enough to give it serious consideration because of her commitment to you but yes men who she finds attractive have hit on her and she has at least thought for a moment about what it would be like. It's just human nature and pretending otherwise is not healthy for the relationship in my view.

Therefore, if you are monogamous you know that keeping that commitment has always come down to her and her control of her own circumstance. Other men haven't made any commitment to you and at least some of them would fuck her without a second thought about you or your marriage.

So yes he is hitting on her and he wont be the first or last guy to do so and it serves no purpose to pretend otherwise.

It really comes down to her and what she wants. For me I would want to first understand how she sees the situation. If she sees it for what it is but has a handle on what is happening and can be clear how she feels about it then the question is whether her perspective is acceptable to you. If on the other hand she is inclined to deny the possibility that he has sexual interest in her I find that more troubling. She is fooling herself or trying to fool you and that raises more serious issues about whether she is in fact in control of the situation and/or being honest about her feelings.

The tough part is that women are aggressively conditioned to believe that having desire for other men is inherently wrong. IMHO you need to get past that, acknowledge the possibility and acknowledge that it is ok for her to feel flattered by the attention then determine between you how far is too far. Sex and love are different things and it is not automatically the case that exploring or even indulging desire for other men means a problem for your relationship - that is really a by-product of your personal views on the matter.

But either way proceed with your and her eyes open. The only unacceptable response in my view is what most men would actually want or expect which is an outright denial.

 

[James1957]

Week of 12/21

He was back in contact with her again last night as her birthday will be coming up soon ....no prompting or reminder required of course...he again offered his shoulder to cry on for her stress in her workdays as of late and is always so supportive...this is the first since the holidays back in November as both seem to have been quite busy...he seems to contact her later in the evening before turning in, as I usually come to bed about 60-90 minutes after her with things that might be going on...

 

[James1957]

Also

Evidently she was feeling in a sexy mood today...a very pretty blouse and quite pretty sand colored slacks, almost reminiscent of riding pants ...well fitted to her. Certainly in violation of the company's dress code...which she and her colleagues do on occasion to "fight back"....all such rebels at their age! Then on the way in a confession that she has an erotic dream last night..that she was "making out" (undefined) with a coworker who she said to me she couldn't believe she would have such a dream about as he "grosses her out" with his behavior, and then listed down his negative qualities...I have no idea who this might be (there are so many that fit the description and it could even be cover for someone closer like her boss) but the fact that she brought it up at all is noticeable...the contact last night, the dream and then today the flattering choice of dress....it seems she must have awaken in quite a mood today

 

[screwher]

Sounds to me like you're enjoying her flirting in your own way. So I say to run with it. Especially since your wife is enjoying herself as well.

How would you feel if he came to town to visit and wanted to see your wife?

 

[Justfantasies]

Sounds to me like you're enjoying her flirting in your own way. So I say to run with it. Especially since your wife is enjoying herself as well.

How would you feel if he came to town to visit and wanted to see your wife?

More to the point how would your wife feel? Would she want to see him or more?

 

[screwher]

More to the point how would your wife feel? Would she want to see him or more?

Hmm I really couldn't speak for her but I know what I'd want. If my wife was in this situation I'd definitely want her to continue flirting with him. Then maybe graduate to video skyping where they eventually get naked together. Finally whenbhe travelled back home I'd love for him to stay at our place. Throughout his stay, they rekindle their sex life together.

 

[James1957]

More to the point how would your wife feel? Would she want to see him or more?

I'm sure she would very much like to see him again; the two of them have discussed the concept of a college reunion next summer for all of her "girl and guy friends", and I've seen his response as being favorable to that idea, so I'm sure he would travel across the country to attend. Then the arrangements would become interesting. Our daughter is grown and has moved out on her own. I'd think it quite fine to have him to our home to reconnect (I've never met him) and perhaps a nice dinner together. I'm not sure as to his plans beyond that. She has been extremely discreet about his contacts and does not discuss them with me at all. It is very likely that I would not be involved, I'm not sure at this point. She obviously still means quite a bit to him.

 

[policywank]

I'm sure she would very much like to see him again; the two of them have discussed the concept of a college reunion next summer for all of her "girl and guy friends", and I've seen his response as being favorable to that idea, so I'm sure he would travel across the country to attend. Then the arrangements would become interesting. Our daughter is grown and has moved out on her own. I'd think it quite fine to have him to our home to reconnect (I've never met him) and perhaps a nice dinner together. I'm not sure as to his plans beyond that. She has been extremely discreet about his contacts and does not discuss them with me at all. It is very likely that I would not be involved, I'm not sure at this point. She obviously still means quite a bit to him.

And does he still mean a lot to her?

 

[BareBackRider2]

Arrangements are easy.

Tell her to send him a message that says "if you need a place to stay, you're welcome here. I'll make up the spare room






for my husband. "


I'd do this for my wife in a heartbeat but ironically she's not interested lol.

In all seriousness, be careful.

 

[screwher]

Arrangements are easy.

Tell her to send him a message that says "if you need a place to stay, you're welcome here. I'll make up the spare room






for my husband. "


I'd do this for my wife in a heartbeat but ironically she's not interested lol.

In all seriousness, be careful.

LOL. Nice!

 

[Justfantasies]

And does he still mean a lot to her?

Very good point -- if he does, some adjustment to the marriage may be required

 

[raysallx]

I strongly suspect he'd rather not have you in the picture at all. He'd rather meet her briefly at his hotel if she was willing.

 

[davenjenn]

I strongly suspect he'd rather not have you in the picture at all. He'd rather meet her briefly at his hotel if she was willing.

You should encourage her to talk as much as possibel about it

 

[Ramone45]

My wife thinks he old college boyfriend was her best lover. She told me that he had the biggest penis of any man she has made love to. She liked that he was uncircumcised. She told me he was great at finger fucking. I'm surprised she hasn't used social media to contact him. I can't believe I stole her from him.

 

[hpycpl]

good points

Policywank and Slutaddicted make very good points and in my opinion the only issues that matter.

It's all about what she wants, consciously or unconsciously. All of the other conjecture here is great fantasy play or even a threshold into being cuckold but it all hinges on her feelings. If she wants an affair with him, she will. Either with your knowledge and blessings or not.

The key here should be communication between you and your wife. Find out what is going on in her head and let her know how you feel.

I wouldn't let on that you have been snooping in her phone but find another way to broach the subject.

Good luck! And be careful what you wish for...

 

[James1957]

And does he still mean a lot to her?

I have to think so; they dated for at least two years then, she brought him home to meet her family during that time; they had to be in bed together. Not sure why they didn't end up together. Perhaps the kind of man you date but not the kind you marry....that is truly unknown to me. But he still pursues her and she isn't telling him to stop...he puts himself out there for her to open up to and to act as her psychologist's couch....she expresses her stresses and fears to him....

 

[hpycpl]

I have to think so; they dated for at least two years then, she brought him home to meet her family during that time; they had to be in bed together. Not sure why they didn't end up together. Perhaps the kind of man you date but not the kind you marry....that is truly unknown to me. But he still pursues her and she isn't telling him to stop...he puts himself out there for her to open up to and to act as her psychologist's couch....she expresses her stresses and fears to him....

all that would seem to indicate more than just a physical/lust/sex only relationship.

I would get ahead of this and try to steer it in the direction you would like it to go rather than just see where it leads.

I don't want you to think I'm striving for one result or another. If you would like to see her remain faithful, great!

If you would like to share her or become a cuckold, great too!

Just be sure of what you want and go get it before you have no say whatsoever.

 

[screwher]

I have to think so; they dated for at least two years then, she brought him home to meet her family during that time; they had to be in bed together. Not sure why they didn't end up together. Perhaps the kind of man you date but not the kind you marry....that is truly unknown to me. But he still pursues her and she isn't telling him to stop...he puts himself out there for her to open up to and to act as her psychologist's couch....she expresses her stresses and fears to him....

I agree. This would prompt all kinds of red flags from me. I'd think that kind of talk my wife should be sharing with me. The old college boyfriends job would be to come by once a week, screw her brains out, then fuck off. That sounds like a great deal to me unless the guy was indeed looking for something he shouldn't be from my wife.