Her Name Was Virginia..............

[elbieh]

Hi, I just had my first story posted on lit today. Got a couple of really cool e-mails and I find myself feeling really excited and reserved at the same time. I see and read so many exciting and stimulating stories everyday on this site so it is really exciting for me. There are so many Great writers with great stories here! I'd appreciate any feedback or advice I could get from anyone.
If you haven't read my story yet, the link is below. Thanks to all, elbieh
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=238657

 

[teennubi]

Nice story , thanks

 

[kbate]

I read your story today, because nobody had reviewed it on this thread.

The subject is interesting enough, the character is fair to good, Virginia is done well enough to be of interest.

It has a fair amount of fat that you could easily trim. Unfortunately, the version I cam up with after cutting excess words, didn't meet Lit's minimum word requirement.

Some punctuation problems, too many exclamation marks, some errors in dialogue.

You use the line "needless to say -she bolted" -- never use "needless to say", if it is needless, don't say it.


Neat story though.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

Which act is this?

This is a stroke story. There's no story without the sex. That's fine, if you want to write a simple stroke story. If you want to write something more, however, you need a beginning, middle, and end. This story could be any of those acts in a larger story.

Get rid of the exclamation points. Rewrite "soooo tight," "WOMAN," and the ("Rather loudly...) portions.

You have a potentially hot story here. It just needs some editing and expansion.