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[Ne0n_xtc]

hi i was told my poem had to much sentiment. what does this mean ?

 

[Ancient117331]

Poem?

What poem? I'ld like to see it.

Chris Twyford
Ancient117331

 

[WickedEve]

This poem is very emotional. You speak of all this pain and mental anguish. You tell us that it is there, but you don't show us. What is causing the pain? How does the pain make you feel? How does if effect your life? These questions should be answered in your poem.

my blade my friend
by Ne0n_xtc ©

Pain and despair
More hurt than i can stand
But my friend in vites me to a place
With no tourment in my soul
In exchange for
Pain on my flesh instead
I take this offer
And let my friend in
Under my skin
To rid me of this mental anguish
My pain flows out with my blood
But i am not content
It is never enough
I cannot stop
A new escape to replace my old friend
Where does this end?
Pain equals more pain equals more
I wil dig deeper till
I lie in a pool of blood
With my friend in my hand

 

[Ne0n_xtc]

when i wrote that, i was feeling low, it just describes what was in my head at that time, i didnt purposely set out to write a poem to be published for literotica. i think your advice is good though, and if posssible is there a way i can send you my other poems so u can tell me what u think of them ? there are quite a few...

 

[WickedEve]

Under my post, you can click on PM and send your poems to me that way.
I can give you suggestions, but if you post them on this thread, you'll get a variety of great feedback.