help.....

[kasumi ryu]

Have you ever been so afraid of your emotions that you just avoid them all together? And even the ones who you are closest to have no idea that you're thinking x y and z?

I've been 'homophobic' for awhile, but recently I've fallen in love with Dragon (a girl)....and now I really don't understand what I'm feeling. Is it ok to say that I feel for her what I would for a guy? And even then...with my experience with males.....let's just say love isn't for me. Really.

I know it might sound cliche here to say that I don't think love is for me, but with my past....please trust me.

I'm afraid to get involved again, but I'm afraid to be hurt...and even though I know Dragon would never hurt me, due to my past, I can't let go of thinking the worst.

Should I just give up and go on? It might seem weird without knowing of my past, but I've seriously thought of suicide because of all I've been through. I've talked to Dragon many times about feeling like this---not the love part, but the depression---but I'm really scared about everything.

What should I do?

Kasumi

 

[Anniejustagirl]

First off... get help for those suicidal thoughts. Even without knowing you i know the world would be less brilliant without you. I never would have been able to read and respond to your thoughtful and touching post for one.

Second... follow your heart! The hurt's part of what makes the good times so great. If i were you, i wouldn't want to risk losing out on something that could make me happy.... even if it ends up hurting. Good luck to you!

 

[Tymeless]

you'll never no happiness if you don't give it a chance even if it ends up hurting.

 

[kasumi ryu]

Thank you.....both of you.
Kasumi

 

[little_dragon]

Sumi....please......don't ever think that love isn't for you. It is. No one is exempt from such an emotion as love. One emotion that words cannot even bear to describe is one that knows no boundries, has no limits, and can ignite within anyone.

As I love you.

And you don't have to face your emotions alone, ok? I'm here with you....and I understand the confusion you're feeling as well.

But I really don't want to make this too personal....(even though it basically already is.)

I'll call you.

Your Kitase aka Little Dragon

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

Ikiteiru!

I suppose you've been hurt a lot of times..
Well, that is not enough reason to throw everything away.
People live trying to be happy and I would like to think that anyone can reach a level of happiness.
Don't be hard on yourself..

Just think of all the good things that can happen to you. Thinking of bad things can only end in depression.
So you have feelings for a girl. So what? What does love have to do with gender? Get over this..I had serious problems thinking that liking guys was wrong and for quite a while I hated myself.Then I stopped and looked around. There are people who like me..people who love me even knowing about my feelings about men. It can't be bad and of course it isn't.

Even if you only have one person you like and likes you, it's enough to continue trying. There's no point in being ashamed of such a thing as sexuality. It only concerns you and your partner. Read my sig. It's the exact reason why I stopped having bad feelings about my sexuality. And I can easily say that I'm much happier now than back then..
Ganbare Everything is about this ~~~~> and friends

 

[fingermagic]

Have you ever been so afraid of your emotions that you just avoid them all together? And even the ones who you are closest to have no idea that you're thinking x y and z?

I've been 'homophobic' for awhile, but recently I've fallen in love with Dragon (a girl)....and now I really don't understand what I'm feeling. Is it ok to say that I feel for her what I would for a guy? And even then...with my experience with males.....let's just say love isn't for me. Really.

I know it might sound cliche here to say that I don't think love is for me, but with my past....please trust me.

I'm afraid to get involved again, but I'm afraid to be hurt...and even though I know Dragon would never hurt me, due to my past, I can't let go of thinking the worst.

Should I just give up and go on? It might seem weird without knowing of my past, but I've seriously thought of suicide because of all I've been through. I've talked to Dragon many times about feeling like this---not the love part, but the depression---but I'm really scared about everything.

What should I do?

Kasumi

Well, you could start by getting help for your homophobia. I think you have major issues with that. Second, I think you need to stop being such a chicken shit and deal with all that comes in life. I do not usually sound so harsh, but really, most homophobic people are really just angry at themselves for having homo thoughts. If you say to hell with it, I dig women and men, you will stop with the self hate.

 

[little_dragon]

Well, you could start by getting help for your homophobia. I think you have major issues with that. Second, I think you need to stop being such a chicken shit and deal with all that comes in life. I do not usually sound so harsh, but really, most homophobic people are really just angry at themselves for having homo thoughts. If you say to hell with it, I dig women and men, you will stop with the self hate.

Don't be so hard on her, kay? She has good reason for the way she thinks. She didn't mean any of it towards you or anyone else. Besides....she's new---very new--to her feelings.

Dragon

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

I think it was just his way of trying to knock her into her senses.
Noone should feel bad about this and it kinda makes me feel nervous cause I have been in her shoes (and it's only natural for bi/gay/lesbians to be afraid and/or angry at first), and because I know how bad it felt I dont want her to feel that bad..

I guess you are the one who could help her feel ok Little Dragon
Do your best cause she seems like a good girl

 

[little_dragon]

Thanks.....

I didn't mean to casue waves or anything with anyone....it's just that Kasumi has been through some major shit dealing with.....this. And I kinda feel bad for her seeking help yet, no one fully knows what she's been through so it's kinda tough.

Little Dragon

 

[lastingpassion]

Have you ever been so afraid of your emotions that you just avoid them all together? And even the ones who you are closest to have no idea that you're thinking x y and z?

I've been 'homophobic' for awhile, but recently I've fallen in love with Dragon (a girl)....and now I really don't understand what I'm feeling. Is it ok to say that I feel for her what I would for a guy? And even then...with my experience with males.....let's just say love isn't for me. Really.

I know it might sound cliche here to say that I don't think love is for me, but with my past....please trust me.

I'm afraid to get involved again, but I'm afraid to be hurt...and even though I know Dragon would never hurt me, due to my past, I can't let go of thinking the worst.

Should I just give up and go on? It might seem weird without knowing of my past, but I've seriously thought of suicide because of all I've been through. I've talked to Dragon many times about feeling like this---not the love part, but the depression---but I'm really scared about everything.

What should I do?

Kasumi

We are all afraid to become "involved" at times. But life is about involvement.
Growth and self-fulfilment happen through these good and bad times.....Keep lifes balance (in your life), by letting Love carry you beyond the heartache in any situation that you experience. That is to say, when you stop offering love, you stop the growth and fulfilment that is part of the human condition.

 

[fingermagic]

Thanks.....

I didn't mean to casue waves or anything with anyone....it's just that Kasumi has been through some major shit dealing with.....this. And I kinda feel bad for her seeking help yet, no one fully knows what she's been through so it's kinda tough.

Little Dragon

We all have been, I guess I think the best way to deal with things of this nature is to just be tough and work through it. Sometimes a hug is good; sometimes being shown reality and how to deal with it is good. I feel bad she is homophobic for it is self loathing and a hard thing to sort out. It is true that you never know how someone feels till you work in their shoes, but we all deal with shit in our own ways. My way is different. I do wish Kasumi well. Go with the feeling and all will be right.

 

[little_dragon]

Thanks Fingermagic and Lastingpassion---on her behalf.

Yeah I understand completely. I guess I just like the hugs better than reality .

Life's a bitch at times, ain't it?

Little Dragon

 

[fingermagic]

Thanks Fingermagic and Lastingpassion---on her behalf.

Yeah I understand completely. I guess I just like the hugs better than reality .

Life's a bitch at times, ain't it?

Little Dragon

You are so right. You need a really tough skin sometimes but some how always manage to carry on.

 

[College_geek]

I've been 'homophobic' for awhile, but recently I've fallen in love with Dragon (a girl)....and now I really don't understand what I'm feeling. Is it ok to say that I feel for her what I would for a guy?

I'm afraid to get involved again, but I'm afraid to be hurt...and even though I know Dragon would never hurt me, due to my past, I can't let go of thinking the worst.

People change all the time, due to new experiences, people, emotions. Despite your difficult past with relationships, it is never too late to create a future. If you are having strong feelings for Dragon, who seems has strong feelings for you as well, it shouldn't matter what your past was or what you were. We have little time in life, so we shouldn't waste too much of it worrying about the past. This is really difficult, as most of us know, but with the help of someone who is loving, patient, and gentle, we can learn to live in the moment and not let the difficult past continue to make our present and future difficult as well.

I guess overall I would say to go for it, but slowly. Take things one moment at a time, one day at a time. Savor the beautiful moments. Savor the time you have in the arms of the one you love.

 

[kasumi ryu]

Thank you all

Thanks to all of you....it's just that I've been having 'weird' feelings is all...and I don't know how to explain or control them. When I think about it, it seems all too trivial. Dragon gives me support, love and care , so why am I "fighting" against what I feel?

Thank you all again for your support....I am new to this board, and yet so many here are willing to help me. You may never know how much this means to me, but it is sincerely felt.

Thanks again.

Kasumi

 

[Anniejustagirl]

We all have been, I guess I think the best way to deal with things of this nature is to just be tough and work through it. Sometimes a hug is good; sometimes being shown reality and how to deal with it is good. I feel bad she is homophobic for it is self loathing and a hard thing to sort out. It is true that you never know how someone feels till you work in their shoes, but we all deal with shit in our own ways. My way is different. I do wish Kasumi well. Go with the feeling and all will be right.

I'm glad you added that to your original post! I think that this was a strong and brave step for Kasumi. She's dealing with her issues and feelings by putting them out there. I don't know too many people with that type of courage.

Kudos Kasumi!! Good luck to both you and Dragon! You deserve the happiness and i hope you find it and enjoy the ride.

 

[fingermagic]

I'm glad you added that to your original post! I think that this was a strong and brave step for Kasumi. She's dealing with her issues and feelings by putting them out there. I don't know too many people with that type of courage.

Kudos Kasumi!! Good luck to both you and Dragon! You deserve the happiness and i hope you find it and enjoy the ride.

I think you are correct, it is a brave strong step to take. Bottom line is we need to be supportive because there are those out there that would prefer to destory. Live and let live is not exactly a motto the world goes by.

 

[lastingpassion]

Thanks to all of you....it's just that I've been having 'weird' feelings is all...and I don't know how to explain or control them. When I think about it, it seems all too trivial. Dragon gives me support, love and care , so why am I "fighting" against what I feel?

Thank you all again for your support....I am new to this board, and yet so many here are willing to help me. You may never know how much this means to me, but it is sincerely felt.

Thanks again.

Kasumi

Your welcome Kasumi...... trust your feelings and your inner strength. Its the only way to being honest with yourself.

 

[funwithnone]

Kasumi, the facts are that there are homosexual relationships in nature as well as humans. Of course it is not ideal for the continuation of the species, but when animals such as wolves and hawks, both of which mate for life, have such relationships then how can it be wrong for us. We have been given a higher form of intelligence and free will, so lets use it the way we were meant to.

I know that we have all been taught that it is wrong, but sometimes the person you love and are meant to be with is just not in the body that society thinks they should be. If you can be comfortable by slowly working on this, then you will be a better person than most out there who don't want to understand and are not willing to have an open mind. I also give you credit for being honest and upfront about your problem as many would have pretended to a different set of feelings.

I also have depression and I know the benefits of being treated for it. This can be done best by finding a medical professional that you are comfortable with and revealing the root of the problem to them and actively seeking help for it. It may take you a while to do this but I think that everyone here would be willing to help if you ask for it.

Belinda