Help with speeches.

[JimmyHartley]

In one of my stories I'm writing a long speech in which my character details a sort of "List of sins" to a character he's about to punish for those sins, the thing is it's a pretty long one and I'm not sure it's flowing as well as it should.
Does anyone have any tips on how to make long rants flow believably within their stories?

 

[bronzeage]

Read it out loud. If necessary, record it and play it back. The rough spots will leap at you.

 

[lovecraft68]

In one of my stories I'm writing a long speech in which my character details a sort of "List of sins" to a character he's about to punish for those sins, the thing is it's a pretty long one and I'm not sure it's flowing as well as it should.
Does anyone have any tips on how to make long rants flow believably within their stories?

You can make it more interesting by describing his movements and motions while he is ranting and raving. That and things like what his tone and expressions are like. I other words make the list part of a flowing story not just a blob of text.

Also describe what the character who is going to be punished.

"Lust, greed and let us not forget pride."

Each sin that Titus rattled off was accompanied by him slapping the lack jack into his black gloved hand.

Josh jumped at the the sound, once again struggling against the chains that bound him to the chair.

"That list alone would warrant what you are about to receive," Titus continued as he slowly advanced upon his helpless victim. "But there's more isn't there Josh?" He asked with an evil smirk. " Much more

Not a great example, but I'm in the middle of work. You can toss in some more but keep the description going. He rattles off a couple while tapping the blackjack/knife/weapon of choice alongside the guys body. You get the picture. Just dress things up.

Build suspense as you go. Make the reader think "oh. shit!" as he gets closer and closer to actually doing something.

 

[JimmyHartley]

Read it out loud. If necessary, record it and play it back. The rough spots will leap at you.

Thank you, I will try that.

You can make it more interesting by describing his movements and motions while he is ranting and raving. That and things like what his tone and expressions are like. I other words make the list part of a flowing story not just a blob of text.

Also describe what the character who is going to be punished.

"Lust, greed and let us not forget pride."

Each sin that Titus rattled off was accompanied by him slapping the lack jack into his black gloved hand.

Josh jumped at the the sound, once again struggling against the chains that bound him to the chair.

"That list alone would warrant what you are about to receive," Titus continued as he slowly advanced upon his helpless victim. "But there's more isn't there Josh?" He asked with an evil smirk. " Much more

Not a great example, but I'm in the middle of work. You can toss in some more but keep the description going. He rattles off a couple while tapping the blackjack/knife/weapon of choice alongside the guys body. You get the picture. Just dress things up.

Build suspense as you go. Make the reader think "oh. shit!" as he gets closer and closer to actually doing something.

I had him parade around the person he's going to punish, but I think I've gotten to the point where that is dull.
The borderline torture idea is a good one I'll give that one some thought, though I don't know what he'll be teasing him with, as he's going to end him in a Freddy Krueger-esque cruel and unusual kind of way, there might be a way I can build it up though.
And the list isn't just a simple list like "Lust, greed etc" He's recalling a few very specific things this guy did and simply recalling them I feel was getting a bit forced.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Shorten the list.

 

[JimmyHartley]

Shorten the list.

Less is more, I'll see if I can do without some of the smaller ones.

 

[PennLady]

I'd say keep the speech short and moving -- the kind of speech you wish you would get from politicians, etc. Lovecraft has a good point -- interrupt the monologue every so often. You can describe the speaker's actions and motions and expressions, as well as those of the person he's speaking to.

 

[JimmyHartley]

I'd say keep the speech short and moving -- the kind of speech you wish you would get from politicians, etc. Lovecraft has a good point -- interrupt the monologue every so often. You can describe the speaker's actions and motions and expressions, as well as those of the person he's speaking to.

I can't have my Angel say "I'm quitting, have a week off work and one million dollars!"

Just kidding, I have done a bit of that, still seems dull, I'll see about putting them in more often, see how well it flows then.

 

[DeeZire]

You could have the list-guy lose his temper a few times, knocking the chair out from under his victim or spinning around and breaking a mirror or something. This can really ramp up the reader's "oh shit" factor, realizing that at any second the list-guy could totally lose it. My second ex-wife was like that.

I caught a bit of the movie No Country for Old Men on TV the other day. The bad guy had this quiet sort of rage about him that made your skin crawl. While he wasn't into giving long speeches, he was into verbally intimidating his victims in a very understated but menacing way.

Is your list-guy asking for apologies, making the victim think he might get out of his predicament alive if he shows contrition and begs for forgiveness? This can help to add more tension and confuse the reader.