Help with paragraph looking back in time for a character

[DryLips]

I have a character in my story that recently turned eighteen. She was having sex with a guy since she was sixteen. She's being interviewed by the police and they tell her they can add statutory rape to the guy's charges (he beat her up the previous day) if she will press charges. This is how the paragraph goes:

"The officers explain that because they've had sexual intercourse since she was sixteen, they can add Statutory Rape to his charges, which will cause him to be labeled as a sex offender. They ask her if she'd like to make a complaint for this. She does and tells the officers that he deserves whatever he gets."

Will this fly or will it be rejected? If rejected, are there any ideas on how to change the wording so it will fly?

Thank you.

 

[NotWise]

I have a character in my story that recently turned eighteen. She was having sex with a guy since she was sixteen. She's being interviewed by the police and they tell her they can add statutory rape to the guy's charges (he beat her up the previous day) if she will press charges. This is how the paragraph goes:

"The officers explain that because they've had sexual intercourse since she was sixteen, they can add Statutory Rape to his charges, which will cause him to be labeled as a sex offender. They ask her if she'd like to make a complaint for this. She does and tells the officers that he deserves whatever he gets."

Will this fly or will it be rejected? If rejected, are there any ideas on how to change the wording so it will fly?

Thank you.

In my experience, that would probably fly.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

I have a character in my story that recently turned eighteen. She was having sex with a guy since she was sixteen. She's being interviewed by the police and they tell her they can add statutory rape to the guy's charges (he beat her up the previous day) if she will press charges. This is how the paragraph goes:

"The officers explain that because they've had sexual intercourse since she was sixteen, they can add Statutory Rape to his charges, which will cause him to be labeled as a sex offender. They ask her if she'd like to make a complaint for this. She does and tells the officers that he deserves whatever he gets."

Will this fly or will it be rejected? If rejected, are there any ideas on how to change the wording so it will fly?

Thank you.

I agree with NotWise. I'd try to get this by: there's no underage sex happening or being remembered.

I'm not a criminal lawyer. But if I remember correctly from law school, statutory rape is a prima facie charge, meaning your female character doesn't have a say in whether charges are brought. I'd also advise that you check the laws of your story's setting for accuracy; a lot of states have Romeo & Juliet defenses (i.e., the young people are close in age though one is a minor).

 

[DryLips]

I agree with NotWise. I'd try to get this by: there's no underage sex happening or being remembered.

I'm not a criminal lawyer. But if I remember correctly from law school, statutory rape is a prima facie charge, meaning your female character doesn't have a say in whether charges are brought. I'd also advise that you check the laws of your story's setting for accuracy; a lot of states have Romeo & Juliet defenses (i.e., the young people are close in age though one is a minor).

Thanks Vix! I'll do that.

 

[DryLips]

In my experience, that would probably fly.

Thank you! I'll leave it the way it is (after doing the research Vix suggested and changing what I need to there).

 

[SynSlave]

From what I've seen around here, I agree that if it's kept vague or simply used for reference (this happened in the past) you won't have an issue. I'm far from the most experienced here but I've had the impression that reader opinions sometimes trump the site editor's.

People have complained that stories that were published by editors were taken down because of reports and feedback from other users. My personal opinion is that hypothetical dialogue, past references, etc are ok as long as they don't fruition. I.e., if him avoiding or being hunted by the cops comes up later, that would kill it for me anyway, whether it's acceptable or not. If she went into a deeply personal monologue of their history then that would probably likewise turn me off. What you posted by itself though doesnt bother me, personally.

 

[ElectricBlue]

That text should get by.

To avoid the possibility of a text-bot automatically rejecting on "sixteen" add a Note to the Editor, specifically drawing Laurel's attention to the paragraph, its context and purpose, plot-wise.

 

[ElectricBlue]

From what I've seen around here, I agree that if it's kept vague or simply used for reference (this happened in the past) you won't have an issue. I'm far from the most experienced here but I've had the impression that reader opinions sometimes trump the site editor's.

People have complained that stories that were published by editors were taken down because of reports and feedback from other users

If a story is reported, it goes back to the Site Editor who will review it more closely.

If she determines it is a content breach she will take it down and give the Author the opportunity to amend the content and resubmit.

If the Author does so, and Laurel agrees, the amended story will be published. If the Author does nothing, the story stays down.

So no, readers don't trump Laurel - she remains the final arbiter of what stays, what goes.

 

[ChadAlpha]

I'm new here so defer to the others on the viability of the excerpt, but wanted to offer a few thoughts on the sentence itself. "Because they've had" is present perfect tense, so only acceptable if either (i) the action happened at an unspecified time (here, it did not, having occurred "since she was sixteen") or (ii) the action continues into the present (presumably any relations ended at least the day prior). Past perfect would be the correct tense and the awkwardness of saying "had had" (though technically correct) could be avoided by again using the contraction (they'd). Also, because her willingness to press charges is unknown at the time of the officers' explanation, there is a level of uncertainty -- a certain condition that must be satisfied -- for him to become an offender, which could be reflected by using "would" instead of the more definitive "will".

Please keep us posted on whether or not this is deemed acceptable; especially as a newcomer to the site, it is important to understand what is and is not deemed acceptable. Looking forward to reading it if/when published!

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

"The officers explain that because they've had sexual intercourse since she was sixteen, they can add Statutory Rape to his charges, which will cause him to be labeled as a sex offender. They ask her if she'd like to make a complaint for this. She does and tells the officers that he deserves whatever he gets."

Will this fly or will it be rejected? If rejected, are there any ideas on how to change the wording so it will fly?

Thank you.

I'm new here so defer to the others on the viability of the excerpt, but wanted to offer a few thoughts on the sentence itself. "Because they've had" is present perfect tense, so only acceptable if either (i) the action happened at an unspecified time (here, it did not, having occurred "since she was sixteen") or (ii) the action continues into the present (presumably any relations ended at least the day prior). Past perfect would be the correct tense and the awkwardness of saying "had had" (though technically correct) could be avoided by again using the contraction (they'd). Also, because her willingness to press charges is unknown at the time of the officers' explanation, there is a level of uncertainty -- a certain condition that must be satisfied -- for him to become an offender, which could be reflected by using "would" instead of the more definitive "will".

Please keep us posted on whether or not this is deemed acceptable; especially as a newcomer to the site, it is important to understand what is and is not deemed acceptable. Looking forward to reading it if/when published!

You, I like! Thanks for the helpful editing. I know I for one overlooked those points thinking only about the viability (again, to reiterate, which should pass muster). Good notes to remember.

 

[KeithD]

If she determines it is a content breach she will take it down and give the Author the opportunity to amend the content and resubmit.

My impression is that the author isn't told the story was taken down and has to somehow stumble onto this her/himself. There have been posts about this over the years. Has this changed? When a story has been dropped, is the author notified?

 

[BelleCanzuto]

My impression is that the author isn't told the story was taken down and has to somehow stumble onto this her/himself. There have been posts about this over the years. Has this changed? When a story has been dropped, is the author notified?

If a story is taken down, wouldn't it cease showing up in the author's submissions page?

 

[KeithD]

If a story is taken down, wouldn't it cease showing up in the author's submissions page?

Yes, I would think so. That might be noticed by someone with only a few stories in their list. I doubt that anyone with fifty stories or more husband their lists closely enough to notice one is missing (and the posts on the discussion boards I've seen on this issue were mostly by surprised authors who hadn't noticed their stories had been deleted until something happened that brought their attention to it). The question remains--is Laurel really notifying the author when a story is deleted to give them a chance to respond? In the new author's dash board, do these stories at least get registered as now rejected?

 

[NotWise]

The question remains--is Laurel really notifying the author when a story is deleted to give them a chance to respond? In the new author's dash board, do these stories at least get registered as now rejected?

I don't know if it happens because I haven't had a story removed, but it seems like they should appear in the "Sent Back" list.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Yes, I would think so. That might be noticed by someone with only a few stories in their list. I doubt that anyone with fifty stories or more husband their lists closely enough to notice one is missing (and the posts on the discussion boards I've seen on this issue were mostly by surprised authors who hadn't noticed their stories had been deleted until something happened that brought their attention to it). The question remains--is Laurel really notifying the author when a story is deleted to give them a chance to respond? In the new author's dash board, do these stories at least get registered as now rejected?

Ahhh, someday more than fifty, fingers crossed.

I have few stories and few drafts so I notice when something changes. I haven’t had anything deleted without being replaced but when I’ve asked Laurel to swap an edited copy, I don’t get any update that the original file has been changed except that my queue changes. Perhaps the story deletion/removal works the same way?

 

[KeithD]

Ahhh, someday more than fifty, fingers crossed.

I have few stories and few drafts so I notice when something changes. I haven’t had anything deleted without being replaced but when I’ve asked Laurel to swap an edited copy, I don’t get any update that the original file has been changed except that my queue changes. Perhaps the story deletion/removal works the same way?

I have over 1,300 across my accounts here. I can tell you that there's no way I can keep account of all of them if one is dropped and I am given no notice. I even had to close an account with 1,000 in it and open a new one when the site went to a new author's page, because it would take hours just to scroll through the list in the new system.

 

[KeithD]

I don't know if it happens because I haven't had a story removed, but it seems like they should appear in the "Sent Back" list.

Hope that's the case. But then I have one that was rejected that I just left rejected and it doesn't reflect in the "sent back" list.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

I have over 1,300 across my accounts here. I can tell you that there's no way I can keep account of all of them if one is dropped and I am given no notice. I even had to close an account with 1,000 in it and open a new one when the site went to a new author's page, because it would take hours just to scroll through the list in the new system.

! I’ve wondered before why you have separate accounts and now I know (or at least know a reason)!

 

[KeithD]

! I’ve wondered before why you have separate accounts and now I know (or at least know a reason)!

Some of the accounts are for radically different genres. I write across the board (sort of--not much incest or loving wives or club BDSM).

 

[ElectricBlue]

My impression is that the author isn't told the story was taken down and has to somehow stumble onto this her/himself. There have been posts about this over the years. Has this changed? When a story has been dropped, is the author notified?

So far as I am aware (gleaning from various threads on this subject over the years) a take-down triggers the rejection process, same as it does when an author is trying to get something posted in the first place. That is, they get a rejection notice on their CP.

Whether they notice it or choose to do something about it is up to the author - some obviously don't do anything (might not be active any more, for example), but we've had threads where authors discuss what to do, and they go fix their story.

We had one of these not so long ago, where the guy tried to argue it was fine but then said he'd take it some place else. If I recall correctly, he'd received a rejection notice (he'd already received at least one other when he tried to get the story up in the first place).

 

[Hypoxia]

A few days ago I received a rejection notice for a story posted several years ago. I have appealed. We shall see.

 

[KeithD]

*deleted* Hypoxia answered the question while I was typing the original of this post.

 

[ElectricBlue]

A few days ago I received a rejection notice for a story posted several years ago. I have appealed. We shall see.

I assume the rejection notice was the usual format (generic questions so you know the content problem), and flagged at the top of your Works page?

 

[Hypoxia]

I assume the rejection notice was the usual format (generic questions so you know the content problem), and flagged at the top of your Works page?

Yes. This is only my second post-partum rejection, and the first was reinstated. No word back from Laurel yet.