Help with first story

[Escortlover69]

Hi,

I have recently discovered this site and have been enjoying reading various stories.

It also made me want to try to write one of my own.

My story is about meeting up with a female Escort and paying for sex for the first time. I have submitted it but it keeps getting rejected for the following reasons:


[/LIST]Did I check to make sure everything was spelled correctly?


[/LIST]Please break up & fix the punctuation of your dialogue. The convention is one speaker per paragraph, so whenever someone new says something, start a new a paragraph. Also, with dialogue you include periods, commas, exclamation points, or question marks inside the quotes. The essay "How to Make Characters Talk" in our Writer's Resources section has more information on the paragraph formatting of dialogue if you have further questions.

I have tried several times to correct this but it seems to be getting rejected almost instantly.

I have used a spellchecker and read the help around characters talking but still having no joy. I do have some words that are what I would call slang: cum, cumming for example but I’m not sure what I keep missing and getting wrong.

I was wondering if there was any advice you guys and gals could give a newbie. I know not to post the story here either but not sure if anyone would want to see part of it.

Any help much appreciated

 

[_Lynn_]

Hi,

I have recently discovered this site and have been enjoying reading various stories.

It also made me want to try to write one of my own.

My story is about meeting up with a female Escort and paying for sex for the first time. I have submitted it but it keeps getting rejected for the following reasons:


[/LIST]Did I check to make sure everything was spelled correctly?


[/LIST]Please break up & fix the punctuation of your dialogue. The convention is one speaker per paragraph, so whenever someone new says something, start a new a paragraph. Also, with dialogue you include periods, commas, exclamation points, or question marks inside the quotes. The essay "How to Make Characters Talk" in our Writer's Resources section has more information on the paragraph formatting of dialogue if you have further questions.

I have tried several times to correct this but it seems to be getting rejected almost instantly.

I have used a spellchecker and read the help around characters talking but still having no joy. I do have some words that are what I would call slang: cum, cumming for example but I’m not sure what I keep missing and getting wrong.

I was wondering if there was any advice you guys and gals could give a newbie. I know not to post the story here either but not sure if anyone would want to see part of it.

Any help much appreciated

You may post no more than three paragraphs here on the forum for others to see and offer suggestions for corrections.

 

[HappySpouse]

Maybe you could post a bit of dialogue for us to see. If you'd rather send it in a private message that's fine with me. I don't claim to be an expert on what makes it through, but I've found the rules pretty flexible and done it a couple different ways without having any rejections. I know some people here think there is only one way, but I usually find the majority of formatting responses helpful as long as you can bear a couple that aren't.

 

[SisterJezabel]

The other option is to contact one of the volunteer editors and ask for their opinion.

 

[KeithD]

How many words in the story?

 

[Escortlover69]

How many words in the story?

The story is 11,928 words long

 

[Escortlover69]

Maybe you could post a bit of dialogue for us to see. If you'd rather send it in a private message that's fine with me. I don't claim to be an expert on what makes it through, but I've found the rules pretty flexible and done it a couple different ways without having any rejections. I know some people here think there is only one way, but I usually find the majority of formatting responses helpful as long as you can bear a couple that aren't.

Thanks. Here are a few short paragraphs:

I asked her if she wanted the payment now.

But she said, “Don't worry about that just now. I just want you to lose your nerves and I can see your already happy to see me,” with a wicked smile.

She started taking her top and trousers off, and she was standing there in lovely black matching bra & panties. Man was she hot.

Elle motioned to me to get undressed, so I removed everything apart from my boxers. She came close and we kissed, she was running her hands up and down my body.

I returned the favor, feeling her lovely soft and warm skin.

She moved my hand in between her legs rubbing both our hands over her panties and whispering to me, “I’m so fucking horny.”

Elle grabbed my cock and I let out a soft moan. It felt electric somehow and I could have come there and then. She pulled down my boxers and pushed me mo onto the bed.


If you would like to see the rest let me know and I’ll pm it to you

 

[HappySpouse]

Thanks. Here are a few short paragraphs:

I asked her if she wanted the payment now.

But she said, “Don't worry about that just now. I just want you to lose your nerves and I can see your already happy to see me,” with a wicked smile.

She started taking her top and trousers off, and she was standing there in lovely black matching bra & panties. Man was she hot.

Elle motioned to me to get undressed, so I removed everything apart from my boxers. She came close and we kissed, she was running her hands up and down my body.

I returned the favor, feeling her lovely soft and warm skin.

She moved my hand in between her legs rubbing both our hands over her panties and whispering to me, “I’m so fucking horny.”

Elle grabbed my cock and I let out a soft moan. It felt electric somehow and I could have come there and then. She pulled down my boxers and pushed me mo onto the bed.


If you would like to see the rest let me know and I’ll pm it to you

Just in this little bit there are a couple misspellings. The second "your" in the first line of dialogue, and you typed "mo" in the last line. So, it is probably safe to assume there are others elsewhere. I don't see glaring issues with this bit of dialogue layout, although some of the punctuation choices are arguable. I would say there are several missing commas throughout. You have many lists and clauses that need separated by some kind of punctuation.

 

[HappySpouse]

I asked her if she wanted the payment now.

With a wicked smile, she said, “Don't worry about that just now. I just want you to lose your nerves and I can see you’re already happy to see me.”

She started taking her top and trousers off, and she was standing there in lovely black matching bra & panties. Man, was she hot.

Elle motioned to me, to get undressed, so I removed everything apart from my boxers. She came close, and we kissed. She was running her hands up and down my body.

I returned the favor, feeling her lovely soft and warm skin.

She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties, and whispered to me, “I’m so fucking horny.”

Elle grabbed my cock, and I let out a soft moan. It felt electric somehow, and I could have come there and then. She pulled down my boxers, and pushed me onto the bed.

I'm just on my phone, but I think I hit the odd spots without changing much. Be careful about when it's okay to slip "ing" verbs into a past tense narrative. I'm not a hardcase about it, but you don't want it to hit the reader's brain as a stumbling block in the flow. "She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties" seems to fit, but then "and whispering to me..." doesn't. It is because of what the "and" does to sentence structure. So, to me, "whispering" either needs to go past tense, or if you want to push the boundaries a little, you could just add them both at the end. Just separate them by commas and without the conjunction, "She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties, whispering to me."

 

[Escortlover69]

I'm just on my phone, but I think I hit the odd spots without changing much. Be careful about when it's okay to slip "ing" verbs into a past tense narrative. I'm not a hardcase about it, but you don't want it to hit the reader's brain as a stumbling block in the flow. "She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties" seems to fit, but then "and whispering to me..." doesn't. It is because of what the "and" does to sentence structure. So, to me, "whispering" either needs to go past tense, or if you want to push the boundaries a little, you could just add them both at the end. Just separate them by commas and without the conjunction, "She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties, whispering to me."

Thank you for this HappySpouse. It has made a lot of sense to me. I think I spent too long going over it that I couldn’t see any more mistakes but comparing what you have done with my own version, I have a better understanding of what I need to do. I will make changes again and resubmit

 

[HappySpouse]

Hope it works out for you. I meant to suggest that you do a search (ctrl+F) for other things spellcheck wouldn't hit, like their, they're, there, your, you're, its, it's, etc.

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

Grammarly and Hemmingway Editor are great tools. I prefer Hemming way because it goes more in-depth, finding typos, passive voice, run-on sentences etc...

 

[SisterJezabel]

I'm just on my phone, but I think I hit the odd spots without changing much. Be careful about when it's okay to slip "ing" verbs into a past tense narrative. I'm not a hardcase about it, but you don't want it to hit the reader's brain as a stumbling block in the flow. "She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties" seems to fit, but then "and whispering to me..." doesn't. It is because of what the "and" does to sentence structure. So, to me, "whispering" either needs to go past tense, or if you want to push the boundaries a little, you could just add them both at the end. Just separate them by commas and without the conjunction, "She moved my hand in between her legs, rubbing both our hands over her panties, whispering to me."

I'd go further HappySpouse...

I asked her if she wanted the payment now.

“Don't worry about that at the moment. I just want you to lose your nerves and I can see you’re already happy to see me.” she said, with a wicked smile looking at the bulge in my pants.

She started taking her top and trousers off, and was standing there in lovely matching black bra and panties. Man, was she hot.

Elle motioned to me to get undressed, so I removed everything apart from my boxers. She came close and we kissed. She was running her hands up and down my body. I returned the favor, feeling her lovely soft and warm skin.

“I’m so fucking horny!” she whispered to me having moved my hand in between her legs and rubbing both our hands over her panties.

Elle grabbed my cock, and I let out a soft moan. It felt electric somehow, and I could have come there and then. She pulled down my boxers, and pushed me onto the bed.