Help with an Idea

[Selena_Kitt]

Ok I have part of a story written... these are the basics... Single father of 3 YO girl drops her off at a birthday party, goes home. (Background: mother abused both father and daughter, when father left mother, she went crazy, ended up pouring gasoline on the 3 YO and setting her on fire. Mother is now in jail.) Father goes home, takes a nap with TV on, wakes up to hear report on the news about a jail break... and finds his ex-wife in his house. Ex wife tells him that the woman's house where he dropped his daughter off at the party was a friend of hers and his daughter is now somewhere else...

Now... what? I've got something in my head about him taking his power back... seeking revenge in some way maybe (although I don't want him to kill her, she actually comes back pregnant with his baby!) although the way to write this without too much melodrama and the balance between making it erotic AND violent... hrm...

what do you think? should I just table it?

 

[sirhugs]

I certainly think most Lit readerswould stop at the burnt 3 yr old. Also you need to rehab Mom into a sympathetic character. tough to do if she's a kidnapper.

I'll think on it, but maybe emap or snooper or someone else has the key...

 

[Pyro Paul]

um. huh?

Mother is abusive towards Father and daughter.

Dad leaves and takes kid.

mother goes insane and Lights kid on fire. (cool ) goes to jail.



Father drops kid off at birth day party
mother breaks out of jail and confronts father.


ohh...kay. um, did the kid on fire re-incarnate or what? i mean dont get me wrong, sure, people can live through heavy burns, but... pouring gasoline on a 3yo shows that the kid dont exactly have a chance..

 

[BedtimeStories77]

Frankly, with all that background, I'm wondering where the erotica comes in. Unless, of course, you plan to submit this to Non Erotica?

This sounds like a small chunk to a large epic tale and not a short story, by the way!

 

[sirhugs]

Frankly, with all that background, I'm wondering where the erotica comes in. Unless, of course, you plan to submit this to Non Erotica?

This sounds like a small chunk to a large epic tale and not a short story, by the way!

I agree it would need to be a long story/novella. Easy to insert sex- at the birthday party, flashbacks to the happy marriage, to him catching her cheating, heated breakup sex, then the reunion.

Still hard to understand motivation of Dad in reuniting.

And I' think I'd lose the burns. Maybe Mom set the house on fire, Dad rescued kid and ran off? But stil makes Mom a toughcharacter to like, and trust me, Lit readers want likable characters. I get flamemail for characters a lot less witchy than this Mom.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Oh, yes, the kid lived... she's just scarred for life... thought the horror of that particular thing would really show the reader just how crazy the mom really is kind of thing...

any ideas on where to go NEXT, tho...? I'm actually quite interested in the main character (dad) and his staying with her so long, putting up with what he did, the guilt... I'm not imagining them reuniting... although he may try to CONVINCE her he's reuniting to find out where the little girl is kind of thing... which may be where the sex comes in... she's a stalker kind of ex, she wants him back...

I have about 7 pages written if you want to see it... might give you a better idea of what I'm talking about... I can post it here...

 

[sirhugs]

Oh, yes, the kid lived... she's just scarred for life... thought the horror of that particular thing would really show the reader just how crazy the mom really is kind of thing...

any ideas on where to go NEXT, tho...? I'm actually quite interested in the main character (dad) and his staying with her so long, putting up with what he did, the guilt... I'm not imagining them reuniting... although he may try to CONVINCE her he's reuniting to find out where the little girl is kind of thing... which may be where the sex comes in... she's a stalker kind of ex, she wants him back...

I have about 7 pages written if you want to see it... might give you a better idea of what I'm talking about... I can post it here...

7 pages is way too much to post on the thread.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Meaning the system won't post it?

 

[emap]

Sorry took me so long to get here, sirhugs needs to work on his volume.

Now sad to say, there really isn't anything you can do literotica worthy with what you have now, the mom being like that kinda ruins any attempts at erotics, but if you wish to go ahead anyway, bondage. You know dad ties her up, uses her humiliates her and turns her into a perfect little slave type thing.

Now if you don't mind rewriting it a bit, take out mom was cheating, dad was cheating and it broke her heart so much she tries suicide with her daughter, IE lights the house on fire after giving daughter sleeping pill. Dad comes home from work early rescues daughter and her, she goes away and while in prison gets turned into somebodies bitch. Mistress breaks out with her in tow, tosses her aside and she runs back to him and her daughter, where she apologizes and tells him that he can do what he wants with or without her, she is his slave.

Now granted both are BDSM stories, but what you have doesn't really lend itself to anything else.

Now if you wish to stay away from BDSM, well the easiest way to do that is to not have her escape, try to commit suicide like second idea, but in prison gets tossed around to every woman who feels like having her and when gets out goes back to him and tells him he can add in as many women as he wants so long as she can have the women as well, turns it into a loving wife/group sex type then.

Now if you don't like any of those, give me a day or two I'll have more maybe.

 

[Mikro]

Bdsm

I agree with most of what has already been posted here, no burnt child, it's just a complete turn off, house fire is ok.

However, as the mother is so obviously the dominant person and has the child stashed away it would seem to me that she would be the dominant person in any ensueing sexual encounter.

Child safely with friend if you want to see her again you will please me in any way I say type of thing, he is terrified of wife and fear's for safety of daughter.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Hm... I still think it's do-able...even with the burned kid... although you may be right about readership, they probably will burn ME in effigy for it... lol

maybe I'm just stubborn <grin>

I like the BDSM angle tho... I'm not averse to that

 

[emap]

What Mikro said works to, take out the burnt child, more of a she lit the house on fire dad came home pulled child out she goes away, gets out and dominates him, actually I like that idea.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

Okay, time for a new question (or two, or four lol) then... Why would the woman come back to see/confront her husband? (Are they estranged or divorced?) I realize she broke from jail... Did she just need a booty call having been locked up so long? lol Was she planning on killing her husband and/or kidnapping the child? Why was the child the source of her evil anyway? (I realize, since you said you have 7 pages written, that there may be a lot of detail we're not seeing or understanding right now!)

 

[Selena_Kitt]

She comes back because she's obsessed with him... she has this delusional fantasy going on that they're going to live happily ever after... (they're actually divorced). She just used the child to hurt him, basically, he was there when she did it, she called him up to the room and then dropped the lit match onto the bed (where the little girl was tied up & gagged) which is why the little girl is alive at all, because he was in the room to save her. As for why the mother would do that... besides the fact she's insane... she saw the little girl as competition for affection from her husband. In her delusional mind, the little girl was taking him away from her. Yes, it's very sick and twisted, I know

So she's totally a stalker... and her plan was to get out of jail, find him, get rid of the kid entirely and start from scratch. With the delusion that of course he would go along, he always had before...

 

[~Sweets~]

To be honest, even reading this thread and the idea of the child has turned my stomach. I'd definitely not welcome it in a story here at Lit., also if you have other stories I'd probably not read them. Just my thoughts.