help with a "depressed" teenager

[Down_UnderKid]

hey all
i need some advice/help with how to deal with a "depressed" 16 year old boy (close family)
over the past couple of years, atleast 3 friends/people he has know have died / committed suicide and the last a girl(friend) has hit him pretty hard

i use the term "depressed" because he appears to have a "woe is me, i must be angry with things because thats how people are shown to feel"
he is from a good family, with plenty of people around him to help, he is seeing a psychiatrist from the school (who he says is useless) and has just recently posted up a very over the top letter on fb...

To everyone and every thing.
Life is not what I thought it would be, and its taken me sixteen years to realize how impossibly hard it is make anything of myself, I've grown up well, but with all that has gone my way there is a million things that have broken me.
With every tick of the second hand and every chime of the bell my life has become a little harder to bear, and with glazed eyes and broken hearts I apologize for every wrong and hurt I have provided to all the people who just meant well.
This is not poetry but its a call to every moment and lie I have put my friends through.
This isn't a suicide not but it's a broken call and a forgotten yelp from a boy with nothing to win, but that has lost everything he strived for, and for freedom I'd do anything but i'd rather resist the fight and be called on all my faults.
I am sorry,
Mum I never meant for you to feel my pain and suffer under my hand as well as the pressure you have been dealt to, for you I am most sorry and can't imagine the stress I have caused you.
To my friends,
It is not your fault I have these broken images of what I though friend would be.
This is not a plea for attention but a cry for help. I've missed every opportunity I've had at a honest relationship.
To all the girls,
To you I am most sorry for every broken promise, missed date and forgotten number. I have never been honest or deserving of your attention or care. I did love you all but my broken mind got in the way of my surging heart. The dampness of my soul wet the towel of my mind and extinguished the fire in my heart and my selfishness caused you all pain. I am truly and honestly sorry.
Walt Whitman said "Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost" but I know I have lost so much, and thrown away even more.

sorry for the long post but thats what he has just put up.

how do i help to turn this guy around or make him see that there is more to life his future than what he sees now.
it seems like its a "im a teenager and the whole world is against me" scenario. how can you make them look into the future rather than what is going around with them.
im starting to worry that he may harm himself or his family around him...

 

[LadyVer]

He needs hospitalization. He needs to stop focusing on his own pain. He needs to learn that we all screw up but we have to move on. My brother committed suicide at 30. Good luck!

 

[Spirited_woman]

Re: Get help!

He needs hospitalization. He needs to stop focusing on his own pain. He needs to learn that we all screw up but we have to move on. My brother committed suicide at 30. Good luck!

I agree. Your family member needs immediate, professional help.

We all go through difficult periods in our lives, which are exaggerated in adolescence. However, the things that your relative has been through of late are quite extreme in themselves - it's not surprising that he is depressed. His personal ability to cope with these things is the issue here, as he is obviously NOT coping, & no amount of reasoning with him, on your part, will change this fact - hence the reason that he requires professional help. If the counsellor at his school is not to his liking, find someone else, as the rapport between a counsellor & their client is quite important. A professional will give him the things that he desperately needs at this point in time, such as strategies for coping & perhaps even medication (you need a doctor to prescribe this however) in the short term at least.

Adolescents can be impulsive, so I wouldn't procrastinate too long!

Wishing you well,
SW

 

[Bramblethorn]

If the counsellor at his school is not to his liking, find someone else, as the rapport between a counsellor & their client is quite important.

Seconding this for emphasis. If he's had a couple of sessions with the school psych and it's not working, time to try a different one.

 

[LadyVer]

PS. Suicide is usually impulsive. My brother walked into the ER after he took too many Elavil. He didn't walk back out.

 

[Ellafun]

Get this young man help IMMEDIATELY. He's asking for help with his note; act on it.

There are plenty of therapies, medications, support groups, etc. to look to for options now, unlike when I was a teen. Despair is a horrible, comsuming animal that will devour everything it can reach in a person.

This young man needs to find something to keep him busy, also. A job or even a volunteer position, something where he is actively helping other people to get his focus off of himself.

Good luck, and seriously, act now. Prayers to you and to him...

 

[desertslave]

I agree, get him help NOW. That sounds an awful lot like a suicide note. Even if it is "just a cry for attention" is sounds like he absolutely needs it. Death of three friends for someone that young can certainly be catastrophic in their perceptions. Get him help, please.

 

[themightyoak]

First, compliment him on something he has recently done or something about him that you find particularly admirable. Do it in a manner that is not an obvious response to his depression. Keep these coming at a paced interval (not so obvious). He needs to know, and hear, that someone finds value in him.

Second, get him busy with something, anything, if possible. A chore would be best, no matter how simple, and compliment him on the job, some aspect of the job, or just that he tried. A hobby or a shared interest is another way, but the object is to get him involved in something for which he can see some amount of accomplishment. How big or small is not too important.

In the meantime, find a psychologist with good recommendations. Your medical doctor is a good starting place for a recommendation. Avoid psychological professionals attached to public assistance or school systems if you can afford it. Many of them are very good at what they do, but oftentimes they are overworked.

The psychological professional is the most important thing.

I hope this helps.

Good Luck.

 

[TomorrowsChild]

My sister recently lost 2 friends, one of which dies in quite gruesome circumstances so I can understand the pain that this boy must be going through, and your desire to help in any way. School counsellors are about as useful as a chocolate tea pot. I'd suggest him going to his usual doctor and asking to be referred to a psychologist, particularly one who deals with grief counselling. Being a teenager sucks and everything usually feels a billion times worse than it is, but he's been through a tough time and obviously has some feelings he can't deal with so he needs to be helped sooner rather than later.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

turn around

It is to be hoped that by "turning him around" you mean getting him some help. You and all the persuaders in the world are not capable of convincing him he's OK or not in pain. First, recognize that he is IN TERRIBLE pain. Second, accept that. Third, he needs professional help and I'd recommend starting with a therapist skilled in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). And GET AFTER IT. This is not something to dwadle or temporize about.

 

[ketrell]

hey all
i need some advice/help with how to deal with a "depressed" 16 year old boy (close family)
over the past couple of years, atleast 3 friends/people he has know have died / committed suicide and the last a girl(friend) has hit him pretty hard

i use the term "depressed" because he appears to have a "woe is me, i must be angry with things because thats how people are shown to feel"
he is from a good family, with plenty of people around him to help, he is seeing a psychiatrist from the school (who he says is useless) and has just recently posted up a very over the top letter on fb...

With teenage boys, they can fantasize and latch onto actions of others and think they are supposed to follow suit. This is, unfortunately, natural with young guys.

Keep in mind it can also be the music they are listening to. Guys are also very moody at this point in their lives, and self-realization is very common at this point. Their bodies are changing, they're having new impluses and thoughts they've never had before. They will also latch onto sources of violence and aggression as a way to try to cope with their confusion and realization of their new identity as a young man.

To everyone and every thing.
Life is not what I thought it would be, and its taken me sixteen years to realize how impossibly hard it is make anything of myself, I've grown up well, but with all that has gone my way there is a million things that have broken me.
With every tick of the second hand and every chime of the bell my life has become a little harder to bear, and with glazed eyes and broken hearts I apologize for every wrong and hurt I have provided to all the people who just meant well.
This is not poetry but its a call to every moment and lie I have put my friends through.
This isn't a suicide not but it's a broken call and a forgotten yelp from a boy with nothing to win, but that has lost everything he strived for, and for freedom I'd do anything but i'd rather resist the fight and be called on all my faults.
I am sorry,
Mum I never meant for you to feel my pain and suffer under my hand as well as the pressure you have been dealt to, for you I am most sorry and can't imagine the stress I have caused you.
To my friends,
It is not your fault I have these broken images of what I though friend would be.
This is not a plea for attention but a cry for help. I've missed every opportunity I've had at a honest relationship.
To all the girls,
To you I am most sorry for every broken promise, missed date and forgotten number. I have never been honest or deserving of your attention or care. I did love you all but my broken mind got in the way of my surging heart. The dampness of my soul wet the towel of my mind and extinguished the fire in my heart and my selfishness caused you all pain. I am truly and honestly sorry.
Walt Whitman said "Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost" but I know I have lost so much, and thrown away even more.

In general, its teenage years are an uncomfortable time in the life of a young man - you are trying to tell yourself that everything you liked up until this point was childish, and trying to "Be a man" is all that matters. You crave and seek approval from others who are going through the same, even though they don't really know any better than you about how they should feel or act or be.

Depression and thoughts of suicide are VERY common. You're in an entirely new world and trying to rebuild a life that you assume will be the same way the rest of your adult life.

sorry for the long post but thats what he has just put up.

how do i help to turn this guy around or make him see that there is more to life his future than what he sees now.
it seems like its a "im a teenager and the whole world is against me" scenario. how can you make them look into the future rather than what is going around with them.
im starting to worry that he may harm himself or his family around him...

You can't MAKE him see anything, I'm afraid. He has to want to open his eyes and realize for himself that it is a scary new world he's coming into. But that you'll be there for him to help him get through it.

The most important thing you can do for him is be a strong and stable influence in his life. Let him know you love him and start trying to show him the adult world, I don't mean send him 40 gigs of pron - but take him out and do adult things - hobbies, chores, jobs whatever. Show him what the adult world is like and help him adjust to it.

He does need to talk about his feelings and thoughts. There are other options than just psychiatry and counselling routes - church youth groups, counselling with teachers and coaches, even just talking to adults in the job world. Maybe there's a neighbor who wouldn't mind having him help out working on the car or something.

You can also look for things that will build his confidence and self-esteem. Martial Arts, sports, maybe hobbies where the focus is on his personal skill and talent development. Hate to even say it but hobbies like paintball, laser tag, airsoft, even Nerf can be appealing. Or get him outdoors and in the wilderness for camping, fishing, hunting - hiking, biking... I know hobbies cost money, but giving him things to occupy his down time, to be excited about, or to even give him work to do.

Don't let him sit in his room and stew over being alone. Get him out into the world and have him find something he can enjoy doing and then insist he do that.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Welcome to life, get over yourself and move on.

The problem isn't that he's depressed or suicidal or even that he's had spectacular losses. The problem is that he has never been taught how to cope with the downsides of life in general. As long as everything is hunky-dory, he's a happy kid, put a little adversity in his way and he crumbles and gives up.

This may seem insensitive, and it probably is, however that doesn't make it any less true. The kid absolutely does need some help, he needs to be taught how to work through adversities. If he's this distraught over the loss of a few people in his life, as devastating as that can be, what the hell is going to happen when he gets fired from his first job or loses his first house because of a corrupt banking system, or any one of a host of other ills that life brings to bear on the average individual?

The problem with medications and clinical psychoquackery is that they don't work. Medications only serve to numb the senses, it doesn't remove the stressers causing the depression, most psychoquacks aren't much better. And to further his depression, once he jumps on the clinical and prescription bandwagon, that will be a mark that he carries for the rest of his life.

 

[Thefamiliar]

hey all

To everyone and every thing.
Life is not what I thought it would be, and its taken me sixteen years to realize how impossibly hard it is make anything of myself, I've grown up well, but with all that has gone my way there is a million things that have broken me.
With every tick of the second hand and every chime of the bell my life has become a little harder to bear, and with glazed eyes and broken hearts I apologize for every wrong and hurt I have provided to all the people who just meant well.
This is not poetry but its a call to every moment and lie I have put my friends through.
This isn't a suicide not but it's a broken call and a forgotten yelp from a boy with nothing to win, but that has lost everything he strived for, and for freedom I'd do anything but i'd rather resist the fight and be called on all my faults.
I am sorry,
Mum I never meant for you to feel my pain and suffer under my hand as well as the pressure you have been dealt to, for you I am most sorry and can't imagine the stress I have caused you.
To my friends,
It is not your fault I have these broken images of what I though friend would be.
This is not a plea for attention but a cry for help. I've missed every opportunity I've had at a honest relationship.
To all the girls,
To you I am most sorry for every broken promise, missed date and forgotten number. I have never been honest or deserving of your attention or care. I did love you all but my broken mind got in the way of my surging heart. The dampness of my soul wet the towel of my mind and extinguished the fire in my heart and my selfishness caused you all pain. I am truly and honestly sorry.
Walt Whitman said "Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost" but I know I have lost so much, and thrown away even more.

Dear 16, I would love to tell you that it gets easier, that life is great and grand and full of roses and puppy dogs. It's not. I am not sure anyone actually gets the ideals set in their heads from your age. Though I do know somehow things happen in a way they are supposed to. It may take you 16 more years to find that you were never broken in the first place.

It IS hard to be a strong person. To become the type of character you wish to be. To become successful, but be sure you are defining success in the way you need to be, and not defining it in the way others do. Full grown adults still have this issue, you are not alone.

Pain of loosing loved one's is never easy. You will always miss them, but time does ease the heaviness of the pain you bear. They won't be the last to go in your life, and you are not the only one to know this sadness. I know it feels lonely and you are angry at god, fate, the world for creating this pain. It's o.k. Get angry. We have tears so we can cry. It's meant to happen.

It's difficult to think you could have done more, easy to blame yourself for the lack of strength your loved one's had. However that does not define you. You define you, and the fact that you are still working through it, hanging on, shows just how much strength you really do have.

Just think if you already lost everything, there is nothing left to lose. And trust me you are lucky to hit that rock bottom at 16, I hit mine at 30. When you loose everything, to the point that you feel there is nothing left to to loose, after some time, and tears you realize there is nothing you can't do, and anything is possible. And you will one day thank those loved ones lost to you, for giving you that lesson so early in life.

Freedom is not granted by others, it's granted by you. You allow yourself to be who you want to be and do the things you wish to do. The way in which you go about granting yourself freedom, is what decides the events in such an adventure.

Do not apologize for your flaws for they will become your biggest strengths, and you truly are only as strong as your greatest weakness. The choice is yours as to how you interact with those around you. The love of a parent does not diminish because of the actions of a child. I am a child and a parent, trust me on this one.

This is now the opportunity for you to step up and be the type of person you want to be. The broken promises, missed dates, lost numbers...they are forgotten. That is part of the dating world. Learning how relationships work, it would be sad indeed if you didn't give them another thought, for then you would be truly lost as far as finding the love you wish to have in your life.

There is strength in asking for help. But there is also only help if you open yourself to take it. As for the loved one's lost, they refused to take the help and in the end they caused the grief around them.

I wish I could take these life lesson's from you, give you back your innocence and childhood. But you have moved swiftly into adulthood and so you must learn to live in the world as such. That means facing your fears head on and conquering them. Taking the responsibility for your actions and being the best person you can be in any situation. That does not mean you will handle everything perfectly, or with grace. That you will never make a mistake or feel hurt again. It means that you will do the best you can with what you have and appreciate the path you walk.

Those who live in the hearts of loved ones are never dead.
----------------------------------------------------------

I didn't read any responses. I grant permission to quote this as your own if you choose. If any of it would help at all.

I have a two teenagers, and it's not easy. When we are so close we have a hard time doing the right thing for them, because we are so emotionally invested.

If his counselor is not working for him, get another. If he is willing to talk to someone don't stop until you find the one that he feels is helping him. Psychiatrists only help if the one seeking them thinks they are helping...

It's a tough world out there and he has learned the harsher lessons of life earlier than most. Grant him leeway, but eventually he just needs a good swift kick in the butt to get back to living. We should understand how the grieving process works. First it's despair, then guilt, then it's anger, then the grief of the loss. It takes different amounts of time for different people to go through the stages and to have to deal with death one after another in short spans of time. It will take time, patience and love.

Sugar coating anything at this point, will be seen as pity, or insult (treating him like a child). Obviously that doesn't mean say anything with harshness. But keep it honest. He isn't a child anymore, even if his age seems to suggest he is. He has lost any feeling of control he thought he may have had. Now he really needs to learn to go with the flow, and ride out the storms.

Looks to me, like he may become a writer. Encourage him to keep it up. It will be therapeutic in the long run.

 

[fire_breeze]

Welcome to life, get over yourself and move on.

The problem isn't that he's depressed or suicidal or even that he's had spectacular losses. The problem is that he has never been taught how to cope with the downsides of life in general. As long as everything is hunky-dory, he's a happy kid, put a little adversity in his way and he crumbles and gives up.

This may seem insensitive, and it probably is, however that doesn't make it any less true. The kid absolutely does need some help, he needs to be taught how to work through adversities. If he's this distraught over the loss of a few people in his life, as devastating as that can be, what the hell is going to happen when he gets fired from his first job or loses his first house because of a corrupt banking system, or any one of a host of other ills that life brings to bear on the average individual?

The problem with medications and clinical psychoquackery is that they don't work. Medications only serve to numb the senses, it doesn't remove the stressers causing the depression, most psychoquacks aren't much better. And to further his depression, once he jumps on the clinical and prescription bandwagon, that will be a mark that he carries for the rest of his life.

Sorry NM, you know I often agree with you. This time, I have to say that I completely disagree with you, and I hope that we can agree to disagree without any harsh words . Meds and talk therapy can - and often does - work, but it takes time to find the right combination. Furthermore, losing one friend at the age of 16 is hard. Losing three? That is life shattering. At 16, life is, and should be, eternal. At that age, people die if they are old or in a dangerous place, not to 'normal' 16 years olds. I think you have forgotten what it means to feel invincible, and that your friends are invincible as well. Death does not happen to your friends - it happens to other people. Is it selfish? Yes, but it's a very teenaged attitude. Losing friends, particularly violently and suddenly is NOT the same as losing your job. Hell, it's not the same as losing your life savings. Jobs and moneys can be replaced. People cannot. Saying just cope with it is a slap in the face. It takes time to rebuild a life without that person(s) in your life - especially if they were close. The kid had several life lessons to learn at an earlier than most age than the rest of his peers. Yes, life is hard. I agree. Life is not sugar lilies and chocolate dandelions. To realise that is hard enough. To have it slammed in on your face so that you can't breathe shocks to the core.

Furthermore, to label suicides as unable to cope with the realities of life demeans the illness and demeans those who are truly suffering. The boy is coping with his mortality, and that is a difficult issue to wrestle regardless how well adjusted a person is. If it's merely a simple get your shit together, we would not have suicides. Period. Additionally, it has been demonstrated, repeatedly, that depression is a chemical response.

And by the way, my brother- a fantastically well-balanced, well adjusted, capable person - was on anti-depressants for a short time after his platoon got blown up while he was stateside due to an injury. He needed the meds, in combination with talk therapy and support from family, to help him through the tremendous guilt that his buddies are dead while he was alive when he himself felt that he should have been there. His entire life was not just shaken, it was destroyed. Everything he thought he knew was shattered. His coping mechanism was taken away. However, after a few months, he was off meds, he doesn't need therapy and is doing beyond just well. With those tools - and that's what they are, tools, not solutions - he was able to climb out of the pit of despair that literally engulfed him and to accept what happened was out of his control. He figured out new coping mechanisms that worked for him. If he wasn't on them, I would not have a brother right now, even if he didn't put a bullet through his brain. He changed that much.

I hope, NM, that you do not take offense, as you know that is the last thing I want to do and that you know that this was not meant to berate or 'yell' at you. I just wanted to offer a different perspective, a different opinion as someone who has not only lost family and friends violently but who has had seen the benefits of professional help save a life of someone who is not only flesh and blood but also a good friend.

To the OP. If you are worried, you tell someone: the parents, the school, anyone. And yes, it's hard - I can relate to your friend. As someone who has had family AND friends commit suicide due to number of reasons, and three in a five week period, it helps to have someone reach out. It's disconcerting to have have people drop down dead around you. It's especially tough when your friend decides to end his/her life - and you wonder if there's anything you could have done. You start questioning your purpose and whether or not life is worth it. It's not easy. However, letting the teenager know that he is not alone, calling him up just to talk (don't have him reach out to you - he's a teenager, he won't), inviting him out for paintball or a game can make the world of difference. Trust me. It's often enough to know that someone cares about you - both in words and in actions.

You may also want to check this thread about depression, which can give you tremendous amounts of resources. It has helped me to help someone close.

 

[kmb411]

He need major help. In my younger days, I was put "on vacation" (hospitalized at a youth clinic.)
That was years ago, and I think personally the youth have a tougher road in front of them. That's with out the anger and hormones and puberty. The key in the help is for him to see/ find out that a lot of "normal" people, bth his age and older have problem, issues and heart ache and pain.

With the right help, he will bounce back. Good luck.

 

[Volupte]

That poor child. He requires gentleness and compassion. The grief he's felt for the deaths in his life of significant others looks like it's been unacknowledged and invalidated.

Grief counselling, either performed by a psychologist, professional social worker or specialised grief counsellor is a must. The grief the bereaved feels must not be diminished. Please. Have a heart.

I didn't find that letter 'over the top', it was, in my mind, as the writer put it 'a yelp' for help.

I note that the OP is 'Down Under' Here's an excellent suicide support service, the website may not be in your State or Territory, but there's some wonderful, educational resources in it http://www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/

There's also The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement http://www.grief.org.au/about_us

This page might be useful http://www.grief.org.au/grief_and_bereavement_support/understanding_grief/supporting_adolescents

I wish you all the best.

 

[billrichards41]

Psychiatric help is not the only answer but it is a part of it. NM is right he needs to learn how to deal with things but as LadyVer pointed out suicide is impulsive and usually done when a person is alone and left to think a bit crazy. What he needs is supervision, 24/7 kind. He will tell you he is alright and want to be left alone, that is the worst possible thing. But at the same time a pill is not going to stop him , cure him or be the answer. It might help a bit but often too the warnings about suicide when taking antidepressants is a problem as well.
So him getting medicated and off he goes is a dangerous route. People who have not experienced this behavior won't know what hit them and his family and friends will wonder why they didn't see the warning signs, it's not just the cry for help to be aware of, it's after he starts to get help is when you have to be most vigilant , don't let this slip away, don't hand him over and think that is the answer it's not and it take a long time for him to come back. If it was me in your place I'd try to get him into a locked facility followed by intense supervision and a lot of listening to him and encouragement from the person with him. Not stuff he thinks is blowing smoke up his ass but really hearing what he says and offering alternatives. Not comparisons, but things that he can see and use to move ahead.
Good luck.

 

[Noor]

That reads like a suicide note to me, he is considering it.
He is going through the motions, straightening his affairs, saying his apologies.

Talk to his parents, let other people who know him see what he has written. School social workers, anyone.

Suicide is contagious and in his mind he is going through hell.

 

[TeaforMe]

He is crying out for help, and he needs it NOW! I have a teenage daughter that went through a depression and was actually diagnosed as borderline personality disorder/bipolar. There were signs and I missed them. It took one suicide attempt, running away a couple of times, and a hospital stay, not to mention finding the right meds, which was a strugglt in itself, to get her feeling right.

Even if it is just teenage angst, isn't it better to be safe than sorry? The fact that he posted such a somber message is a clear indication that he needs help from the depression he is clearly in. Don't wait,a nd don't ask if he needs the help. Teenagers NEVER want to talk to strangers about their problems...EVER! I had to drag my daughter kicking and screaming, she said the most vile things to me, but it had to be done. She is a good kid and was never a trouble maker, was on the honor roll, a cheerleader, then her life just crashed, but without help I am not sure where she would be right now, I shudder to think about it.

 

[njlauren]

Welcome to life, get over yourself and move on.

The problem isn't that he's depressed or suicidal or even that he's had spectacular losses. The problem is that he has never been taught how to cope with the downsides of life in general. As long as everything is hunky-dory, he's a happy kid, put a little adversity in his way and he crumbles and gives up.

This may seem insensitive, and it probably is, however that doesn't make it any less true. The kid absolutely does need some help, he needs to be taught how to work through adversities. If he's this distraught over the loss of a few people in his life, as devastating as that can be, what the hell is going to happen when he gets fired from his first job or loses his first house because of a corrupt banking system, or any one of a host of other ills that life brings to bear on the average individual?

The problem with medications and clinical psychoquackery is that they don't work. Medications only serve to numb the senses, it doesn't remove the stressers causing the depression, most psychoquacks aren't much better. And to further his depression, once he jumps on the clinical and prescription bandwagon, that will be a mark that he carries for the rest of his life.

I think you mean well, but what you wrote trivializes what could be a serious issue. I agree it is hard to tell with teenagers, they are moody as hell, they think no one understands, etc (there is a great scene in one of the Harry Potter books where he is complaining to one of the ghosts, and the ghost responds with "ah, yes, teen angst, I see that hasn't changed in a lot of centuries). I have a 16 year old of my own and I have death with dramas, moodiness, you name it....

On the other hand disparaging therapy and meds is not the way to go if the kid is seriously having suicidal thoughts and such. The way your post was written, it reminds me too much of the old school "all the kid needs is a kick in the ass" kind of thing, and that is idiotic if in fact the kid is in serious trouble (I have to assume the OP probably can tell the difference between moodiness and something that is a bit more severe). If the kid is really having trouble, then 'making him pull himself up' won't work.

As far as if he gets help, takes meds, etc, it will 'mark him for life', please. We hopefully have gotten past the time when seeking help for depression or other life issues was seen by the troglodytes as "weakness" or "psychobabble' or 'unmanly' or whatever (anyone remember a vp candidate who had to withdraw because he was treated for depression?). Unless the kid has something like bipolar disorder, the goal of getting help is to get him over the hurdle and see the future; if he takes anti depressants (and I am not a big fan of med'ing problems, I think the psychiatrists and their allies in the drug industry have way too much sway with that stuff) it is simply to allow him time and space to work out his issues, and therapy likewise has its goal that he doesn't have his butt wearing a hole in their couch forever. He probably just needs someone to help him work through the grief or whatever; it also could be that this is a combination of the loss he experienced and his own hormones going out of whack. When it comes to teens, who have some of the highest percentage of suicides, it is better to assume there is a real issue and then stand down if it is no big deal, then it is to assume it is nothing, just too many risks (kind of like they learned in california with brush fires; they don't assume it is a small fire, they always assume it is a big one, scramble a lot of trucks, then if it is minor pull back units not needed).

I agree totally that it may be wise to have the kid talk to someone, and I also agree a school psychologist is not the person, they aren't equipped to handle this.

 

[Down_UnderKid]

wow massive amounts of replies there.

thankyou to everyone who has posted, and will post in the future, im open to all responses.

after speaking with his mum, she is well aware of the issues he seems to be going through. they have shared what the issues are and from what she has said, he does seem to be moving through them.
i saw him last night, didnt bring up the fb letter. and he was fine, his attitude was its normal self, which makes me tend to think thins was a "teen angst" thing rather than something more sinister (hopefully)

he is seeking out professional help with the help of his mum and has agreed to this, as i believe he is aware of the help he needs.

as for medication, i think this would end up labeling him for life and i dont think that would be right for him. he is a very level headed kid (yes i know most people are before they do something, but if he was to have done something it may have been before now) and to have that "im on medication" could turn him around the wrong way again

i think getting a job or some kind of outside distraction would be a good option.
hopefully he moves past this stage to bigger and better things!

 

[billrichards41]

wow massive amounts of replies there.

thankyou to everyone who has posted, and will post in the future, im open to all responses.

after speaking with his mum, she is well aware of the issues he seems to be going through. they have shared what the issues are and from what she has said, he does seem to be moving through them.
i saw him last night, didnt bring up the fb letter. and he was fine, his attitude was its normal self, which makes me tend to think thins was a "teen angst" thing rather than something more sinister (hopefully)

he is seeking out professional help with the help of his mum and has agreed to this, as i believe he is aware of the help he needs.

as for medication, i think this would end up labeling him for life and i dont think that would be right for him. he is a very level headed kid (yes i know most people are before they do something, but if he was to have done something it may have been before now) and to have that "im on medication" could turn him around the wrong way again

i think getting a job or some kind of outside distraction would be a good option.
hopefully he moves past this stage to bigger and better things!

Medication is an aid, not a curse or a label. It is not a solution in of itself. It is nothing to be ashamed of or relied upon. If used there are serious warnings about the increase in suicidal thoughts, there is a lot of information on this and should be looked at. The important thing is to not think the thoughts issues go away that easily, his 'mum', dad anyone around him half to always keep an eye out for him. He can be fine one moment and fine enough to think about ending it all. Depression is different for all of us and for some more of a challenge, but never to be trivialized or ignored. Therapy is guidance, it's introspection and help to understand what alternatives can be and how to use them, it's not a diagnosis. it's help.
Good to hear that he is getting help.

 

[TeaforMe]

Medication is an aid, not a curse or a label. It is not a solution in of itself. It is nothing to be ashamed of or relied upon. If used there are serious warnings about the increase in suicidal thoughts, there is a lot of information on this and should be looked at. The important thing is to not think the thoughts issues go away that easily, his 'mum', dad anyone around him half to always keep an eye out for him. He can be fine one moment and fine enough to think about ending it all. Depression is different for all of us and for some more of a challenge, but never to be trivialized or ignored. Therapy is guidance, it's introspection and help to understand what alternatives can be and how to use them, it's not a diagnosis. it's help.
Good to hear that he is getting help.

I agree, it is great that he is getting the help he is and that you and his mom as parents, have not ignored this issue as so many would.

I have to agree with down_underkid. IF medication is deemed necessary, and it's not always prescribed, he should be allowed to take it without feeling judged. There is no need for it to label him unless he is declaring it to everyone he meets and putting banners up on Facebook. My daughter had those fears, too, until I made her realize that its a private issue and she does not need to tell everyone. If your son was a diabetic, would you deny him insulin? He should know that you support whatever treatment path his doctors prescribe is supported. Maybe talk therapy is all he needs, but if there is a true depression issue he should be allowed all the tools he needs to feel well.

 

[klippert]

I hate to be the one to do this

Sixteen Effing years old....and depressed. Over effing what. get your head out of your ass....take every F**king CG game and sell them. Sell your DS (actually stands for Dumb Shit).....get outside and breath the air. What sucks, your going to take this kid to the doctor....and frigging medicate him. great Another zombie

Depressed....I getting sick and tired of all this crap. Young love getting you down. Try a divorce. Don't like school. tell your parents you wan't to go to a private school, try a military academy.

Hay kid. I guess it's hard making mortgage payments at 16, heating, cooling bills, No insurance for you and your spouse. Filling the car up is killing what retirement you had. Finding full-time employment in the field you've trained so hard in, but, you have to take a 55% pay cut, if a job is even offered. You accept the job, help the company catch up on all their back log, help implement the new CAD software. Then just 5months in, your ass is tossed to the street. Make a day in the life of a 16y/o a true struggle.
The challenge of landing full-time work with another college graduating class, 11% (actual) unemployment. Working jobs on an as need basis. I guess Obama'Nation, Obama'Nomics is killing all your hope. Putting food on the table is a struggle for a 16 y/o. Your kids asking you, why you don't go to work anymore. I guess at 16 the fear of losing your home is getting you down. Your car needs four tires and a front end alignment...$500.00. You have $250.00 in the bank. Frig is still cold because you actually made a payment to the utility company. But, you still have to get to the grocery store. Haven't eaten stake in a yr. can't afford it eh.....

I hear these radio commercials....leave a message for these kids that are struggling through H.S... avg. a 2.0 gpa and you graduate. The world does not revolve around teenagers. My message, quit being a frigging pussy and pull your straps up. don't do drugs....don't get pregnant until your old enough to take responsibility for your actions. For that, don't go having sex until you can take responsibility for your behavior.

Delete all your social-network accounts and learn how to talk to other human beings. Learn how to write and spell. I'm sure handing in a school paper with LOL in it....doesn't quite make the grade for comp101. I guess in public schools Dat is accep'da''bull.

Listen kid, teenage years are a bitch. But your life hasn't even begun. You don't know life's struggles yet. I thought I knew it all at 16.....Nothing at 16 is worth getting inside your own head about. Think about what families went through during the first Democrat induced depression (1919). Think about the families who's farther went off to war in the 1940's. The struggles when the arrived home. Kid, we've invented our disorders....society needs excuses. Don't be an excuse or a statistic. Life isn't suppose to be easy...it ain't a x-box game, it's real. Pull your head out of your butt....look at YOUR face in the mirror, quit blaming other for your issues. I sympathize for people that truly suffer from depression. My brother does.....I know, there are teenagers that are diagnosed with 'actual' depression. that can be helped..... with out medication.

else wise.....enjoy your teen yrs. they only last seven yrs.

 

[dashd]

His note spells H - E - L - P in capital letters! Depression is as real as Heart Failure and Coronary Artery Disease. Without proper treatment, just as fatal. It doesn't matter the age or family situation. I urge you to help this young man get the help he needs before it's too late!