Help wanted - scratch my back I will scratch yours

[cchh]

Hello, I have the start of a story written and I need some help, support with it. In return I am happy to try and read and help you.

I think I am preferably looking for female help to get a different take on the story. The story so far has a voyeuristic start with some mutual masterbation. I was told by the lady it was written for that it was hot, but I am not sure where to take it yet. So editorial and direction contributions are gratefully accepted!

In particular for some reason I changed from first to third person between chapters, heaven knows why, but I am now not sure which works best.

Can you help?

Thanks
C

 

[QuantumJumping]

Hello, I have the start of a story written and I need some help, support with it. In return I am happy to try and read and help you.

I think I am preferably looking for female help to get a different take on the story. The story so far has a voyeuristic start with some mutual masterbation. I was told by the lady it was written for that it was hot, but I am not sure where to take it yet. So editorial and direction contributions are gratefully accepted!

In particular for some reason I changed from first to third person between chapters, heaven knows why, but I am now not sure which works best.

Can you help?

Thanks
C

Here is some editorial help.
The word 'masturbation' has no letter 'e'.