Help Wanted: Construction Workers for Blondie & Elizabeth's Swimming Pool

[~Elizabeth~]

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY

Since opening six weeks ago, Blondie & Elizabeth's Clothing Optional Swimming Pool has received more than 5000 visits. B&E Enterprises, parent company of Blondie & Elizabeth's Swimming Pool, has authorized a major expansion to accommodate the growing number of pool guests. To complete this expansion the pool is now accepting applications for the positions of:

PROJECT FOREMAN: Able to supervise on site all aspects of construction project under the executive direction of Blondie and Elizabeth.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS: Full construction crew to build a new private cabana. Design is standard post-and-beam construction, with Philippine mahogany siding, bamboo hardwood floors, and island-style thatched roof. All work will meet Lit Playground A42c-1009 construction standards and be environmentally friendly.

HOT TUB INSTALLER: Should be familiar site preparation and qualified to install our new Image 739 Blue Quarite 7 Person 39 Jet Spa.

PLUMBER: Qualified to handle all hot tub and new cabana plumbing.

YARD BOY: general construction site clean-up, no experience required.

AVAILABLE SHIFTS: 3pm to 7pm EST, June 2 - 7. Completion target date is June 8, 2003

SALARY SCHEDULE: Rotten pay. Fringe benefits. Soothing massages.

Successful applicants will leave resume on this thread detailing their skills. If you don't have any skills, just make them up. Applications delivered via PM, email, or dropped off at the swimming pool will not be considered.

Deadline for submitting applications is midnight EST, May 31, 2003.




B&E Enterprises is an equal opportunity employer

 

[cookiejar]

Ladies I have no qualifications whatsoever....but I come from a family line of carpenters and cabinet makers. I'm applying for the construction crew. I'm a hard worker and I learn quick...

 

[HubbysWetBlonde]

Ladies I have no qualifications whatsoever....but I come from a family line of carpenters and cabinet makers. I'm applying for the construction crew. I'm a hard worker and I learn quick...

Cookie!!!

Your application is being fast-tracked and will be speedily approved!

 

[cookiejar]

Cookie!!!

Your application is being fast-tracked and will be speedily approved!

Thanx....and Blondie? Yes to your pm...

 

[Slick]

I'll be happy to sort out your plumbing...

 

[cookiejar]

I'll be happy to sort out your plumbing...

You can sort out my plumbing anytime...you have a great tool...

 

[HubbysWetBlonde]

I'll be happy to sort out your plumbing...

Dear Mr. Slick,

My partner Elizabeth and I are in receipt of your application for employment. Ideally, we would like to have hired John Cusack, but his agent tells us he is busy plumbing the Hollywood Bowl. In his absence we shall carefully consider your credentials. Any additional information you might provide will be helpful, as well as confirmation by you that the job hours are acceptable to you.

Sincerely,

Blondie
co-owner

 

[STUDDOG]

I didn't see an opening for a pool dawg but I think you should concider this position for me.....

1. Pool dawg's sniff out g-string terrorist (this has become a serious problem in many area's of the country....please don't take lightly)

2. Pool dawg's work under cover....deep under cover

3. Pool dawg's sniff out pool pee varmint

4. Pool dawg's make great suntan lotion slick spreader's
(this will require extra pay.....causes a slick tongue and breath that smells like a banana)

5. Pool dawg's check all women for concealed Goodie's
(I will take a pay cut here.....love is a good sniff!!!!)

6. Personal tongue Masseur for Elizabeth....this also defoliates the skin and brings sensations of utopia (to me)...must keep a happy dawg!!!!!

7. The pool dawg hand out paper towel's in the ladies shower
room (no tipping required)

8. The pool dawg can be trained to take personal snap shots of
scantly clad ladies sunbathing topless (no charge for this service)

9. The pool dawg would keep Elizabeth lotioned up and intoxicated for the very important after hours dawg wash


10. The pool dawg would (this is very important) see that all the ladies are happy in the new hot tub area by blowing bubbles if the pump goes out ( this can happen....so don't take it lightly)


THAT'S MY PITCH.....PLEASE CONSIDER THESE WONDERFUL BENIFITS I WOULD BRING TO "BLONDIE AND ELIZABETH'S SWIMMING POOL" AND I REQUIRE NO MEDICAL COVERAGE EXCEPT FOR THE AFTER HOURS FLEA BATH FROM ELIZABETH.

THE STUDDOG

 

[~Elizabeth~]

I didn't see an opening for a pool dawg but I think you should concider this position for me.....

1. Pool dawg's sniff out g-string terrorist (this has become a serious problem in many area's of the country....please don't take lightly)

2. Pool dawg's work under cover....deep under cover

3. Pool dawg's sniff out pool pee varmint

4. Pool dawg's make great suntan lotion slick spreader's
(this will require extra pay.....causes a slick tongue and breath that smells like a banana)

5. Pool dawg's check all women for concealed Goodie's
(I will take a pay cut here.....love is a good sniff!!!!)

6. Personal tongue Masseur for Elizabeth....this also defoliates the skin and brings sensations of utopia (to me)...must keep a happy dawg!!!!!

7. The pool dawg hand out paper towel's in the ladies shower
room (no tipping required)

8. The pool dawg can be trained to take personal snap shots of
scantly clad ladies sunbathing topless (no charge for this service)

9. The pool dawg would keep Elizabeth lotioned up and intoxicated for the very important after hours dawg wash


10. The pool dawg would (this is very important) see that all the ladies are happy in the new hot tub area by blowing bubbles if the pump goes out ( this can happen....so don't take it lightly)


THAT'S MY PITCH.....PLEASE CONSIDER THESE WONDERFUL BENIFITS I WOULD BRING TO "BLONDIE AND ELIZABETH'S SWIMMING POOL" AND I REQUIRE NO MEDICAL COVERAGE EXCEPT FOR THE AFTER HOURS FLEA BATH FROM ELIZABETH.

THE STUDDOG

Dear Mr STUDDOG,

You have submitted an excellent resume to our office with wonderful qualifications, and B & E Enterprises thanks you for applying. My partner will be in meetings with the planners most of the day and so I will be confering with her late this afternoon.

I don't foresee a problem in your being hired, as you come with fabulous references (mine), so if you could come by our office around 3pm est time for the required paper work, I think tomorrow would be a good day for your employment to begin.

We look forward to having you at the pool and working for B & E Enterprises.

Sincerly,

Elizabeth
Co-owner B & E Enterprises

 

[STUDDOG]

Dear Mr STUDDOG,

You have submitted an excellent resume to our office with wonderful qualifications, and B & E Enterprises thanks you for applying. My partner will be in meetings with the planners most of the day and so I will be confering with her late this afternoon.

I don't foresee a problem in your being hired, as you come with fabulous references (mine), so if you could come by our office around 3pm est time for the required paper work, I think tomorrow would be a good day for your employment to begin.

We look forward to having you at the pool and working for B & E Enterprises.

Sincerly,

Elizabeth
Co-owner B & E Enterprises

Thank you Miss Elizabeth.....I'm looking forward to the personal interview and working closely with you on this beautiful property
(thinking to myself....mighty beautiful property....licking eyebrows....Southern thing!!!)

Until this afternoon Miss Elizabeth

STUDDOG

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Thank you Miss Elizabeth.....I'm looking forward to the personal interview and working closely with you on this beautiful property
(thinking to myself....mighty beautiful property....licking eyebrows....Southern thing!!!)

Until this afternoon Miss Elizabeth

STUDDOG

Darlin, I look forward to that interview as well and even more so to the closely working together. Very closely in fact.

Until then Mr STUDDOG....

 

[Slick]

Dear Mr. Slick,

My partner Elizabeth and I are in receipt of your application for employment. Ideally, we would like to have hired John Cusack, but his agent tells us he is busy plumbing the Hollywood Bowl. In his absence we shall carefully consider your credentials. Any additional information you might provide will be helpful, as well as confirmation by you that the job hours are acceptable to you.

Sincerely,

Blondie
co-owner

Well that's funny you should say that...

Click here to see why

 

[psyche]

I know a very sexy construction worker who would be more than happy to volunteer..........in the meantime, I am pulling up a chaise, sunglasses on, drink in my hand..................watching..........

 

[HubbysWetBlonde]

Well that's funny you should say that...

Click here to see why

Dear Mr. Slick,

All potential new hires for employment with B&E Enterprises undergo a thorough background check. It had come to our attention earlier that you might share attributes with Mr. Cusack

In any event, after consulting with my co-owner, Elizabeth, we have selected you as the plumber for the upcoming expansion of Blondie & Elizabeth's pool. You will receive via pm work schedules and project updates.

Sincerely,

Blondie
co-owner

 

[HubbysWetBlonde]

I know a very sexy construction worker who would be more than happy to volunteer..........in the meantime, I am pulling up a chaise, sunglasses on, drink in my hand..................watching..........

Dear Ms Psyche,

I will consult my co-owner Elizabeth about a position for you. I will recommend your hire as I think it is important for the HARDhart construction crew we employ to be properly motivated.

Sincerely,

Blondie
co-owner

 

[~Elizabeth~]

 

[STUDDOG]

Darlin, I look forward to that interview as well and even more so to the closely working together. Very closely in fact.

Until then Mr STUDDOG....

ME TOO PRECIOUS......ME TOO!!!!!......UNTIL THEN MISS ELIZABETH........

STUDDOG

 

[EarthquakeMan]

Date: May 29, 2003

To: Blondie & Elizabeth
From: Michael

I applaud your hiring of Cookie and Psyche, as well your retention of the services of a qualified plumber. And it appears that Mr. Studdog may also be of service.

However, as the consultant for the expansion of Blondie & Elizabeth's Clothing Optional Pool, I must advise you that a full construction crew will be required in order to complete project by deadline. And I must remind you that my existing contract does not cover on-site supervision. If I my on-site services are required, additional fees will incur.

cc: my atty

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Date: May 29, 2003

To: Blondie & Elizabeth
From: Michael

I applaud your hiring of Cookie and Psyche, as well your retention of the services of a qualified plumber. And it appears that Mr. Studdog may also be of service.

However, as the consultant for the expansion of Blondie & Elizabeth's Clothing Optional Pool, I must advise you that a full construction crew will be required in order to complete project by deadline. And I must remind you that my existing contract does not cover on-site supervision. If my on-site services are required, additional fees will incur.

cc: my atty

May 29, 2003

To:Michael
From Elizabeth

I understand your concerns on having a full crew for our project, but as you might see, sir, we have had few applicants thus far. I am terribly afraid we will not have this project completed on time for our Grand Re-Opening that is scheduled for 2 weeks from now.

Do you have any suggestions on where we might find a qualified crew or might it be possible to have you supervise B&E installing the tub ourselves. If this is required what additional fee should we expect to incur with your services?

Sincerely yours,

Elizabeth
Co-Owner, B&E Enterprises

 

[HubbysWetBlonde]

B&E Enterprises is still accepting applications for all positions except plumber. An increase in fringe benefits is under consideration.

 

[psyche]

Dear Ms Psyche,

I will consult my co-owner Elizabeth about a position for you. I will recommend your hire as I think it is important for the HARDhart construction crew we employ to be properly motivated.

Sincerely,

Blondie
co-owner

Thank you, Blondie! I know a lot about motivation! LMAO!

 

[EarthquakeMan]

May 29, 2003

To:Michael
From Elizabeth

I understand your concerns on having a full crew for our project, but as you might see, sir, we have had few applicants thus far. I am terribly afraid we will not have this project completed on time for our Grand Re-Opening that is scheduled for 2 weeks from now.

Do you have any suggestions on where we might find a qualified crew or might it be possible to have you supervise B&E installing the tub ourselves. If this is required what additional fee should we expect to incur with your services?

Sincerely yours,

Elizabeth
Co-Owner, B&E Enterprises

May 30, 2003

To: Elizabeth
From: Michael

Regarding your inquiry about addtional fees for my on-site supervision of your construction project, my accounting department informs me that you are currently in arrears for a lengthy list of prior debts. Before negotiating for additional services, you will need to either retire those debts or renogiate a new payment schedule with interest penalty.

cc: my therapist

 

[~Elizabeth~]

May 30, 2003

To: Elizabeth
From: Michael

Regarding your inquiry about addtional fees for my on-site supervision of your construction project, my accounting department informs me that you are currently in arrears for a lengthy list of prior debts. Before negotiating for additional services, you will need to either retire those debts or renogiate a new payment schedule with interest penalty.

cc: my therapist

May 31, 2003

To:Michael
From:Elizabeth

In regards to said owed debt by your accounting dept, please inform them of recent payments over the last week. Given that the total of all debt has not been paid, I believe a conference is in order with attorneys for both parties to discuss a renegotiation of payment schedule, additional fees, and the possibility of your on-site consultation and supervision of construction.

Please have your assistant call as soon as possible to schedule an appointment between both parties and attorneys to clear up all matters of importance.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth B&E Enterprises

cc: Blondie (partner in fun)

 

[EarthquakeMan]

May 31, 2003

To:Michael
From:Elizabeth

In regards to said owed debt by your accounting dept, please inform them of recent payments over the last week. Given that the total of all debt has not been paid, I believe a conference is in order with attorneys for both parties to discuss a renegotiation of payment schedule, additional fees, and the possibility of your on-site consultation and supervision of construction.

Please have your assistant call as soon as possible to schedule an appointment between both parties and attorneys to clear up all matters of importance.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth B&E Enterprises

cc: Blondie (partner in fun)

June 1, 2003

To: Elizabeth
From: Michael

The accounting department does indeed show significant payments received during the previous billing period, and they have been duly credited to your account.

I will have my assistant contact you regarding conference referenced in your previous memo.

note to self: so i have an assistant?

cc: asst

 

[HubbysWetBlonde]

You two are a trip!

HUGS partner!

m M