SweetDreemz
Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2010
- Posts
- 27
I got to typing this story and it appears that it will be very long. It takes a while to get to the "good parts", but once there they will become more frequent. I notice that most of the stories take only a hundred words or so, sometimes less, to get to the "good parts."
The excerpt below is the beginning, and it goes on to include Cindy and Debby sharing Al in a variety of ways. (how do I shorten the excerpt to a link?) What I want to know is:
1) Do you find the story compelling, even though it will be long.
2) IF not, would you find it compelling if shorter.
3) Or, do you not feel you would read it no matter how short or long.
Also, I would appreciate knowing the gender of those people kind enough to respond.
Thanks in advance for your criticism, and be aware that the punctuation, etc is not cleaned up yet.
“SISSY!” Al roared as he wrapped Cindy up in a bear hug and lifted her off her feet. Planting a big kiss on her lips, he put her down. “You look great. How was your flight?”
Since Cindy’s dad had died, Al was the only person in the world that called her sissy. Cindy had known Al since he had first started dating her older sister Debby 20 years ago, and she had always loved Al. He had an outgoing, upbeat personality, winning smile, and tall, slim physique with killer abs.
Catching up as they walked to baggage claim, Al explained that Debby couldn’t get off work to pick up Cindy, so Al was going to take her to the house. He had to go back to work, but Cindy didn’t mind. She knew her way around their beautiful home, and was looking forward to her first sunshine since winter began at their backyard pool.
Once unpacked and settled in the guest room/office, she made a sandwich, then found a comfortable lounger poolside to sit and read her novel. The weather was ideal, as always, in their hilltop subdivision outside San Diego. After an hour of reading, she decided to take Debby’s terrier Butch for a walk to see what had changed in the neighborhood since Thanksgiving.
Debby got home around 5:30. Al usually worked pretty late, so they had plenty of time to catch up. Never was Cindy happier than when visiting her sister. Al and Debby tried to convince her to move to California every time she visited, but she had never really considered it. She had always lived in her small town and probably always would, but she did love visiting.
She still lived in the small Pennsylvania town where they had grown up. She had been involved in a committed relationship in her 20s and dated several of the local boys since. Though still young and good looking with a nice body, local pickings were slim and she had little interest in being part of the gossip mill anymore. She rarely got asked out anymore, and most of her high school classmates had already married, some more than once.
Al and Debby had moved to San Diego after college, and Cindy spent most of her vacation time visiting them, especially since her parents had died. This trip she was celebrating her thirty fifth birthday with a 10 day vacation. She always spent her birthdays with Al and Debby to escape the usually blustery March weather in Pennsylvania. Getting a reasonable price on a plane ticket had required her to fly on Wednesday. Debby had taken off the entire next week to spend with her little sister, but until Saturday she would be on her own.
Al got home early for him, around 7:30, and promptly donned his standard evening wear; plain white t-shirt with boxers. On chilly nights he’d wear long boxers. The girls typically wore bikinis while at the house during the daytime, cover-ups in the evening, and PJs at night. There was always a lot of flesh exposed and a lot of hugging and friendly flirting, but they were family. Of course, that didn’t stop Al from getting a hard-on occasionally, especially when the girl’s loose cover-ups or PJs allowed him a view of a nipple or two or when they hugged on him in their swimsuits. The girls teased him mercilessly when that happened, but he just grinned. It turned him on to be the only bull in the pasture with these two fine babes, and he genuinely loved his “little sissy”. His penis was always on high alert when sissy visited; not only because the girls spent their time scantily clad, but also because he didn’t get much relief while she was there. Debby was reluctant to have sex when visitors were staying over. Even though the guest room was down the hall, Debby just wasn’t comfortable doing it. On long stays, she would help Al get off once or twice, but Debby couldn’t relax enough to come.
Cindy slept soundly until almost ten, and when she woke she had the house to herself. It always took her a while to get on west coast time. She puttered around for a while, then decided to take Butch for a jog. After her shower, she sat down at the computer in the guest room/office to check her emails and kill some time playing games. She played solitaire for a while, then got bored and started looking through the list of programs to see what new games Al might have. Seeing a colorful icon she didn’t recognize, she opened it up. A box opened up with a lot of options, one of which was PLAY PROJECT. Clicking on it, a window popped up and began playing a video. “UGGHH”, Cindy thought to herself. “Porn”. She quickly went to exit, but stopped when she recognized Al & Debby’s bedroom. “What???” Cindy thought. She watched curiously as Al began rubbing oil all over Debby, who was lying face down on the massage table that they kept folded up in the corner of her bedroom. They were both naked. Suddenly the camera angle changed, and Cindy got a full frontal view of an obviously very aroused Al. She quickly closed the program, jumped up and began pacing. Her mind was reeling and she was shaking. She felt like a kid caught doing something wrong. She hadn’t intentionally done anything, but she couldn’t stop shaking. She went back and shut down the computer, then took her book and went outside to read. It took her 20 minutes to calm down enough to think clearly.
“Why am I being so stupid. I didn’t do anything wrong”, she thought to herself. “And anyway, it’s not like anyone knows I saw that video. God, why would they take that video anyway?” Just then, Cindy remembered Debby talking years ago about Al always hounding her to take steamy pictures of her nude, or in skimpy clothes. Al was a good photographer. He had all the equipment to take exceptional pictures, and their walls were full of artistic photos Al had taken. And for indoor shots, she knew that Al had various soft lighting umbrellas and other paraphernalia. He had always been the one to take pictures at any of their family get-togethers.
Finally calming down enough to hold her book, Cindy decided to put on her suit and lay outside in the sun to read. Picking a strapless bikini that would allow her to get the most sun on her body, she applied lotion and went outside with an iced soda to read. Laying in the sun felt great, but she just couldn’t concentrate on her book. After reading and re-reading the same paragraph five times, she put down the book and closed her eyes. “The camera angle changed”, she thought. “That meant that either there was a person manning the camera, or Al must have had multiple cameras that he could mix. Debby would never go for another person in the room while she was nude. Al must have some sort of video recording tools.” Cindy couldn’t get the image of Al’s nude body out of her mind. As she relaxed in the sun and replayed the video in her mind, she began to get very aroused.
Cindy was drawn to that computer like a moth is drawn to a flame. She denied her feelings for a while, telling herself that she was no pervert. But she couldn’t resist. Checking to make sure the doors were locked and convincing herself she’d hear any cars pull up, she rebooted the computer and went back to the video mixing program that she had stumbled upon. Hitting PLAY PROJECT, she watched as Al gave Debby a full body massage while sporting a huge erection. Every once in a while, Debby would reach up and gave his boner a nice squeeze. After finishing her lower body and feet, he turned Debby over on her back and continued working up her legs. Then he lifted her buttocks and gently pulled her down toward the edge of the table and set her butt onto a pad at the foot of the table. Holding the back of her thighs, he lifted and spread her legs wide, laying them over his shoulders, and began licking Debby’s slit. Reaching up to play with Debby’s hard nipples, he continued licking her over and over. Debbie was really getting into the licking, and Cindy was really getting into the video. Her pussy ached to have the treatment that Debby was getting. Finally, Debby had an intense orgasm, moaning and grunting while clenching the sides of the table.
After the video ended, Cindy clicked on the FILE button and saw that there were dozens of projects. Every project was a different sex scene with Al and Debby. Two hours passed quickly as she watched videos.
The excerpt below is the beginning, and it goes on to include Cindy and Debby sharing Al in a variety of ways. (how do I shorten the excerpt to a link?) What I want to know is:
1) Do you find the story compelling, even though it will be long.
2) IF not, would you find it compelling if shorter.
3) Or, do you not feel you would read it no matter how short or long.
Also, I would appreciate knowing the gender of those people kind enough to respond.
Thanks in advance for your criticism, and be aware that the punctuation, etc is not cleaned up yet.
“SISSY!” Al roared as he wrapped Cindy up in a bear hug and lifted her off her feet. Planting a big kiss on her lips, he put her down. “You look great. How was your flight?”
Since Cindy’s dad had died, Al was the only person in the world that called her sissy. Cindy had known Al since he had first started dating her older sister Debby 20 years ago, and she had always loved Al. He had an outgoing, upbeat personality, winning smile, and tall, slim physique with killer abs.
Catching up as they walked to baggage claim, Al explained that Debby couldn’t get off work to pick up Cindy, so Al was going to take her to the house. He had to go back to work, but Cindy didn’t mind. She knew her way around their beautiful home, and was looking forward to her first sunshine since winter began at their backyard pool.
Once unpacked and settled in the guest room/office, she made a sandwich, then found a comfortable lounger poolside to sit and read her novel. The weather was ideal, as always, in their hilltop subdivision outside San Diego. After an hour of reading, she decided to take Debby’s terrier Butch for a walk to see what had changed in the neighborhood since Thanksgiving.
Debby got home around 5:30. Al usually worked pretty late, so they had plenty of time to catch up. Never was Cindy happier than when visiting her sister. Al and Debby tried to convince her to move to California every time she visited, but she had never really considered it. She had always lived in her small town and probably always would, but she did love visiting.
She still lived in the small Pennsylvania town where they had grown up. She had been involved in a committed relationship in her 20s and dated several of the local boys since. Though still young and good looking with a nice body, local pickings were slim and she had little interest in being part of the gossip mill anymore. She rarely got asked out anymore, and most of her high school classmates had already married, some more than once.
Al and Debby had moved to San Diego after college, and Cindy spent most of her vacation time visiting them, especially since her parents had died. This trip she was celebrating her thirty fifth birthday with a 10 day vacation. She always spent her birthdays with Al and Debby to escape the usually blustery March weather in Pennsylvania. Getting a reasonable price on a plane ticket had required her to fly on Wednesday. Debby had taken off the entire next week to spend with her little sister, but until Saturday she would be on her own.
Al got home early for him, around 7:30, and promptly donned his standard evening wear; plain white t-shirt with boxers. On chilly nights he’d wear long boxers. The girls typically wore bikinis while at the house during the daytime, cover-ups in the evening, and PJs at night. There was always a lot of flesh exposed and a lot of hugging and friendly flirting, but they were family. Of course, that didn’t stop Al from getting a hard-on occasionally, especially when the girl’s loose cover-ups or PJs allowed him a view of a nipple or two or when they hugged on him in their swimsuits. The girls teased him mercilessly when that happened, but he just grinned. It turned him on to be the only bull in the pasture with these two fine babes, and he genuinely loved his “little sissy”. His penis was always on high alert when sissy visited; not only because the girls spent their time scantily clad, but also because he didn’t get much relief while she was there. Debby was reluctant to have sex when visitors were staying over. Even though the guest room was down the hall, Debby just wasn’t comfortable doing it. On long stays, she would help Al get off once or twice, but Debby couldn’t relax enough to come.
Cindy slept soundly until almost ten, and when she woke she had the house to herself. It always took her a while to get on west coast time. She puttered around for a while, then decided to take Butch for a jog. After her shower, she sat down at the computer in the guest room/office to check her emails and kill some time playing games. She played solitaire for a while, then got bored and started looking through the list of programs to see what new games Al might have. Seeing a colorful icon she didn’t recognize, she opened it up. A box opened up with a lot of options, one of which was PLAY PROJECT. Clicking on it, a window popped up and began playing a video. “UGGHH”, Cindy thought to herself. “Porn”. She quickly went to exit, but stopped when she recognized Al & Debby’s bedroom. “What???” Cindy thought. She watched curiously as Al began rubbing oil all over Debby, who was lying face down on the massage table that they kept folded up in the corner of her bedroom. They were both naked. Suddenly the camera angle changed, and Cindy got a full frontal view of an obviously very aroused Al. She quickly closed the program, jumped up and began pacing. Her mind was reeling and she was shaking. She felt like a kid caught doing something wrong. She hadn’t intentionally done anything, but she couldn’t stop shaking. She went back and shut down the computer, then took her book and went outside to read. It took her 20 minutes to calm down enough to think clearly.
“Why am I being so stupid. I didn’t do anything wrong”, she thought to herself. “And anyway, it’s not like anyone knows I saw that video. God, why would they take that video anyway?” Just then, Cindy remembered Debby talking years ago about Al always hounding her to take steamy pictures of her nude, or in skimpy clothes. Al was a good photographer. He had all the equipment to take exceptional pictures, and their walls were full of artistic photos Al had taken. And for indoor shots, she knew that Al had various soft lighting umbrellas and other paraphernalia. He had always been the one to take pictures at any of their family get-togethers.
Finally calming down enough to hold her book, Cindy decided to put on her suit and lay outside in the sun to read. Picking a strapless bikini that would allow her to get the most sun on her body, she applied lotion and went outside with an iced soda to read. Laying in the sun felt great, but she just couldn’t concentrate on her book. After reading and re-reading the same paragraph five times, she put down the book and closed her eyes. “The camera angle changed”, she thought. “That meant that either there was a person manning the camera, or Al must have had multiple cameras that he could mix. Debby would never go for another person in the room while she was nude. Al must have some sort of video recording tools.” Cindy couldn’t get the image of Al’s nude body out of her mind. As she relaxed in the sun and replayed the video in her mind, she began to get very aroused.
Cindy was drawn to that computer like a moth is drawn to a flame. She denied her feelings for a while, telling herself that she was no pervert. But she couldn’t resist. Checking to make sure the doors were locked and convincing herself she’d hear any cars pull up, she rebooted the computer and went back to the video mixing program that she had stumbled upon. Hitting PLAY PROJECT, she watched as Al gave Debby a full body massage while sporting a huge erection. Every once in a while, Debby would reach up and gave his boner a nice squeeze. After finishing her lower body and feet, he turned Debby over on her back and continued working up her legs. Then he lifted her buttocks and gently pulled her down toward the edge of the table and set her butt onto a pad at the foot of the table. Holding the back of her thighs, he lifted and spread her legs wide, laying them over his shoulders, and began licking Debby’s slit. Reaching up to play with Debby’s hard nipples, he continued licking her over and over. Debbie was really getting into the licking, and Cindy was really getting into the video. Her pussy ached to have the treatment that Debby was getting. Finally, Debby had an intense orgasm, moaning and grunting while clenching the sides of the table.
After the video ended, Cindy clicked on the FILE button and saw that there were dozens of projects. Every project was a different sex scene with Al and Debby. Two hours passed quickly as she watched videos.
