Help! Secret Erotica Writer's Dilemma

[NoJo]

I've been working up a story that's based really closely on my best friend, although the sexual encounter he has in my story (hopefully) never occurred.

It would probably offend him and possibly hurt our relationship if he read it. But I can't just ask him straight out if he'd mind, still less let him read it.

This whole problem is because I'm a "Secret Erotica Writer". The only person who knows me who I've also let see my writing as "Sub Joe" is my life partner (this may have been a big mistake; the Jury's been out for a while on that one).

So how many of you have come out? Am I weird here, or am I typical?

And if you are "out", do you ever get embarrased over a story and think "what would so-and-so think if they read this, I better not publish this?

aka Sub Joe.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I work on this principle:

If I let "it" out of my head, the one person who I don't want to know about "it" will eventually find "it."

If I'm not prepared to deal with the consequences of that, I don't let it out of my head. That's writing, spoken words, pictures, anything these days.

Truman Capote's writing motto was "Nothing is sacred." He once wrote a story revolving around a bunch of his friends and confidantes that was less than flattering and very realistic. Can't remember which one, but his friends freaked out over it and he lost a lot of them. He was said to have wondered why they were so upset.

So, if you're not prepared to deal with the consequences of your friend reading your story--with 400,00 to 500,000 unique hits to the site a day there's a chance he's reading your stuff now--then delete it.

Personally? I'd post it. I'm "out" as a porn writer and for the most part, I'm with Capote. Nothing is sacred. However, some parts of being a "friend" must outweigh the need to be a "writer." You're basically the only one who can decide which is which.

 

[Guest]

me, too

I am in your precise position. I have shared my "secret" with my life partner. She accepts my choice, but doesn't support the work in any way.

It is an old story.

She hates the sin, but tolerates the sinner.

I accept her view and go it alone.

I would love to say, "Look at what I have created," but my only audience is me, and folks who inhabit this site, like you.

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

I keep it a secret.
Which means that I don't use real events except very, very,
minimal ones.
Some time I said, "Everything I write is true. Nothing I
write is factual."
I mean that. I write about people you might know in
situations such people might credibly be in. I don't
write about particular people (whether you know them or
not) or identifiable situations.

 

[NoJo]

If I'm not prepared to deal with the consequences of that, I don't let it out of my head. That's writing, spoken words, pictures, anything these days.

I think I could handle the consequences of just about anyone reading my stories.
But I really think that a lot of people I'm close to are not, and may never be, open-minded enough to acknowledge that the majority of fantasies posted here are really common.

So in a way I think that "keeping it in your head" is in general part of the whole problem.

I certainly don't feel weird or depraved reading or writing erotica (even the "extreme" writing that I've read is pretty tame compared with stuff on the news), but I think that a lot of people might see me that way if they read my non-humerous stories.


I got stuck with "Sub Joe" as a persona a couple of years ago and I'm getting pretty tired of him. I admire writers here who (apparently) use their own given names. They seem to be enviably comfortable with their identities as writers.

SJ.

 

[SlickTony]

Hi, Sub Joe! I have a similar thing going on. My husband knows I write erotica--he read the one story I've written, although only making the following comments:

* "Oh, -----, you used the wrong parade!"
* Younger men, eh? Hey, you don't make enough money to afford a trophy husband!"

I told my daughter I'd been published here, and she said she might get around to reading my submission when she got back from Europe--she didn't want to leave her history behind with Literotica.com in some Italian Internet cafe. While I don't think she'd find much to object to in "Carnival," now I feel weird about sending in the other stories I've got cooking--it's a long story, but they are in a category she might find too disturbing. What I'm hoping, now, is that she'll give the one thing I've got in there a read, and not necessarily come back to view the rest of them.

I told an old friend, and she said she really preferred SF, but would read my story because I wrote it. None of my friends here in town can know! They're either fellow church members or they're my coworkers at a social services agency.

 

[mlyn]

I am TOTALLY OUT now....

my fiance knows because I got started writing stories by exchanging little stories we wrote each other.

Lots of people online knew, but no one else in my real life until I lost my job in October. I told my sister- she loves the writing, hates the story. But that is ok.

And then, when my first book got accepted to be electronically published, I slowly told everyone else- family, people I used to work with. I describe the stories I write as bodice rippers with more, or I say adult stories.

I've not gotten a single negative reactions (such as "you will go to hell you sinner!" yet.) But I've seen a lot of very startled expressions on people's faces.

good luck,

mlyn

 

[ronde]

I don't know if you're wierd, but then I don't know what is normal either

Like most of you posters, my writing is unknown to family and friends. My wife occasionally proofs my stories, but she is the only one close to us that knows of my little hobby. I think I'm reasonably normal, but I'm certain there are those who would disagree.

I have written stories inspired by people I have known, but I didn't get so close to reality that they might suspect they were the subject. Their thoughts would probably be that the story was close to their experience, but different. I think they deserve their privacy just as much as I deserve mine. That said, I agree with KM that any subject should be fair game for an author. If reputations or friendships are at stake, it's always possible to change something such as the time period, characters or setting without changing the actual events.

 

[Octavian]

Owning up to being a writer of erotica would be a problem. My wife knows that I have written a story but I dread to imagine what my 28 and 30 year old daughters would think!

 

[damppanties]

the "out"ing is hazardous

If ever I decide to get "out", I'm sure my parents would have a fatal heart attack. From the part of the world that I come from, this is definitely taboo. I don't have a life partner as yet, so don't know if i would reveal it to him or not. Perhaps if he is broad-minded...

-DP.

 

[NoJo]

I had been on the "receiving end" of surprising revelations about people close to me a few times, and it always hurt. But I really don't think I would have been better off in ignorance.

One thing has struck me about the anonymity we authors often like to preserve. It's actually quite sexy to be kept guessing about other posters identities. It reminds me a lot of masked balls. A woman described to me how turned on she once got while dancing with a guy in a gorilla suit.

 

[SlickTony]

being inspired by real people

As a matter of fact, Ronde, the story I wrote was inspired by a real person. I feel I'm protected by the fact that people of his type (1) aren't heavily into reading, and (2) aren't all that perceptive. I can't really imagine him running across the story, but in case (1) happens, I'm counting on (2).

 

[ronde]

Parents, spouses, others

My mother is a rather understanding woman with a definite taste for romance and the more bawdy side of life, so if I were to tell her about my writing, I don't think she would be shocked. She would probably compliment me, as she always has, and grossly overstate how much she likes it, but I guess that's just what mothers do. My daughter thinks I'm a little crazy anyway, so she'd probably just shake her head. I have a couple of female friends who would probably be intrigued, but they would be trying to find themselves in my characters, and that would probably bode ill for the friendship.

DP, I can assure you that should you reveal your hidden talent to an SO someday, he will be ecstatic. Women who write erotica are so..., well, erotic.

Friends and acquaintences are a great source of material, and I have no qualms about writing them into my stories. As you say, Tony, most of them would never think of coming here, so I think my secret is safe. If they did read any of my stuff, and think they recognize themselves, I can always play dumb. According to my wife, that should be really easy for me. lol.

 

[its Leslie]

I once told my mother I had written a couple of erotic fictions that people seemed to like. Her response made me feel like I was some sort of fucking pervert (you could see it as clear as day in her manner of comment). Made me feel like I should write like my brother (he's a sports editor for a large newspaper in nations capital).

If thats typical well so what I suppose.

My wife wouldn't be surprised, but I have never felt interested in showing her anything.

It would make any of my friends (local, not internet access only friends) laugh likely and say many things, but they all know me well enough to know that I am odd in many ways. They would chuckle knowing I would laugh right along with any putdowns (hey best way to ruin a person's fun insulting ya is to beat them to all the best ones yourself first eh).

But I have no desire to make a specific effort "to out myself" if that's the way we is putting it. Now if I was to get published into print ya sure I would like to put a nice sized cheque under their noses.

 

[Couture]

Okay, I'll admit to having the overwhelming urge to 'out' myself, when I first started writing. I mean it wasn't fair at all to have so many people to like my stuff and no one to know that 'I' wrote it.

Then 'she' found one of my stories before I learned how to password protect my files. It wasn't pretty and we almost broke up for me having the stories. I didn't think it would be a good idea to tell her that I wrote them.

Admittedly, I write stories that are a bit 'out there'. The urge to tell people who I am, has long since passed. I actually have come to like the fact that I am anonymous and the freedom that entails.

 

[Guest]

My husband knows all about my writings. In fact, he's my best critic. A few select friends know - but family? Oooh, not yet. I did tell my sister I have been posting erotic stories, but I didn't tell her which site, or even my post name! I don't think I could ever tell my parents - let's not even go there.
I would love to broadcast this to everyone I know, especially since I am also working on several more "traditional" writings. But, I don't think that will happen for awhile. The important thing for me is - it's fun!!!





My Stories

 

[Weird Harold]

Owning up to being a writer of erotica would be a problem. My wife knows that I have written a story but I dread to imagine what my 28 and 30 year old daughters would think!

I have two daughters near the ages of yours. Both know I write "porn" and don't really mind that I do. However, they bluntly refuse to proofread for me, saying, "yuck! no way I want to wade through the mind of a dirty old man," therby giving me my pen name -- Dirty Old Man.

My mother made me print her a copy of Two Bags For The Bride when it was selected for the Literotica book. Her only comment was, "I didn't think you could make me blush." She now has an autographed copy of the Literotica Book, but hasn't comment further.

This problem of "coming out" as an author of erotica is why I suggested the Volunteer Editor Program here at Lit. Even the friends and family that know I write erotica don't feel comfortable about editing and proofreading for me.

 

[medjay]

The first story I posted here was based, line for line, off an experience I had with an ex-girlfriend. She is very into erotica and had no problem being the subject of my story.

The problem was, I just couldn't work up the nerve to let her read it, simply because I was afraid she would feel that I didn't portray her as being sexy enough.

"All the fucking we've done, and this is the best you can come up with?"

It's an unreasonable fear, I know, and she would probably love the story. I told her it was posted on a website and gave a few vague clues as to where she could find it. If she doesn't stumble across it in a few months, I'll just let her read my draft.

Otherwise, I usually don't care what people think of my writing. Everyone knows I read and write erotica, watch pornos, etc. In my particular circles, you're a weirdo if you don't!

 

[boz]

This is an interesting thread. I had assumed that most people would be similar to me; my wife has read most of what I've written, and I have told about some of the discussions that I've found interesting on the board.

But, and we were just discussing this earlier today, I'd rather not have friends/family know about my writing here. Not because of the fictional writing that I have here, but because of some of the true personal postings that I've done on the board under the same login as the story.

In other words, I don't mind them reading my fictitious writing, but they really don't need to know my fisting technique.

 

[christo]

No on--and I mean no one-- knows that I write erotica. Even my friends who I tell absolutely EVERYTHING to don't know about this. I'm a terrible keeper of secrets, I hear a juicy little tidbit and this little voice inside my brain just screams for me to start dishing the dirt. But I've never told a soul about my writing, not even when I've been drunk off my ass and my buddies and I are swapping greatly-exaggerated stories about our sex lives.

If I told someone, I think I would start editing myself. I wouldn't feel as free to write about any weird, twisted thing I can think of. I know some of my friends wouldn't mind, and quite a few of them pester me when they ask me if they can read what I've been writing. I tell them I'm working on a novel (I am, a "real" novel) and they can read it when I'm goddam ready for them to read it. That's held them for now.

 

[TheEarl]

Never told a soul about my alter-ego. Gone to great lengths to keep it secret in fact. Every time I get tempted to tell someone, I hear the little voice in my head that tells me the worst possible reaction I could get (everyone thinking I'm a pervert and shunning me). Psychological equivalent of an ice-cold bucket of water.

The Earl

 

[damppanties]

Re: Parents, spouses, others

DP, I can assure you that should you reveal your hidden talent to an SO someday, he will be ecstatic. Women who write erotica are so..., well, erotic.

Err... What's an SO??

My wierdo mind tells me you forgot to write the 'B'... rofl

-DP.

 

[NoJo]

SO

DP, an SO is a Signifcant Other. I had to figure it out too...

I'm sort of relieved that a lot of people who posted to this thread are by and large secretive about their erotic writing. Thanks, You've all made me feel much more confident and less isolated about myself -- one of the best things about this site in general.

I think the slight illicit feeling of writing erotica is not just ok, it's part of the fun. It reminds me of what older British gays used to say about the times when male homosexuality was illegal. The real danger iof being prosecuted added to the excitement of "cottaging" -- quick assigantions taking place clandestinely in public places.

I also think that we have to be selective in revealing parts of ourselves to different groups of people in the fragmented lives most of us seem to lead.

As to people I share my genes with...
I'd feel just as if I were caught masturbating if my sons or my parents read any of my stuff. And no, I'm not quite weird enough to find that a turn on. Might make a good incest story though...

 

[SlickTony]

I'd be afraid of getting the opposite reaction: "Why isn't your fucking as hot as the stuff you write?"

Oh, and as to being caught masturbating by someone in your family making a good incest story, I thought it might--look for a story called Quid Pro Quo, if it's accepted. I had privately e-mailed it to Roy Kay, when I first joined up with this site, and he said that the only objection the editors might have to it was that it might be too literary. We'll see.

 

[Sabledrake]

I've never tried to keep it a secret. My mom knows (heck, it's largely her fault for telling me, after I announced I'd finished my first book, that she only wanted to read it if it had "throbbing loins" in). My sis brought up my naughty stories at a recent family reunion -- she may have been trying to embarrass me, but it didn't work.

I often joke that if I ever write a bodice ripper romance novel, I'll do it under the name Serenity Townshend, just because it's such a blatant pseudonym, but thus far I haven't done it.

Earl -- had to say, love the av ... long live Mr. Flibble!

Sabledrake