Help please

[DeViLeD_AnGeL]

Hey,

I have been with the same guy now for a year and 6 months. Im head over heels in love with him, but recently we were having a conversation about porn and something came up..


He confided in me that he likes child porn.. girls though. I guess he just likes the way it looks down there when they are young...

What do I do/say about this!? It completely grosses me out and is completely against my morals..

He would never act on this, and says he hasnt even looked at it in forever because he doesnt need porn because hes with me..

I want to have kids with this guy!!!
What do I do????

Thanks for Listening...
-Jen

 

[Igorovich]

Angel:

My advice is run, don't walk. he may very well be able to keep this as a fantasy, but if he has looked in the past, he is probably still looking. This is an illness that stays with him for along time. if you are living together now, check out his files on his computer. In many states, should be all of them, it is illegal to even possess child porn. you are in legal danger if he does have these files. Get an expert to help you track where he goes on the Net.

For the cure rate of these people check out what is happening with priests in the Catholic Church. counseling does them no good, they just go to a different parish and are back at it again.

As far as having his children, I would think long and hard about this. You would be bringing the chickens home to roost knowing the fox is inside.

he may have a lot of good qualities and I am sure he does, but this cancels them all out where I am concerned. he does not want children to be children, but to be sex objects very early in their young lives.

Good luck to you.

Igor

 

[Ram Unreal]

I can't add any more to Igorovichs excellent reply, only that I don't envy your position.

All the best luck in the world to you.

xx

 

[Guest]

Thank you Igor for your advice

I do not live with him, but I have checked his computer.. he doesnt delete his cookies and i check a lot without him knowing. There are no signs.

He does not look at children as sex objects.. Infact he thinks its wrong...he himself thinks the pics are bad too, another reason why he doesnt look anymore. He never though of fucking them.. he just liked pictures...

I dont mean to be really sticking up for him.. i know its wrong to have ever thought of a child (girls) body part in a sexual way.

But he is very stubborn, and I do beleive he would never EVER do anything to achild, specificly his child he would gaurd with his life..

Thanks again..
-Jen

 

[becca80]

Woah.. isn't that a little harsh? I mean many people have forbidden fantasies that they would only think about but never act on. Some people fantasize about rape, but they would be horrified if it were to actually happen! What about incest? I'm sure there are those who pass by their siblings and think, "Man, is (s)he hot!" but have no intention of sexual activities with them. Child porn is sick, I agree, but doesn't that go for some of our forbidden thoughts too? Now I'm not saying "Go, marry him, have kids, he's wonderful!" but don't write him off without discussing it, counselling if needed. And you gotta admit he deserves some brownie points for being so (maybe overly) honest.

 

[MR.GGG]

Hummmm

Tuff call, girl.

Even with his honesty and your belief that he'd never do that I can guarantee that if you marry him and have kids with him you will have that in the back of your mind whenever he's alone with those kids. NOT a pleasant prospect.

I agree that FANTASY is something completely (sometimes) diffrent than reality but Geeez. If you love li'll kids you have to realize that child porn isn't using rubber dummies. These are real living little kids getting fucked and often dying from internal injuries caused by the fact their bodies are too small to get fucked by an adult's erection. Something like if you love your own dog the idea of watching a dog being butchered and BBQ'd should turn you right off, no?

The other thing I'd suggest is talk to him about the AGE of the "children" in the photos he enjoyed before. Ther is a huge diff between a sexually mature
very pretty 13 year old in a sex scene (after all 60% of the world treats sexually mature girls as, well, sexually mature females. It's only the western world which mandates a waiting period between sexual maturity and sexual activity) and a 5 year old getting fucked. If he liked the pics of the 5 year olds having sex I'd NEVER have kids with this guy. Running is hard if you really love him but chheeesh, talking about a loaded gun in the house..." I'm going out shopping for a while. Take care of the babies for a few hours, OK?"

(heh heh heh) "OK honey.

A nightmare!

 

[princessa]

if your relationship gets that serious that you might get married/have kids, etc... try professional help... first, just you... go in and ask what they think... work out your own feelings over it... then maybe, if the doc thinks it would help or needs him to be there, ask... this is probably the worst case scenario but would also be the thing to soothe your mind if a professional said he was fine

 

[Titania1616]

awww im sorry. i cant really give you any good advice, but i just wanted to say that i hope everything works out for you.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Hummmm

The other thing I'd suggest is talk to him about the AGE of the "children" in the photos he enjoyed before. Ther is a huge diff between a sexually mature very pretty 13 year old in a sex scene (after all 60% of the world treats sexually mature girls as, well, sexually mature females.

Another point to consider:

What type of "child porn" interested him?

There's a BIG difference between cruising nudist sites for pictures of naked girls and prowling hardcore child sex sites.

 

[DeViLeD_AnGeL]

thank you

Thanks for all ur advice..


I think he meant the ages of like around 11-12?

He just looked at the privates of the girl, not pictures of adults fucking her..
It isnt something we talka bout.. he would get upset if i brought it up. Its something hes embarased by and im pretty sure he would never look again.

I still worry so much though. When he plays with my neice and stuff you know.. He is good with kids m/f. But still... I guess I will still wonder..


Thank you again,
jen

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: thank you

Thanks for all ur advice..


I think he meant the ages of like around 11-12?

He just looked at the privates of the girl, not pictures of adults fucking her..
...
I still worry so much though. When he plays with my neice and stuff you know.. He is good with kids m/f. But still... I guess I will still wonder..

I wouldn't worry too much about him. I think his interest was more in the nature of a biology study than it was anything really sexual -- I think most men are curious to some extent of how little girls change into women. I know I don't understand it completely myself.

There is some slight possibility that he might be one who slips over the line from curiosity to desire, but from what you've described, I don't really think you've got anything to worry about.

 

[Ladybird]

I'm sorry, but I have to go against recent opinion here.

See my father also liked to look at the bodies of pre pubescent girls.

Without going into details, memories have recently come flooding back to me of how he molested me as a child. Since then, my daughter has told me that he molested her from age 9 - 12. He stopped once she began menstrating.

All of this happened without my mothers knowledge in my case, and without my knowledge in my daughters case.

The scares that he left will never heal properly.

So if you did have children together, you can never be really sure that he's not touching them.. a child growing up with this considers it normal as they know no different.

And of course.. you'd never relax. You'd always be watching and wondering. That kind of tension/stress in a relationship is a recipe for disaster.

Why start something that will very likely come to an end anyway? So much easier now than when you have children.

You're obviously very concerned.. or you wouldn't be posting here.

Think hard hon, it's not just your life, but your childrens lives as well that would be affected.

Sharon

 

[dkrazy1]

i think that probably pretty much covers it...----^
just make sure love doesn't cloud your ability to see the truth, and remember some times love just isn't enough to make something work. or maybe he just said that cause he likes it bald down there.
But if your worried about it now, i don't think that fear is ever going to go away for you, and you will always be wondering. and that's no way to live in a relationship, and deff. not the way kids should be brought up.

 

[schatz]

In your post, you said that he says he "likes" not "liked" looking at child porn, which implies to me that he may still look. You are already having doubts about how much you can trust him with kids and while I may agree with some of the points made that it might have only been biological curiosity, it seems to be a bit more than that (I may be wrong though). Bottom line is that if you love him too much to leave then I would definately suggest counseling or an evaluation. It is heard all too often about how children are molested by people who would "never do such a thing".

 

[Wolf_Song]

Honesty..

.. is a definite basis to any relationship along with many other aspects that is in constant need of nurturing. As well with so many other things that can be shared whether pleasant or potentially unpleasant as some times is the case.

Your honest feelings and opinion stated herein is that you are uncomfortable with what he told you and the possible repercussions. Especially for what could happen and your worries of having children with him.

Which means you should be honest and fully open with him about it. If he loves you as much as you love him then no matter what is shared you both will be able to get through any thing positively. Then if he is willing to get himself checked out then counselling would be a definite as several above commented.

Not just him going to the counselling sessions, but you with him to as if you are potentially going to have children together then their should be nothing to hide from each other. Sounds as though you are a person of high morals and great love for children. And should be with some one whom not only suits you in these but completes you in all areas. If he isnt willing to check out having a possible mental problem that may harm children in future he frankly isnt worth it.

As well often when there is one thing that stands out of what a person doesnt like about there partner it is usually a sign of other issues that need worked out. And in some cases the relationship wont be long term and lessons are learned.

If the relationship isnt healthy enough where you can talk to him about it then to be blunt it would be better to part company. Is never easy to end a relationship with knowing one is going to spend an unknown time alone. But for the betterment of this world for children it is certainly worth it.

Wishing you the best and hearts blessings

 

[lilblonde]

Jen,

My heart goes out to you. I know you are being very torn between your love for this man and your desire to have children who will grow up in a safe and secure environment.

As someone who was molested during puberty all I can tell you is don't let your heart rule your head in this matter. The degredation and feelings of guilt and betrayal are something I will never get over. I've survived...but at what cost? Growing up not feeling safe in my own home with a man I worshipped, loosing faith in a mother I trusted above all others. Fearing for my own child when she stayed with my parents. Punishing myself for years...wondering what I did wrong to cause it. As if all those tormenting feelings weren't enough, how could I still love the father who could betray his daughter in such a manner.

My father is a kind, loving human being. Most would shake their heads in disgust if I were to say he is a good man, but in all other aspects he is and was a good person. Unfortunately my family chose to ignore/forget the repeated acts happened. Perhaps if they had allowed me/us to seek counseling at the time I divulged the terrible secret, I wouldn't be full of self-recrimination today.

If your boyfriend won't agree to counseling then I say run as fast as you can. Save yourself and your future children the possibility of living a life of pain.

lilblonde

 

[lilblonde]

Jen,

My heart goes out to you. I know you are being very torn between your love for this man and your desire to have children who will grow up in a safe and secure environment.

As someone who was molested during puberty all I can tell you is don't let your heart rule your head in this matter. The degredation and feelings of guilt and betrayal are something I will never get over. I've survived...but at what cost? Growing up not feeling safe in my own home with a man I worshipped, loosing faith in a mother I trusted above all others. Fearing for my own child when she stayed with my parents. Punishing myself for years...wondering what I did wrong to cause it. As if all those tormenting feelings weren't enough, how could I still love the father who could betray his daughter in such a manner.

My father is a kind, loving human being. Most would shake their heads in disgust if I were to say he is a good man, but in all other aspects he is and was a good person. Unfortunately my family chose to ignore/forget the repeated acts happened. Perhaps if they had allowed me/us to seek counseling at the time I divulged the terrible secret, I wouldn't be full of self-recrimination today.

If your boyfriend won't agree to counseling then I say run as fast as you can. Save yourself and your future children the possibility of living a life of pain.

lilblonde

 

[knightstalker]

GRRRRRR..the man is sick and you should get away from him and if there are any kids that he is around the parents should be warned..

 

[ApplesMcgee]

rough stuff

This is a tough situation. All I can say is be VERY wary of whats going on. Maybe the situation isn't that bad. On the other hand, be aware of what he is in to. Also, you might consider getting him to some type of counseling before getting married....just in case.

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