Help please

[PacificBlue]

I feel scared.

He doesn't know where I live. We met several weeks ago...the man I spoke about a couple weeks ago. I had decided that things were moving to fast. I'm still not convinced that he's not lying about being married but as I have no proof, I can't say for sure.

We met tonight...he asked to come over. I said no. I told him if he wanted to get to know me...he would have to take me out on a date. Things would go no further until we got to know each other better...in public places. He said he wanted to spend time with me alone at my house so he wouldn't have to share me with others. I said...things need to move slower for me. What does dating prove, he asked? Then he told me he wanted to take me home and make love to me. He said I would enjoy it. He said he was a good lover. He said I would be making a mistake if I said no. I said no. I explained that I wanted to know more about him...his favorite color, his favorite weather...BEFORE I got into bed with him. He said those things weren't important...they would come later. People are more honest after having sex, he said. He told me how beautiful my eyes were. How much he wanted me. He tried to kiss me and I turned my head. I said no again. He gave me one more opportunity to bring him home. I said nothing... he said I'd rejected him. He said to look him up if I changed my mind. I took the scenic route home and hid my car, just in case.

 

[Raina]

Ick, what a creep. You did the right thing...forget him, he's a loser.

 

[Tropism]

I hope you're not considering changing your mind.

 

[thumbs2_ca]

yes

You did the right thing in my humble opinion PB.
He does sound like a jerk.

 

[freefall]

He said he wanted to spend time with me alone at my house so he wouldn't have to share me with others.

I don't know how valid "scared" is, only you can answer that one, but the sentence quoted above is what set off my skeptic alarm at 160 dB. The remainder of your account further confirmed that terminating the encounter was prudent. You won't know right or wrong, but it was very prudent for your own security.

Good luck.

FF

 

[Cheyenne]

I took the scenic route home and hid my car, just in case.

Excellent choice.

Doesn't it make you wonder how often that logic of his has worked with other women though?

 

[freefall]

Oh, crap. That .sig file is not specific to this post. I added it several days ago when I finally found where to do so.

Sorry if you thought that was directed at you.

FF
[it is actually another expression of my vastly underappreciated self-depricating humor.]

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

he said I'd rejected him.

He got one thing right and you did the right thing. What a scumbag!

Stay away from him! He is dangerous!

 

[cymbidia]

PB, if this was over on the BDSM board, every single poster would be shouting alarms.

Do you know why?

Yes.
You do know why.
It's definitely not something limited to BDSM.
Not at all.


This man has something to hide.
-or-
This man is a potential abuser.

He won't go out in public with you.
He doesn't want to "share you with others",

Either of those alone would indicate trouble to me.
Together they're shouting it.

Being lonely when you're alone is better than being terrified for your life or your sanity or your well-being with someone else. You already know that, though. It's why you said no to him, why you insisted on going out in public with him, not back to your house. Your warning bells are working just jfine, darlin'.

BTW, the men who do the most bragging about thier sexual skills are often those who are most lacking that department, in my experience.

 

[dreamer]

It's people like this that make life so difficult for those of us that DO treat women with consideration and honesty. Sounds like you did the right thing.

PLEASE never doubt that you deserve better and those lines about not wanting to 'share' you in public etc are a bunch of crap.

As for being scared...well that's only for you to decide. But it sounds like to me that this guy seems like the type that will move on to the next gal that'll NOT give him a hard time about sleeping with him, and you'll be better off for it.

How do grown men get away with going through life acting and thinking like children??

 

[PacificBlue]

Scared isn't the right word... I feel foolish and naive. I'm mad at myself because something about me made him think I would be an easy target.

 

[cymbidia]

No.
You did nothing wrong.
Get your head out of THAT mode right now.


People like that go around checking all the phone booths for forgotten change, you know? They don't just look for clean phone booths or phone booths in certain areas. They check them all.

You happened to be a phone booth, so to speak, in this man's path.

You did nothing wrong.

He's the one with a screw loose and you recognized it. You might want to try "grimly victorious" on as a mood, darlin', if nothing else.

 

[dreamer]

BAH...stop blaming yourself. You aren'y responsible for him being a jerk. It's as simple as that. And BTW, you WEREN'T an easy target...remember?

 

[PacificBlue]

What's worse is I did believe him for a time. Had he not stood me up last week with some lame ass excuse...he'd probably be here right now and I'd be in a world of trouble. I thought I was being a hypocondriac again. I turned that voice off...I ignored it. Tonight... I listened and I was lucky.

 

[PacificBlue]

Right now I think it's time for a hot shower and bed. I'm not thinking all that clearly.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Way to go PB. You may be a little disappointed..

However, You did the right thing sweetie. I'm not sure what he was telling you, but from the way he was pushing you. Something just wasn't right. You have good instincts Hon'. Trust them and you will be alright.


(((HUGS)) and **KISSES**


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[sch00lteacher]

PacificBlue. You are one of the smartest people I know on this board. So I know you know the answer to your guestion already, and are just looking for support. Well you got it. We all agree.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/trouble.jpg


Stay away from the asshole.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Scared isn't the right word... I feel foolish and naive. I'm mad at myself because something about me made him think I would be an easy target.

You are not foolish or naive. If you were you would have let him into your home which you did not do.....

He is a man that wants to fuck, any woman is a target.

You have nothing to worry about in your inner self. You assesed him well and backed away, we are proud of you.

 

[zantac666]

You were right to say no he is a asshole all he wanted was sex.

A women deserves respect and he did not want to give it.

Just keep an eye on things for a while but i think you will be fine.

 

[PacificBlue]

Thank you. I feel better this morning.

 

[SilverVeil]

Seems to me as if he was being very pushy and disrespectful of your words if he kept trying to get you to let him into your home. If he was that was trying to convince you .... how would he have acted if you HAD allowed him what he wanted ?

People who are like this have no respect for the wishes of others. Then on top of that .... he tried to turn the table on you and make it seem as if you were wrong to reject his advances further after you had already told him you wanted to know him better first.

NO ONE in their right mind with good intentions would push a woman after being told it is not soon enough. He is either stuck in a High School if you loved me you would mentality .... just plain dangerous, or terminally stupid.
I hope it is the former or the latter. Not the in-between. Stick to your decisions in matters such as these, and always make sure that ANY time you meet a stranger, you do so in a very public place where making a scene would be noticed and not ignored. And do not hesitate to call the police or someone to escort you home from the meeting place. If you feel it is not safe to go straigt home from the meeting because of a stalker ... then go somewhere safe where you will not be alone.

If you know someone here on the BB or even in real life, use a safe call. I know there are people who very willingly do this. I for one would gladly give you my number to call if you needed to. And I am up nights anyway since I work midnights.

Good luck and Blessed Be .... you used your head and in no way should feel bad about losing a jerk like that.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

He is a man that wants to fuck, any woman is a target.

I think this guy wanted to do more than that once he was somewhere private - he probably wouldn't have taken no for an answer.

 

[truegentleman]

Hey pb

You did the right thing sweetie. Even if he was not a threat physically, it seems like he was looking for something that you were not ready to give.

Hang in there and you will find the person that you deserve. A man who will be there because he cares for the lady that is on the inside.

 

[Guest]

pb

nothing you havent heard already but dump that sob he is no doubt interested in one thing only if he doesnt want to spend time getting to know you he is not worth seeing again!!!

 

[PacificBlue]

For the record...

Not going to see him again.

Will not accept any phonecalls from him.

Avoiding him like the plague that he is.

Signing myself up for some self-defense courses.