Help...Please!

[AngelEyes229869]

Hi everyone! I am brand new to the board and need some serious help regarding a situation I am in. Here it goes....

I am a 20 (almost 21) year old female, who still lives with her uptight parents and hasn't had the chains removed from my ankles. I have been in one serious relationship but the a**hole cheated on me and it took a while to get involved in another relationship because of my issues.

Now for almost four years I had been fantasizing about a family friend (male) who is 39 years old, married/separated and very close to finalizing his divorce. September this past year, I ran into him at a party and felt very brave to give him my number to see what would happen. Well about a month after that party, he called me and admitted to me that for almost three years he had been fantasizing and wanting to be with me. We then decided to meet secretly to discuss these feelings but next thing you know we were making out like bunnies for three hours. After four of these stressful secret meetings, we finally had sex and I have to say, it was incredible, the most passionate experience of my life. He knew exactly how to please me and vice-versa. Fast forward to six months later, today, and he has told me that he loves me and can't imagine being with anyone else besides me, that we both understand each other and this time he knows it's for real. I feel the same way too, but here come's my problem: How do we expose this to my parents, who have cared for this man as a family friend and me being their "so-called innocent daughter"? We have been secretly sneaking around and having wild sex for six months now, I mean the secret, hush-hush thing was a turn-on at the begining but now it's frustrating not being able to be with each other as much as when we both started this relationship. I don't want to hurt my parents and I don't want to loose my boyfriend, please someone please help me, I mean I know I started this chain with me giving him my number at first, but now the reality of it all has hit me and I need some help.

 

[JohnMorrison]

do you do regular couple things, like dates and movies and all that jazz? or is it just sex? Do you really love him or have you been swept up in it? If you are certain its love then thats that, its love. I would recommend telling your parents seperately, your mother first. Explain to her you love him and then let your mother explain it to your father

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

tough situation...

i agree with the previous post. you have the luxury at the moment of "easily" walking away from the relationship with out to much hassell. so i think you should be completely be sure you are in love with this man before you go further.

having said that love is an amazingly beautiful thing, and not something that should be left a secret. when you love someone, you want everyone to know that you two are in love. tell them, be honest (it is after all the best policy).. i think the longer it goes on without them finding out, the more of a chance there is of your parents being hurt by the news. if you think they will be dissapointed with your choice of partner, imagine how they would feel if they would feel if they find out you have been hiding from them for a long period of time.

it must be hard. i sympathize. when you love someone you just want to enjoy them without any outside dramas. my best wishes.

 

[miss_kate]

Been there!

Your parents have to acknowledge that you are growing up sometime. 20 living at home is a common scenario... but it is just the same as anyone growing up and getting their parents comfortable about it!

It may not even be as scary as you think. My parents used to be very strict as well. I just sat them down one day and had a mature conversation with them about growing up and becoming sexual. I wanted my BF to stay at my house and initially the response was a flat NO from my father. After the initial shock- and because I had the ball to ask them instead of sneaking around behind their backs- they said yes.

Breaking the ice is the hardest part. If you are truely in love with this man- your parents are going to have to recognise it eventually. And if you THINK you are... but it isnt so.. your parents are going to be left to pick up the pieces of a relationship that werent informed of and dont understand.

I agree with JohnMorrison saying that it is possibly easier to confront one of your parents first and then asking them to discuss it with the other parent and to have a discussion with you when they have talked it through between them. Then you wont get a one sided response from the dominant parent.

Is it their consent that you are worried about?? If your parents are reasonably conservative- then the idea of their babygirl being sexually devient and sneaking around is FAR worst than honesty.

You dont have to tell them that you are having sex with this man--- just explain that you are having a relationship of some mild form and stress the mental and NOT the physical!

Good luck girl