Help Out a Struggling Writer.

[carsonshepherd]

I've got problems here, people. This sex scene I'm trying to write is driving me crazy.

This is a first person narrative, but my character is very, very drunk (this being the only way he can admit his homosexual feelings.) The thing that baffles me is, how can he describe the action if he's drunk enough to go through with it? Sometimes when I get really wasted I forget things, but that doesn't make a very good narrative.

Grrrrr

 

[TheEarl]

Short starter scene or a long main sex scene?

If it was a starter scene, I'd be tempted to have him wake up and then start remembering little flashes as his memory slowly gives him back the whole events of the night before. Descriptive flashbacks kinda thing.

If it's a main one, then I'm struggling. Is it first person?

The Earl

 

[rikaaim]

I've got problems here, people. This sex scene I'm trying to write is driving me crazy.

This is a first person narrative, but my character is very, very drunk (this being the only way he can admit his homosexual feelings.) The thing that baffles me is, how can he describe the action if he's drunk enough to go through with it? Sometimes when I get really wasted I forget things, but that doesn't make a very good narrative.

Grrrrr

Make it more like, impressed memories.

"I think I touched his hand then...the feeling of soft lips, his soft lips? Mine? I don't remember. Only the bliss remains from that night."

 

[carsonshepherd]

Short starter scene or a long main sex scene?

If it was a starter scene, I'd be tempted to have him wake up and then start remembering little flashes as his memory slowly gives him back the whole events of the night before. Descriptive flashbacks kinda thing.

If it's a main one, then I'm struggling. Is it first person?

The Earl

Yes, first person. And it IS a flashback, to make things more complicated so I can't flash back to it.

 

[impressive]

When I'm shit faced drunk, I typically have moments of lucidity. It's like an old 8-track tape that's stretched. Some plays normally, some slurred slo-mo, and some on helium.

 

[rikaaim]

Yes, first person. And it IS a flashback, to make things more complicated so I can't flash back to it.

Hmmm....you just gotta go be all special and try to do something grand and spectacular to wow us all again. Don't you?

Well...let's see.


"It was late that hot August night. I had just settled down into my favorite bar seat to watch the game. I hadn't noticed the guy who came in to sit by me. We just silently drank our beer and cheered for our team. I learned that his name was Alan and he was as big a fan as I was. We started to pile up the bottles and chatted mindless about nothing. Not many better ways to end a stressful day if you ask me. By the end of the game I was too damn drunk to go home alone. Alan said he'd walk me home to make sure I made it. I only lived a block away and agreed to the escort. I could barely see the floor at this point.

I don't remember the walk much, or any words that may have been spoken, but suddenly I was at my door, leaning heavily on Alan's shoulder. He opened the door for me. I found that odd since the keys were in my pockets. "When did he go through them," I wondered. After the door opened I stumbled to the couch and fell mightly onto it. Alan sat next to me and started to talk. I couldn't really make out his words. My mind was drifting in and out of consciouness. When my senses came back to me, his lips were moving in towards mine.

I jumped back. "What was he doing," I thought. He stopped, puzzled. Slowly words came back to my memory, faded words spoken through drunken lips. Had I confessed? If so when? Does he know? Does he know my darkest fears? My most wanted desires?





Does this help any?

 

[TheEarl]

Yes, first person. And it IS a flashback, to make things more complicated so I can't flash back to it.

A flashback within a flashback from the POV of someone who's drunk? That would be fun.

Presuming it's a minor scene? Maybe talk of the way that '...I never noticed just how sexy a man's body could be. I caught myself thinking of what it'd be like to kiss him, then caught myself...' or '...slipped and ___ caught me, holding me in his strong arms. My hands were resting on his chest and I let them linger for a second, enjoying the warmth. Then I puleld them away hurridly...'

Play up to the drunkenness, but don't make it the complete theme. Use it to make him fall into the guy's arms and have sudden moments of sobriety, where he thinks 'God why was I thinking about that?' then lapses back into staring. The whole scene's gonna be about internal conflict. That conflict's not gonna disappear with the alcohol, all that's gonan happen is that one side's gonna seem more and more reasonable and the other less and less persuasive until something tips the balance and makes him really desire the other guy.

That help?

The Earl

 

[yui]

When I'm shit faced drunk, I typically have moments of lucidity. It's like an old 8-track tape that's stretched. Some plays normally, some slurred slo-mo, and some on helium.

Exactly, Imp! I'm dizzy and disjointed. Not physically, necessarily. My lips get numb and I'm still inside there, but I am almost dreamy in my disassociation from the moment.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Does this help any?

Well... not really... but it made me hot!

 

[rikaaim]

Well... not really... but it made me hot!

Well, that's help in my book. I see my work here is done.

 

[impressive]

Exactly, Imp! I'm dizzy and disjointed. Not physically, necessarily. My lips get numb and I'm still inside there, but I am almost dreamy in my disassociation from the moment.

Yes! And the notion that you blurt out nothing but deep truths is a falsehood. I blurt out bold faced lies that are taken as deep truths! I once (over 20 years ago) told some guy that was holding my hair out of my face while I puked on his shoes that I really wished he'd been the one to take my cherry. (A TOTAL LIE)

 

[carsonshepherd]

A flashback within a flashback from the POV of someone who's drunk? That would be fun.

Presuming it's a minor scene? Maybe talk of the way that '...I never noticed just how sexy a man's body could be. I caught myself thinking of what it'd be like to kiss him, then caught myself...' or '...slipped and ___ caught me, holding me in his strong arms. My hands were resting on his chest and I let them linger for a second, enjoying the warmth. Then I puleld them away hurridly...'

Play up to the drunkenness, but don't make it the complete theme. Use it to make him fall into the guy's arms and have sudden moments of sobriety, where he thinks 'God why was I thinking about that?' then lapses back into staring. The whole scene's gonna be about internal conflict. That conflict's not gonna disappear with the alcohol, all that's gonan happen is that one side's gonna seem more and more reasonable and the other less and less persuasive until something tips the balance and makes him really desire the other guy.

That help?

The Earl

Some of it does, yeah. Thnx Earl (ever thought about writing M/M stuff? )

 

[TheEarl]

Some of it does, yeah. Thnx Earl (ever thought about writing M/M stuff? )

Given it serious thought on occasions, but never got round to it. Wrote a short vignette of myself and Tolyk for Svenska one time. Right, that does it, I've decided. When I get time, I'm writing M/M!

The Earl

 

[carsonshepherd]

Given it serious thought on occasions, but never got round to it. Wrote a short vignette of myself and Tolyk for Svenska one time. Right, that does it, I've decided. When I get time, I'm writing M/M!

The Earl

Yummy! Lemme know if you want some... uh... inspiration

 

[impressive]

Right, that does it, I've decided. When I get time, I'm writing M/M!

The Earl

It's on my list of challenges for 2005, too.

 

[rikaaim]

(ever thought about writing M/M stuff? )

I never have, but I may take that start and build on it some more. How would that strike your fancy?

 

[yui]

Given it serious thought on occasions, but never got round to it. Wrote a short vignette of myself and Tolyk for Svenska one time. Right, that does it, I've decided. When I get time, I'm writing M/M!

The Earl

May I watch? I mean, may I read it?

Edited "can" to "may" for the grammarians.

 

[carsonshepherd]

It's on my list of challenges for 2005, too.

What the world needs is more gay porn!

 

[carsonshepherd]

Yes! And the notion that you blurt out nothing but deep truths is a falsehood. I blurt out bold faced lies that are taken as deep truths! I once (over 20 years ago) told some guy that was holding my hair out of my face while I puked on his shoes that I really wished he'd been the one to take my cherry. (A TOTAL LIE)

But by the same token I've said things I could not say sober; and something I specifically remember is an overwhelming sense of joy and relief at having said it. I'm trying to get a sense of that.

Anyone want to look at what I have so far?

Anyone?

 

[impressive]

But by the same token I've said things I could not say sober; and something I specifically remember is an overwhelming sense of joy and relief at having said it. I'm trying to get a sense of that.

Anyone want to look at what I have so far?

Anyone?

I agree. It is a spiritual lubricant.

Sure, I'd be happy to read -- if the opinion of a bi/F will be of any use to you.

 

[carsonshepherd]

PM your way

 

[carsonshepherd]

I never have, but I may take that start and build on it some more. How would that strike your fancy?

It would tickle more than my fancy...

 

[rikaaim]

But by the same token I've said things I could not say sober; and something I specifically remember is an overwhelming sense of joy and relief at having said it. I'm trying to get a sense of that.

Anyone want to look at what I have so far?

Anyone?

I'll read. Just PM it to me. You've been so helpful to me in the past, all I can ever do is repay your kindness.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Given it serious thought on occasions, but never got round to it. Wrote a short vignette of myself and Tolyk for Svenska one time. Right, that does it, I've decided. When I get time, I'm writing M/M!
The Earl

Oh my God! I think I need a beer or a cold shower now.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Oh my God! I think I need a beer or a cold shower now.

You slut