Help: Not sure if I am getting scammed?

[MarkBurr]

For those of you with experience in hiring a Madame for submission training, I could really use your help. MWM with an upcoming business trip. Short of a very long cancer related story is my wife and I are sexless but love each other. I have feminine desires and enjoy anal play and have wanted to experience submission with a Dom. I am deeply in the closet with this. Thinking this solo trip would be a good time to explore, I found a Dom online who was willing to start with me online with the idea of our first meeting would be when I arrive. All was going well when I was asked to send a tribute of $100. Figuring she has invested several hours into me by this time, I paid it. I assumed that the rest of the fees/ tributes would occur when we meet. Today however I was asked to send $500 so that she could order toys (straps, collar, whip, dildos, etc.). I understand that it would be sanitary to have my own toys but I cannot help but feeling that I am in a scam. When I discussed this with her she related me being closeted and fearful.....which I most certainly am...and she knows it. I offered to bring the supplies with me and was instead offered a $250 bill now with the other $250 at time of meeting.

Am I being scammed or is this the normal course of business for a traveler in the BDSM environment?

TIA.

 

[MiaDani80]

I'll be honest, I've never paid for a a Domme in-person but my advice is to be very very careful. The requests for money will never stop. I was a victim of sextortion and it's a horrific awful experience.

I'd quit while you're ahead, try to find someone else and make sure you discuss $$ very early before she preys on your desires and gets you to start sending money.

Others who have more experience in the professional scene may have other perspectives

 

[BowsersThots]

I don't have any experience with a situation like this except from what I have heard from others. From what I have heard, it starts like this and the amount will only keep increasing. A sure sign of a scammer is asking for increasingly larger sums. 100, 300, 1,000 and so on. I suggest making money a limit. Never pay and if anyone asks for it, end it and walk away. Maybe they are real and aren't playing you, but personally, I doubt it (but I am pessimistic).

 

[MarkBurr]

100% agree with you. I made a deal 1/2 now and 1/2 later plus I can bring my own dildo. She seems pretty legit and is either the best damn scammer in the World or the real thing. Wish I was in the city where I am meeting her as it would be great to talk face to face. Fingers crossed. I have been wanting to try this for a long time.

 

[ericalauren]

As a general rule, if you feel like you could be getting scammed, you probably are. My friends who are sex workers are extremely clear about pricing and other terms up front. No sex worker should spring a new charge on you. I hope that that helps, and that you can find a legitimate dom.

 

[MasterTNO]

If you think you are being scammed or are unsure best thing to do is not pay. Only pay if confident everything is as you would want it to be

 

[RoperTrace]

I'd say, walk away, while you're not too deeply invested in her 'services.' This stinks to high heaven, if that's even a place. Look for someone local to try this, and meet them in person to get an idea on what's involved. Good luck.

 

[PaxNurgle]

A couple other red flags to spot: Have you actually spoken to her in person, either on the phone, through video chat/face time? Or only through e-mails/texts? I would never agree to meet up with anyone I haven't had at least a phone conversation with. Much less send them money.

Have you done a google image search? Or, using paint and/or photoshop, flipped the photo and done an image search for that? I once reached out to a "mistress" that, as it turns out, was using images of a somewhat well known (not to me, obviously) tik-tok model for their photos. Luckily I managed to hold onto my money in that one.

It is normal for a pro to charge money for a meet and greet, to pay her for her time, but if she is legit, she will accept the payment only upon meeting YOU face to face. Not before.

It sounds like she charged you $100 for a meet and greet before you had actually met- then after that, she sent you ANOTHER demand for more money. And I suspect had you sent it, she would follow through with yet another demand for either a "Collaring fee" or a "Slave contract fee" or some such thing, and maybe even a fee for renting a dungeon space for a formal collaring ceremony. Basically, the individual(s) would milk you for as long as "she" (if it is even a she) could before ultimately ghosting you.

To me, this does not sound legit. Avoid.

 

[Britva415]

I found a Dom online

How/where exactly did you find/meet them?

In the spirit of warning others.

Does the whole site seem sketchy or does it seem like there are scammers mixed in with the legit businesspeople?

 

[MarkBurr]

As a general rule, if you feel like you could be getting scammed, you probably are. My friends who are sex workers are extremely clear about pricing and other terms up front. No sex worker should spring a new charge on you. I hope that that helps, and that you can find a legitimate dom.

When she or who ever they were asked me to pay for shipping of the toys that I agreed to pay for I told them to go shove off.

 

[Villainesse]

You're getting scammed.

 

[MarkBurr]

100%. So happy to have this forum for advice. Ty

 

[RoperTrace]

So, did you finally shut this down, or keep going on with this person? Hopefully, you find someone closer and in-person.

 

[MarkBurr]

Oh yes, I shut it down. Have not found a Dom yet. Was hoping to explore on my upcoming business trip but striking out. Any suggestions for Maryland?

 

[RoperTrace]

Oh yes, I shut it down. Have not found a Dom yet. Was hoping to explore on my upcoming business trip but striking out. Any suggestions for Maryland?

Maybe Google bdsm clubs around Baltimore? I had a friend(RIP) who used to visit some in that area. Not sure if they're still around or not.

 

[Dearelliot]

If I was willing to pay 500 and she produced, good, I'm only a 300 dollar person, but I'm quite happy when they do what they say...As for scammed, I'd never send money!
Cant imagine taking a chance on that.