Help needed - letter to the Telegraph

[TheEarl]

I'm just writing a letter to The Telegraph (a well-regarded English broadsheet), specifically to the sports section regarding an awful article they wrote on Marcus Trescothick (Wrote a thread on his problems here). The article is here and, in my opinion, shows an appalling lack of understanding of the issues of mental illness.

I'd appreciate any feedback on the letter that you can give me, before I print and post it. Snide remarks about the Torygraph can go in another thread, I happen to like the paper. I just feel very strongly about this issue and really want to make sure that my point is made. Any suggestions welcome.

The Earl

Dear Ms Mott,

I was very disappointed to read your piece printed on 12th September, regarding Marcus Trescothick’s withdrawal from the Champions Trophy.

Depression and stress are words used often for moods and emotions and, as such, the medical conditions of the same name are treated as trivial self-indulgence. Your article offers ‘weakness’ as a descriptor of Trescothick’s condition, with comparisons to a ‘self-indulgent’ heroin addict and a veiled suggestion that stress may be ‘a means to get off work for a week.’ No wonder Trescothick felt the need to hide behind excuses of viruses and family problems; your article is one step away from telling him to pull his socks up and stop being so silly.

From the limited information that is available, it appears that Trescothick is injured, just as surely as Ashley Giles and Simon Jones are. The brain is a body part, just like a hip or knee, and is considerably harder to fix when it goes wrong. Just like a hip injury, it will require a specialist and a certain amount of recovery time to fix it. Your implication that he is choosing not to play because of a self-induced weakness is as ridiculous as suggesting that Simon Jones ought to shake off his knee problem and start bowling again.

Trescothick’s absence has nothing to do with mood or emotion and does not require ‘luvvie empathy,’ as your article so charmingly offers. It is a medical condition and his absence from the Champions Trophy is an attempt to get himself healed before the Ashes begin.

One in five people in the UK suffer from depression or stress at some point in their lives and a large percentage of them look for help and information in articles about other sufferers. It is sad that the impression received from your article is that their problem is a trivial weakness that they cause themselves.

Yours sincerely,

 

[English Lady]

I'm just writing a letter to The Telegraph (a well-regarded English broadsheet), specifically to the sports section regarding an awful article they wrote on Marcus Trescothick (Wrote a thread on his problems here). The article is here and, in my opinion, shows an appalling lack of understanding of the issues of mental illness.

I'd appreciate any feedback on the letter that you can give me, before I print and post it. Snide remarks about the Torygraph can go in another thread, I happen to like the paper. I just feel very strongly about this issue and really want to make sure that my point is made. Any suggestions welcome.

The Earl

Very well put, love. It putsd acroos why you're pissed off in a way that is polite but firm and I would hope it will speak to Ms Mott -I know I would be made to think twice if I received such a heartfelt, well composed letter of complaint.

 

[TheEarl]

Very well put, love. It putsd acroos why you're pissed off in a way that is polite but firm and I would hope it will speak to Ms Mott -I know I would be made to think twice if I received such a heartfelt, well composed letter of complaint.

Did you read the article? Could feel my blood pressure rising with every misplaced word. Silly cow obviously doesn't have a clue what she's talking about and, as such, shouldn't be writing about it.

The Earl

 

[3113]

Merge the first two paragraphs after your line about being disappointed. Start with the 2nd paragraph (From the limited information....) and cut in quotes from the first that apply. For example, something like this:

From the limited information that is available, it appears that Trescothick is injured, just as surely as Ashley Giles and Simon Jones are. The brain is a body part, just like a hip or knee, and is considerably harder to fix when it goes wrong. Just like a hip injury, it will require a specialist and a certain amount of recovery time to fix it. Your article, however, offers ‘weakness’ as a descriptor of Trescothick’s condition, with comparisons to a ‘self-indulgent’ heroin addict and a veiled suggestion that stress may be ‘a means to get off work for a week.’ No wonder Trescothick felt the need to hide behind excuses of viruses and family problems. Your implication that he is choosing not to play because of a self-induced weakness is as ridiculous as suggesting that Simon Jones ought to shake off his knee problem and start bowling again.

That should make it a bit stronger. Other than that, it reads good!

Go get 'em, Oil!

 

[kendo1]

A raisin just flew out of my muesli.

I'm confused, because I know I only put in sultanas.

Ken (upset)

 

[TheEarl]

Second draft:

Dear Ms Mott,

I was very disappointed to read your piece printed on 12th September, regarding Marcus Trescothick’s withdrawal from the Champions Trophy.

From the limited information that is available about Trescothick’s absence, it appears that he is injured, just as surely as Ashley Giles and Simon Jones are. The brain is a body part, just like a hip or knee, and is considerably harder to fix when it goes wrong. Like a hip injury, it requires a specialist and a certain amount of recovery time to fix it. Your article, however, offers ‘weakness’ as a descriptor of Trescothick’s condition, with comparisons to a ‘self-indulgent’ heroin addict and a veiled suggestion that stress may be ‘a means to get off work for a week.’ No wonder Trescothick felt the need to hide behind excuses of viruses and family problems; your article treats his illness as a mood that he chooses to dip into rather than a genuine medical condition.

Depression and stress are often confused with the moods and emotions that bear the same name and, as such, are often trivialised. However Trescothick’s absence has nothing to do with mood or emotion and does not require ‘luvvie empathy,’ as your article so charmingly offers. It is a medical condition and his absence from the Champions Trophy is an attempt to get himself healed before the Ashes begin. To expect him to play while in this condition is akin to expecting Simon Jones to start bowling tomorrow.

One in five people in the UK suffer from depression or stress at some point in their lives and a large percentage of them look for help and information in articles about other sufferers. It is sad that the impression received from your article is that their problem is a trivial weakness that they cause themselves.

Yours sincerely,

The Earl

 

[3113]

Oh, Excellent!

Yes. I like the 2nd draft VERY much. It carries more punch and it really moves through it's points nicely by starting with the comparison to a physical injury to make the pain and problem real to readers. This allows the readers to then undertand the unconscionable callousness and stupidity of the article's comments, as presented and explained. Follow this with correct information on the subject and punctuate (drive it all home) by returning to the injury metaphor.

Coda reiterates letter-writer's disappointment with the paper's stupidity and misinformation.

Nicely done! Send that puppy in!

 

[TheEarl]

A raisin just flew out of my muesli.

I'm confused, because I know I only put in sultanas.

Ken (upset)

I've read this several times and each time, my brain comes up with "Error at line 1: Abort, retry, fail?" I get the feeling there's a very cleverly made point here which I'm missing completely.

3113: Thanks. Appreciate the help.

EL: Thanks. I hope she'll be as open as you would be.

The Earl

 

[SesameStreet]

Let us know if you ever get a reply. it is nigh near mpossible to get replies from these newsrags.