Help needed. Contributions welcome

[MathGirl]

The New AH Sexual Lexicon

While editing my current thread of vocabulary improvement, I have come to realize that there are things and actions for which no suitable euphemism or slang term exist. I find this distressing and feel something should be done about it.

Who better to supply these sorely needed terms, I thought, than the erudite, verbose, and rather warped personages who frequent the Author's Hangout? With that in mind, I am starting this thread to encourage everyone to submit terms for a new lexicon. I'm sure everyone on here can come up with several original items to plug the egregious holes in our language.

My first contribution comes from reading a strange book written by Phillip Roth in the 1960s:

Portnoy v. Using edible items for masturbation. Fucking food. The food is later served to the unknowing family and consumed. Applied to both male and female onanism. "I'm gonna Portnoy that melon, then plug the hole and take it to the picnic." From "Portnoy's Complaint," in which the protagonist used a slab of raw, refrigerated liver as a sleeve for bashing his bishop. He summarized, "I had fucked the family dinner." Portnoyism, Portnoying.

 

[Guest]

Dr. Maths: I know I heard this expression, probably on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or "The Simpsons":

She's pulling a Mrs. Robinson.

Meaning: an older woman seducing a young man.

Derivation for those your age: The character Mrs. Robinson in the ancient film, "The Graduate", was an older woman who seduced a young man (recent college graduate so early 20s; Mrs. R. seemed to be early to mid-40s.)

Personally, having had the experience, I prefer this cinematically derived euphemism to the old "robbing the cradle". I regard it a rather feminist statement as it is still not so popular a theme in films as the older man (e.g., a paunchy, sagging jowled Mel Gibson or a 70+ Clint Eastwood) getting the younger woman.

respectfully, Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Dear Perdita,
Very good. Thank you for the contribution. The Author's Hangout All-Purpose Lexicon now consists of:
Portnoy
Mrs Robinson
Malley (see below)
MG
Ps. Let's get to thinking, folks. We should get several dozen new terms out of this.
Pps. Malley. n. Contraction of "melon valley." The cleavage between the breasts. Especially when used as a temporary substitute for the vagina.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

MG, I do not know if this is in your book of tricks. But "Red Wings" I have heared it used before or might it have been only a personal thing not sure! I believe it refers to one giving oral pleasure to a female during her period. < I have earned my red wings >

 

[snooper]

I don't know whether your side of the pond is familiar with "Stiring the Porridge"?

It's what the last man does when a lady(?) is "Pulling the Train".


Aside: Portnoy's Complaint was famously described as The Gropes of Roth.

 

[Guest]

I don't know if you've heard of this one: Cumspatter, it's the pattern of ejaculate left on a woman's face after she has received a facial, rather like the mess left on a wall after a paintball has been fired at it. If the couple are very game, they could even do the ink blot test after the event.

Lou

 

[Uncle Meat]

Originally posted by A7inchPhildo
MG, I do not know if this is in your book of tricks. But "Red Wings" I have heared it used before or might it have been only a personal thing not sure! I believe it refers to one giving oral pleasure to a female during her period. < I have earned my red wings >

No, it's not just personal. I've heard it before, from a couple different people. Don't quote me on this, but I think it's a biker term.

 

[MathGirl]

Contributions

Dear Phil, Snoops, Tat,
Thank you for your valuable contributions. The terms will be added to the AH Lexicon.

Newkie n. Contraction of "newcomer-rookie." One who first comes to the AH unawares, posts an innocent comment, and is subjected to gratuitous verbal abuse, vilification, and humiliation. A FNG.
MG

 

[pop_54]

Ha

There are so many darling aren't there, mainly common and child like Not the sort of thing I'd get involved with I'm affraid.

Well must go give my friend a "meat injection" oops sorry!!

 

[toknight]

Reply

MG, if you you don't know by now, I'm your fan!
About this subject . . . Well, I've lived in Japan for sixteen years.
Can Japanese words/phrases of English origin be included? There are many.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Reply

Originally posted by toknight MG, if you you don't know by now, I'm your fan! Can Japanese words/phrases of English origin be included?

Dear TK,
How unfortunate for you. Yes, ferrin phrases may be included, as long as they are not found in any other compilation of English smut. I'm afraid the following do not qualify:
Red Wings
Cumspatter
Stirring the Porridge
We're looking for original words and terms here. Preferably invented by the diseased minds of AH people.

O.M.B. n. "Old Man's Boxers" A fashion statement in geriatric underwear. Disposable undershorts featuring a yellow panel in front and a dark brown panel in the aft section. Said to be good for a week of continuous wear, then discarded on the end of a long stick.

 

[Icingsugar]

Mops n. Molestation Of Public Space, the not-so-erotic appearance of public nudity where public nudity is uncalled for. Streaking in the presence of youngsters and nuns.

Vops n. Verbal Mops, the not-so-erotic appearance of public outspokenness where public outspokenness is uncalled for. Ie, discussing red wings or knob cheeze in the presence of youngsters and nuns.

 

[destinie21]

Pulling a fab five : When guy A gives guy B good advice about his over all appearance. (the fab five from Queer eye of course.)

Pulling a Rosie: When someone who's obviously gay comes out of the closet then expects everyone to be shocked. (also can be termed pulling an ellen)

A Supreme court: When friends, parents or associates find any kind of porn be it audio, video or written pull a supreme court and say you didn't know it was porn because it's such a hard term to define. (best said with hands upturned in innoccence.)

 

[MathGirl]

Excellent new words!

Dear Ice and Des,
Very good. Thank you for the contribution.
MG

Mapplethorpe v. To urinate in someone's mouth. "Open wide, Pal, I'm gonna Mapplethorpe ya."

 

[Guest]

Re: Contributions

 

[Icingsugar]

Two more...

Nightingale n. A noteworthy vocal, but not verbal, performance during the act, marked by a great variety of expressions, tempo and pitch.

Moan circus n. see above, but in a slightly more negative context.


Ok, done for now.

 

[Jenny _S]

MG,
I was saddened that you left out some of my favorite terms such as "Bobbitized", "Cum Sucker", and "Baloney".

 

[MathGirl]

MG,
I was saddened that you left out some of my favorite terms such as "Bobbitized", "Cum Sucker", and "Baloney".

Dear Jenny,
That is just what this thread is intended for. This is your chance to formally define those terms and have them officially included in the AH Lexicon. I suggest you do so for "Bobbitize" and "Baloney."

Holmes v. To overstate the length of one's wiwi (qv) by two inches or more. "Don't holmes me, dude. I know a four incher when I see one."

Wiwi n. Penis. The often discussed and mostly overrated male sexual organ.

 

[Guest]

Holmes v. To overstate the length of one's wiwi (qv) by two inches or more. "Don't holmes me, dude. I know a four incher when I see one."

Maths, I really really hate to even mention the name, but when I read 'Holmes' I thought of BS (not b.shit either). So, forgive me, but I put this forth in the service of truth and all your academedial and eroticalismal efforts and dedication.

BlackSnake v. To overstate the importance of one's wiwi (qv).

(I just can't do it, you supply the example.)

perdita (feeling lowercase now)

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by perdita BlackSnake v. To overstate the importance of one's wiwi (qv).

Dear Perdita,
Well done! You get the gold star for the day.
MG
Ps. "Don't blacksnake me, dude. Drop them O.M.B.s and let's take a look at that tonker yer so proud of."
Pps. Thanks to PS and IS for valued contributions.

Tonker n. One-eyed trouser snake. Wiwi. Item which is frequently the subject of a holmes (qv) and/or a blacksnake (qv).

 

[Guest]

Dear Perdita, Well done! You get the gold star for the day.

Dear Maths,
What a relief. And the star - better than winning the dopey ole Halloween contest.

Your example is a gem.

Perdita

(Way back to upper case, Woo woo woo! No K-H though.)

 

[A7inchPhildo]

While you are at it I have great respect for BlackSnake but he is too big for my avatar.

It would seem in my travels around lit the phrase "Where is MG when you need her?" is quite frequent or "we are going to need MG for this one". Now that I know what an MG is it makes more sense.

MG: a cry of help to the fabled author who can make a ligitimate definition out of seemingly incomprehensible remark


Thatis not a kiss-up, "It can be anoying in a nice way".

Phildo

Ps. I hear she even knows what a "Cleaveland Steamer" is

 

[MathGirl]

Lexicon

Originally posted by A7inchPhildo I hear she even knows what a "Cleaveland Steamer" is

Dear 7Phil,
Well, everyone knows that.
MG

Nylon diaphragm. n. The result of sexual intercourse being accomplished without prior removal of panty hose.

 

[raphy]

Okay, I'm gonna tread the line of decency here:

Dando - To shoot someone in the head re: the death of Jill Dando, the briitsh TV personality
Usage: Shot in the head like a dando bitch.

What can I say, we're all sick fucks round here.

 

[MathGirl]

What can I say, we're all sick fucks round here.

Dear r,
Well, I can't argue with that, but let's please confine our lexicon to the normal, everyday sicknesses which are at least remotely associated with ... er .... you-know-what.
MG