Help!! My husband's fantasy really freaked me out.

[Rorysweetdimples]

I guess I am pretty old fashioned considering some of the things that I have read about here......but last night, my husband shared his fantasy with me in the "throes of passion". He told me that he wanted to fuck my mother, and then he said he wanted us both at the same time. Well, this picture got into my head, and now I am totally turned off. I don't know whether to be angry, or jealous, or what. My mom is my best friend, and now, it's just weird seeing them together. The weird thing is, they don't get along, my mother is a prude, so to speak. I told my husband that she thought oral sex was perverted. Maybe he is just dreaming of a challenge, and conquest? I need male and female points of view, please. I am very conservative when it comes to sex, and monogomous. But, hell, just about any other fantasy is potentially "do-able". This will never happen, and it sort of hurt my feelings. Maybe I find it nasty because I was molested by my father? I am totally confused...please, only serious replies.
Thanks

 

[Cheyenne]

How long have you been married? He just mentioned it now for the first time? My reaction would be EEEWWWWW to ANYone telling me they wanted to fuck my mother.

 

[Weird Harold]

...but last night, my husband shared his fantasy with me in the "throes of passion". He told me that he wanted to fuck my mother, and then he said he wanted us both at the same time. Well, this picture got into my head, and now I am totally turned off. I don't know whether to be angry, or jealous, or what.

I think you had a pretty normal reaction. 99.999% of humanity doesn't believe their parents ever have sex and participation is literally unthinkable. (.001% is more than enough people to maintain the popularity of incest stories on the net. )

You need to talk to your husband when neither of you is in the "throes of passion." His fantasy may be just that, a fantasy made up on the spur of the moment to arouse you or him.

Once you determine if it's a genuine desire of his, or just a fantasy told for it's shock value, you will have some basis for deciding on further action.

 

[Rorysweetdimples]

WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 11 YEARS!!!(yes, I meant to yell)
I am so freaked out, I can't stand it. He admits that it will never ever happen, but now, all I can think about during sex is my mother. She really is a beautiful woman, and alot of men are attracted to her. But now, I am shocked. What if I never get over it?!!!! We have great sex, now, it's...tainted....Any advice on revenge? If he ruined it for me, I gotta give some back, right? And no his father is out of the question as a possible fantasy for me...eewwwww!!! By the way, how do I get "Virgin" out from under my name? I am new...is that it?

 

[Hecate]

First: the virgin-status will disappear as soon as you have made 30+ posts .... and will then change with your growing number of posts on the Board to Experienced, really experienced etc.

Second: I am not sure if "revenge" is what you should be seeking... what fantasies do you have? Maybe you have some that are just as "disgusting" to him as his was for you? and you never would know what you did to him by telling just because you find them "acceptable"? Maybe he was not aware of the devastating effect of his admission since you and your mom are close to each other while he is seeming to have a rather distant relation to your mother...

As long as he is aware that the reality is a "never" I think it shouldn't bother you too much .. would it have been different if he had been thinking about your best friend, your sister, your ... ? You say he was never too close to your mom, so could it be that he saw her just as "any other woman", completely unaware in that second that besides the fact of a fantasy with two women it was an incestual aspect for you in his thoughts (specially because your mom, as you said, is a very attractive woman)?

I think (hope) your "awareness" will wear off soon - after you have overcome the initial shock ... and as mentioned above, don't think of revenge, it may put a thorn in your life that I can't see any need for.

Hope I managed to get my point across, I am not too good with words sometimes

 

[Rorysweetdimples]

I don't really want revenge, I am just so shocked. I just don't want to think of this every time we have sex. I questioned him about other women, but he said, "no, just your mom." As for my own fantasies, I suppose I am conservative in the fact that they mostly include my husband only. I proposed the question of how he would feel about a threesome with his brother, and he just asked me if I was attracted to his brother, which I am not. I think maybe it is just the idea that he could make her feel good when noone else could. (Are men really that egotistical, or is it just my man?) Personally, I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who didn't enjoy it that much. Plus, now I am jealous. We were at my parent's house last night, and I was continually watching him. I am very confused.

 

[Cheyenne]

You've been married a long time for this to just come up now. Do you look like your mom by any chance? Maybe he sees her as just an older version of you?

 

[DEFENDER]

Husband vs Mother

i think this is really weird, fantasy is fantasy, to overcome his fantasy you should make him face reality, if this is a problem for you. ask your mom over and get it out in the open the reality will be like an icy shower.

 

[Rorysweetdimples]

If I told my mother that this was his fantasy, she would never be able to look him in the face!!! She is really very shy. Of course this might be an interesting way to wake him up. If he thought she knew of his fantasy, maybe that would stifle it. Not that I really want to stifle his fantasies, I love that stuff , I just really hate this particular one.
You do pose a very interesting option, Defender. One worth looking into. Thanks.

 

[Kessler]

Not to worry. I think we are all in agreement here that your reaction to what your husband suggested is normal. I believe the most common sense approach would be to talk to your husband about this outside the bedroom when you both have your heads about you; an excellent recommendation that was posted earlier in this thread.

 

[Bs]

Ok here goes....

I would rather have sex with my sister's frozen dog tied to a tree than even run the discusting replusive thought of my mother-in-law.....

But, heres the deal a fantasy is just that leave it be. You asked he told... for you to bring mom in on the deal breaks the trust.... and heres a real replusive thought for you what if mom has the same fantasy and thinks this would be awsome! Not a pleasant thought for you.. me thinks.... for what its worth..

 

[Rorysweetdimples]

Nice imagery, BS, but, really, I never asked. It was just kinda "thrown out there". Believe me, I was, to put it in a southern way..."flabberghasted". I have mentioned it a couple of times since then, and have really made it clear that he shocked me, but he just says, "I'm with you, aren't I?" Well, to me, if he is thinking of banging my mother, then what is he thinking while we are having sex...of her?
Yuck. So, now we are not speaking...I am not sure if this is the underlying reason or not. Thanks for the suggestion, Kessler, but I am geting nowhere with that one. My husband answers everything with a question. He does know that I am outraged, though, and very very hurt.

 

[ContessaR]

Has your husband acknowledged that you're uncomfortable?

To tell the truth, I wouldn't worry too much about it, unless he mentions this fantasy repeatedly. Maybe your mom looked hot the last time he saw her? Was he drinking? The only thing that worries me is the "I'm w/ you aren't I?" part. Kinda sounds like a save to me.

I do know how you feel, though. My own mother is quite attractive, and I have had many a lover tell me they'd "do" her...nevertheless, I honestly would forget about it unless he mentions it again. We all say crazy things now and again while on that blood-rushing brink.

I hope this helps.

 

[clintoflov]

i suspect it is only a turn on for him to talk of your mother in such a way,maybe if u told him u talked to her about the sitution,and that her answer was no way or not interested at all.also explain to him u r hurt, for he has the best part of your mother in you.and it seems to not be enough then maybe you should look in other places for a man who accepts you and leaves your family out of the bedroom

jist a thought but what the hell do i know have been married to 3 difrent women so far in this life and have not
asked or even thought of screwing my mother-in-law


but then life is what you make of it and are able to live with that thought in your mind that's my thoughts for what it's worth do the right thing and good luck

 

[Softly]

Rory,

"Much ado about nothing," comes to mind. My guess
is that your experience with your father made you
think that your husband might act out his fantacy.
Girl, he has been your guy for eleven years. If he
really had plans to "cheat" on you, he sure would
not be telling you about it.

Thank you lucky stars that he trusts you enough to
tell you his thoughts. FYI, it is my belief, that
every man considers what an attractive woman might
be like to be in bed with, if he is around her a lot.

That said, the same man would respond, if you ask him
if he intended to act on that thought; "Do you think
that I have a death wish?"

 

[MunchinMark]

Just a thought

Your husband presumably does know that this bothers you. By now at least. Have you noticed him doing anything as he keeps comfirming that your mother is the object of his fantasies? Does he grin?(especially when saying that perhaps he can please her when no-one else can)

Before you head for major counselling, consider that he could find this funny and be joking, men can be sick like that.

 

[jdolan69]

let it go

a fantasy is just that a fantasy.
and part of telling your partner about your fantasy is to trust them not to laugh or freak out as you are doing.
Even if your husband would like the idea of your mother in bed that doesnt make him a bad person, she is just another woman. He is a man isnt he.
If you criticize him for his fantasies he may never open up to you again about this sort of thing.

Just a thought.

 

[Rorysweetdimples]

Well, I certainly am confused now...lol. It is very possible that I am overreacting. I guess I am more hurt than anything now that I have had time for all of this to soak in. I know that my husband has been faithful to me for the last 12 years, and you are probably right, Jdolan, he will most likely never tell me of any other fantasies that he has...but I am not sure I want to hear them. I guess I'm jealous. I want to be the object of his fantasies...not my mother. This has put a real damper on my self esteem. Maybe I am overreacting. But what man wants a mother and daughter at the same time?!! You guys have really given me great insight. Thank you for responding, and don't stop now!!!

 

[BMoreGuy]

Remember, the fantasy was what _he_ finds sexy. I have thought of mother/daughter couplings and found the idea to be intriguing. The fantasy is that I could see how the unknown partner would perform sexually. Because you were included in seems to be a very taboo fantasy, does not mean that you have to condone ir even accept that role for yourself. Also, fantasy is a mindstate used to expand our reality. We know that most of the fantasies are not going to come to be, allowing us to be more reckless with our desires and dreams.

 

[Scott Montgomery]

Ummmm, I am a guy, I'm married, and I would never, ever, ever even think about having sex with my mother-in-law. Let alone my wife and her at the same time. What's up with that? Now, I am totally into threesomes (my wife and another girl), although I have yet to have one, but your husband's idea is just plain wrong! Wrong in every sense of the word wrong!

 

[*Jennifer-In-Flares*]

rory you know its not adultery to fantasise about other people cause thats all it is a fantasy not real. it's a way to get more turned on. it doesn't mean he doesnt love you and it doesn't m,ean he doesn't still think you're the hottest thing to walk the earth. lol. the thing with your mom is probably just a turn on to him cause it's a big taboo. she's the least likely person to have sex with him so its a challenge. i had a bf who fantasised about his best friend's wife. his best friend was built like terminator so you know that wasn't ever gonna happen *jenny*

 

[Darius53]

Hey, I agree its just a fantasy! My wife often refers to my as "Daddy" during sex and I call her "Baby Girl". We both know what we are talking about, but after the sex, it's never mentioned. Now if he keeps insisting on it, you may have a problem.

 

[btlgse]

This reminds me of when my girlfriend asked what would happen if her daughter (23 y.o)made a play at me. i was freaked, I never considered the possibility,i did say, If she crawled into bed naked,I am normal,you know.But,no I would not encourage it. We RP'd this once,she started in the throes of passion. i suggested only if she watched, or set it up,this seemed to cool her off on the idea. she hasn't brought it up in a while, so maybe dress or behave like yous mother may cool him on the idea. But, never engage in something just to keep peace or whatever, if he respects you, he should drop it.

 

[Keith]

I guess remember that there are two kinds of fantisies:
the kind that you might want to act out (making love
outdoors, videotaping, ect) that really do no damage and
are done by mutual consent. Then there are the types
that are just fantisies and a person has no intention of
actually acting out (like nailing my wifes really, really
cute and hot younger sister, and yes, when my wife asks
"do you think she's sexy" I lie like a rug; after 12+ years
of marriage I know when to keep my trap shut! And I would
never act on it and jepordize my marriage).

So the question is which of these two catagories does your
husband's fantasy fall into? And I am sorry that this is
affecting your sex life, perhaps sharing some of the
fantasies that you have involving your husband and acting
out ones that you agree on might give you some perspective?

Also re his "I'm here, aren't I" comment, it is actually a
pretty typical attitude for a man. Men approach relationships differently than woman, and take a "If it is
not broken don't mess with it" approach. Men take the fact
that they have not left as an indication to their woman
that they are happy and contented in the relationship;
otherwise they would leave or do something about it.
There is more of this in John Gray's "Men Are from Mars,
Women are from Venus" (and no, I don't have any financial
interest in this book!).

I hope I helped.

Keith

 

[Rorysweetdimples]

I have that book,Keith... I guess I am just very hurt. I am sure he falls into the "I know it will never happen" catagory, but, I am the kind of person that can forgive, but I can never forget. I'm jealous. I admit it. Call me Ms. Insecure. Damn, I even get jealous of the women he dated before he met me!!! Obviously the problem is mine. But I also think this was very inconsiderate of him, KNOWING how insecure I am. Am I right? Or am I being a total Wuss?