Help me tell her to get a life!

[SeXy ReDHeD]

I have this fucken roommate that's been unemployed for the last two months. She hasn't fallen behind on rent yet, but she's plenty behind on the bills... as in about $500 behind... and it's making ME behind. I'm going broke supporting and feeding her leeching ass.

She is EXPECTING me to pay the bills for her. When the bills come, she just hands them to me and asks how I plan to pay. I'm getting royally fed up.

The problem here, though, is that I don't know how to tell her to get off the fucken couch and GET A JOB!

We're actually friends and I feel like if I say something I will ruin that, because I can never come off as "friendly". If I ever say something critical, I always come out sounding super-bitchy and sarcastic. But if I don't say something I'm going to ruin myself. UGH!!! I don't know what to do.

So anyway, to the question at hand:

HOW THE HELL DO I TELL HER WITHOUT COMING OFF AS A BITCH?
Is there even a way?

 

[Angel]

You have to be a bitch.

I just went through that, and ended up getting rid of my roommate. I am now behind 500 in bills and 2 months in rent (I paid my half, it's his half I owe)All because I wouldn't be a bitch sooner.

 

[Wizard]

Fuck being nice.......No one rides for free...She don't care enough about the friendship to not put you thru this shit?..................Selfish ......plain selfish on her part to pull this game on you......
I don't think you would be out of line at all to tell her start paying up.........Get of her dead ass and get a job......


Thats just me..............

 

[Ezzy]

Show her this...

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?postid=335041#post335041




EZ http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

[Edited by Ezzy on 01-29-2001 at 06:23 PM]

 

[TonyG]

First, you MUST say something to her. If you come off as bitchy to her then so be it. But, to let it go on any further would be stupid on your part. She is not really a good friend if she does this to you.

 

[jcgirl]

Obviously the friendship doesnt mean as much to her as it does you. Tell her straight out. Hey, i cant afford all this by myself!

 

[Mustang Sally]

I know what that's like, Red, and you absolutely have to stand up for yourself. Don't be a pushover. Try to be gentle, but be a bitch if you have to be a bitch. Sometimes that's what it takes to get through to a leecher.

Sit her down and tell her you simply cannot afford to pay all the bills this month. Ask her how SHE'S going to pay HER half. This may be the end of your roommateship, possibly even the friendship, but you obviously can't keep supporting her.

Ya gotta do what you gotta do.
She should understand that.

 

[SeXy ReDHeD]

I guess I'm going to have to be mean

*Sigh*

She IS getting her student financial aid on the 3rd, though, so maybe (hopefully) she'll pay me back. We'll see.

Thanks guys You've helped me make up my mind... and were extremely helpful, as always!

Love ya!

 

[Ree]

I would not hold your breath, Red, on her really paying you back on the 3rd when she gets her check. She doesn't sound like she is really all that interested in pulling her own weight, which if she keeps sitting on the couch instead of getting a job is going to increase exponentially. I hope she does and I will be the first to clap and bounce if she does pay. Being a bitch is the only way to go at this point. It has gone to far and she isn't going to respect you or your friendship if you continue to support her. I was robbed blind, literally, by my roommate in college and I was stupid and kind enough never to say anything. My fault, no doubt, but you can only learn from your mistakes and I hate to see you have to learn by going any further into debt. Hope we all turn out to be wrong, keep us posted on the developments.

 

[CreamyLady]

Kindness does not necessarily mean being nice. It would be a kindness for you to tell her to get out and get a job, or get out.

You have enough to do supporting yourself and getting through without carrying another, and if she develops the habit of being a parasite, she will never grow.

I have to agree with the be-a-bitch approach. It doesn't make you less of a friend. It does make you less of a victim.

 

[Mustang Sally]

She IS getting her student financial aid on the 3rd, though, so maybe (hopefully) she'll pay me back. We'll see.

I'm hardly the person to be giving this advice, but I will anyways: Do not let her take advantage of you!

Give her a few days, and if she doesn't offer you the money, casually remind her how much she owes you. Make sure she gives you at least part of it! I stood by silently while someone who owes me a fair bit 'o cash carelessly spent a bunch, and it right pissed me off. I didn't utter a word of complaint, but dammit, I should have! It made me feel like a door mat.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I wouldn't even give her a few days. Casually remind her that some bills are coming due on the first, but you can pay them on the third, would she like to take care of it or would she rather give you the money and have you take care of it. On the first, go with her to get the check, or when she goes to cash it so that you can get what you need to pay bills. Trust me, people like her who have no sense of responsibility won't think twice about blowing the whole thing before you get the bills paid. They mean well, but if you don't make sure the bills are on her mind when she has cash in hand, the cash will be gone. CYA sweetie.

Otherwise, kick her ass out. She will take advantage of you shamelessly and you'll end up paying through the nose for it. That's not friendship. You can be a friend all you want, but she has to be a friend back.

 

[Mortto56]

Do what I have done before.

Wait until the 3rd,ask her for some money,if she don't give you any,then on the 4th start packing her things up and set them on the front porch.

I had to do this before to a person that claimed to be my friend.They where all the time telling me,"Oh I'll have some money at the end of the week",or "Next week I'll get paid!" or some bullshit all the time.So one day I said "FUCK IT" and packed up their shit and sit it out on the front porch.

They where pretty pissed off when they came home and seen their stuff sitting out,"BUT OHHHHH WELLLL!" thats their tough luck.It wasn't me who had to look for a place to sleep that night.

Hope this helps!

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Being strong does not mean being either mean or a bitch.

You have to make an effort to get her to pay her own way, for her sake as much as yours. But you have to be more important than her to your self too, so if she wont then you need to deal with it. Don't pack her stuff up without making the effort, but don't hesitate if she wont pull her weight either.

Be blunt and open, let her know you aren't making it personal.

Be brave, braver than I.

 

[Closet Desire]

With friends like this...

...who needs enemas?

Seriously, friends don't fuck friends except in a long-term relationship...hee hee. Friends really don't do this to friends. I think the real danger here is that you will do all sorts of things to appear understanding and accomodating, but let's think about this. Your "friend" is quite happy to lie about without a job and hand you the bills wondering, all the while, how YOU are going to pay it. Your understanding, tolerance, and patience to her means acceptance. The "system" is in equilibrium and the only way it will change is for you to force it. It isn't personal, afterall, it's business.

Good luck Red...(wink)

 

[*Lazer*]

Perhaps you should think of it as doing her a favor. I lost a job once and was wasting away with depression. Finally my roomie came in and said " enough get off your ass and do something". I found my way to the health center and a doctor and got things sorted out. I am so glad she cared enough to tell me to get a grip and off my ass.

 

[Cheyenne]

People can only take advantage of you if you let them. I agree with the "with friends like these, who needs enemies" approach. She isn't a friend in her current state.

 

[livin_simple]

Since I agree with what's already been said, decided to try an entirely different slant on the topic....

Sexy Redhead:
Don't think of it as you being mean or a bitch. You can continue living in a victimized state but shift the blame.

You are now a victim of the will of the masses, a sort of 'Roommate Survivor'. We've voted that your roommate must learn about some of life's realities.

Hey, if she's sponging off my tax dollars you can even blame it on me!!!

 

[Mustang Sally]

Wow, suddenly this really reminds me of "Reality Bites" with Winona Ryder. Ever see that one, Red? Watch it and you won't feel so guilty. LOL