Help getting her back

[iioopp]

I need help getting my girlfriend back, her friends tried to get rid of me and it made me upset, I said things my girlfriend said about them to them, not to get rid of them but because I was upset, and she says I backstabbed her.

Now she is only listening to her friends and not to me. She believes that they were never trying split me up, but her friend keeps on trying it.

I need to prove I wont do it again, If anyone can offer advice on how to get her back it would be helpful. Shes a net girlfriend, but we were meant to see first time the end of this week. My life has been totally ruined. I have no where to turn so I thought he would be a good place.

Thanks.

 

[Booty Bandit]

Just hit the door and keep getting smaller.....it aint worth the pain

 

[Ezzy]

I need help getting my girlfriend back, her friends tried to get rid of me and it made me upset, I said things my girlfriend said about them to them, not to get rid of them but because I was upset, and she says I backstabbed her.

Now she is only listening to her friends and not to me. She believes that they were never trying split me up, but her friend keeps on trying it.

I need to prove I wont do it again, if anyone can offer advice on how to get her back it would be helpful. She’s a net girlfriend, but we were meant to see first time the end of this week. My life has been totally ruined. I have nowhere to turn so I thought he would be a good place.

Thanks.

1) You may think your life has been ruined...It may be shitty to say but this is not the sum total of life. She is an Internet girlfriend and you may feel closer to her than you are to any one else on the planet, but it is not the end of the world, it just feels like it.

2) Let her know the why, just like you have on here, in fact I would take your post and stick it as is into an email and send it to her, don't change anything, don't add anything, don't take anything away.

3) Learn from your mistakes, and if she refuses to have anything to do with you, that is her choice and she is the one missing out, on a wonderful relationship with you. If you have been in contact for a long time, and she cuts you off like this, what sort of relationship would you have had if you had got together, settled down and then you told one of her "friends" what she had said about them, would she have reacted the same? If she did then I really am not sure that you aren't better off out of the friendship than to stick with it.

4) You managed to meet this one online, you can meet another, and you may believe that this was your only chance, but what you did once you can do again. Do you live in the same town or close together, or was there a larger expense in meeting each other, and this might be her way of avoiding you and the expense.

5) Not trying to be too pessimistic here, but are you sure she is who she said she was? The fact that this is happening just before you are due to meet, for what sounds like the first time, it makes me wonder if she was truthful with you from the start, or if she has suddenly gotten cold feet because she has lied to you and she doesn't want to go through the embarrassment of having you find out, so is using this as a n excuse to block the meeting. If this is the case, but she still keeps talking to you online, look for another excuse that stops the next planned meeting and the one after that. If it happens again, you might want to re-evaluate the relationship from the beginning, this is usually a sign that some lies may have been told, like age or weight, or number of arms and legs, color of skin or hair.

 

[iioopp]

1) You may think your life has been ruined...It may be shitty to say but this is not the sum total of life. She is an Internet girlfriend and you may feel closer to her than you are to any one else on the planet, but it is not the end of the world, it just feels like it.

2) Let her know the why, just like you have on here, in fact I would take your post and stick it as is into an email and send it to her, don't change anything, don't add anything, don't take anything away.

3) Learn from your mistakes, and if she refuses to have anything to do with you, that is her choice and she is the one missing out, on a wonderful relationship with you. If you have been in contact for a long time, and she cuts you off like this, what sort of relationship would you have had if you had got together, settled down and then you told one of her "friends" what she had said about them, would she have reacted the same? If she did then I really am not sure that you aren't better off out of the friendship than to stick with it.

4) You managed to meet this one online, you can meet another, and you may believe that this was your only chance, but what you did once you can do again. Do you live in the same town or close together, or was there a larger expense in meeting each other, and this might be her way of avoiding you and the expense.

5) Not trying to be too pessimistic here, but are you sure she is who she said she was? The fact that this is happening just before you are due to meet, for what sounds like the first time, it makes me wonder if she was truthful with you from the start, or if she has suddenly gotten cold feet because she has lied to you and she doesn't want to go through the embarrassment of having you find out, so is using this as a n excuse to block the meeting. If this is the case, but she still keeps talking to you online, look for another excuse that stops the next planned meeting and the one after that. If it happens again, you might want to re-evaluate the relationship from the beginning, this is usually a sign that some lies may have been told, like age or weight, or number of arms and legs, color of skin or hair.

All that she said I was 100% sure about, we just known eachother for a while now, it's not like we just met on a chat room and started dating. She sure is special to me, things we shared, but was it all for nothing? She said I need to prove I wont upset her and that I love her, but I don't know how.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Any time a girlfriend's girlfriends are involved, you're screwed. Walk. Don't look back.

 

[TheCentaur]

Ezzy has some good advice. Also, I would offer to meet in a neutral setting to talk. Someplace non-threatening, and let her friends be nearby (not listening in, just close enough for moral support) if that will help the meeting get started. This happening right before a your first in-person meeting sets up a red flag.

Even if you don't get her back, it will not be for nothing. You will have learned something about yourself and relationships that you can apply to the next one.

 

[Bluewolfcry]

Unfortunately your going to have to accept fate on this one.

She may have dumped you for an entirely different reason but is just using this as an excuse.

By repeatedly trying to prove yourself your just goign to come off as desperate and she make take your actions as stalker-ish.

Lay low for a little while and then try calling her and saying you want to be friends....and hopefully you can get back on her good graces.

Either way it will be in her hands and you have to respect that.

Good LUck!

 

[Ezzy]

All that she said I was 100% sure about, we just known each other for a while now, it's not like we just met on a chat room and started dating.

She sure is special to me, things we shared, but was it all for nothing?

She said I need to prove I wont upset her and that I love her, but I don't know how.

1) I have been caught in being 100% sure about people I meet online, and saw their closest held pictures and I was sure they were who they said they were, but when we met, she sent her sister, the one she had all the pictures of, because she was 25 lbs over weight, 10 years older and not a blond, and her sister was not overweight, was my age and was blond. I spotted it in the first 10 minutes and called her on it, the way she framed her sentences was different than what I was used to, she sounded the same, but more giggly on the phone. So I speak to you with this in mind as a possibility.

2) If you continue to think about her, and about how you don’t want to make the mistakes next time you made this time, it has not been all for nothing, it has just been a learning experience, use it as such and it will have helped you in the next one.

3) The only way you can prove how you are going to act is to continue the relationship the same as it is at the moment, try and get her to meet you (the neutral turf idea is a good one), offer her a promise that you don't intend to ever do that again, (I say offer the promise, I have been married for 4 years to a woman I met online, and I manage to upset her at least once a month sometimes more, so if you make the promise what happens the next time you do upset her, after all is said and done, she may have the greatest temperament in the world, but she is still a woman with all the difficulties that entails while you are like the rest of humanity, an asshole of a man),

Even after you make that promise and move on again in this relationship, you will in my mind always be waiting for the sword of Damocles to drop from above your head, what will be the upsetting factor next time? How upset will she get? Are you just putting yourself in deeper and going to be hurt more, when that other shoe drops? Are her expectations realistic in what any man is capable of?

 

[TheCentaur]

I have been married for 4 years to a woman I met online, and I manage to upset her at least once a month sometimes more

Only once a month? You're doing really well.

 

[Ezzy]

Only once a month? You're doing really well.

Naaaaaa, if you read it carefully I say at least once a month, some months I loose track of the number of times I upset her, fortunately she keeps very good records and can tell you what I did, when I did it or if I should have done it but never did, etc.

 

[iioopp]

1) I have been caught in being 100% sure about people I meet online, and saw their closest held pictures and I was sure they were who they said they were, but when we met, she sent her sister, the one she had all the pictures of, because she was 25 lbs over weight, 10 years older and not a blond, and her sister was not overweight, was my age and was blond. I spotted it in the first 10 minutes and called her on it, the way she framed her sentences was different than what I was used to, she sounded the same, but more giggly on the phone. So I speak to you with this in mind as a possibility.

No I know her sister too, we must of spend 10-24 hours a day on cam to eachother, we shared everything.

2) If you continue to think about her, and about how you don’t want to make the mistakes next time you made this time, it has not been all for nothing, it has just been a learning experience, use it as such and it will have helped you in the next one.

I don't want a next time, I want her back, I believe she is the one, no other girl has been like this, even though it's over the net.

3) The only way you can prove how you are going to act is to continue the relationship the same as it is at the moment, try and get her to meet you (the neutral turf idea is a good one), offer her a promise that you don't intend to ever do that again, (I say offer the promise, I have been married for 4 years to a woman I met online, and I manage to upset her at least once a month sometimes more, so if you make the promise what happens the next time you do upset her, after all is said and done, she may have the greatest temperament in the world, but she is still a woman with all the difficulties that entails while you are like the rest of humanity, an asshole of a man),

She started the blame me again for things, and I said it was because of her friend was trying to split us up, she knows this herself, because she said she wouldn't speak to her again after she kept on trying it, but then did, and when I went against her friend, I didn't mean to say certain things, I just told her that she said she would never speak to her again... So she keeps on saying I haven't changed. Woman don't think logically to even get of of this one I have got to lie and say I meant it? I never tried to split them up...

Even after you make that promise and move on again in this relationship, you will in my mind always be waiting for the sword of Damocles to drop from above your head, what will be the upsetting factor next time? How upset will she get? Are you just putting yourself in deeper and going to be hurt more, when that other shoe drops? Are her expectations realistic in what any man is capable of?

I don't know what I will be putting myself up for, she says she needs time to think, she says she still loves me, but when her friends are with her she acts different (not the ones that tried to split us up, they were net friends too). She didn't have any real expectations, she just says she values friends more than any person in a relationship with her from now on, I don't believe that cause she always changes things to suit the argument. She said we can't even be friends. This is more of her friends doing I guess, hope she realises I am the one that loves her more than anything.

........

 

[Ezzy]

No I know her sister too, we must of spend 10-24 hours a day on cam to eachother, we shared everything.

I don't want a next time, I want her back, I believe she is the one, no other girl has been like this, even though it's over the net.

She started the blame me again for things, and I said it was because of her friend was trying to split us up, she knows this herself, because she said she wouldn't speak to her again after she kept on trying it, but then did, and when I went against her friend, I didn't mean to say certain things, I just told her that she said she would never speak to her again... So she keeps on saying I haven't changed. Woman don't think logically to even get of of this one I have got to lie and say I meant it? I never tried to split them up...

I don't know what I will be putting myself up for, she says she needs time to think, she says she still loves me, but when her friends are with her she acts different (not the ones that tried to split us up, they were net friends too). She didn't have any real expectations, she just says she values friends more than any person in a relationship with her from now on, I don't believe that cause she always changes things to suit the argument. She said we can't even be friends. This is more of her friends doing I guess, hope she realises I am the one that loves her more than anything.

Man, I wish you luck, tell her you want to stay friends and send her a link to this thread in an email, don't say anything else, don't add anything else, just let her come read it, and if you haven't told her about this place yet, perhaps she should see the nicer side of your nature and come in here too!

 

[iioopp]

No she doesn't know about this place, I just come to this place for advice now, that's all, no looking at much else. I wish me luck to and thanks, but I still need get her back, I know she's been crying over me, sick over me, but she says she needs time, whats that in girl terms?

 

[Ezzy]

No she doesn't know about this place, I just come to this place for advice now, that's all, no looking at much else. I wish me luck to and thanks, but I still need get her back, I know she's been crying over me, sick over me, but she says she needs time, whats that in girl terms?

Give her till the weekend, then email her, let her know you miss the daily talks, and tell her when she can get hold of you if you know your schedule. Then do it again in the middle of next week for the next weekend, if you know you are going to be out, let her know and don't leave your Instant Messager on while you are out, there is nothing that looks worse than that you "are there but aren't talking".

Good luck!

 

[iioopp]

Give her till the weekend, then email her, let her know you miss the daily talks, and tell her when she can get hold of you if you know your schedule. Then do it again in the middle of next week for the next weekend, if you know you are going to be out, let her know and don't leave your Instant Messager on while you are out, there is nothing that looks worse than that you "are there but aren't talking".

Good luck!

I still try speak to her on msn, but it's just me talking and her replying, it isn't both of us talking really, both of us getting involved... But it's been abit like this for some time, how do I make her laugh again and make her involved?