help! condom substitute?

[pinklipstick]

I just started seeing someone that is fantastic in bed. Just one itty bitty problem. He can't seem to climax with a condom on. At first we thought it was that the condom was not big enough around and was acting like a cock ring where it's rolled at the base. But after trying a larger condom, he's come to the conclusion that it is a combination of desensitization and a mental block against using a condom.

Now, I'm adamant about safe sex. We aren't doing ANYTHING without protection. But there has to be a compromise somewhere. I like it when a guy climaxes inside of me - I like the feel of the final thrusts and being able to watch the look on his face. But this is SO not happening without condoms. Suggestions?

 

[casuallysweet]

it depends on what you are trying to protect against. birth control will work against pregnancy, or if you use a diaphram (sp??). but if you are worried about STD's you need to get tested before going with out condoms, I'm not sure there is anything that is going to be protective against STD's besides a condom. it depends on how close you are, and how much trust is in the relationship....

 

[pinklipstick]

Sorry, protection against stds. I'm disease phobic. There is just too much going around these days and I listen to too many friends talk about how they have multiple partners. I get leery of taking chances.

 

[Naughty n Nice]

Sweetie, PLEASE use a condom until you've both been tested. You may be surprised how willing he may be to go for the tests. I had doubts about my ex boyfriend and he was more then willing to go get tested. We were both negative........then we broke up

 

[Native Alien]

naughty

has it right...no anything with out being tested, unless you use a condom...maybe try the ultra sensitive ones.

 

[Earl]

This guy is feeding you a bunch of bull. Not being able to cum wearing a condom is just his way to get to do you unprotected. The threat of disease is real so don't listen to his line of bull. This is one of the oldest ploys in the book. I think there is a condon for the female, you might check it out.

 

[Naughty n Nice]

This guy is feeding you a bunch of bull. Not being able to cum wearing a condom is just his way to get to do you unprotected. The threat of disease is real so don't listen to his line of bull. This is one of the oldest ploys in the book. I think there is a condon for the female, you might check it out.

I've tried the female condom, it was worse for both of us then a regular condom.

Earl, I want YOU to be MY man!!! If you can cum with a condom, I want YOU!!! Unfortunately, a lot of men really can't cum when using a condom. Be grateful that you can.

 

[cg_allstar]

Try putting a drop of lube on the inside of the condom. That should help if he's really not getting some sensation. Although, he may very well be feeding you a line.

 

[DevilBoy79]

try putting some lube on the inside of the condom tip, it will make it stick to the head of his penis more and be able to help with feeling everything better

*well golly gee, this is what i get for not reading all the posts, LOL * *great minds think alike is all i can say*

 

[Thaedes]

Whoa, Earl... Down boy. Don't jump to conconlusions so swiftly. Obviously they've had sex with condoms, and he hasn't cum with them on. So he needn't say anything. The truth is in the act. He hasn't cum with the condom on. I don't know about you guys, but I'm really not sensitive, my girlfriend can't even jack me off when she tries (which is a serious bummer because it upsets her greatly knowing she can't get me off with her hands).

In any case, there is nothing else besides abstinence that has relatively the same effectiveness in preventing STD's. As many of the others have noted, your best bet now is to go get yourselves Tested. If you both turn out okay, and neither of you are fooling around on the side then you may want to consider losing the condom.

 

[lovechild27]

I guess Im lucky...my bf doesnt mind using a condom at all. There is no substitute...I have heard horrible things about the female condom. If he doesnt want to wear one, then he can go get some booty elsewhere and you can find a man who cares about your welbeing like you do!

 

[The_old_man]

If he lubricates the inside of the condom as well as the outside and still can not climax - then he should not be able to climax without it. Less than one tenth of one percent of the population has a true alergic reaction to latex. The other 99+% have a psycologic reaction to wearing condoms - they just don"t want to.

A properly lubricated condom can not be felt durring intercourse.

 

[horny_giraffe]

I'm not a big fan of condoms--not that I can't orgasm while wearing a condom--it just significantly reduces my enjoyment.

Polyurathane condums (I tried Avanti Durex) transmit more sensation. Unfortunately, they are still pretty tight, and have not yet passed clinical trials showing that they stop disease--although it seems pretty likely that they will eventually pass. The polyurethane doesn't have pores the way latex does, and should stop everything. Personally, I prefer Trojan's Large Enz for comfort--but you said you already tried larger condoms. I've never tried Trojan MAGNUMs. Now, if they only made Polyurathane Large. (Come to think of it, they must make them, somewhere.)

Also, if the condoms are not reservoir-tipped, make sure to leave a little space in the end of the condom as a place for the semen to pool in. It can hurt like hell to have my semen stopped by the condom. Really. Talk about behavioral conditioning.

The reservoir-tipped condoms help prevent this.

And yes, I can sure-as-hell feel a condom, even when my partner is so slippery and loose that I feel like I'm fucking a jar of Vasoline between her legs.

 

["angel" eve]

phsycial feelings and mental feelings

my thoughts is that if you can't get past the mental feelings you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

at the same time, if you love him, you've got to make your own decision, do you want to get tested? keep in mind that if he's unwilling to get tested he's probably not a deserving man anywayz. if the idea of getting tested breaks up the relationship, then it was not a healthy thing in the first place. just keep that in mind.

 

[SXCRgirl]

pinklipstick, kudos to you for sticking to your guns. I *hate* condoms myself and I'm allergic to latex, but I will NOT be intimately involved with someone without it until we've gotten tested.

Maybe you should use the condom as part of your foreplay. Plus, putting lubricant in the tip of the condom to help with the sensation. Yes, it desensitizes the man and there's less feeling when having fun, but the consequences are just too great to ignore.

One of the guys I dated hated condoms too, but he got REALLY excited knowing that once I put it on, it meant that he got to fuck me. That in itself was enough help for him to achieve orgasm.

Just a thought.

 

[lovechild27]

I can understand not using condoms if your allergic to latex or whatnot...but I Have never found it that big of a passion killer for the guy to roll over for 30 seconds and slip one on. The way I look at it, he should be happy he is getting laid at all...

 

[Weird Harold]

A thought about relying on testing

Sweetie, PLEASE use a condom until you've both been tested. You may be surprised how willing he may be to go for the tests.

Testing is definitely a good idea, however...

There are several serious STDs that don't show up on a test until 6-8 months after exposure! I believe HIV is one of them.

The value of testing depends on how long you have been in a monogamous relationship and whether you can trust him to stay monogamous.

Meeting someone, on Friday, getting tested on Saturday, and feeling safe on Sunday and ever after isn't "safe sex" -- testing should wait at least a month from the last outside sexual contact and be repeated quarterly for at least a year before you can reasonably certain both partners are "clean."

All testing can reasonable say is that the person was "non-contagious" on the day they were tested.

 

[pinklipstick]

Thanks for the many replies, it's given me some things to try.

Just as a note, my issue wasn't that he refused to use a condom or that he refused to get tested. I think he's a better man than that (I would hope anyway). And he can perform quite fine (and long) with a condom on. It's just the finish.

I realize that testing is an option, but as Harold pointed out, there is a big gap to getting an accurate testing. And trust is always a factor. But let's face it, how many of us get into a situation where you WANT to trust but are simply basing it on hope - hope that your faith is justified. And for as romantic as that sounds, hope doesn't make for safe sex.

And it has always amazed me the definition some people have of safe sex. I'm not knocking anyone here - I'm just thinking about some of my pre-sex conversations with potential lovers. I'm not embarrassed about asking questions. I figure if a man thinks he knows me well enough to put his penis into my body, I should be able to ask questions about his sexual practices. I'm just always astounded with the lack of recipricol questions.

My favorite response to how careful are you, is, "I'm selective." Based on what? The way a woman dresses? The items in her medicine cabinet? Her vocabulary? Hmmm, the answers she had to the same amount of sexual history questions you didn't asked me?

Certainly don't mean to rag (kinda sounded like the, eh?). I do love sex. I just love my life more.

 

[Weird Harold]

My favorite response to how careful are you, is, "I'm selective." Based on what?

Probably based on entirely on her willingness to sleep with him.

Stay paranoid. It's always safer to be careful than it is to be hopeful. Eventually, There does come a point where you have to trust though -- however, "Trust but verify" applies to sex partners as well as it does to cold war enemies.

 

[Noneyabizness]

This guy is feeding you a bunch of bull. Not being able to cum wearing a condom is just his way to get to do you unprotected. The threat of disease is real so don't listen to his line of bull. This is one of the oldest ploys in the book. I think there is a condon for the female, you might check it out.

I agree with this post...I think the guy is feeding you a line, and you are falling for it. A bf of mine said he didn't want to use the condom once, and I told him if he wanted to be with me, it was a condom or nothing at all. He was able to climax with the condom just fine.

I once read if you put a little bit of lub at the tip inside the condom, it helps with increasing sensitivity. Don't know if this is true as I haven't tried that, but it is worth checking out if he is in fact having problems with sensitivity (although again, I don't think that is the case).

Good luck to you!

 

[Noneyabizness]

Try putting a drop of lube on the inside of the condom. That should help if he's really not getting some sensation. Although, he may very well be feeding you a line.

CG....

I love your AV!

 

[SilvaTungDevil]

I have never been able to cum in a condom. I have gone so far as to fake a cum because I was so frustrated. Now I live by a strict policy of naked rubbin' until both parties are comfortable with getting tested. You'd be surprised how much fun the naked rubbin' can be.

 

[Lust Engine]

A properly lubricated condom can not be felt durring intercourse.

Uh, I'd have issues with this statement! Of course it can be felt! Ever think that even a properly lubricated condom does NOT transmit the same amount of heat? If that's the case why are all condom makers touting sensitivity as a selling point?? It's an additional LAYER between you and the other person; no matter how thin a layer, it still seperates you.

I disagree that a properly lubed condom can't be felt during intercourse and I have no idea where you got that as fact.

 

[pinklipstick]

You'd be surprised how much fun the naked rubbin' can be.

Bet you I wouldn't!