HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Advice Needed Please)

Xtinas_Girlfriend

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Aug 10, 2004
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I'm sorry you guys, it seems like I'm always asking for advice on here, but once again, I need some help. I became really good friends with this girl during summer school (not the same one from before), and she is just - I would say absolutely perfect, but that wouldn't even be enough to explain how incredible she is! Lol, I guess you could say I got it pretty bad for her. We flirt too, occassionally cuddle, and when we dance together, it's so hot. The thing is, she's straight, at least that's what she says. And the bigger problem is that I'm straight. At least that's what I tell everyone. I desperately want her, but I can't tell her anything because I'm not "out." She just drives me so crazy, it feels like it's going to kill me if I can't have her. The only thing I can think of is to make a move when we've both been drinking because then it could be blamed on the alcohol. Does anyone have any better advice as to what I should do????? Thanks in advance. :rose:
 
Make the move! The worst thing she could do is say no. Life is too short to give a shit what anyone thinks. It will either work or it won't no big deal. Then move on.
 
Xtinas_Girlfriend said:
The only thing I can think of is to make a move when we've both been drinking because then it could be blamed on the alcohol. Does anyone have any better advice as to what I should do????? Thanks in advance. :rose:
i do understand how frightening this can be... but my suggestion...
Don't wait for a time when you are drinking... unfortunately... then it could be blamed on the alcohol and it sounds like she is important enough to you that you might want to know the truth of her feelings... not the level of her alcohol tolerance.

Good luck! :rose:
 
I think you should go for it too. The worst that can happen is she doesn't want to see you again and then at least she'll be out of your life and you can stop torturing yourself over her.

If she flirts with you and you cuddle that's a good sign isn't it? You could try something subtle like when you're cuddling give her a soft, lingering kiss on the neck and see if she responds. If she doesn't, no biggie.

This reminds me of the L Word when Dana's mother was a teenager and made a terrible pass at her best friend after they'd been riding (horses). They were hugging and suddenly she went for broke, kissing and grabber her boobs. It didn't go well (saddly, because that was damn hot). So don't come on too strong, just try something subtle.

I really hope it goes well.

Note: I really hope this isn't bad advice, but I'm sure someone will point it out if it is.
 
wow, reminds me of the situation im in. my best mate, i'm a 'little' in love with her, and when i say a little ...i dream about her :p :p anyway, the issue is she flirts with me like crazy then assures ppl that she doesnt like girls and i donth think she knows how bloody hair razing it is for me.

Unfortunately i cant give advice coz im bloody scared :p
 
Go for it!!! She may be thinking the same thing!! try a movie with steamy scenes in it, it may set the mood!!
 
Be honest with her, the next time you are dancing with her tell her that
she makes you so hot your wetting your panties. She might tell you the same. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Go for it. Good luck.
 
Move in!

A couple of drinks is a good idea. Don't get snookered. Just a couple to loosen the mood. If she turns you down you can act like you don't know what came over you. If not, you can do it again in the morning when you're both sober. Good luck!

Oh and if this works out of course we will want details....:nana:
 
Wow, thanks for the replies everyone. I was talking to one of my friends about this, she's a lesbian and one of the few people who knows, and she said it seems like the girl is waiting for me to make a move. But I don't make moves lol. I'm kind of shy. And I know I should tell her because that's the only way I'll know for sure, but we have the same group of friends, so if she turned me down it could be very awkward everytime we all hung out. Two people in our group our openly bi, one guy and one girl, I was thinking about talking to one of them about the situation, but I'm not sure which one to talk to, and if they let something slip, I'd be screwed.

Briar Rose, I understand completely!!! I could swear up and down she was flirting with me, but then it's like - maybe you're just super-friendly? But I don't really see her act that way with anyone else, is it like that with your friend too? Maybe she's just really comfortable with me and I'm taking that as more than I should. She's back with her boyfriend now, they dated for several years, and broke up in the spring. She's only dating him, her words, out of comort and because nothing else was going on. Another friend said it was because she was lonely, which breaks my heart. :confused:
 
hehe and i'll be the first to read it! my friend is a very wild out there kind of girl so one COULD think it was fairly standard behavior for her, but i get the feeling she focuses it a bit more on me than any one else. I know i've had a few ppl question our relationship :p i and was like 'i wish' :p i'm shy too. I think in the end, we'll have to pull up our courage and make moves coz it prolly wont happen any other way
 
briar_rose said:
hehe and i'll be the first to read it! my friend is a very wild out there kind of girl so one COULD think it was fairly standard behavior for her, but i get the feeling she focuses it a bit more on me than any one else. I know i've had a few ppl question our relationship :p i and was like 'i wish' :p i'm shy too. I think in the end, we'll have to pull up our courage and make moves coz it prolly wont happen any other way

My girl isn't too wild, she likes to dance, but that's pretty much it. But yeah, she focuses any wildness (i.e. freak-dancing, occassional lapdances) on me usually. I've never seen her dance with another girl the way she dances with me, or give lapdances to anyone else, guy or girl. I haven't really had anyone question it too much. But one morning we were at a friend's apartment after going out the night before, and she said I needed to smile, and I asked why? There's nothing to smile about, so she walked over to my chair, straddled me and began playing with my face trying to get me to smile. Now, she's Hispanic, and my friend told me Hispanic girls are more touchy-feely, and I've noticed this, I have a lot of Hispanic friends, but NO ONE has ever straddled me just to talk, especially not sober, or at like 11am lol. But anyway, our friend walked out (the bi guy I mentioned earlier) and was like what!? And asked her if she was still drunk lol. I think that's been the most forward thing she's done. BRose, we should make a plan to just go for it, set a day for it, and report back on here lol.
 
Hi Xtinas_Girlfriend

Just my 2 cents worth, but I say tell her. From what I've read here, you have a couple of bisexual friends. I assume that it's a circle of friends so they are her friends too. She doesn't seem to put out by the whole GLBT thing. AND you are receiving positive responses from her (or at least, I would characterize a lap dance as positive).

Granted, I don't know your particular situation or why you are still "in", but how bad can it be? She hasn't exactly freaked out on you so far, go the next step. I'd suggest a nice quiet setting, maybe a casual dinner with just the two of you. Don't go trying to kiss the neck or getting tactile right away. If she is adverse to the idea, that could end badly. But if you talk to her about it, my hunch is she'd talk back. Even to just say no thanks, but maybe yes ;) . I can say from personal experiance, that the getting worked up over the idea in this type of situation is generally worse than the reality.
 
amBIguous said:
I can say from personal experiance, that the getting worked up over the idea in this type of situation is generally worse than the reality.

Yeah, you're right, cus I'm getting really worked up (slash stressed out) over this lol. Thanks, amBIguous.
 
You're thinking waaaaaaay too much about this...

Any girl that straddles you "to make you smile" wants you. Hell, she is probably wondering if she has to hang a neon sign above her head proclaiming I WANT XTINAS_GIRLFRIEND! in order for you to make a move. Go for it, then write that story! :nana:
 
My ex girlfriend Paula and I never admitted our sexuality to each other. One day we just started making out under my kitchen table and then after that the question "What now?" came up and we started dating, but we never really had an "I lilke you" moment.

I find sometimes words can be too complicated and awkward so just a caress and then a kiss when you're in some other romantic-ish situation (dancing, cuddling, etc.) might work wonders for breaking the ice for romance, but I don't know the girl so I can't guarantee the results.

Good luck.
 
CelestialNight said:
My ex girlfriend Paula and I never admitted our sexuality to each other. One day we just started making out under my kitchen table and then after that the question "What now?" came up and we started dating, but we never really had an "I lilke you" moment.

I find sometimes words can be too complicated and awkward so just a caress and then a kiss when you're in some other romantic-ish situation (dancing, cuddling, etc.) might work wonders for breaking the ice for romance, but I don't know the girl so I can't guarantee the results.

Good luck.

Thanks CelestialNight. Yeah that's how I'm figuring it will [have to] happen. I don't think I have the balls to tell her, especially sober. I think just a random happening like that would be how it would go down...hopefully.
 
Okay, it's been a week and the suspense is killing me. Anything new to report yet? (Nosy arent I?)
 
Good Luck

I wish you the best of luck with this. If you two are close friends then you must talk about sex with eachother, maybe just mention you are curious. See how she reacts?

Anyway best of luck :rose:
 
One time at band camp...

Ok so it wasn't at band camp, but I had a similar experience to yours and it drove me crazy trying to figure out if she was into girls, so one night I wrote her a letter (after drinking a bottle of wine), and then had my roommate drive me to her house and I slipped it under her door. Not even a couple hours later she called and I found out that she did in fact like girls and had had a huge crush on me for a long time but could never find a way to tell me and probably never would have if I hadn't found my ovaries and wrote the letter. Who knows, maybe you might get licky, I mean lucky, too! :devil:
BTW: she also exhibited the SAME signs as your girl did...the cuddling, dancing with, caressing--now I look back and I think, "I was so dense!" So just do it...and then write about it :D
 
Wow, hey everyone. Sorry, I didn't realize there had been responses, I didn't get the email for some reason. Anyway, there is no update. I have not seen a lot of her because she's had like 4 tests in the last week. I only saw her for a few minutes Wednesday night. She's back with her ex-boyfriend, but she says she's only dating him out of comfort, because she was lonely. I don't know what to make of it. I feel like maybe I missed my opportunity....but I just know she's not happy with him. Sorry it's not a good update you guys :(
 
that's where you slip in the ol' line of "maybe you just need to find yourself a decent girlfriend instead of that loser ":D
 
FuckinRedneck said:
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So what happened next? Inquiring minds are itching to know...:nana:

Well, I thought it was going to end well but her SO, a man, got jealous of our connection and she decided to stop whatever we had :confused:
She broke my heart and I'm generally cautious around women because of that experience.
As far as what happened sexually, I'm sure you can read about similar experiences from other people on Lit because I'm a terrible writer and trying to recall that time in my past would be a literary disaster, not to mention heartbreaking all over again!
 
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