Help a cultural ignoramus!

[impressive]

I've just been invited to a Bar Mitzvah. Does one bring gifts to such? If so, what is an appropriate gift?

The invitation says it's a "traditional" Bar Mitzvah and as such, proper attire is required. Well, I wouldn't wear something sleazy ... or casual (like jeans) ... but what IS "proper" for a traditional Bar Mitzvah?

TIA,

 

[SlickTony]

Without actually knowing any more than you, I'd say wear your Sunday best, and a subscription to a magazine you know the kid would like, a gift certificate of some kind, or an upscale pen-and-pencil set would probably work.

 

[minsue]

You can't go wrong with cash. Kids of all ages love it and in any culture it always seems to be an appropriate "coming of age" gift.

Is there anyone you can contact to ask exactly what proper attire is?

 

[impressive]

Is there anyone you can contact to ask exactly what proper attire is?

Well, the obvious would be to ask the family ... but I don't want to appear so fucking clueless. Must Google ...

 

[BlackShanglan]

Well, the obvious would be to ask the family ... but I don't want to appear so fucking clueless. Must Google ...

Eh. It's never bothered me when someone asks me what to wear to an event I am planning. People live very different lifestyles, and everyone understands the potential for confusion - especially those hosting a religious event for guests from various other religions. Most people, I find, are all too delighted to give guidance on dress. The only way to look genuinely clueless is to not ask and then find out that they meant something other than you thought.

Could be worse, though. Could be a Brit interpreting a US invitation to a party with "fancy dress" specified

Shanglan

 

[minsue]

Eh. It's never bothered me when someone asks me what to wear to an event I am planning. People live very different lifestyles, and everyone understands the potential for confusion - especially those hosting a religious event for guests from various other religions. Most people, I find, are all too delighted to give guidance on dress. The only way to look genuinely clueless is to not ask and then find out that they meant something other than you thought.

Could be worse, though. Could be a Brit interpreting a US invitation to a party with "fancy dress" specified

Shanglan

Hell, Shanglan. I'm an american and I've got no fucking clue what "fancy dress" means. Is that my good jeans?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The Bar Mitzvah will have two parts, just like wedding: a religious ceremony and a reception afterwards. You'll want to dress as you would for a wedding, say, or a confimation. The way you'd dress to go to church.

The Bar Mitzvah celebrates the fact that the kid is now old enough to be considered a man for religious purposes, and can fulfill religious obligations like reading Torah in synagogue and conducting services at home.

The religious part of the Bar Mitzvah usually involves the kid reading a portion of Torah in Hebrew, followed by some speeches and a prayer or two. It can last from twenty minutes to an hour. I've heard of some that lasted over an hour, which to me is just unconscionable. It's the parents who usually pull out all the stops and stand there kvelling (bursting with pride). Since all the prayers are in Hebrew, you get pretty sick of standing there listening to some language you don't understand after a while.

There'll be a little reception at the synagogue (cake and wine and coffee maybe), and then you'll go to the reception, which is usually a luncheon. Stay for the meal, say mazel tov to the parents, and split. The after-lunch festivities are really for the kid and his friends, and while he may be a man, he's also going to be jacked on adrenalin and sugar and caffeine, and he's still only 13, an obnoxious age for human beings.

Give him cash in an envelope. I think you give it to him at the reception. $20-$50 should do.

Never did it myself, but all my friends did.

--Zoot

 

[impressive]

Thank you, Doc.

Now ... what does one wear to church these days? (Just kidding.)