Hello... where to start?

[MelnMe]

Hello,

We are a 40s happily married couple in the UK, Mel and Andy.

We've had a stressful time of it lately; we have 3 small kids and I (A) work away from home, leaving Mel with her hands full. We're desperate to get our mojo back!

Mel's an enormously sensual, hot-blooded woman and I'm very imaginative and physically fit. I get loads of time to dream and fantasize; she is usually so tired by 9pm she falls asleep with a full glass of wine in her hand. When I'm home I take some of the burden, but then we both fall asleep early!

I don't know if we're posting in the right place here. we spoke recently and I said I really want us to be more adventurous and seek new experiences. Like the signature says we've been together for 24 years and we're totally dedicated to each other but we need to stir things up a bit. We still play (every couple of weeks) and it's very intense, but we tend to always do it last thing at night as if it's unimportant.

I'd love it if we could chat with other UK couples who are in the same boat and have maybe had some success in breaking the cycle. I'm hoping I can get Mel to relax enough to perhaps come & introduce herself here.

Stop me if we're posting in the wrong section! Thanx, A

 

[suckonsimon]

Andy! Sounds like a fine woman you have there!

We are well past the years of exhaustion with small children. So the first thing I want to say: stay romantic with each other and when the time comes that you have more time in the day and more energy in the night - then the frequency and the quality can all kick in again, and better than ever. Don't lose the vision and the expectation of that, in the longer term. Don't begin to think that it will be 'tame' or something, when you're a bit older.

And meanwhile: do you have family or friends with whom you can be frank and honest? Someone who you can ask to have your little ones in the daytime when you are both around, and tell them why! Tell them you want some catch up time in bed - and not to sleep!

Another thing: let your children grow up with the assumption that mum and dad have fun in their bedroom and that's how babies get made. Don't be secretive with them about your sexiness, your attraction to each other, and your need for privacy from them so you can get naked and enjoy each other like grown ups who love each other do. They will be all the better rounded for growing up with that knowledge.

That's for starters from me, Andy. I wish you and Mel well. You'll find ways!

Simon

 

[MelnMe]

And meanwhile: do you have family or friends with whom you can be frank and honest? Someone who you can ask to have your little ones in the daytime when you are both around, and tell them why! Tell them you want some catch up time in bed - and not to sleep!

That's a good point!

I always preferred it in the daytime anyway; you can see everything and the photos come out clearer!

We might get some time on Wednesday (we're both off, and kids are at school) but she keeps reminding me she has her business books to do...

Etc etc

Thanks Simon for your advice and support!

A

 

[suckonsimon]

That's a good point!

I always preferred it in the daytime anyway; you can see everything and the photos come out clearer!

We might get some time on Wednesday (we're both off, and kids are at school) but she keeps reminding me she has her business books to do...

Etc etc

Thanks Simon for your advice and support!

A

Andy, sounds to me like there's the possibility she is so stressed with the demands of life that sex might fall into that same category for her just now - a 'demand' to be met, for your sake.

As a great lover you need to intentionally counter that: give her oodles of assurance of your delight in her even when you don't get sex. Do non-sexual things which will make her feel good about herself. Delight her with yourself as a pal, a soul-mate, a fellow parent, a crazy dude or whatever you are - not merely the man who wants into her puss. Avoid being another 'demand'! Be a consolation! a source of strength! a laugh! an attraction in whatever way you are beyond being the guy who can get her orgasmic.

And ... orgasmic ... do that too. Go for taking her into orbit when you do have some, such that she will swoon over it for days.

 

[MelnMe]

Hi again Simon;

You are right with everything you said. I don't want to be a burden, which is why I haven't been pestering her.

I do try to take the weight off her when I'm home and I know she appreciates it, even if she doesn't always tell me.

I used to be quite good at sex! I do really worship her body but she's so pent up she usually can't control herself for long. I really want to hold her on the edge for an hour or more if she'd let me.

 

[Tangledskein]

Agree with all of this. I have three girls and they are a real handful, but I wouldn't be without them. However, both my wife's working life and mine is also intruding into what used to be "our playtime"! To top that, as the kids go to bed sometimes later than me (I have to be into work by 06:00) the chances of us actually being awake in the bed at the same time are few and far between. And of course you don't want the lovemaking to appear contrived.

One thing I did was develop a sex game. Basically like Monopoly. You land on certain squares and have to do certain things, they could be timed, they could mean dressing up, or giving a blow-job, etc. etc. There are forfeit cards and things that must be done outside of the game say at work, like taking sneaky pictures or not wearing underwear, you get the gist; this touch of naughtiness can quite often get ou in the right mood when you return home. It is a way of being spontaneous whilst being predictable.

I agree that making time to spend together is crucial, otherwise the kids will have flown the nest and you will have nothing left between you.
Make the time.

 

[MelnMe]

Agree with all of this. I have three girls and they are a real handful, but I wouldn't be without them. However, both my wife's working life and mine is also intruding into what used to be "our playtime"! To top that, as the kids go to bed sometimes later than me (I have to be into work by 06:00) the chances of us actually being awake in the bed at the same time are few and far between. And of course you don't want the lovemaking to appear contrived.

One thing I did was develop a sex game. Basically like Monopoly. You land on certain squares and have to do certain things, they could be timed, they could mean dressing up, or giving a blow-job, etc. etc. There are forfeit cards and things that must be done outside of the game say at work, like taking sneaky pictures or not wearing underwear, you get the gist; this touch of naughtiness can quite often get ou in the right mood when you return home. It is a way of being spontaneous whilst being predictable.

I agree that making time to spend together is crucial, otherwise the kids will have flown the nest and you will have nothing left between you.
Make the time.

That sounds good! And I take your last point.

We have to be systematic about it somehow. Change 'we really must make time for ourselves' to something that actually happens!

 

[midatlantic_cpl]

Hello,

We are a 40s happily married couple in the UK, Mel and Andy.

We've had a stressful time of it lately; we have 3 small kids and I (A) work away from home, leaving Mel with her hands full. We're desperate to get our mojo back!

Mel's an enormously sensual, hot-blooded woman and I'm very imaginative and physically fit. I get loads of time to dream and fantasize; she is usually so tired by 9pm she falls asleep with a full glass of wine in her hand. When I'm home I take some of the burden, but then we both fall asleep early!

I don't know if we're posting in the right place here. we spoke recently and I said I really want us to be more adventurous and seek new experiences. Like the signature says we've been together for 24 years and we're totally dedicated to each other but we need to stir things up a bit. We still play (every couple of weeks) and it's very intense, but we tend to always do it last thing at night as if it's unimportant.

I'd love it if we could chat with other UK couples who are in the same boat and have maybe had some success in breaking the cycle. I'm hoping I can get Mel to relax enough to perhaps come & introduce herself here.

Stop me if we're posting in the wrong section! Thanx, A

Greetings from the other side of the pond! We have three kids (now teenagers) and finding time between everybody's activities has always been a challenge. That said, things will get better as your children grow older. I think you are on the right track seeking to make things more adventurous. Remember sex begins in your minds - working on increasing your adventurousness will only make things more exciting. In our case it makes us feel more energized too. We are also new to this group, but I have been pleasantly surprised how supportive the community is. I think you'll find some other wonderful UK couples to talk to.

 

[MelnMe]

Thanks for the encouragement, Mac! Can we call you m.a.c.?

 

[MelnMe]

Ps we had fun last night, read my post in Your last sex in f & s central!

 

[midatlantic_cpl]

Ps we had fun last night, read my post in Your last sex in f & s central!

Awesome! Isn't it fun to explore what your partner likes. I think you are in for a tremendous ride.

Mac is cool. Looking forward to hearing what happens next.

 

[MelnMe]

Awesome! Isn't it fun to explore what your partner likes. I think you are in for a tremendous ride.

Mac is cool. Looking forward to hearing what happens next.

I can't wait to find out as well!

A

 

[MelodyMel]

Hi Mel here.I've just been spending a pleasurable 15 mins watching sapphic porn with Andy and I think I know what might happen next, Don't expect me to reply any time soon!
xxx

 

[midatlantic_cpl]

Oh my!

 

[MelodyMel]

but just got diverted by conversing with ' hung ,sexy man' who wanted to play!

 

[MelnMe]

A here!

God, this is f*cking fantastic.

Mel is really getting into this.

 

[MelnMe]

She's hot for girl...

 

[midatlantic_cpl]

OK you've had 24 hours... You two are either in the hospital recuperating, or you've got some sharing to do!

 

[MelnMe]

Mel is definitely sore and tired!

Internet connection was awful last night so we didn't play as much as we'd like to have done. Online, anyway!

There seems to be plenty of keen, imaginative women out there. And lots of photogenic girls doing it on video...

=happy Mel

 

[MelnMe]

Well, I'm away at work again. Wonder if Mel will talk to us tonight?

 

[MelnMe]

Online right now! Mel is in bed next to me, sipping red wine in Chanel lipstick...

 

[MelnMe]

Would love to chat with likeminded folkses.

 

[sirius65]

Am i a folkses? Probably. I'd like to think so.

 

[MelnMe]

Hello!

Mel is actually here tonight!