Hearts

[darkest_night]

I've been lurking around here for awhile and finally have the nerve to speak up. I've really enjoyed learning about things I never even heard of before, and I've enjoyed Literotica alot.

I would like to know your thoughts concerning giving your heart completely, and what that means to you? How far do you allow yourself to go? Is it something you decide to do, or something that just happens and you don't have any decision to make at all?

Does meeting your loved ones needs become very important to you, enough that you would push yourself to do more to ensure their fulfillment than you have ever been comfortable with before? How do you handle whatever their sensitivities or issues are? Does giving your heart to them mean you would change your usual behavior(s), if it seriously concerned them?

Another thing, what boundaries do you have regarding privacy and the things that can cause problems with trust? Is your life an open book to them?

I guess I have alot of questions because I'm so afraid. Thank you.

 

[Bobmi357]

True love doesn't happen all that often, and even when it does, you have to work at it to keep it alive. But if you truly love someone, you'll

* Keep no secrets
* Would willingly trade your life so they might live.
* You'd certainly alter some of your behavior patterns, but love means your partner accepting you for who you are, not what they expect you to be.

Some people search their entire lives for love and never find it, others trip into it like getting hit by a truck. I never sat down one day and said "I'm going to search for the love of my live". Instead I found her battling Orcs on -4 with a party of barbarians and a wizard. Like shit, it happens.

Is what I feel for my wife true love? I'd like to think so, I'd gladly do just about anything for her. Perhaps its not fairy book love, but I'll happily take it.

 

[burrish]

I will answer your questions basted on my experience alone.
1)giving your heart completely....well that to me would be that you would do just about anything for your s/o. ex. move, or taking interests in what they like and them with what you like.
2)you take it as far as you can handle and yes love does hurt. i didn't decide to fall in love with my hubby, actually i didn't know that i had untill we decided to call it quits early on and he moved out, about a week went by and i just couldn't help it, i had to call him work things out and have him back. that is when i knew he was the one and that i had fallen in love.
3)yes. meeting their needs is very important but at the same time you still have to think of your morals and legal issues if it came to that, but in daily life and family life both of your interests should be taken to heart and talk about them and come to a compromise if possible.
4)it depends on how serious the situation was and you have to think of things in the long run as well. where as i told my hubby from the get go that i will not nor do i want to stop smoking, he doesn't like it but he has learned to adapt.
5) yes my life is an open book to him, i tell all and keep no secrets what-so ever, now i know he has some but i can't do anything about that because have a harder time expresseing them selves, or so i heard. but you should not cross some boundries like cheating unless you both agree it is a open relationship, you should always sit and discuss money so their is no fussing over where it went or what not.
6)and it is alright to be afraid, if you weren't you wouldn't be human. believe me when it first hit me that i was in love with hubby i got really scared and didn't know how to deal with it at first, i never thought i would fall in love and not know it.
good luck to you and keep us updated on things go

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[watergirl]

rambling me

I would like to know your thoughts concerning giving your heart completely, and what that means to you? How far do you allow yourself to go?

When I give my heart completely, my loyalty will last until it's no longer wanted, and sometimes beyond. But I do keep a rein on how fast & how deep I fall...

Is it something you decide to do, or something that just happens and you don't have any decision to make at all?

And, then again, sometimes, when I think I've got my feelings all settled - content with a friendship, and not wishing for anything more - I'll see a certain someone again, and I can feel my whole face light up. I want to see him smile, make his face light up, hear him laugh... listen to how his life is going, feel his hands on my skin... And I know that for better or worse, I'd be his if he wanted, in a heart beat. The trick is to enjoy things as they are in the meantime.

Does meeting your loved ones needs become very important to you, enough that you would push yourself to do more to ensure their fulfillment than you have ever been comfortable with before?

Yes, in certain ways. If they want me to change in a way that goes against my beliefs, no. I won't become maternal, or nurturing, or want a family. If he wants that, I'm not the girl for him, and even if I loved him, it wouldn't be a forever thing between the two of us. I won't give up my friends or my commitment to my job. I do not give in to jealous or possessive men. But, if they want me to try something new that they enjoy - travel, skydiving, food, something sexual.... yes, I would expand my limits.

How do you handle whatever their sensitivities or issues are? Does giving your heart to them mean you would change your usual behavior(s), if it seriously concerned them?

Again, it goes along with my beliefs and what I will not compromise, and what isn't that crucial to me. If someone claimed to love me, but was insecure or distrustful of my flirting - probably not someone I would remain in love with. "Hold what you have with an open hand." It's a phrase I read that stayed with me....

I wouldn't pretend to become religious, or go back to the Christian church much - might go on holidays, Easter or Christmas - but I'm not a believer in any particular religion, and that won't change. I'd be more likely to do something physical that they wanted - a tattoo, or piercings, something along those lines. I don't smoke or do any drugs, I rarely drink... If I fell in love with someone who said he couldn't be with me unless I
100% gave up alcohol - well, no problem, not a bit. There will always have to be compromise on some issues - I can't imagine any two people could be perfectly compatible!

Another thing, what boundaries do you have regarding privacy and the things that can cause problems with trust? Is your life an open book to them?

Yes, it would be. I have nothing in my past that I am ashamed of.. there are some choices I would make differently if I knew then what I know now - but nothing I regret so much I feel I couldn't tell someone I loved about it. I am sometimes more honest and straightforward than people are accustomed to deal with in our age of euphimisms and blaming others for our own choices. I am a firm believer in individual accountability... I expect honesty and will give it in return. If he couldn't handle my past or present actions - again, not someone I'd stay in love with...

For me, even liking someone has to include a healthy amount of respect, and without that respect, I couldn't completely give my heart. I hope I haven't wandered too much off the topic! And, as often is the case - I do agree with Pink - just because I love someone, that doesn't mean I have to tell them... better to love that which is loveable than to think less of yourself because you aren't loved in return... life can't always be what we'd like.

 

[Icingsugar]

To me, a thread like this is, in a way, redundant.

There is no way that I know of choosing to give ones heart to someone else. Like Bobmi said, it happens.

There is no allowing or not allowing to go this or that far. Love is a rollercoaster ride and to accept that you're not in control is the best thing of it all. Just cling on to it with all you have, and hope it doesn't leave you for dead.

Yes, the one you love should be your first and foremost priority. I find myself doing foolish things on a daily basis to keep my girl happy. Often way beyond common sense. But that's ok, she'd do the same for me, and does. So we guard each other's back against the world, and against our own dumb selves.

Should your life bean open book? Again, not my choice, it just happened. I have sins and I have secrets that I wouldn't even share with my mother. Things I regret and things I'm ashamed of. She knows them all, as well as I hope, and think, I know the darkest corners of her past and present life. That way, we can be just as ugly inside as we sometimes feel together, but still love eachother.

And that is what it's all about. Forget fairy tales and moonlight serenades. When you can be exacly the same person together with someone that you are behind your own private closed doors, when you and that person can be so relaxed and unglamorous together that even a stray fart becomes beautiful, when you can share anything, any little insane thought that you know you shouldn't say out loud, that's when you know you've hit gold.

In that sense, my behaviour did change. I took of the mask, the projection of who I wanted other pepole to think I am, and gave her the real me with all it's flaws, take it of leave it. If that had not been the person she wanted, then so be it. Then it's not for real.

You can hit gold in a second. Or it can grow on you slowly. I woke up one day after six months of and realised that the woman beside me and I had all that together, and that my heart had been lost to her for months without me even noticing.

That's when I woke her up and asked her to marry me.

 

[ReadyOne]

More than one person has said, "love is a daily decision every day".

 

[SexyChele]

I would like to know your thoughts concerning giving your heart completely, and what that means to you? How far do you allow yourself to go? Is it something you decide to do, or something that just happens and you don't have any decision to make at all?

For me, this has changed with time and various heartbreaks. When in my teens and 20s, I would give my heart completely, suddenly, fully without thought as to how wise it was to such a thing. After having been stomped on more times than I care to admit, I safeguard my heart now. It may be battered and bruised, but it is still precious to me and only to be given to a man who is worthy of it. So, in that regard, I hold back - big time. It is very difficult for a man to break down my defenses, and more than one has walked away because I no longer fall "in love" easily. Because of this, when I met my current S/O, he had a lot to prove to me. (But fair is fair - he has been hurt many times as well and also has many guards up!) We have been dating for just over 6 months and just recently have talked of love between the two of us. It is not easy for me to say "I love you" to a man. Those words echoed too many times in my mind after heartbreak. My S/O is having to show me that he is there for me, that he means what he says, that his feelings are real. That doesn't mean he does all the work, however. I need to overcome my own fears and demons. But, to answer your question, I am slowly deciding to give my heart to this man, so it is a conscious decision on my part.

Does meeting your loved ones needs become very important to you, enough that you would push yourself to do more to ensure their fulfillment than you have ever been comfortable with before? How do you handle whatever their sensitivities or issues are? Does giving your heart to them mean you would change your usual behavior(s), if it seriously concerned them?

Yes, my loved ones needs are important to me. That goes for friends, lovers, and family. As far as pushing myself beyond my comfort level? No, I no longer do that. I used to, in my younger years and found the payoff just didn't meet the demands. I don't believe that another person should "handle" one's sensitivities or issues. One can be conscious of them and aware of them, but the only person who can "handle" them is the person who has them. In that, I try to be aware of what my S/O's issues are and if he asks what I think, then I give an honest answer based on my opinion. He does the same for me. (Well, a little more heavy on the advice, as he is a "fixer"!) I would be willing to change my behavior if it seriously concerned him, but it would depend on the behavior. For example, would I give up my time at Lit? No, unless he can explain to me how it might be negatively impacting our relationship. But things such as this are two way streets. If he asks me to give up my time at Lit, I might demand that he start putting that toilet seat down. If he can put with one, then I can put up with the other.

Another thing, what boundaries do you have regarding privacy and the things that can cause problems with trust? Is your life an open book to them?

There are quite a few things in my past that I've done that I am not proud of nor would I ever want to repeat. I do not go around and just start telling folks about these things. In regards to my S/O, I would have to say that I am like an onion - the layers must be peeled back when I am ready to reveal them. I think this frustrates him, but he is learning why I do that and is being understanding. I do believe that when involved in a totally committed relationship, there should be very few secrets. But, as a most favorite line of mine from the movie Titanic: "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets."

I guess I have alot of questions because I'm so afraid. Thank you.

Giving one's heart can be much like taking that first step while blindfolded. But if you feel fear, you might want to hold back until you are more certain of the situation.

Good luck!

 

[darkest_night]

I'm sorry for the delay, this is a horrible time for me.

Beautiful thoughts, and exactly how my heart sees it.

But, he's lied to me, and I see that as breaking his committment to me. I love him with everything inside me, but hes hurt me beyond belief.

Thank you for your very thoughtful replies.

 

[watergirl]

Dear darkest, I hope things get better.. sometimes it takes a long time to forgive, and sometimes you never should. Give yourself a hug from all of us.

 

[ReadyOne]

I've seen lover defined as "being more interested in the welfare of some one or thing than the welfare of youself."

 

[Icingsugar]

I love him with everything inside me, but hes hurt me beyond belief.

Short question that I think you need to ask yourself:
Does he know and understand this?