healthy limerence?

[Sigh_Within]

Do you do better when you have that special something in your life?

50 yrs old woman, 5'9 and walks and stays active. Libido higher than ever and starving. Semi retired. I'm in the Midwest, USA.

I am a former hairdresser, I work at a food bank now. Walk regularly. Go to events at the library, I like to garden. Basically a woman next door with intimate urges that never stops. So I keep going and sometimes take a little to long holding my plump smooth tomatoes, or soap up in the shower

Making a special friend would be pretty great.
Open to exchanging notes, photos, phone calls. Something a little special just for us.
I appreciate clear communication of needs, expectations and boundaries, the best that we can.

Please reply a bit about yourself and what youre looking for so we can get a conversation started.

 

[Biglibido99]

I only came across the word limerence today & after looking it up & reading a bit about it, decided to do a search on here & your post was the top & most recent one.
I like that you use the term in a positive way as most of what I read focuses on the negative side of it - the infatuation, fantasy, day-dreaming, dopamine addiction, etc. I believe everything has a yin & yang so limerence has a positive side to it.
I'll PM you if you are open to discussing further.

 

[Spurtulator]

Do you do better when you have that special something in your life?

50 yrs old woman, 5'9 and walks and stays active. Libido higher than ever and starving. Semi retired. I'm in the Midwest, USA.

I am a former hairdresser, I work at a food bank now. Walk regularly. Go to events at the library, I like to garden. Basically a woman next door with intimate urges that never stops. So I keep going and sometimes take a little to long holding my plump smooth tomatoes, or soap up in the shower

Making a special friend would be pretty great.
Open to exchanging notes, photos, phone calls. Something a little special just for us.
I appreciate clear communication of needs, expectations and boundaries, the best that we can.

Please reply a bit about yourself and what youre looking for so we can get a conversation started.

I feel like I do better when I have someone in my life. Living alone without a partner or commitments, I feel like my eating and sleeping schedule becomes erratic. Plus I feel better with someone to be social with.

 

[Biglibido99]

From my reading about limerence, I recognise it in myself and from what I read it involves falling in love with the fantasy, the delusion of the relationship, rather than the reality. I believe we all go through this stage at the beginning of a relationship but that becomes more based in reality as we grow to know each other & either the love deepens or it dissipates.

I think that's what the OP meant in her post but there is a point where the fantasy can become the foundation of the relationship rather than the reality.

I have a GF & I'm pretty sure she is in love with the fantasy rather than the reality of her current BF of 5 months. She's 42, a single mother & from what she tells me - he's 49, divorced, no kids & pretty much lives the life of a single guy - lots of friends, partying, spontaneous, etc. But, and this is the big tell to me, she avoids asking him questions which I believe is based on the fear of reality bursting the fantasy bubble. After 5 months, I believe you should know a fair bit about each other especially when he stays with her every second week when her kid stays with his father. I always felt that this was a matter of convenience for him as she lives much nearer his work than his own apt situation (he doesn't have a car so in the the weeks when he isn't living with her, he stays in friends apts?). I always thought that it was a great setup for him - convenient location & great sex for a week) Another big tell is that whenever I say something on the phone which might interfere with the fantasy, she makes an excuse that she has to go to do some fictitious task.

I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to see her hurt. I feel she will ultimately be devastated if she wastes her years with him - she already had these feelings of wasted years after she ended a 15 year relationship with the father of their 8yr old son. She left him about 2 years ago & has been dating since. From what she told me about this relationship, she was also living a fantasy as he had cheated on her more than once and really was uninterested in her up to the point that she felt alone in the relationship - he was emotionally unavailable - just like this current BF is too, at least in it's early stages.

She has always had a gut feeling of unease about the BF - saying that he may not be long-term material i.e. that he doesn't consider her - they might make plans to do something together but he changes that on a whim to go out with his friends. She hasn't been invited to meet his friends - he made the excuse that he didn't think she would like him taking coke with them. He doesn't seem to plan anything for them to do together, she is the instigator. Although they have good bedroom compatibility, she seems to be the one who instigates it. He doesn't communicate his feelings much except when he has taken coke (don't know if he's psychologically addicted?) which she puts down to his personality - "he just isn't an expressive guy, & I'm too expressive",etc. When they live together every second week at her place, she complains that they live like an old married couple - she feels comfortable in his presence but I interpret it that there is no spark for him - it's just a matter of convenience & sex to him.

I know I'm giving a negative view of this & no doubt she would give the other side of the story but I'm just saying what's in my thoughts as the subject of limerence came up & my take on it.

I know I should probably let it all play out naturally but I know her & fear she will make excuses for the red flags, some of which she currently recognises but as someone said - when you look at things through the filter of rose coloured glasses, the red flags become far less noticeable, even invisible. I hate the idea that she will settle into a relationship where she is undervalued to the point of being used - until some day she wakes up to the reality of the relationship and I said nothing early on.

 

[Biglibido99]

In my research, I came across this YT vid which is a good discussion of limerence