He Is Becoming A She

[Miss Diva]

Ok so a guy at work is becoming a gal. HR sent a memo about it and all that blah blah stuff. However here is a question we all had:

Was he/she a lesbian in a man's body or when he/she becomes a woman will he/she be attracted to a man. We were wondering about his/her sexual orientation?

Any comments? Anyone? BTW we were all shocked.

 

[brioche]

Ok so a guy at work is becoming a gal. HR sent a memo about it and all that blah blah stuff. However here is a question we all had:

Was he/she a lesbian in a man's body or when he/she becomes a woman will he/she be attracted to a man. We were wondering about his/her sexual orientation?

Any comments? Anyone? BTW we were all shocked.

My cousin (male at birth) had the operation done, and changed her name, like from Robert to Roberta, though not those two names. Before the operation she liked men, and as far as i know she still does.

Are you sure that this guy dated women and was not attracted to men? I'm pretty sure she'll just go on liking the same sex she did before.

BTW, the proper term is she, not he/she. I'm not correcting you, i thought you might not know.

brioche

 

[snowy ciara]

Love is a many gendered thing, Miss Diva, and the only one who can answer your question is her. She could have been either one of those things or she could have been neither. If you really really have to know, when you get a chance, and you have her alone, say politely, "I was wondering if you'd feel comfortable if I asked you some questions about your transition." If she says no, drop it. Unless she's evidenced some interest in you personally, her sexuality is none of your business. If she's cool with answering your questions, politely ask her where her sexual interests lie. Some MtF transsexuals identify as lesbians and prefer women. Some of them are MtF transsexuals are interested in men, and identify as a lesbian in a man's body. It all depends on the person in question. As I recall from my own reading on the subject, the gender a person is attracted TO usually does not change post-transition.

I can't remember what country you're in, but if you DO decide to talk to them, this conversation should NOT take place at work. In some countries, like the US or Canada, this is sexual harassment, and you can be censured up to and including termination for such things.

Before you do anything rash, I recommend you track down two books. "S/he" by Claudine Griggs, which gives a pretty good generic overview of what a TG person goes through during the transitional process. The second is "The Bride Wore Black Leather....... and he looked fabulous!" by Drew Campbell, who is a FtM Leather person himself. The latter suggestion is basically a Leather Etiquette book. A got it for me after we talked about my panic at our date at the Leather Bar. I suggest it because the tone of your original post was slightly insulting to trans persons. That's not like you, really, so I'm thinking it was accidental, but if you really want to talk to this person about their transition, a little bit of politeness can go a long way.

 

[brioche]

Love is a many gendered thing, Miss Diva, and the only one who can answer your question is her. She could have been either one of those things or she could have been neither. If you really really have to know, when you get a chance, and you have her alone, say politely, "I was wondering if you'd feel comfortable if I asked you some questions about your transition." If she says no, drop it. Unless she's evidenced some interest in you personally, her sexuality is none of your business. If she's cool with answering your questions, politely ask her where her sexual interests lie. Some MtF transsexuals identify as lesbians and prefer women. Some of them are MtF transsexuals are interested in men, and identify as a lesbian in a man's body. It all depends on the person in question. As I recall from my own reading on the subject, the gender a person is attracted TO usually does not change post-transition.

I can't remember what country you're in, but if you DO decide to talk to them, this conversation should NOT take place at work. In some countries, like the US or Canada, this is sexual harassment, and you can be censured up to and including termination for such things.

Before you do anything rash, I recommend you track down two books. "S/he" by Claudine Griggs, which gives a pretty good generic overview of what a TG person goes through during the transitional process. The second is "The Bride Wore Black Leather....... and he looked fabulous!" by Drew Campbell, who is a FtM Leather person himself. The latter suggestion is basically a Leather Etiquette book. A got it for me after we talked about my panic at our date at the Leather Bar. I suggest it because the tone of your original post was slightly insulting to trans persons. That's not like you, really, so I'm thinking it was accidental, but if you really want to talk to this person about their transition, a little bit of politeness can go a long way.

You know, having read ciara's post, i don't think you should ask at all. i don't feel it's a subject i should broach with my cousin (i'm not wierded out, she's just a fairly private person - do you blame her?) so doing it with a co-worker seems very invasive. She's probably going through enough stress right now.

brioche

 

[DVS]

I have a co-worker (at least until recently) who went through the change from a woman to a man. Name changed legally, all documents changed so he is now legally a man in the eyes of the government...driver's license and even birth certificate has been changed.

She is now a he and all documents state that. He has had breasts reduced and been taking male hormones before the operation. Now, the only thing he doesn't have is a cock. But, from what I understand, that isn't as difficult as one might think.

As I said in my first sentence, until recently he was a co-worker of mine. He found another job that pays more money, so he obviously took it.

He is now legally a he, although those of us who knew him when he was a she would often find it difficult to say he and corrected ourselves in mid sentence.

But, he's happy and that's that. Personally, I don't know if I could go through all of what he went through for this sex change, but I'm sure I'm talking as someone who doesn't want a change. If I wanted a change, I'm sure that would easily drive me forward.

There is also a man who is going through the change into a woman. I don't know how far along he is, but he is wearing women's clothes and women's jewelry, now. I don't know if he is now a she in the legal sense or the physical sense. I'm not that close to know.

I must say though, he looks like a man dressed like a woman with male pattern baldness and all. Not something you normally see in a woman. Maybe when it comes time and he has the operation, they will also do something about the lack of hair. Or, maybe a wig would be in order?

My friend looked and dressed like a man as long as I've known him. He fooled me for the first few months I knew him, thinking he was indeed a man. So the change looks much better for him. And, my friend is younger so that probably makes a difference too.

My friend was very open and excited about the whole process. He felt he was a man in a woman's body and had to make the change for personal reasons. He liked women before (so that makes him a lesbian before the operation) and now that he's a man, I would guess he wants to be considered a hetrosexual male by strangers. Because he's so open about it all, I don't think he's that concerned what his friends consider him to be.

It can get complicated, if you try to understand some of this, without some awareness before hand. Yes, getting a book and reading up would be good. Some people are very picky on how you treat them both before and after the operation.

My friend is a very unique case, and quite open about it all, so I was exposed to it early on, as many of my co-workers were. Actually, I'm sorry to see him move on. I rather enjoyed the first hand education I was getting.

I'd be interested in a progress report, down the road a bit. And, actually, when you look at it, this could be very good for him. He is moving into a new workforce of people who will now know him as a man. Not a woman who has had a sex change and is now a man...just a man.

 

[timberwolf05]

Ok so a guy at work is becoming a gal. HR sent a memo about it and all that blah blah stuff. However here is a question we all had:

Was he/she a lesbian in a man's body or when he/she becomes a woman will he/she be attracted to a man. We were wondering about his/her sexual orientation?

Any comments? Anyone? BTW we were all shocked.

=============
comments?
yeah,........... i guess.
i tried to change over but couldn't find any medical help.
so i gave it up til i can.
lesbian in a man's body? yeah i guess i would be a lez if i made the change. i don't like men.
what i find odd is,..most redneck good ole boys will tease and taunt cross genders and tell them to bend over and pick up the soap in a shower and or learn how to say jell-ohhhhh on their knees....but i have never heard females tease cross genders except to say it is difficult enough to find good men and they don't want more competition...
i myself would not compete...i like females...

wolf
still male........

 

[Marquis]

If the government will legally recognize sex changes, why do they ban gay marriage?

 

[graceanne]

If the government will legally recognize sex changes, why do they ban gay marriage?

You actually expect the govt to be logical?

 

[timberwolf05]

If the government will legally recognize sex changes, why do they ban gay marriage?

====
double standards?
maybe figure MOST cross gender are seeking opposites, so it is still one m and one f?

but this is the same gov't that will pay $500 for a toilet seat...

wolf

 

[shy slave]

I have a friend who has just started hormone therapy to change from a man to a woman.

I will try and explain how he described it to me and I just hope I do him justice in this.

When we is dressed as a man, he notices women as sexual beings that he could be interested in.

When he is dressed as a woman those feelings of interest disappear and he feels closer to women as he does not see them sexually but as friends/confidantes.

He looks at women alot but he is checking out how they walk, dress, their make-up and how they act 'normally'.

This can give people the impression he is 'checking them out' sexually.

he was on hormones a few years ago and he found that as his physical shape shape changed so did his desires.

He became actively interested in men and their physique.

He also said he began to have 'feelings and emotions' when he was on hormones previously.

He plans to live as a woman once the hormones make the changes obvious and he has found a surgeon who will do the op once he has lived as woman for six months.

At the present time he does not feel sexually interested in anyone.
He has the wrong body shape for a woman and feels sightly over weight to be an attractive man.

His focus is on getting how to look like a woman and blend in correct so he does not immediately stand out as a transgender person.

 

[onceburned]

If the government will legally recognize sex changes, why do they ban gay marriage?

Actually transsexual marriage is a gray area in the United States. Yes, sometimes the marriage takes place but court challenges in several states - Florida, Kansas and Texas spring to mind - have the invalidated the marriage when the other partner (or the deceased person's family) gets sufficiently angry.

The worry is that transsexuals will open a back door to the acceptance of gay marriage. But the result is that a transsexual can not be married to a man or a woman and expect the marriage to be safe from a court challenge.

 

[DVS]

Actually transsexual marriage is a gray area in the United States. Yes, sometimes the marriage takes place but court challenges in several states - Florida, Kansas and Texas spring to mind - have the invalidated the marriage when the other partner (or the deceased person's family) gets sufficiently angry.

The worry is that transsexuals will open a back door to the acceptance of gay marriage. But the result is that a transsexual can not be married to a man or a woman and expect the marriage to be safe from a court challenge.

My friend got married as a man to a woman. I think it was in Missouri. I thought it was in Kansas, but because you said Kansas contests transexual marriages, I guess it was in Missouri.

Or did they run off to Las Vegas? I don't know, for sure. All I know is they got marriied, as soon as his gender was legal o th world.

 

[Miss Diva]

All this is quite hypothetical. I really do not know (met him once briefly in Feb. 2005 for all of 30 seconds and thought his hair needed a cut).

Turns out she has been working there for many years and alot of her colleagues are not shocked nor surprised as he was always more feminine than masculine.

Strangely enough though a lot of men were quite shocked while the women were saying stuff like "if she is happy then it is ok"

But she is coming to the office for training at the end of sept and I will keep you posted on people's reaction. I guess we sort of have to treat her like a new employee (in my case it will be easy, while for others it will be difficult)

 

[Netzach]

A new employee when she's been there for years?

Seems odd, but whatever. I've never understood the idea of treating someone like "a new person" when they are a person who's gone through a life process --that of transitioning. To pretend the transition doesn't exist always seemed weird to me and the TS's I've known, but I guess some people view it differently.

 

[Miss Diva]

A new employee when she's been there for years?

Seems odd, but whatever. I've never understood the idea of treating someone like "a new person" when they are a person who's gone through a life process --that of transitioning. To pretend the transition doesn't exist always seemed weird to me and the TS's I've known, but I guess some people view it differently.

Fair enough Net. However how am I and others supposed to react: "Hey how have your been Doug, ...uh I mean Jenna, what's new...?" seems a little weird no?

 

[timberwolf05]

Fair enough Net. However how am I and others supposed to react: "Hey how have your been Doug, ...uh I mean Jenna, what's new...?" seems a little weird no?

====================

yes i suppose that would be difficult...but i guess???? maybe??? yeah,..address her as the new name as much as possible so it feels natural? but yeah knowing someone male and then they are female...i see where it would be sticky....hmm...i never thought of it from someone else's view...just mine...being the one wanting to change...

thanks for the insight.

wolf

 

[Miss Diva]

====================

yes i suppose that would be difficult...but i guess???? maybe??? yeah,..address her as the new name as much as possible so it feels natural? but yeah knowing someone male and then they are female...i see where it would be sticky....hmm...i never thought of it from someone else's view...just mine...being the one wanting to change...

thanks for the insight.

wolf

And saying something like "you look different...is that a new hair cut" ... I am not trying to be funny but you have to admit it has all the makings of a comedy routing on saturday night live

 

[onceburned]

I am not trying to be funny but you have to admit it has all the makings of a comedy routing on saturday night live

Yes, I suppose it does. It may make quite a few people feel awkward - I would think that she would be rather hyper-sensitive and on edge. But surely she would also recognize that it is difficult for you as well.

I haven't been in such a situation, so I do not know how best to behave. But I think being low key and inclusive - inviting her to go with group of other women to lunch or out after work - might be appreciated. Even if she declines, she will not feel like an outcaste.... and I think that would be supportive of you.

 

[DVS]

And saying something like "you look different...is that a new hair cut" ... I am not trying to be funny but you have to admit it has all the makings of a comedy routing on saturday night live

With my friend, he couldn't wait to show us his man breasts after they had healed up. Now, I take pride in being able to handle a lot of things, so it really didn't bother me.

I took it in stride, because we had worked together (just the two of us for eight hour shifts) for a year. By that time, although still a woman, he was acting more and more like a man and had told everyone his intentions to go all the way with the operation process. There were times when he (although still a woman) would act very much like a man...like pointing out a woman with a nice set of tits and commenting on them just like a man would, etc. There were times you could look away and assume a man was talking. It was quite a interesting experience for me to see the change in this person take place. I'm thankful he was so open about it all with me.

But, he was also quite open with those he had known for a few years, too. And I think they would have rather he wasn't that open with them. I'm sure some of them were gay phobic and surely TS phobic, too. There were some who had known him longer as a woman weren't maybe as open about things as I am. The idea of him opening his shirt and showing off his chest was a bit much for those male friends. This was just not a topic they wanted to disguss.

And as for some men being bothered by a man wanting to change into a woman more than women are? It might be their own thoughts of having someone cut their cock off. You know, hetro men have a very good relationship with their cocks, and the thought of them being removed by accident, let alone on PURPOSE! Is not a pleasant thought to think about.

And, maybe they are just not secure enough in theire manliness to talk about it.

With my friend, he had his name changed before any operations and was considered male from that point on. When talking to him or about him, we would often say she by mistake. Of course, he would quickly correct us and we would go on with whatever we were saying. To this day, when someone talkes about him, they will still say she by mistake. Old habits really die hard.

 

[Miss Diva]

And how is sex handled

So this girl (from birth) and I were talking about this new girl who was a man. We assume she had her plumbing altered so that she now looks like a normal woman down there but without the periods and cramps.

Sooooooo we were wondering how she gets stimulated. I mean we women (from birth) have clitoris (sp?) but what does she have. Can she still cum like women do? Just a question. Any comments.

PS: And a guy from work went to meet her for lunch and he said the first couple of minutes were ackward but after that smooth sailing.

 

[onceburned]

Sooooooo we were wondering how she gets stimulated. I mean we women (from birth) have clitoris (sp?) but what does she have. Can she still cum like women do?

I think that depends on the type of the surgery, its success and also the general level of arousal this person has (some people simply have very little libido).

But I have read that one of the standard male-to-female surgeries preserves the blood supply and nerves which lead to the head of the penis (which as you probably know is very sensitive). This head is then used to fashion a clitoris.

Apparently this can have very satisfactory results.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

That toilet seat had better be soft as a baby's rear 'n heated... maybe even wash my tushy for me...

Lucky her.. no cramps...

 

[onceburned]

Lucky her.. no cramps...

No children either.

A post-op transwoman is in a situation similar to a bio-woman who has had a hysterectomy or menopause.

 

[Netzach]

No children either.

A post-op transwoman is in a situation similar to a bio-woman who has had a hysterectomy or menopause.

for some bio women that's a whether they can do it or not.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

One can't escape what they are, But they can become who they are. We're not gods.