Have you ever thought about running away?

[Guest]

There have been times in my childhood when I have packed a little bag and walked to the bus stop. I had convinced myself that running away from home would be the best thing for me. Usually, within an hour or two, I'd be hungry or needing a bathroom. I'd walk home.

Today, I'm an adult. And for the first time, in many years, I thought about packing a bag and running away. Why?

I want to hide from myself. I want to hide from the myriad of family problems that I let take over my life. I admit it. I choose these feelings.

I have a younger brother. He is a drug addict. He has lied and stolen from his family. I found out, last night, that he and his 17 girlfriend are having a baby. I watched as what little bit of hope left, in my parents' eyes died.

 

[tn_8tiv]

Raindancer,

Here's a big hug for you. Sounds like you have been having a rough time and could use a snuggle too.

When someone close to you in life faces problems, it's natural for your concern to create lots of stress. But your running away would take away the most important thing that person needs right now - you. Be there for him, support him and everything will work out in the long run.

We love ya.

 

[Calamity Jane]

sending you a hug raindancer.

I've felt the same. I have thought so often lately about packing a bag and hitting the road for places unknown...

be strong and have faith. it's all we can do.

 

[Guest]

You're a sweetheart. Your words mean so much to me.
There's some much history that I can't get into. My brother doesn't care if I live or die. He lives a totally self-absorbed life dedicated to hurting himself and others.

I still think running away to a nice, sunny beach might help.

Obviously, I can't.

I can't seem to find a coping mechanism, right now. And, it hurts.

Thanks for caring. Truly.

 

[Slinky'sWench]

I used to pack my bag as a child, run out of choc whilst sitting by the old tree in the field nr my home and go back.

at 17 I got on a train and kept on going, it took me 7 months to go back home

and now as a 'grown up' I still find myself wanting to run and hide from the pain inside. In 2000 I 'disappeared' for 5 months and it has been the hardest fight of my life coming back and facing my demons.

I don't really know where i am going with this post, except to say that I've been there and I am thinking of you *hugs* I've learned one thing, no matter how far or fast you run, you cannot escape what made you put on your running shoes in the first place.

 

[april-wine]

raindancer,

Sending you tight hugs.....I am sorry you feeling so low, if you need and ear.....

There is always a light at the end of tunnel, maybe this child will help to turn your brother around.....Hope is all we have, you are in my thoughts.........

 

[Guest]

PCG and wench,
You both are so right. And I know exactly what you're saying. My brain knows.
I feel emotionally and spiritually diseased. I know I'll deal. I always do. Today, I can't see the light. And, that's scary.

Thank you for your support. I really need it.

 

[Calamity Jane]

no matter how far or fast you run, you cannot escape what made you put on your running shoes in the first place.

*nodding* a professor told me once "No matter where you go, there you are." Didn't make much sense at the time, but I remember it often.

Light some candles, raindancer. Meditate, concentrate on YOU, you can't force peace... but it will come to you.

 

[Guest]

April,
Thank you, hon. I hope you're right. I just hope it's not at the expense of a child. And, I pray this does not kill my parents.
Feeling so helpless is disturbing. I'm a helper. I can't even get myself dressed today.
I really needed to vent. Thank you for letting me.

 

[april-wine]

Opening up the windows, wrapping you in hugs..........Vent away honey...........

 

[Guest]

Opening up the windows, wrapping you in hugs..........Vent away honey...........

Oh, I wish it were true. I need some hugs.

I need to find some energy. My adopted cat is coming to live with me tonight.
Funny how things happen, huh?

 

[Guest]

Thank you for the bottom of my heart. I felt alone. You guys, Lit., has reminded me that I'm not. I needed a bop in the head, I guess.
I'm going to make myself go for a walk. It's 80 degrees in January. I need to take advantage of days as these.

Thanks, again.

 

[Guest]

raindancer,

Yes, I've had those same thoughts many times. I even have them now every once in a while, too. When I was a little girl, I had this little white and brown suitcase that I'd pack with some of my dolls and my slippers but never any clothes. I'd also pack cookies, too. I would tell my mom that I was leaving and then I'd be out the door.

I would walk to the corner of the street, which was three houses down from mine, on the same side as I lived because I wasn't allowed to cross the street without a grown-up. lol

My mom knew me better than I realized. As soon as the cookies were gone - I'd be right home again.

Please try to smile, raindancer. If I lived near you, I'd be taking a walk with you. It's chilly and rainy here and I could use the sun and warmth.

Always know you have friends to lean on. Sometimes that's the only way you can get through these trying times. I feel for you and your family.

Hugs to you,
Enchanted

 

[juicylips]

Raindancer,
Sweetie...god...my heart breaks for you. All I can offer is chocolate, huggs and lots of kisses.

I can't count how many times I have wanted runaway, but life just won't let you. Too many strings holding you there.

I am always here, listening with an open ear and open heart.

Kisses,
Cassidy

 

[Hawks_Titansfan]

I have been there PLENTY of times.I have tried to run
away from myself/family and everything else.I have
tried to run away from who I really am.Because of that
I have felt fake for a long time.But I didn't want to be
a "runner"my whole life.

Everyone does have problems,but running away is never
the answer.You just have fo find the power within you
to fight off the problems.

I let my famlies thoughts take over my life aswell.It even
costed me a relationship that I really regret losing.

But life is what we make of make of it for the most part.Just
keep your head up and take care of yourself.You can't change
the world and most of the times you can't change family
problems so you just have concentrate on your life.

Good luck=)

 

[daughter]

Girl, do you want me to admit

how many times?

rain, my life could be a bad Monday night movie. Sometimes life does suck. Won't even go there with the drug tip.

Please hit my pm if you want to rant. I have plenty experience with what you're going through.

This too shall pass.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Georgia Girl]

Raindancer, many many hugs to you.

Yes, I have thought about it more times than I care to consider, the latest about 10 minutes ago. There are so many things and reasons to want to run. There is someone who posts here on Lit that makes me want to run away from this place of sanctuary I have found but I don't let him do that to me. There are things at home that make me want to run but I know that no matter where I am those things are still there because I can't leave my mind behind.

Many of us have experienced the desire to run away, we may have not been in the same situation as you but we have wanted to run. Thats when you straighten your back and pick up your chin and decide not to let the situation win.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Dawn

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Raindancer life sure does suck at times... sending big hugs...

I think about running away more than I should.......

 

[Guest]

Thought about it? I've done it when I was younger.

 

[HotXBunz]

Raindancer, big big hugs to you Dear One. In 1974 I ran. My family life was much like yours but I had three criminal brothers, an alcoholic father and a druggie mom. I ran. It took me years to sort through the guilt. I was the only grounded one there. I had to leave to be able to live. I went as far south as the road would take me. I tried for years to have a relationship with those people because of all of the "ought too's" I heard. They are family, you ought to make amends. That's blood, you ought to forgive. 600 miles of distance and over 26 years of living away could not stop them from trying to hurt me. Last year I stopped trying and I am finally free. The emotional burden I have carried all of these years really took a toll on me. I see my dysfunctions in my children and it hurts. My mother has turned her venom onto my children and that hurts. I wish I had turned my back completely way back then instead of trying to people please.

I don't know you or anything about your situation beyond this post but I hope you do what you feel is best for you.

If you are running from yourself don't, you will bring your baggage with you. If you need to run away from something that is not healthy don't let the "ought too's" keep you from taking care of yourself.

If your best friend came to you and told you a story like yours what would you tell them to do? Be your own best friend and follow that advise.

Good luck. I will light a candle for you and wish for peace in your life.

 

[seXieleXie]

*hugs raindancer*

when i find myself in times of trouble
mother mary comes to me
speaking words of wisdom
let it be
and in my hour of darkness
she is standing right in front of me
speaking words of wisdom
let it be
~
and when the night is cloudy
there is still a light that shines on me
shine until tomorrow
let it be


it's okay to hurt. it's okay to be scared mindless. it's okay to be angry. it's okay to not know what to do. it's okay. we're here for you. the people who love you in rl are there for you. as t.h. said, this too shall pass.
*more hugs*

 

[hatara]

raindancer hang in there hun

I have had more than my share of family problems and know your pain. A while ago my therapist recommended a book called "Toxic People" by Lillian Glass Ph.D.

Do yourself a favor and get the book also consider joining Al-Anon. When you have a family member with an addiction it tears you apart and makes you depressed. You do need to vent and that would be a great place to do it and it's anonymous but the hugs you get there are real.

I wish you all the best in life and all the cyber hugs that I can give.

 

[Guest]

Wow. I am humbled and amazed by the incredible support. I'm dead serious when I say you all will never know how much your words of support, encouragement, empathy, and caring has meant to me.
Thank you to those that posted after I left: Enchanted, Juicylips, Hawks, Daughter, GeorgiaGirl, T.H. Oughts, Tiggs, HotXBunz, Sexielexie, and Hatara.

Even though I have seen clients deal with these very issues, it's quite different when it's you that is confused and hurt.
After I finally got out into the sun and reflected, I felt better. Reading all your words helps the world feel a little smaller.
Thank you.

Big cyber hugs to you all.
And, if I can ever return the favors- contact me.