geronimo_appleby
always on the move
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2004
- Posts
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I put this up on the story discussion circle and then noticed that while that forum had one viewer this one had twenty five, I therefore decided that I would just copy my post across in anticipation of a greater chance of a response...
I am starting out on a new scene, or perhaps it's the first chapter of something bigger - who knows just yet? and I would appreciate some feedback on a descriptive passage.
The tale concerns an uptight Englishman who finds himself under the influence of a promiscuous (spelled?) and sexually diverse young woman. Ultimately, she will lead him to a MMF threesome which will involve bi-sexual sex (mainly oral but once again, who knows where it'll go) involving the males, the girl will be eagerly participating.
The English guy has had a morally strict, nearly repressed, upbringing he's not sexually inexperienced and could be labelled 'normal' (if there is such a thing!).
The passage below has come after their first date in a pub where the girl has received a lot of male attention (nothing physical, just stares and the like) and the couple have begun to walk back to her flat when she initiates an encounter in a park en route.
Okay, enough babble... Help anyone?
The girl became increasingly urgent and vocal as her yearning for release became ever more pressing. The obscenities that poured from her mouth shocked Sebastian. Even though his senses were buffered against logical thought; he was at first appalled by the torrent of filth and depravity that filled his ears.
Finally though there was the glimmering of comprehension that the inconsistency between the vileness of her language and Jen’s physical beauty actually increased his desire to do her bidding.
It was at that moment that the ancient gates leading to a dark world of depravity jerkily opened. Screeching and groaning on hinges desperate for the oil of morality, they eventually lay wide open, inviting Sebastian’s timid soul pass through.
The path that lay before him was littered with sordid images of sexual excess, with the trees of decadence lining the route to wickedness. This world was populated by a comparative few; but those who chose to dwell in this place revelled in the corruption, it was their world, and in spite of the darkness it was a pleasurable place to them. It was also a secret place, seductive in its draw with a vacuum waiting to be filled with the feeble morals of foolish men.
With a guttural grunt, Sebastian gripped his lover’s hips; his seed pumped rhythmically into her body, and, as Jen’s cries of mutual climax joined with his, Sebastian took that step through the portal.
I am starting out on a new scene, or perhaps it's the first chapter of something bigger - who knows just yet? and I would appreciate some feedback on a descriptive passage.
The tale concerns an uptight Englishman who finds himself under the influence of a promiscuous (spelled?) and sexually diverse young woman. Ultimately, she will lead him to a MMF threesome which will involve bi-sexual sex (mainly oral but once again, who knows where it'll go) involving the males, the girl will be eagerly participating.
The English guy has had a morally strict, nearly repressed, upbringing he's not sexually inexperienced and could be labelled 'normal' (if there is such a thing!).
The passage below has come after their first date in a pub where the girl has received a lot of male attention (nothing physical, just stares and the like) and the couple have begun to walk back to her flat when she initiates an encounter in a park en route.
Okay, enough babble... Help anyone?
The girl became increasingly urgent and vocal as her yearning for release became ever more pressing. The obscenities that poured from her mouth shocked Sebastian. Even though his senses were buffered against logical thought; he was at first appalled by the torrent of filth and depravity that filled his ears.
Finally though there was the glimmering of comprehension that the inconsistency between the vileness of her language and Jen’s physical beauty actually increased his desire to do her bidding.
It was at that moment that the ancient gates leading to a dark world of depravity jerkily opened. Screeching and groaning on hinges desperate for the oil of morality, they eventually lay wide open, inviting Sebastian’s timid soul pass through.
The path that lay before him was littered with sordid images of sexual excess, with the trees of decadence lining the route to wickedness. This world was populated by a comparative few; but those who chose to dwell in this place revelled in the corruption, it was their world, and in spite of the darkness it was a pleasurable place to them. It was also a secret place, seductive in its draw with a vacuum waiting to be filled with the feeble morals of foolish men.
With a guttural grunt, Sebastian gripped his lover’s hips; his seed pumped rhythmically into her body, and, as Jen’s cries of mutual climax joined with his, Sebastian took that step through the portal.
please.
