Hating to go home for the holidays

[intriguess]

THIS IS NOT AN INCEST THREAD

That being said I shall continue.

Millie was sitting as a local cafe holding a warm cup of hot chocalate with plenty of cool whip. She was bitterly dreading the holidays. Her best friend, the lovely modelesque blonde Claire, was going to meet her for lunch. Claire had nothing to worry about, she had a sexy fiancee to show off to her family.

Millie had no one at the moment having been dumped in early September before her birthday. He had been a total loser, which everyone was thrilled to point out at every opportunity followed up by 'I've got someone great I want you to meet.' The only thing she hated more than the pity was being set up.

Claire breezed in looking fabulous as always, and bragging about her fabulous fiancee.

"All I want for the holidays is a great pretend boyfriend, someone who can tolerate my family and be supportive of me. I can just see it now. WANTED Bacheleor for Christmas....perks public displays of affection, free food and alcohol, being with a family more dysfunctional than yours, and travel to small town Iowa. Requirements, single 25 to 39, no divorcees or single fathers, interest in fishing, sports, and guy stuff a plus, will have to deal with small children (nieces), and a lot of patience."

She laughed long and hard. Little did she know that Claire had taken her words to heart and that soon she would have guys calling her about her ad....

 

[Drinking Cap]

Sean Reilly

Sean Reilly was busy sorting through the miscellaneous "B" section of the Rock and Roll aisle. As he did this he noticed something that angered him greatly.

"Hey Bonghead" He called out to the youth with the nosering working the register of the small record store "If it's a band name, like Belle and Sebastien then it's in the B section. It's an artists name like Bob Dylan" He said this as he pointed to the copy of Blonde on Blonde he'd found "then it's in the D section."

The punk at the front of the store flipped him the bird. Sean took a second to regain composure as he realized that it wasn't such a big deal, a misplaced CD, but that he had just let his dreading going home for Christmas foul his mood. Sean had been the black sheep of the family, His brother and his father had breezed through law school, he'd taken 6 years to get a philosophy degree, His Father and his Brother were successful lawyers, he was 26 and working in a record store, his brother had a beautiful fiancee, his last girlfriend had left him for another woman. With his brother going to his Fiancee's place for Christmas, that meant Sean was in for a Christmas full of "Why can't you meet a nice girl and settle down"' type jabs from his mother and "When are you going to turn your life around and get a real job" type remarks from his father.

He ventured his way to the front of the store and was busy staring at the computer when he heard a familiar voice.

"What's up Dork?" It was Claire, his older Brothers obnoxious, gorgeous fiancee

"Hey, it's the revenge of the Stepford Wives. You might be lost, the suburbs are a couple blocks east." he snidely replied. He and Claire were a little antagonistic to say the least.

"Ha-ha. That's a good one. You know I've told you how smart and funny you are right? And I don't think I've ever mentioned this but you are very attractive in a sort of Geek Chic kind of way" she said, as transparent as can be

"What do you want Claire?" He said. Most of his conversations with his soon to be sister-in-law revolved around small insults so he knew that whenever she was being nice to him it meant she was going to ask for a favour.

"Well, you still don't want to go home for Christmas, right?" She asked, her eyes lit up with what was obviously quite a scheme

"No I-" he was saying as she cut him off

"Well, I've got this friend who really needs a guy to take home. You know, someone to show off to the folks, pretend to be her lovey-dovey boyfriend and, who knows, maybe the two of you might even hit it off." Claire was talking fast with animated hand gestures.

"Claire, I don't want to date any sad, weird fembot friends of yours"

"Doofus, you wouldn't be dating her you'd just be going to her house for Christmas. Please?"

"Well, I mean" Sean was thinking about it. He really didn't want to go home for Christmas. "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing's wrong with her. She's pretty and funny and smart. She has just this track record of only dating really sad, pathetic losers. So, you know, I figure..."

"That I'm just her type. Christ almighty, you could think up a new joke or two once in a while"

"Listen, I really think the two of you might hit it off. You're smart, your brother thinks your funny and I'm sure you must have some of Kyle's good looks buried under all that dorkiness" Claire said the last bit with a smirk

"Look, let's say I do this-"

"Yay!!!" she squealed as she clapped her hands "you'll do it!"

"If I agree to this, what do I have to do."

"Well, call her up and say you're responding to her ad" She chuckled with that "and then you and I will hit the town. We'll get you fixed up and perfectly presentable to be introduced to her"

"Fix me up? What's wrong with my look?" He asked as he stepped back. His light brown hair was shaggy and the bangs hung into his eyes, just over his glasses. He had a leather jacket over a Ramones T-Shirt and some ripped jeans on.

"Your look? Sean, you look like you just got back from following Phish on tour"

"So what do I have to wear?"

"Oh, you know, pants, a shirt, maybe horrors upon horrors a jacket and a tie. C'mon, it'll be fun. We'll have a real future relatives bonding day" She smiled at him with the same smile she used to get his brother to go to the theatre or attend one of her parties.

"Or, you know, you could just push me under a Bus" He said this as she dragged him out of the store.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several hours later Sean stepped out of his shower and looked at the new him in the mirror. He had gotten his hair cut at a salon in what Claire assured him brought out the best in his face and she had bought him practically a whole new wardrobe, most of the items in which cost more than he paid in rent. As he looked in the mirror a wave of revulsion overtook him.

"Sweet jesus, I look just like my brother. " The thought horrified him as he went to the phone and dialed the number Claire had given him.

"Hello?" A sweet female voice picked up

"Uh, yeah, hi this is Sean. Claire told me to call about your ad? About needing a boyfriend for the holidays?"

 

[intriguess]

Millie

When she heard what he said she was ready to kill Claire. Sometimes she wondered why she and Claire were friends. Claire had one of those work anytime part time jobs, which meant she had plenty of time for make-up, spa days, and shopping days. Some times she resented Claire's lifestyle, why did she waste so much time and effort on her appearance. Then again her perfect fiancee was a lawyer and they were all about appearances.

After all she wasn't like any of Claire's other friends, the other bridesmaids were all thin waiflike sorority girls. She stood out like a sore thumb with her dark mahogany hair, and brown eyes with a core of green. Besides the fact that she was five inches shorter than most of them at 5'2" and her dress had to be different so it worked with her curvy figure. She wasn't dreading the wedding so much as the reception.

Back to the guy on the phone, she wondered who Claire would have dug up for this task. "I'm so going to get her back for this," she paused a second and realized she had said it out loud. "I'm sorry I wans't expecting a reply so soon. You know Claire, give her a task and a month later she's asking what you wanted her to do." Millie laughed, something told her to hang up but at the same time he sounded a bit unsure of himself which told her that if this was a set up it was both of them being set up. "Do you have any questions?" she wasn't sure what else to say and part of her was hoping Claire had done this with the Christmas spirit.

 

[Drinking Cap]

After Sean had asked the initial question there was a silence on the other end of the phone

"I'm so going to get her back for this," the voice on the other end of the line had said. This confused Sean slightly, as he had assumed he was answering some personal ad. He let the comment hang in the air though. As she continued talking he caught another glimpse of himself in the mirror. He was shorter than his brother, standing a shade under six feet but while his brother had played football and gotten beefy, he ran track and was on the skinny side of lean. Still, he had his brother's hair colour and blue eyes, facial structure, the whole nine yards really. The resemblance really weirded him out.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Oh, well, yeah I guess I do have a couple of questions. Claire wasn't as specific as she could have been in regards to what this whole thing is actually about. I'm not sure if you're looking for a date to bring home to the folks or a guy to pretend he's a boyfriend as you bring him back to the folks for Christmas. Although to be honest, I'm alright with either one." Sean stopped himself. He was rambling and nervous and he was sure he was sounding like an idiot.

 

[intriguess]

Millie

"Basically you get to be the ideal boyfriend for the holidays, Wednesday night to Sunday morning, some travel, snow, a variety of Christmas celebrations, dinners, and desserts. Mainly just be supportive of me and some public displays of affection, well and share a bed with me." It sounded very complicated and she hadn't even mentioned her dreaded Stepmonster.

"You don't have to pretend you're someone else, whatever job and interests you have will be fine. I have a variety of brothers from sports nut to computer geek to car fanatic so regardless between the four of them you should find someone you can talk to when I'm away. I bet everyone will have something to ask you." She sighed thinking about the last time she'd brought someone home for the holidays. "Other than creating a few lies about how long we've been together and when we met I'd like to keep it simple."

She licked her lips and paused, "I suppose we could talk it over dinner, my place......Do you like Lasagna?"

 

[Drinking Cap]

"Basically you get to be the ideal boyfriend for the holidays, Wednesday night to Sunday morning, some travel, snow, a variety of Christmas celebrations, dinners, and desserts. Mainly just be supportive of me and some public displays of affection, well and share a bed with me."

Sean just nodded along as he listened to it. It kept sounding better and better. He got to avoid his family for the holidays and spend it with someone else's nicer, much less passive-aggresive family.

Wait a minute, he thought, does she mean share a bed in the literal or biblical sense. Literal, it's gotta be the literal sense.

"You don't have to pretend you're someone else, whatever job and interests you have will be fine. I have a variety of brothers from sports nut to computer geek to car fanatic so regardless between the four of them you should find someone you can talk to when I'm away. I bet everyone will have something to ask you."

Sean just kept listening and smiling. Far from being the unmotivated, unsuccessful screw-up he got to be the great guy boyfriend who everyone will be talking to. He'd never had a small-town christmas before and the visions in his head were pure Norman Rockwell.

"Other than creating a few lies about how long we've been together and when we met I'd like to keep it simple."

Fair enough, he thought

"I suppose we could talk it over dinner, my place......Do you like Lasagna?"

"I..I do. Love it. Sounds great. Uh, just give me your address and I'll stop by at, oh, 8-ish?"

 

[intriguess]

Millie

Oddly enough he didn't ask what the catch was.....she gave him her address and spent the next few hours cleaning up her apartment, putting lasagna in the oven and took a long relaxing bubble bath. What would it be like to share a bed with him? What did he look like? She doubted Claire would set her up with a complete dog, but at moment he seemed too good to be true.

She finally got out of the tube combed her hair and clipped it up off her neck and was considering what to wear. First impressions are important. She finally opted for 'date' wear. The only black bra she owned and black panties. She wasn't one for matching her underwear since finding a pretty bra in her size was near impossible without spending a fortune.

She dabbed a little perfume on and inspected her closet. She was rummaging though her stocking drawer when she found a padded envelope. When she pulled out the purple garter belt she smiled. She had forgotten she owned it, she loved purple and they were beautiful. She put it on and hooked up a pair of smoky black silk stockings.

She looked back into her closet, so much of her wardrobe was "proffesional" clothing. Dressy but demure......she searched into the back and found the purple velvet dress she had made when she much younger, but luckily not smaller.

She slipped on the dress, it still fit a tad snug across the chest but fine otherwise. It was sleeveless and she found a sparkly shawl she wore for special occasions and wrapped it around her arms and headed for the kitchen.

The food smelled fabulous, she had a bottle of wine chilling on the table to help relax the evening. The table was set very simply. She was going to light candles and decided against it, she wanted lighting that would be conducive to conversation. Then she wondered if her dress was going overboard......

She glanced at the clock, it was almost eight.....but it was too late as the doorbell rang.


She took a very deep breath, wished she had bothered with make up as she headed for the door.

 

[Drinking Cap]

Sean paced around his bedroom as he thought about the phone coversation. Why in the world was this girl willing to take a stranger home for the holidays? What's wrong with her? Or her Family? Should I call I up and cancel? What should I wear?

Finally, it was the last of these questions that he began to dwell on. This wasn't a date, it was a meeting of co-conspirators. Should he go formal? Casual?

I wish I'd asked, he thought. Eventually he figured better to be over dressed and grabbed one of his new shirts off the rack. It was a light blue dress shirt that he figured would go well with the black CK suit that Claire had made him promise to wear tonight. Her words of the afternoon kept guiding his choices

"Remember, less Sean, more Kyle" she said any number of times. When he finally finished off the outfit with some black dress shoes and a black tie he took in the whole picture. He had to admit that he looked good in a Wall Street kind of way. If looking and acting the part of the "perfect" boyfriend was the price he paid for avoiding his parents for the holidays then he'd gladly wear a tie, a cummerbund or a freakin' top hat. Stopping in the bathroom for one final look, he decided to reconsider the glasses and put in the contacts.

"Less Sean, more Kyle" he smiled as he walked out the door. Heading down to the street, he opened the door of the Jeep that had been a graduation present from his parents. Sean decided that since he was going to have to get used to the idea of being the perfect boyfriend he should stop and get some flowers. There was a florist a few blocks from where Millie lived and he pulled up in front of it. He walked inside and began wondering what kind of flowers would be appropriate for the evening. As if reading his mind, the sales clerk, a pretty young blonde approached him

"Is there anything I can help you with?" she asked in a way that if Sean didn't know better he'd swear was a bit of a come-on

"Yeah, you can actually, what flowers do you think are right for a girl you're meeting for the first time whose boyfriend you're going to pretend to be?" He asked this question as if it wasn't completely ridiculous. The clerk just laughed.

"No, seriously"

"Oh, well, roses then. Can never go wrong with roses"

"Really, you don't think it's sending too serious a message" Sean didn't want Millie to think he had the wrong idea

"Too serious a message about your pretend relationship? I don't think so. Roses, trust me." Sean laughed at this and grabbed one of the bouqets of roses and brought it up to the front.

"That'll be 19.99 please" the girl said as she rang up the sale "You know, if you're ever in the market for a real girlfriend..."

Sean just smiled. Maybe there was something to the whole dressing up thing after all. Sean paid, grabbed the flowers and got back into his car. It was a short trip to the address he had written down and he got there as his watch read 7:55. He knocked on the door, hoping his being early wouldn't send the wrong signal. Sean's last thoughts as the door opened were the same ones before you saw any blind date for the first time. The door swung open and Sean was shocked as he caught his first glimpse of Millie. She wasn't the glamoury, model type he had expected from a friend of Claire's but she was a short and curvy brunette who looked like the girl next door of a boys dreams. He was definitely glad he had dressed up, as she had a long velvet dress on that definitely drew the eyes to her chest. Sean realized there'd been a bit of a pause.

"Uh, uh, I'm, uh, wow" Sean forgot his own name for a second "Sean. I'm Sean. You must be Millie. These are for you" He thrust out the roses.

"How sweet of you Sean. Nice to meet you" she smiled at him. Did that mean she liked him? She had a great smile. "Won't you come in?"

"Uh, yeah, definitely." he smiled back as he followed her in. This was going very well already.

 

[intriguess]

Millie

Oh my god, he was a slightly smaller clone of Claire's fiancee Kyle. She looked at him closely noticing differences and then realized that she had said very little.

"Please come in," she noticed the roses, which were gorgeous. "Let me put those in some water." She took the flowers glad to have something to do with her hands and headed for the kitchen. "Make yourself at home," she smiled again. She was smiling a lot as she put the roses in the water and set them out. The buzzer went off and she deftly removed the lasagna and set it on counter to cool a bit. She watched him looking around staring at the few family photos she did have out.

At least sharing a bed with him would be interesting....she found herself wondering what he slept in, if anything. She smiled and pulled the salad out. "What kind of dressing do you like?"

She set out salad on the table, and opened the wine bottle. She smiled yet again and slipped the shawl off, her body was getting very warm.

So far so good she thought. Now if I can just get through dinner without talking about my family....

 

[Drinking Cap]

"Make yourself at home" Millie had said as she turned and walked into the kitchen. Sean couldn't help but let his eyes follow her voluptuous curves as she walked away.

You know, I think I'm starting to like Claire, he thought as he looked around her place. It was roughly the same size as his but whereas his was sparsely decorated and messy, hers was cozy and looked, well, nice. He looked over her bookshelf when he noticed a picture frame. He picked it up and looked it over. There was Millie, her brothers and her mother and father. They looked perfectly nice, the epitome of your average American folks. Sean began to wonder what could be so scary about these people that Millie couldn't face them alike.

"What kind of dressing do you like?" Millie had returned to the room.

"Oh, uh, anything is fine." Sean just couldn't take his eyes off of her in that dress. He walked up to the table and held out Millie's chair for her. All of the private school manners he had picked up seemed to be coming back to him in a hurry. He took his seat and began picking at the salad.

"So, Millie, I guess if we're really going to be in the business of fooling your family you should probably fill me in on the details. You know, when we met, how serious we are, why you need a fake boyfriend. You know, normal first date stuff."

 

[intriguess]

Millie

"I'm a therapist, I have several part time jobs that work as a full time job. I work two days a week at the women's prison, run groups at the nursing home, and have free form group sessions on thursdays evenings and every other saturday." She took a drink of wine hoping to calm her nervousness. "My favorite color is purple, I like rain, I enjoy doing crosswords, and in my free time I sew. I have a Master's degree and have paid off my debt and own my car." She was trying to decide what else should be said.

"As for us meeting, I think we should keep it simple. Claire introduced us and eventually sparks flew." She paused, "Most of my family is great but at the holidays they tend to be so involved with the holiday and themselves that I end up picked on, picked apart, asked why I'm not doing more....and so on."

Great the serious stuff, "Well first off, my parents are divorced. Several of my brothers are step brothers. My only real brother is happily married with two daughters. My one step brother recently had his marriage split up so the focus will be on me. Both my parents are remarried, my stepmother is a piece of work and until I brought a boyfriend home a couple years ago my Uncle thought I was a lesbian." She felt like she was talking really fast to avoid the bad stuff.

"So you still want to meet them?"

 

[Drinking Cap]

Sean just nodded his head as she quickly ran through the list of things he should know about. He kept getting sidetraced though, as his eyes kept dwelling on one part of her or another, her eyes or her smile or her ample chest.

Therapist...purple....Master's Degree....self-involved family....Step-Mother....lesbian. Eventually it all got to be a little busy for him. The information was coming at him faster than he could handle it so he just kept nodding and smiling. Eventually he heard something that sounded like it ended with a question mark.

"So you still want to meet them?" she asked with a nervous look. Sean just laughed. He didn't catch all of it but it just sounded like your garden variety modern day family. If he was showing up to play Johnny Q. Perfect it sounded like a walk in the park.

"Of course. It sounds like something out of Orwell. Or Rockwell. Whichever one it was who painted the pictures." This got a little smile out of her.

"So Sean, is there anything I should know about you?" She asked him pleasantly

"Oh, me, not much to tell I suppose. I own a record store downtown, it doesn't keep me very busy which is about how I like it, I have a bachelor's from Cornell." He thought about interesting things to say about himself and couldn't think of any "My turn-ons include honesty, sensitivity and moonlit dinners and my turn-offs include bad hygiene, bragging and hairy men"

He let the last one hang in the air for a second or two.

"Okay, actually, those are Miss December's turn-ons and turn-offs but I think they're pretty universal." This brought another smile

"Fair enough, how about your family Sean?"

"Oh even less of a story there then with myself. You know Claire, which means you probably know my brother Kyle, who's a perfectly likeable guy if, you know, you rooted for the Omegas when you watched Animal House. Uh, my parents are still together for reasons only known to themselves as my Mother drinks too much and my father cheats on her too much. " Sean coughed nervously as he finished that part of the story. He was mentally kicking himself as he was sure he had told her way too much personal stuff. Still, he thought that he should be perfectly honest with her.

 

[intriguess]

"the unhappily married couple.... That must be tough to watch. I didn't list my turn ons or turn offs." I decided to swithc to a lighter tone. "Turn ons honesty, nipple sucking, playfulness, and creativity. Turn offs roughness, crudity, and a guy who thinks he knows it all."

I was trying to lighten up the tone and figured I had suceeded as he broke a smile. "Care to practice kissing?" I tossed it out and hoped he would accept and was not at all surprised that we had finished dinner during our conversation and I moved to the couch and licked my lips. I watched as he moved towards me, "After all it's going to have to look natural, so best to practice up."