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Guest
Guest
This rang too true for me. Perdita
Jon Carroll - March 30, 2004 - San Francisco Chronicle
I am still gamely doing my workouts at Hiroko's House of Pain, and I have discovered something very odd. It may be me, or it may be part of the human condition. My heart wants "human condition," but my brain says "me."
It's this: Operating my body is a lot like driving a clutch automobile, except in this respect: I eventually learned how to drive a clutch car; I have not yet conquered my own body.
The basic problem is, I think, that I have no neurological map of my body in space. I do not know whether my shoulders are over my feet unless I look. I do not know whether my chin is lined up with my belly button -- which, believe it or not, is an important piece of information.
So suppose I am doing a simple stretching exercise called "the cobra." You may know of it. It involves lying on your stomach, putting your hands flat on the floor at about shoulder height, then pressing your hands down so that your head and upper torso rise gracefully off the ground, thus stretching your back in a wholly healthy way.
So I am doing that. Hiroko, my, ahem, personal trainer (I do it because, by God, I am worth it, and I like myself more every day because I am OK, you're OK and we are children of the universe no less than the slugs and the snails), says, "Relax your shoulders."
"Are my shoulders not relaxed?" I ask. This is the nut of the problem -- I don't know whether my shoulders are relaxed. So Hiroko gently pushes on them to show me how tight they are. I experience enlightenment, but I do not know what to do about it.
About a month ago, Hiroko tried to get me to rotate my shoulder blades. I was supposed to put my arms straight out, then move them back without bending the elbows. Doing this, it was alleged, would automatically cause my shoulder blades to rotate -- and maybe it did; I just could not feel them rotate. Hiroko rotated them for me so I could get the idea.
I get the idea. The idea isn't the problem. I had lost the brain-shoulder blade connection. I did not know where to locate it. My in-mind search engine was malfunctioning.
That same search engine is unable to tell me when my shoulders are tense. I can, however, relax them if I concentrate on the task. However, if I concentrate on the task, my head tends to rise up, thereby stretching some damn thing in an unhealthy way. "Make your spine long," says Hiroko, which is not an instruction you want to think about for more than three seconds. "Keep your head in the neutral position." You know that one -- it's between D and R on the gearshift.
So I make my spine long, but then I tense my shoulders. I literally cannot both keep my head in the neutral position and relax my shoulders. I cannot concentrate on two things. I can walk; I can chew gum; don't ask me to multi-task.
I should emphasize that the cobra is by no means the most complicated exercise I do. I am sometimes required to lie on my back and raise my right arm and my left leg, then my left arm and my right leg, back and forth, up and down, like a human semaphore, all the time not shifting my weight from buttock to buttock, keeping my back in the neutral position, engaging my core muscle group and singing "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring." The singing is optional.
So finally my spine is long and my shoulders are relaxed and I press up and Hiroko says "exhale" -- and I realize that I cannot tell whether I am exhaling or inhaling. I could find out, but that would mean forgetting about my back. I try to think -- is my breath going in or out? Are my lungs expanding? Am I making a gasping sound (inhaling) or a whistling sound (exhaling)? -- but I cannot work it out.
So I hold my breath through the whole thing. Much better all around.
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I'm trying to get in touch with my body, but my body is not returning my calls. It's in a meeting with my latissimus dorsi. Is that a word?
Jon Carroll - March 30, 2004 - San Francisco Chronicle
I am still gamely doing my workouts at Hiroko's House of Pain, and I have discovered something very odd. It may be me, or it may be part of the human condition. My heart wants "human condition," but my brain says "me."
It's this: Operating my body is a lot like driving a clutch automobile, except in this respect: I eventually learned how to drive a clutch car; I have not yet conquered my own body.
The basic problem is, I think, that I have no neurological map of my body in space. I do not know whether my shoulders are over my feet unless I look. I do not know whether my chin is lined up with my belly button -- which, believe it or not, is an important piece of information.
So suppose I am doing a simple stretching exercise called "the cobra." You may know of it. It involves lying on your stomach, putting your hands flat on the floor at about shoulder height, then pressing your hands down so that your head and upper torso rise gracefully off the ground, thus stretching your back in a wholly healthy way.
So I am doing that. Hiroko, my, ahem, personal trainer (I do it because, by God, I am worth it, and I like myself more every day because I am OK, you're OK and we are children of the universe no less than the slugs and the snails), says, "Relax your shoulders."
"Are my shoulders not relaxed?" I ask. This is the nut of the problem -- I don't know whether my shoulders are relaxed. So Hiroko gently pushes on them to show me how tight they are. I experience enlightenment, but I do not know what to do about it.
About a month ago, Hiroko tried to get me to rotate my shoulder blades. I was supposed to put my arms straight out, then move them back without bending the elbows. Doing this, it was alleged, would automatically cause my shoulder blades to rotate -- and maybe it did; I just could not feel them rotate. Hiroko rotated them for me so I could get the idea.
I get the idea. The idea isn't the problem. I had lost the brain-shoulder blade connection. I did not know where to locate it. My in-mind search engine was malfunctioning.
That same search engine is unable to tell me when my shoulders are tense. I can, however, relax them if I concentrate on the task. However, if I concentrate on the task, my head tends to rise up, thereby stretching some damn thing in an unhealthy way. "Make your spine long," says Hiroko, which is not an instruction you want to think about for more than three seconds. "Keep your head in the neutral position." You know that one -- it's between D and R on the gearshift.
So I make my spine long, but then I tense my shoulders. I literally cannot both keep my head in the neutral position and relax my shoulders. I cannot concentrate on two things. I can walk; I can chew gum; don't ask me to multi-task.
I should emphasize that the cobra is by no means the most complicated exercise I do. I am sometimes required to lie on my back and raise my right arm and my left leg, then my left arm and my right leg, back and forth, up and down, like a human semaphore, all the time not shifting my weight from buttock to buttock, keeping my back in the neutral position, engaging my core muscle group and singing "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring." The singing is optional.
So finally my spine is long and my shoulders are relaxed and I press up and Hiroko says "exhale" -- and I realize that I cannot tell whether I am exhaling or inhaling. I could find out, but that would mean forgetting about my back. I try to think -- is my breath going in or out? Are my lungs expanding? Am I making a gasping sound (inhaling) or a whistling sound (exhaling)? -- but I cannot work it out.
So I hold my breath through the whole thing. Much better all around.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm trying to get in touch with my body, but my body is not returning my calls. It's in a meeting with my latissimus dorsi. Is that a word?
