Has writing erotica taught you anything about your own sexuality?

[christo]

The first story I posted on Lit was about a teenager being seduced by an older, sexy neighbor. A pretty common scenario, and one that has dominated my own fantasy life because I actually grew up next door to a gorgeous older woman who, alas, never succombed to my smouldering masculinity.

So I knew I had a thing for older women. I've also get turned on my women who smoke. These quirks I was aware of. But as I look over my stories, I keep finding recurring themes that I didn't know were bouncing around in my subconscious.

For example, in many of my stories the protagonist finds himself tied up or restrained in some way. Now, I've never gone into any BDSM, and I don't read those kinds of stories. The bondage described in my stories isn't that threatening or ominous, but its there. Hmm...

And in a lot of my stories the male narrator finds himself getting anally penetrated by the female object of his desire. I've had some experience with this, and loved it, but I keep coming up with stories that involve guys on all fours while sexy women loom with strap-ons. It comes up over and over in the things I write. Umm...

Anyone else bring some submerged sexual kinks to the surface thanks to writing filthy porn?

 

[Quiet_Cool]

How inhibited I truly am, and how much I need to relax. I write the stories, and while not everything in them is something I'm interested in--sometimes I just write something to see if I can--when something I write turns me on and I think, I've never even tried that, then realize that I might never ask someone to do it, I realize that I just need to chill out and be myself.
Easy to be relaxed with your writing, I guess, being as it's yours...

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I've explored my sexuality a lot through my writing. I've tried out things to see what I really think of them...and I get to indulge in things I would never do. I think it adds to my sexuality

 

[Guest]

Mmmm, yes christo!

Many of the plots of my stories are actually true (some have been embellished a bit, of course). But they do tend to follow our interests - (romance, anal, spanking, and just lately strap-on use). I think in our case, at least up to now, the sexual experience was first, and then the stories later developed.

I am an educator. Though I could never admit to being prim and proper, I certainly retain a more dignified and somewhat more inhibited demeanor than sweetsub. My writing has freed the "inner" me. I am constantly dreaming up new ideas, new areas of exploration. My husband teases me, but he is very interested in my new ideas, and always wants to know if we should do something tonight worthy of a future story!

I must confess, it is great to have a husband who understands and appreciates those qualities in his wife!

 

[Madame Manga]

I used to have an exaggerated fear of rape, which I overcame by writing nonconsent stories. Strange, but true!

Years ago, I couldn't even read a story that had the slightest hint of nonconsent. I would feel physically ill because the mere idea bothered me so much. I avoided driving by myself, I never went out at night, and so on. Of course, the fear of rape is always in the back of every sensible woman's mind, but my fears kept me cooped up and affected my life. I read and wrote erotica, but still I had a phobia about this particular thing.

Then I tried writing a story that had a nonconsent scenario. I don't recall what spurred me to do that--maybe I was just tired of limiting myself. I discovered that when I was in complete control, as the writer, the whole idea took on an entirely different dimension. I could make anything happen and I could make anything not happen--it was all in my hands.

Now I love to read and write nonconsent stories. ;-) I still steer away from the nastier sort that resemble *actual* rape, since violence and humiliation are not my thing in the least. I draw a very firm distinction between fantasy nonconsent and genuine violent crime, and that was the key--I couldn't tell one from the other until I tried writing it myself. Since the idea of rape obviously gets an extreme emotional reaction in my case, luckily I was able to channel that into another direction. There is nothing that turns me on more in erotica!

MM

 

[karmadog]

I wonder, M. Manga if you've tried role playing a rape with a lover. It might be an erotic outlet for your fears that is even more cathartic. I myself find nonconsent repugnant, but many of my exes have confessed to deepseated fantasies about it. I've played out such things with them through bondage and roleplaying and they got off on it in a big way.

To answer the original question, no. I haven't really learned much. In my twenties I was extremely promiscuous. It's not something I'm particularly proud of--in some ways it was bad for me--but a great deal of partners followed by a long term relationship, taught me most of what I'm likely to learn about myself.

BTW, most of my kinks were really started by the women I was with. I never seriously considered spanking a woman until I was asked. Now I wouldn't consider a partner who was offended by it (for instance).

 

[M.A.Thompson]

Surprisingly, I am learning how lonely I am. Without intent, many of the stories I have written or am now developing take on the theme of lost love and the rememberings of things that were. I think that although I am happily attached with a family in toe, deep down I am yearning for something I've lost; a long forgotten (or so I thought) lover, a time in my life without responsibility or commitment, perhaps both. Writing seems to be bringing this to the surface. Maybe this is why I always write to sad songs.

Thank you for starting this self-reflecting thread!!

 

[Madame Manga]

Yes, karmadog, I've role-played nonconsent with my husband. Both of us enjoy it now, though it took some persuasion before he would believe that I wouldn't get weirded out. ;-) I don't blame him, since he's known me a long time, and it was a big change of attitude for me.

MM

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I've learned something that surprised me a little. I've always seen myself as very openminded and willing to try new and a little kinky stuff - but I've discovered, not only through my writing, but also through my posts here on Lit, that I'm actually qute a romantic, and that my biggest turn-on is the wonderful response one gets from having a SO hug you and say "yes, darling, yes, oh, you feel so good".

Imagine that. My, how my friends will taunt me after this confession.

 

[Callia]

I had an interesting experience with a story I wrote. Instead of the experience inspiring the story, it was the story that inspired the experience! The story was about a threesome. At the time I was involved with another woman who was very shy about her sexuality. After reading my story (one of the characters was based on her), she was able to open enough to share a threesome with me and another man. I have yet to write up the actual experience, but I guess I owe it to her and me.

This was the story:

The Conductor

Callia

 

[Wildfire427]

I think most start out writing for similar reasons. Either to commit a favorite fantasy to fonts or to brag about a specific occasion. In my case it was the first and wishing for the second.

I also tend to think that most, like I did, will base first story characters on real people, either themselves or the object of the fantasy, maybe slightly embellished.

From there, either the writer will stop with just a few stories that 'got it out of their system' or they will continue to explore the far reaches of their minds. This may cause a branching out which will appear somewhat innocent, but as christo stated, re-reading may cause you to learn something about yourself.

So since I'm fairly scared of myself already and fear knowing much more about me, I don't re-read my stories except to edit.

 

[Coolville]

excellent question

I would say yes. Definately.

I've probably babbled this before, but my great inspiration is something Luis Buñuel, the film director, said.

That the fantasy is like a muscle. It needs to be trained in order to become strong. He said that every writer and filmmaker should, in their fantasy each day, rape their mother, kill their father and betray their country.

sounds heavy, no? But if you can force yourself to visualise those things, then you are excercising your fantasy and it will only grow strong. (okay betraying your country is less taboo now than when he said it back in the 50's, but the first two are tough to visualise)

Writing about sex, especially sex that is outside my normal physical repetoire, is another form of exercise for my fantasy.

I love it.