Has how to helped you?

[EJFan]

i was just wondering if the how-to and how-to cafe has actually helped anyone resolve an issue or answer a question. i remember contacting someone about an old thread and they said their problem still existed so i'm curious.

there are a lot of threads that crop up that are conversation pieces of course... but most of the threads here are regarding at least a SOMEWHAT serious issue.

have you gotten any information that was truly helpful to you, in either a direct or indirect way?

i don't mean this as a referrendum on the validity of the forum... the friendships, entertainment value and other byproducts of this joint are more than enough to illustrate its merit.

also... if you HAVE gotten help or resolved an issue, why not revive that thread and give us an update.

edit to add:
LOOK silverwhisper... a poll thread that actually HAS a poll. amazing, ain't it?

 

[Eilan]

I haven't started that many "help" threads, but I've gotten valuable advice from people on the few that I've started. Sometimes it helps to get a (mostly) more objective viewpoint.

I was just thinking last night that I'd like to see updates from some of the people who have posted on here.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I've been around the how to board since my first days on lit about 4.5 years ago. I have gotten so much information and help from this place it's almost scary (the endless questions I had about the first gynecologist visit are enough for a lifetime almost). I've even found that sometimes looking into how I might answer someone else's questions, even when I don't answer, is enough for me to learn something about myself or even how other people behave in general. Not every question I bring up around here gets an answer, but I can usually at least get something to think about.

 

[silverwhisper]

EJ: see, here's the problem w/ polls threads and poll options and why the 2 aren't always the same:

1. you invariably leave out an option such as the one i might have selected if it were an option: "i'm just an opinionated asshole, you insensitive clod!"
2. some polls simply don't lend themselves to such things. best presents, for example.

:>

o, and btw:

ed

 

[Eilan]

When did you get an avatar?!

 

[silverwhisper]

at the time of this writing about 30 mins ago. :>

ed

 

[Eilan]

at the time of this writing about 30 mins ago. :>

ed

Good. I was thinking that I'd somehow missed something.

I like it, BTW.

 

[karndav]

I have only been on these boards for a a couple of weeks. WHile I have read alot of valuable information and gotten alot of advice from others threads I noticed if you are new and post something you do not get awhole lot of feed back except from certain people who are sweet and nice enough to answer them. I think it takes awhile to get accepted here and am not sure how to go about doing that.

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan: thanks! i'm rather fond of it myself. :>

to answer EJ's question more fully: i don't believe i've ever posted a thread where i needed help with something. i've been w/ my wife for 14 years now and i believe our communication is superb, so since i subscribe to the "communicate, communicate, communicate" mantra myself, there really aren't any issues that crop up.

but as i said, i'm certainly an opinionated asshole that likes inflicting my views on you guys.

besides, i need to stick around to see EJ streaking the forum. i've got a bunch of popcorn that's all ready to go...

ed

 

[M's girl]

I've been around the how to board since my first days on lit about 4.5 years ago. I have gotten so much information and help from this place it's almost scary (the endless questions I had about the first gynecologist visit are enough for a lifetime almost). I've even found that sometimes looking into how I might answer someone else's questions, even when I don't answer, is enough for me to learn something about myself or even how other people behave in general. Not every question I bring up around here gets an answer, but I can usually at least get something to think about.

I am a newby, and certainly compared to you... but my experience with LIT so far is the same. Just started my first thread today but it's not a help question. It's just something that I am curious about. This is the reason why I joined LIT to start with, to satisfy my curiousity about certain things. After all, there just are these 'issues' you don't discuss with your friends over coffee.

But even though I was not looking for answers sometimes, reading on LIT has educated me a lot already, even when I was of the opinion I knew a lot (about sex) already. Go figure.

I can imagine it can also help people open up a little more and become more broadminded. Especially if you think something may be weird or so. If you read from other people who do or experience the same you might end up thinking diffrently and accepting certain things.

 

[EJFan]

I have only been on these boards for a a couple of weeks. WHile I have read alot of valuable information and gotten alot of advice from others threads I noticed if you are new and post something you do not get awhole lot of feed back except from certain people who are sweet and nice enough to answer them. I think it takes awhile to get accepted here and am not sure how to go about doing that.

to a degree i think you're right and to a degree i think you're a wee bit mistaken.

like any community, i think most noobs have found that they go through a sort of socialization process... the more they give the more they get... not because of any quid-pro-quo mentality but because the vet members get a better feel for you and your personality and that, in turn, helps to answer questions a lot more thoroughly.

of course, there are a couple of members who will give advice no matter what and a couple that rarely say anything at all.

don't sweat it though... we're all in it together and as long as a member doesn't disrespect the culture of HT then they'll get a fair shake. anyone wishing to not enhance the culture of HT just shoudln't be part of it, IMO, 'cause you're either helping us progress or you're helping is REgress, right?

 

[EJFan]

besides, i need to stick around to see EJ streaking the forum. i've got a bunch of popcorn that's all ready to go...

ed

popcorn that you're going to sew together and try to wear as a thong while YOU streak HT. i'm sure that must be what you meant... you santos-whore.

 

[Eilan]

I have only been on these boards for a a couple of weeks. WHile I have read alot of valuable information and gotten alot of advice from others threads I noticed if you are new and post something you do not get awhole lot of feed back except from certain people who are sweet and nice enough to answer them. I think it takes awhile to get accepted here and am not sure how to go about doing that.

I used to worry about this as well, and I found it to be somewhat the case when I was new, even though I'd lurked for years. I don't think it's that regulars mean to be rude to newbies. It's just that sometimes they're not always sure if the newbies are trolls or alts or genuine.

I just kept sticking my nose into threads and getting my views out there and allowing people to get to know me, but it IS difficult to take that first big leap. You might want to try posting on the neverending threads, like "What feeds your soul?" and "Things that piss you off," if you haven't already. I found them to be less intimidating when I started posting.

to answer EJ's question more fully: i don't believe i've ever posted a thread where i needed help with something. i've been w/ my wife for 14 years now and i believe our communication is superb, so since i subscribe to the "communicate, communicate, communicate" mantra myself, there really aren't any issues that crop up.

You DO know that communication is pointless, right? You--you--hausfrau!! You Dr Phil/Oprah/Ann Landers wannabe!

but as i said, i'm certainly an opinionated asshole that likes inflicting my views on you guys.

I opinionated assholes! That's why I married one. And my husband's a good guy, too!

*sits back and waits for ANYONE to streak*

 

[silverwhisper]

hausfrau? ROFL!

EJ: i'm the whore? wow. what a remarkable definition of that word you must be using. :>

ed

 

[EJFan]

stop trying to distract the community with your analysis and sundry insights... just get ready to strip and dash bubba.

 

[Grizzman]

Mr G's read this thread was helpful, but not in a saving grace kinda way.

 

[bisexplicit]

I think the best thing about it is to get opinions about things from people who aren't directly involved in the issue.

 

[manofsteel52]

Nope.
But I keep looking, just in case.

 

[SweetErika]

I voted for the first option because HT has had a positive impact on my life and relationships. Apart from the great people and entertainment value, that's why I stick around.

A lot of the topics brought up here or even just personal opinions I've read have changed or reinforced my perspectives significantly. For example, the WFYS thread reminds me to stop, recognize, and appreciate the things that contribute to my happiness. There are many extremely wise members who never fail to make me think about things in a different way, and I've learned a lot from their experiences and words. I've also been exposed to a ton of different ideas on sexuality, which I believe have helped me to define my own opinions, as well as try new things.

I explained this in another thread recently, but HT especially has helped to facilitate communication with my husband on sex and our relationship. Before, I didn't really know how to broach topics, but seeing people talk openly here aided in starting conversations, which quickly led to a much more fulfilling sex life.

Before finding these boards, I'd never really participated in forums before, and didn't realize there was a different style of communication. It seems a lot of posters in HT have the techniques that make for more productive conversation with fewer misunderstandings down pat. I've picked up on some of those (e.g. really validating another's thoughts, qualifying and clarifying statements, etc.), and translated them to real life, with great results.

I think The Blank Manual is pretty representative of the threads that have had the most impact, though the majority of threads make me think and change in some way. Awhile back, I posted on trouble orgasming, and received a ton of helpful advice, plus what turned out to be THE reason, which I don't think I ever would have thought of on my own. So that one had a huge impact, and I've since been much more successful.

 

[Quoll]

I would have to say HT has helped me even even when I didn't expect it to.
The depression thread I started was not meant to be a self help thread for me, I was feeling great at the time but as things have changed I have learnt to offload some of the thoughts in my head which I had never really been able to do before, I have received some great advice on how to deal with a lot of theses thoughts also, not just on that thread either.
A lot of the suggestions given here reinforce my own beliefs about sexuality and communication even the (few) completely stupid suggestions, as I know I have got it right when I see them.
Ht has also helped me to communicate more which has always been a problem. Some people have said to me that it is just the internet and that it is not real communication, but I take great delight in pointing out that these are real people I am communicating with from all over the world, and with such a small circle of friends that I have offline, there is no way I could come across such a diverse range of opinions and cultures and stiill be able to voice my own thoughts. In "real" life I would most likely be hiding in the background, my head full of answers, suggestions and thoughts and that is pretty much where they stay.
Plus I get to drop some pretty stupid humour around here and there is usually at least one person who gets it instead of that deafening silence.

 

[Eilan]

Ht has also helped me to communicate more which has always been a problem. Some people have said to me that it is just the internet and that it is not real communication, but I take great delight in pointing out that these are real people I am communicating with from all over the world, and with such a small circle of friends that I have offline, there is no way I could come across such a diverse range of opinions and cultures and stiill be able to voice my own thoughts. In "real" life I would most likely be hiding in the background, my head full of answers, suggestions and thoughts and that is pretty much where they stay.
Plus I get to drop some pretty stupid humour around here and there is usually at least one person who gets it instead of that deafening silence.

After I posted earlier this afternoon, I was kinda thinking the same thing. I've gotten more out of being part of the community than I have out of what's being said on the boards. That's been important for me, because while I do have a small circle of RL friends, we've all had circumstances (work, kids, family issues) that have kept us from getting together as much as we used to. In some ways, Lit, particularly the HT Board and Cafe, has helped me to fill that void, particularly when I'm not busy with my husband and kids.

It may not be "real life," but it IS real!

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm another one who's more articulate at the keyboard than verbally in RL. I used to joke that I'm not really a kind and helpful guy with good ideas, but I play one on the internet. When I first came to Lit, the How To board gave me a chance to get to know a few folks and offer my thoughts on a variety of concerns with little risk of being judged harshly. For that alone it has been a good place for me.

 

[Quoll]

After I posted earlier this afternoon, I was kinda thinking the same thing. I've gotten more out of being part of the community than I have out of what's being said on the boards. That's been important for me, because while I do have a small circle of RL friends, we've all had circumstances (work, kids, family issues) that have kept us from getting together as much as we used to. In some ways, Lit, particularly the HT Board and Cafe, has helped me to fill that void, particularly when I'm not busy with my husband and kids.

It may not be "real life," but it IS real!

Very real

Psst, can you fix my typo in your quote please teach? (second last word)

 

[SweetErika]

I would have to say HT has helped me even even when I didn't expect it to.
The depression thread I started was not meant to be a self help thread for me, I was feeling great at the time but as things have changed I have learnt to offload some of the thoughts in my head which I had never really been able to do before, I have received some great advice on how to deal with a lot of theses thoughts also, not just on that thread either.
A lot of the suggestions given here reinforce my own beliefs about sexuality and communication even the (few) completely stupid suggestions, as I know I have got it right when I see them.
Ht has also helped me to communicate more which has always been a problem. Some people have said to me that it is just the internet and that it is not real communication, but I take great delight in pointing out that these are real people I am communicating with from all over the world, and with such a small circle of friends that I have offline, there is no way I could come across such a diverse range of opinions and cultures and stiill be able to voice my own thoughts. In "real" life I would most likely be hiding in the background, my head full of answers, suggestions and thoughts and that is pretty much where they stay.
Plus I get to drop some pretty stupid humour around here and there is usually at least one person who gets it instead of that deafening silence.

Beautifully put, quoll. And thanks for starting a thread that's helped so many and really adds to the sense of community here (I've lurked in there from time to time, and the support is amazing).

 

[M's girl]

...... Some people have said to me that it is just the internet and that it is not real communication......

When the first cars were driving along our streets way back then with what...? 10 miles an hour...? people considered them to be dangerous killing machines. Lots of casualties would be greeved in no time! Yeah..... Than was then. When people started to communicate on the internet, a little less way back, people said that those interactions were false and substitutes for interaction in real life. I think we can say that we know better now....

Some people are good and easy 'talkers' and for others it works better to put their thoughts on 'paper'... it has always been this way. Since internet you can share your 'thoughts on paper' easier .... isn't that wonderful?

Quote: "I'm another one who's more articulate at the keyboard than verbally in RL. I used to joke that I'm not really a kind and helpful guy with good ideas, but I play one on the internet". (from MidWestYankee)

Although I know fairly well how to speak my mind in RL there are things I can better put to words on paper. Sometimes I like to think about my answers or reactions and carefully choose my words. You are not able to do that in a real life discussion all the time. How many times have you though afterwards "djeez, I wish I had said that differently..."?

M and me met through the internet. Not in a chatroom or through a datingsite but through a site (Dutch one) similar to, let's say, E-Bay. I put an ad on it and M responded. We started off by sending each other e-mails, then went on to IM (Yahoo) and long phonecalls. We talked about EVERYTHING for three weeks before we decided to meet. By that time we knew a lot about each other. I'm sure there are things I would not have discussed with him in that stage of our relationship YET if we had met first and then started communicating. We had established (as far as we could judge at that time of course) that we had the same beliefs and ideas generally speaking, before we decided to meet in RL. He was devorced and had (has ) two kids and it was important for us both to establish that would not be a problem, things like that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, although I was a bit suspicious about getting to know someone through the internet myself at one time, I have to admit that it works! For me this form of communication works and it still does. After we got together we still, to this day, talk to each onther on IM too. Our first anniversary is coming up and we live together now, but while at work we check in through IM several times a day just to say hello. Also, when we are having an argument we find it's sometimes easier to talk about it away from each other including taking into consideration that we both had some time to think about it.

When I first came to LIT I was pleasantly surprised (all ages, variaty in topics etc.) and found a lot of information I wanted to know but never dared ask anyone before (in RL ). It helps you establish (I think) who and what you are sexually (and sometimes otherwise) without being judged. I'm very happy to be here....