Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

[KingOrfeo]

Top 10 Things Heard at New York City's St. Patricks Day Parade (1987):

10. "Today, my name is Mayor O'Koch."
9. "Allright! Another bagpipe band!"
8. "Gee, food sure tastes good when you boil it."
7. "You have the right to remain silent . . . ."
6. "That's not a float -- that's Tip O'Neill."
5. "Awww . . . not on my shoes!"
4. "These foreign cars tip over much easier."
3. "Hey, that guy's not wearing green -- kill him!"
2. "While we're in the neighborhood, let's drop by the Museum of Modern Art."
1. "You'll get your personal effects back downtown, Monsignor."

 

[KingOrfeo]

AIUI, SPD is not a big deal in Ireland; Irish-Americans made it so because they wanted an ethnic holiday.

 

[lovetoread]

Sean loves corned beef

 

[domroger]

Sean loves corned beef

He's a pervert .

 

[lovetoread]

He's a pervert .

it shocked me to find out how perverted he really is!

 

[VaticanAssassin]

Everyone is Irish today. Except us Scottish. We are still Scottish....

 

[KingOrfeo]

Everyone is Irish today. Except us Scottish. We are still Scottish....

A Scottish Highlander soldier in kilt and full kit marches into a drugstore, marches up to the counter, snaps to attention, puts a condom on the counter and says "How much to rrrrepair?"

The druggist says, "I've never . . . well . . . twopence, I suppose."

"How much to rrrreplace?"

"Threepence."

The soldier turns about-face and marches out. The next day he returns, marches up to counter, snaps to attention, slaps down threepence, and says, "The Rrrregiment voted to rrrreplace!"


How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Och! It’s no that dark!


Jock & Jimmy were walking along a street in London.

Jock looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.

The sign read, “Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair”.

Jock said to his pal, “Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune.

Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I’ll put on my best London accent”.

“OK Jock, I’ll keep me mouth shut” said Jimmy

They go in and Jock said in a posh voice, “Hello my good man. I’ll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I’ll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!

The owner of the shop said quietly, “You’re from Scotland, aren’t you?”

“Well yes,” said a surprised Jock. “What gave it away?”

The owner replied, “This is a dry-cleaners.”


After last night’s game between England and Scotland, 10,000 beer cans were left in Trafalgar Square by Scottish football fans. Both of them have been arrested.


Dougal was a typical Scot. His wife Janet had just died and he wanted to place the least expensive death notice. He went to the newspaper office and wrote on the lodgement from, “Janet died.”

The clerk explained that there was a minimum charge and he could have five words. Dougal added three more words: “Janet died, Toyota for sale.”


Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘Jackie – put your hat and coat on lassie.’

She replied, ‘Awe Iain that’s nice – are you taking me to the pub with you?’

‘Nah, I’m just switching the central heating off while I’m out.’


“How’s the flat you’re living in in London, Jock?” asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.

“It’s okay,” he replies, “but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall.”

“Never you mind,” says his mother, “don’t you let them get to you, just ignore them.”

“Aye, that I do,” he says, “I just keep playing my bagpipes.”


Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed.

“I’ll give you an airplane ride for £5,” said the pilot.

“Sorry, cannae afford it,” replied Jock.

“Tell you what,” said the pilot, “I’ll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it’ll be £10.”

So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, “Gotta hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!”

“Aye,” said Jock “But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!”


Alisdair Biggar, a Scotsman, applied to join the New York City police force.

The inspector glared at him and asked, ‘How would you disperse a large, unruly crowd?’

‘Well,’ replied Alisdair thoughtfully, ‘I’m no too sure how ye do it here in New York, but in Aberdeen we just pass the hat around, and they soon begin to shuffle off.

 

[thør]

Sean loves corned beef

Who doesn't?

He's a pervert .

Who isn't?

Everyone is Irish today. Except us Scottish. We are still Scottish....

Poor bastard.