Happiness is a serious problem *

[Roxanne Appleby]

I've been thinking about happiness, specifically, what is the nature of it? The following passages from an article by scholar Dwight Lee are a good starting point:

Sensory Adaptation
. . . Another reason why (getting more of something you want) increases happiness only temporarily springs from our sensory adaptation to changing circumstances. It has long been observed that things people are at first intensely aware of soon blend into the background and go largely unnoticed. Our sensory receptors no longer respond to the continuous presence of this stimulus, whether an irritating one (for example, a noise, a foul odor, a flashing light, or the pressure from eyeglasses or hearing aids) or a pleasant one (for example, the sight of attractive and artfully arranged furniture, a beautiful view, or the coolness of an air-conditioned room on a hot day). More complicated stimuli, such as a new car or a new companion, which activate many of our sensory receptors in various ways that depend on a wide range of circumstances, resist sensory adaptation for a longer period, but they are not immune to it. Accord¬ing to psychologist Martin Seligman, “this process [of adaptation or habituation] is an inviolable neurological fact of life. Neurons are wired to respond to novel events, and not to fire if the events do not provide new information” (2002, 105). In other words, our sensory receptors are economizers, becoming activated only when new information becomes available. This process suggests that the higher income we are receiving and the new clothes, nicer car, and bigger house it allows us to purchase soon become old information, no longer able to activate our sensory awareness and keep us on an elevated level of happiness.


As Good as It Gets
. . . Nothing can increase happiness permanently. For example, few things should make people happier than a longer life. If I were informed today that my life expectancy had just increased by six years, I would surely experience a surge in happiness. Just as surely, however, my elevated happiness would not last long. After all, my additional life expectancy would bring me up only to the level of life expectancy for women, and happiness studies show that women are only slightly, if at all, happier than men. Women have adapted to the old news of their longer life expectancy, focusing their concerns on unsettled issues in their lives, and so would I. Consider anything we value and seek more of because we believe it will make us happy—sexual satisfaction, religious fulfillment, professional success, a loving family, good friends, robust health, more education, or better looks, to name just a few. Like more money, more of these things increases our happiness, but only temporarily. We soon adapt to them and soon take them for granted, and though theyare important ingredients of a satisfying life, they lose their ability to boost our sense of happiness much, if at all, above the level we would experience with less of them once we had adapted to the loss.

. . . Achieving happiness is an ongoing project, not something that can be accomplished once and for all by earning more money, marrying the love of your life, having wonderful children, finishing a Ph.D., or receiving tenure at a prestigious university.

. . . It is in our nature that we adapt to improvements in our lives, whether those improvements arise from more money or other desirable things, so that the additional happiness they bring is temporary. This fact of life, however, is hardly reason for pessimism . . . There is much wisdom in the commonplace that the journey is more important than the destination. Human happiness comes from striving for improvements and from the sense of achievement gained by overcoming the challenges we face along the way . . . The happiness gained from struggle and achievement may be temporary, but fortunately our insatiable desire for more of life’s good things guarantees that new struggles and achievements are always available for replenishing our happiness.

Dwight Lee, "Who Says Money Can't Buy Happiness?" Independent Review, Winter 2006


*Apologies to Dennis Praeger for stealing the title of his book as the title of this thread.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Related to this is is what I think is a useful conceptual tool:

“Eudaimonia” (or eudemonia) is each individual’s ultimate "telos" or purpose, which is lifelong human flourishing. Here are some more definitions:

‘The Greek word "eudaimonia" for "life" or "the good life," taking the Greek term to mean "well being." Thus, one may also say that telos or natural purpose of humans is eudaimonia. (Like me, the person who wrote this one believes that your purpose in life is your own happiness, or eudaimonia.)

‘Flourishing, however, means something like the successful pursuit of a vast array of physical, mental, and spiritual goods in the context of a life-long plan of values.’

" . . . to live in accordance with the best in human nature . . .”

To me, perhaps the key phrase is "lifelong flourishing."

More- From a review of “Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment “ by Martin E. P. Seligman:

“Trying to fix weaknesses won't help, he says; rather, incorporating strengths such as humor, originality and generosity into everyday interactions with people is a better way to achieve happiness.”

This reminds me of an issue Praeger describes – the “missing ceiling tile” syndrome. A perfect ceiling has one missing tile – guess what your eye is drawn to! This is analogy for one of the reasons people are unhappy (except as the opening post in this thread explains, in life there will always be a missing tile! A serious problem indeed . . .

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

The following will be seen as a bit provocative. An excerpt from Dennis Praeger's "Happiness is a Serious Problem":

. . . I was not a partucularly happy child. Like most teenagers, I spent part of my teens reveling in my angst. One day, however, the thought occurred to me that being unhappy was easy - in fact, the easy way out - and that it took no courage, effort or greatness to be unhappy. Anyone could be unhappy. True acheivement lay in struggling to be happy.

. . . happiness is a battle to be waged, not a feeling to be awaited. The notion that happiness must be contantly worked at comes as news - disconcerting news - to many people. They assume that happiness is a feelng and that this feeling comes as a result of good things that happen to them. We therefore have little control over how happy we are, the thinking goes, because we can control neither how we feel or what happens to us.

This book is predicated on the opposite premise: Happiness is largely, though certainly not entirely, determined by us - through hard work (most particularly by controlling our nature) and through attaining wisdom (i.e., developing attitudes that enable us not to despair.)

Everything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work. Happiness is not an exception.


from Amazon reviews of the book:


Dennis Praeger says that one of the secrets to happiness is recognizing that everything has a price. And you must determine if you are willing to pay the price or let it go. A relationship has a price. So does not being in a relationship. Is there a place in your life where you're bemoaning the price you've had to pay? As Prager says, either pay up or give it up.

Praeger suggests that one of the keys to happiness is that expectations inevitably result in unhappiness. This is a wonderful insight to why so many today are frustrated, angry and unhappy in a society that touts the entitlement mindset, the thinking that we are automatically entitled to things, including happiness.

If you can set aside your expectations suddenly everything good that enters your life becomes a blessing. What do you appreciate more, the gift you've demanded or the one you didn't expect? Hang on to your expectations and you can expect to be dissatisfied when they aren't met, and unappreciative when they do come true - after all, you expected to get it and felt that you deserved it, so why should you appreciate it?

Integral to happiness is appreciation. Unappreciative people are simply unhappy people. They are people who expect life to cater to them, so consequently are bitter when it doesn't and unappreciative when it does.

 

[Alessia Brio]

Roxanne,

That requires entirely too much thought. It's easier to be miserable.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Roxanne,

That requires entirely too much thought. It's easier to be miserable.

I can't help thinking about it though - especially when I'm miserable.

(Or drunk, but I'm not that now.)

Oh come on, Alessia - you of all people may have some valuable contributions on this. Is there anything in the world more important than this issue?

 

[Alessia Brio]

I can't help thinking about it though - especially when I'm miserable.

(Or drunk, but I'm not that now.)

Oh come on, Alessia - you of all people may have some valuable contributions on this. Is there anything in the world more important than this issue?

Yes, there is.

There is kindness.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Yes, there is.

There is kindness.

And kindness is important because it contributes to . . .

(I'm not trying to be contentious. I had not thought about it when I used the word "important" above, but I am now: What is the benchmark that determines "important-ness?"

 

[Alessia Brio]

What is the benchmark that determines "important-ness?"

It is whatever we say it is, and that is completely subjective. Quantify it if you can, but it will only apply to you.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

It is whatever we say it is, and that is completely subjective. Quantify it if you can, but it will only apply to you.

Hmmm. I can't imagine that "important" could be anything other than one of two things. For those who are religious, "most important" would involve something related to the supernatural or the hereafter. For those who believe that this life is all there is (or at least that this life the proper thing fpr those in the midst of it to focus on), it would involve something related directly to human happiness, if not happiness itself. That something could be kindness, which it seems only has meaning in the context of human happiness.

(Pushing that a bit now, even "being kind to animals," or not cruel to animals, only has meaning in relation to human values, which all revolve around happiness, either in this life or the next. The thought of the tiger being kind to the deer or the anteater to the ant makes no sense.)

Alessia, I dragged you reluctantly into this exhange, so please don't feel that you need to continue it out of kindness to me.

BTW, one of my bad typos appeared in my previous post, which originally said, "I'm trying to be contentious . . ." NOT!

In this thread I'm really not trying to be contentious. I am sincere in hoping that some of the thoughtful and bright people in this forum may have some insights on this issue.

 

[neonlyte]

In this thread I'm really not trying to be contentious. I am sincere in hoping that some of the thoughtful and bright people in this forum may have some insights on this issue.

And instead... you got me

I read your initial posts some hours ago, and kind of agreed with Alessia... too much thought required. Then I got to thinking, since I can't sleep. I'm content with the small things, they easily make me happy, like the tree outside my window. It's reliable, always there, always changing, now it's upper branches are stark and dark, its lower branches dotted with yellow red leaves. I can see the birds nests where the young sung to me in the spring, and I can imagine how it will flush with spring colour in a few weeks time.

The big things, the 'endurance race' of living out each day hoping for a better tomorrow, success of some kind, reward, praise, things the might 'make me happy' I feel are to some degree outside of my control. Sure I can pour effort into improving the odds, strive for reward, might 'achieve'... but I'll take the tree every time, I can rely upon it to bring me happiness.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

And instead... you got me

I read your initial posts some hours ago, and kind of agreed with Alessia... too much thought required. Then I got to thinking, since I can't sleep. I'm content with the small things, they easily make me happy, like the tree outside my window. It's reliable, always there, always changing, now it's upper branches are stark and dark, its lower branches dotted with yellow red leaves. I can see the birds nests where the young sung to me in the spring, and I can imagine how it will flush with spring colour in a few weeks time.

The big things, the 'endurance race' of living out each day hoping for a better tomorrow, success of some kind, reward, praise, things the might 'make me happy' I feel are to some degree outside of my control. Sure I can pour effort into improving the odds, strive for reward, might 'achieve'... but I'll take the tree every time, I can rely upon it to bring me happiness.

A former S.O. and I had a fundamental incompatibility on something that bears on this. I am very much a "count your blessings" person. My partner was a "shoot for the moon, grab for all the gusto you can" type. I'm a little bit less laid back than you - I am out their striving in my profession (although not to an extreme degree), and have been picking away at an MA degree for a few years, but this is very different from my former partner, who really had chosen a high-risk, sublime-relationships-and-more or bust approach. (So far, it's bust for this person, I'm very sorry to report.)

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[past_perfect]

A slightly different perspective: I believe that happiness is our natural state. However, since we do tend to assign everything to root causes, or find perfect reasons as to why we cannot be that (lack of something or someone specific), we tend to forget.
So nothing seems to be more difficult than being happy for no apparent reason, more because of some sort of self-conditioning rather than anything concrete or definite. So "achieving" happiness would be bound to an artificial belief system, where we allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel, once our pre-conditions have been met. In other words, maybe we aren't all that bright altogether, or just very forgetful.

 

[scheherazade_79]

The Zade Recipe for Happiness

Don't seek it in one big life-changing thing - find it in smaller forms in millions of different places.

It works for me, anyway.

And if you're unhappy, Roxanne, you need to come and visit me

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I believe that happiness is our natural state.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I believe that being human is our natural state. And what that means is absolutely subjective to all of us. (Like Imp said)

Personally I believe happiness is overrated. And no, I'm not bitter or angry. I don't believe that I will ever be perpetually happy or purely happy. I have moments of happiness. Those moments are sometimes exceptionally intense, and sometimes last for a very long time. But mostly, my happiness comes from experiencing something that touches me deeply - thus makes me happy.(Or not)

I have a yearning soul, and I know that the melancholy I feel often, has been with me for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest childhood memories is of waking up from a nap in the afternoon and having this incredible sadness wash over me. Over time I have learnt how to embrace my emotions. I don't hide, run away from or deny what I feel. I acknowledge it, and I sit with it. It's incredibly hard to sit with a particular feeling when it hurts like hell, or when you would rather feel something else,.. But for me, this is the only way - as I get to be with me - the real me - how I feel. You can change whatever you like, but in that moment, you still felt what you felt, That, you cannot change, and no one can change that for you.

When I do this, I am true to myself and that, Roxanne, is my life's purpose. To be true to myself. And when I pursue happiness as my life's goal, I am most certainly not being true to the inner core of who I am.

And then there is the dual feeling of experiencing sadness, and finding beauty within that sadness - does that make me happy? No, but it's what I feel and I would not want to change that.

I have seen enough sadness, cruelty and anguish in the world to know that there are many, many people who will never be able to be near "happy" and when I make it part of my mission in life to work with them, to help them, believe me, that does not make me happy. Sometimes it even adds to my personal pain. But I am being absolutely true to myself.

 

[Alessia Brio]

When I do this, I am true to myself and that, Roxanne, is my life's purpose. To be true to myself.

Well said, indeed.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

I agree, just to say something since I haven't in quite a while.

My two cents? Happiness is a state resulting from something you did, or that happened, etc., just like sadness. Do what brings on that state from prior experience, or similar such, and you get happy. All the rest is just words. For some, it's kindness, compassion, other good works. For the simple minded like me, writing when I can, reading, learning.

Teleologic? No one knows the purpose of Life/life. Whatever you think it is, if you think something is will do -- for you.

This post will self destruct when I delete it.

I'm not so sure, at least about the "something that happened" part, and maybe the rest depending on what is meant by "something you did." I think I fall more in line with Praeger, that it is habits of thought that make one happy or not. I've always been impressed with the little bits of Talmudic wisdom I've seen, and Praeger appears to be in that tradition. Mismused, you have explored different religious traditions, meditation and such. Aren't there things in Buddhism and traditions like that which suggest it has more to do with your 'tude than your circumstances?

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

I don't believe that I will ever be perpetually happy or purely happy. I have moments of happiness. Those moments are sometimes exceptionally intense, and sometimes last for a very long time.

The passages in the opening post of this thread explain that this is the nature of the thing - that the feeling to which we apply the label "happiness" is intrinsically ephemeral. I quote:

"This fact of life, however, is hardly reason for pessimism. There is much wisdom in the commonplace that the journey is more important than the destination. Human happiness comes from striving for improvements and from the sense of achievement gained by overcoming the challenges we face along the way. The happiness gained from struggle and achievement may be temporary, but fortunately our insatiable desire for more of life’s good things guarantees that new struggles and achievements are always available for replenishing our happiness."

I think you use different words to describe the same thing - "yearning" and "experiencing something that touches me deeply."

I also introduced the concept of eudaimonia above - life-long flourishing. This is related to the concept of "the good life," and what comprises it. One thing it cannot be is a life without sadness, because sadness is inseparable from life - me and everyone I have ever and will ever know is going to die, including those I love, many of them before me.

I have a sense that true wisdom comes from not just accepting these things, but in being deeply satisfied either in spite of them or because of them. That although we can't stop chasing "happiness" in the conventional way - if only I get or experience this thing, person, relationship then I'll be happy - somehow it is possible to do so while mentally chuckling at the knowledge that for all the struggle, the attainment will not really make me happy, but that's OK, it's still all good and worthwhile, it all part of a life worth living and well lived (rather than futile and pointless).

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

When I do this, I am true to myself and that, Roxanne, is my life's purpose. To be true to myself. And when I pursue happiness as my life's goal, I am most certainly not being true to the inner core of who I am.

Um - why wouldn't you say that happiness for you is knowing that you are and have been true to yourself?

I'm not trying to play word games here, but to explore the nature of happiness, with the idea that the conventional way in which we apply the term - if only I get or experience this thing, person, relationship then I'll be happy - is unsatisfactory or incomplete, because at best those attainments will yield a pleasant feeling that will pass. Isn't this kind of struggling what you're talking about when you say, "when I pursue happiness as my life's goal?"

Perhaps you have acheived the wisdom I describe in my previous post. I notice that although you say it's not your life's goal you still do struggle mightily in pursuit of the conventional or commonplace version of happiness - professional attainments, academic degrees, relationships, good things for yourself and your child.

Incorporating the reality that there is no contradiction in this - struggling mightily and yet understanding that the things you're struggling for are not in themselves your purpose in life - must be part of what I am trying to explore. I can't really accept what some of the eastern or mystical traditions suggest, that there is a contradiction and you must abondon all those struggles, like Siddhartha. That just doesn't seem really human, although I'm sure there are important lessons in it.

 

[Kev H]

Incorporating the reality that there is no contradiction in this - struggling mightily and yet understanding that the things you're struggling for are not in themselves your purpose in life - must be part of what I am trying to explore. I can't really accept what some of the eastern or mystical traditions suggest, that there is a contradiction and you must abondon all those struggles, like Siddhartha. That just doesn't seem really human, although I'm sure there are important lessons in it.

My suspicion: this lesson is that we vary wildly in the complex combinations of thoughts/philosophies. There is no universal in the final application, of that I am sure; however, the soul searching into the nature of happiness, that digging for deeper understand is IMO like the ticket to the dance. And discussions like this are most noble, in that we all should strive to better understand our mechanisms (and our differences in how this works or doesn't work).

I think Praeger and Lee (and by extension, Rox) have done fine work in communicating some interesting points, much of which rings with truth/wisdom for me (and perhaps only ??? with others who don't like to analyze in this fashion), but if they are trying to put their finger on universal truths by looking at the end result, then I fear they're chasing windmills. If anything, only the beginning process (the search, or the desire to search) should be viewed as "needed by all." Agree/disagree? For each example of "what works," I'd be willing to bet we could find a realistic, non-exceptional example of where it does not.

On a related not, where do you think peace fits into all this? It has been my personal experience that peace allows much easier access to happiness (like that happiness which comes from viewing a beautiful sunset, or that special tree outside your window), whereas stress (my personal antithesis to peace) tends to dampen most attempts. (But I do know this is related to a personality type issue, since I have known people who are bored without a high level of stress "to make them feel alive.")

 

[Alessia Brio]

I have a sense that true wisdom comes from not just accepting these things, but in being deeply satisfied either in spite of them or because of them. That although we can't stop chasing "happiness" in the conventional way - if only I get or experience this thing, person, relationship then I'll be happy - somehow it is possible to do so while mentally chuckling at the knowledge that for all the struggle, the attainment will not really make me happy, but that's OK, it's still all good and worthwhile, it all part of a life worth living and well lived (rather than futile and pointless).

Interesting observation. In a way, almost, it sounds like the slave who loves his chains. Wisdom in surrender?

Um - why wouldn't you say that happiness for you is knowing that you are and have been true to yourself?

I don't believe happiness and fulfillment are one and the same, myself.

 

[neonlyte]

I don't believe happiness and fulfillment are one and the same, myself.

Agreed. I'm perfectly happy most of the time, but not fulfilled. Fulfillment wouldn't necessarily make me happier, but it brings a different sense of value to my life.
I'm happiest when I'm doing things for myself, I'm fulfilled when I'm doing things for others, and myself. (Which doesn't mean I'm not happy doing things for others )

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Um - why wouldn't you say that happiness for you is knowing that you are and have been true to yourself?

Simply because it isn't

It doesn't make me happy when I am being true to myself. There are moments of happiness during the journey, but it's not the cause of it.

Agreed. I'm perfectly happy most of the time, but not fulfilled.

I'm the opposite Often I have an absolute sense of fulfillment, yet, that does not necessarily mean I am happy.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

I don't believe happiness and fulfillment are one and the same, myself.

Agreed. I'm perfectly happy most of the time, but not fulfilled. Fulfillment wouldn't necessarily make me happier, but it brings a different sense of value to my life.
I'm happiest when I'm doing things for myself, I'm fulfilled when I'm doing things for others, and myself. (Which doesn't mean I'm not happy doing things for others )

Oh I always hate it when someone says what I'm about to: Definitions, please?

The response might be, "You started this, Roxanne - you provide a definition!"

But that's what I'm searching for, darlings!

There is no universal in the final application, of that I am sure; however, the soul searching into the nature of happiness, that digging for deeper understand is IMO like the ticket to the dance. . . . But but if they (Roxanne et al) are trying to put their finger on universal truths by looking at the end result, then I fear they're chasing windmills. If anything, only the beginning process (the search, or the desire to search) should be viewed as "needed by all."

For the sake of argument I'll avoid "universal" and just say that I think almost every human struggles with the issues raised here. Many can't understand why they aren't happy even if they have attained most of the things they sought. Others who have very little are happy. I think this conundrum is what is meant by the phrase, "the human condition." It is our nature to want to feel "happiness," but the feeling we give that label to is intrinsically ephemeral. This is the dilemma for which I am seeking an answer. Alessia and Neon are taking good pokes at it by leading this into a discussion of "fulfillment," and whether it is the same thing as "happiness," and what the heck do those terms mean, anyway. I'll repeat another term that fits in here: Lifelong human flourishing.