Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled

[jhuson]

I posted the following in the Playground, but perhaps this is a more appropriate place for it:

Is anyone else out there (male or female) for the most part happily married/satisfied with their spouse yet unfulfilled with the sexual/physical nature of their relationship? Does anyone else use LIT as a means of escape or as a channel for your surplus sexual energies?

I've been married 10+ years (with children). My wife is my best friend and although we have a pretty good marriage, the physical part leaves something to be desired. Don't get me wrong, we still have sex -- we are intimate about once a week -- but it is very routine and completely lacking in passion, creativity, innovation, etc. Physically, we are still very attracted to each other.

Now before I get some unsolicited advice, let me explain that my wife and I have discussed our situation numerous times and have come to the conclusion that we simply are on different wavelengths sexually. She is very happy getting off once a week and knows that I am not completely satisfied with the quantity and quality.

Frankly, I am just "into" sex much more than she is. It has always been that way with us. When we first became intimate while dating, I just figured that she would open up/loosen up more over time. And she did...to a point. Then things just stopped progressing and started to actually regress. Throw children and the demands of real life into the mix and you have a recipe for sexual doldrums.

During our marriage, I tried everything (helping even more around the house and with the kids; taking the focus off sex and placing it more on other physical expressions of affection; etc.) but to no avail.

The bottom line is that there is a void in my life and it is one of the primary reasons I take solace and comfort in Lit. My wife knows I spend time online and frequently "take things into my own hands". And she doesn't mind. She knows I frequent LIT but doesn't know I have a pic thread or that I have chatted with LIT Members.

I'd like to hear from others in this predicament (male and female) and hear your stories -- almost like a support group for the "married and horny" crowd (oh God I hope that didn't make me sound like Stuart Smalley). I'd like to hear about how you cope; if you have strayed; if you have been burdened by good old-fashioned Catholic guilt for feeling the way you do; if you have shared your dilemma with friends (I haven't ...hence I am creating this thread.); and anything else you can think of.

Ultimately, I'd like to develop an online relationship with a woman in a similar siutation in which we can share/explore our desires, fantasies, likes/dislikes, sexual energies, etc.

OK, sorry for the long-ass post. Verbosity is my middle name.

 

[justice9644]

Same Here

I have the EXACT situattion that you have, and i am very unhappy about it. Trying to re-direct all the sexual energy is impossible. I have decided to start having some fun on the side. Although i may regrete that in the future, if she finds out, life is way to short to be miserable. Maybe things will change over time , but i doubt it, and you get very tired of wanking it instead of the sexual intimacy and release.

 

[Guest]

Hi!

Checked your pics. Whew!

Understand completely.

A recovering Catholic, I have considered, tried, not wanted to continue with the infidelity thing, but quit for reasons other than that.

I release here and am developing friends. It helps.

Hope you find what you're looking for too.

 

[-Nyx]

...I wouldn't be happily married if I were sexually unfulfilled.

 

[jhuson]

I have the EXACT situattion that you have, and i am very unhappy about it. Trying to re-direct all the sexual energy is impossible. I have decided to start having some fun on the side. Although i may regrete that in the future, if she finds out, life is way to short to be miserable. Maybe things will change over time , but i doubt it, and you get very tired of wanking it instead of the sexual intimacy and release.

How long have you been married? Kids?

Early on in our marriage, I had the same exact feelings of anger you have now. I guess after awhile, I learned to accept it (that or I just got numb..LOL).

 

[jhuson]

Checked your pics. Whew!

Understand completely.

A recovering Catholic, I have considered, tried, not wanted to continue with the infidelity thing, but quit for reasons other than that.

I release here and am developing friends. It helps.

Hope you find what you're looking for too.

Thanks and I'm glad you liked the pics.

I'll have to go check out yours.

Are you married now?

 

[Doctor Joe]

JHuson, I couldn't have written it better myself. I've been married for 28 years and had 7 children and still love my wife incredibly. She, like your wife, seems to be satisfied with once-a-week sex, while I, at 57, still desire more and come here and to Yahoo to satisfy those urgings, sometimes with cyber and roleplay, sometimes with phone sex. Sometimes, although not very frequently, I have strayed in person. Have you been tempted to stray?

 

[Seshena]

I posted the following in the Playground, but perhaps this is a more appropriate place for it:

Is anyone else out there (male or female) for the most part happily married/satisfied with their spouse yet unfulfilled with the sexual/physical nature of their relationship? Does anyone else use LIT as a means of escape or as a channel for your surplus sexual energies?

I've been married 10+ years (with children). My wife is my best friend and although we have a pretty good marriage, the physical part leaves something to be desired. Don't get me wrong, we still have sex -- we are intimate about once a week -- but it is very routine and completely lacking in passion, creativity, innovation, etc. Physically, we are still very attracted to each other.

Now before I get some unsolicited advice, let me explain that my wife and I have discussed our situation numerous times and have come to the conclusion that we simply are on different wavelengths sexually. She is very happy getting off once a week and knows that I am not completely satisfied with the quantity and quality.

Frankly, I am just "into" sex much more than she is. It has always been that way with us. When we first became intimate while dating, I just figured that she would open up/loosen up more over time. And she did...to a point. Then things just stopped progressing and started to actually regress. Throw children and the demands of real life into the mix and you have a recipe for sexual doldrums.

During our marriage, I tried everything (helping even more around the house and with the kids; taking the focus off sex and placing it more on other physical expressions of affection; etc.) but to no avail.

The bottom line is that there is a void in my life and it is one of the primary reasons I take solace and comfort in Lit. My wife knows I spend time online and frequently "take things into my own hands". And she doesn't mind. She knows I frequent LIT but doesn't know I have a pic thread or that I have chatted with LIT Members.

I'd like to hear from others in this predicament (male and female) and hear your stories -- almost like a support group for the "married and horny" crowd (oh God I hope that didn't make me sound like Stuart Smalley). I'd like to hear about how you cope; if you have strayed; if you have been burdened by good old-fashioned Catholic guilt for feeling the way you do; if you have shared your dilemma with friends (I haven't ...hence I am creating this thread.); and anything else you can think of.

Ultimately, I'd like to develop an online relationship with a woman in a similar siutation in which we can share/explore our desires, fantasies, likes/dislikes, sexual energies, etc.

OK, sorry for the long-ass post. Verbosity is my middle name.

I see you are still around....sadly though I had to read this sad/depressing post though. Sorry to hear it's not all that you hope it could be. Drop me a line if you ever feel like a chat and in case you dont recognize me under this name...I was FortPolkAreaFem. *wink*
Ciao

 

[Granite_II]

=====

 

[Andrew7402]

I read an interesting bit of news the other day that scientists have developed a nasal spray that increases sexual arousal in women within mintues, rather like viagra for them. I wondering when the hell this stuff will be sold over the counter. Can we get it in a plug-in form?

 

[pink]

I posted the following in the Playground, but perhaps this is a more appropriate place for it:

Is anyone else out there (male or female) for the most part happily married/satisfied with their spouse yet unfulfilled with the sexual/physical nature of their relationship? Does anyone else use LIT as a means of escape or as a channel for your surplus sexual energies?

I've been married 10+ years (with children). My wife is my best friend and although we have a pretty good marriage, the physical part leaves something to be desired. Don't get me wrong, we still have sex -- we are intimate about once a week -- but it is very routine and completely lacking in passion, creativity, innovation, etc. Physically, we are still very attracted to each other.

Now before I get some unsolicited advice, let me explain that my wife and I have discussed our situation numerous times and have come to the conclusion that we simply are on different wavelengths sexually. She is very happy getting off once a week and knows that I am not completely satisfied with the quantity and quality.

Frankly, I am just "into" sex much more than she is. It has always been that way with us. When we first became intimate while dating, I just figured that she would open up/loosen up more over time. And she did...to a point. Then things just stopped progressing and started to actually regress. Throw children and the demands of real life into the mix and you have a recipe for sexual doldrums.

During our marriage, I tried everything (helping even more around the house and with the kids; taking the focus off sex and placing it more on other physical expressions of affection; etc.) but to no avail.

The bottom line is that there is a void in my life and it is one of the primary reasons I take solace and comfort in Lit. My wife knows I spend time online and frequently "take things into my own hands". And she doesn't mind. She knows I frequent LIT but doesn't know I have a pic thread or that I have chatted with LIT Members.

I'd like to hear from others in this predicament (male and female) and hear your stories -- almost like a support group for the "married and horny" crowd (oh God I hope that didn't make me sound like Stuart Smalley). I'd like to hear about how you cope; if you have strayed; if you have been burdened by good old-fashioned Catholic guilt for feeling the way you do; if you have shared your dilemma with friends (I haven't ...hence I am creating this thread.); and anything else you can think of.

Ultimately, I'd like to develop an online relationship with a woman in a similar siutation in which we can share/explore our desires, fantasies, likes/dislikes, sexual energies, etc.

OK, sorry for the long-ass post. Verbosity is my middle name.

Sweetie, i just looked at your pics. If i was your wife, i'd jump on that cock at much as possible. i'm sorry to be soooooooo blunt but.....................You'd be complaining about having too much sex.

 

[blue-girl]

I have the same problem. But it is my husband who lost interest.

 

[smallstyler]

Me too. I'm having trouble getting my husband to be less selfish in the bedroom, and we only have sex maybe once a month!!!! I've found thiis place to be a great outlet. Even met someone to talk to!

 

[blue-girl]

Me too. I'm having trouble getting my husband to be less selfish in the bedroom, and we only have sex maybe once a month!!!! I've found thiis place to be a great outlet. Even met someone to talk to!

Once a month is better than twice in four years. Isn't that awful. I am hoping this will be a great outlet for me also. Nice you met someone!

 

[mike2382]

I cant believe there are women posting saying they have this problem. it is starting to sound like there are a lot of women who need someone like my self who needs sex as much as i can get it. my g/f complains about we have it to much but she is crazy. im also 23 so that could have something to do with it.

 

[Scubadude]

OK, I might as well jump in here. I've been married for 26 years now. 20 years of that was in the Navy and at sea, so that put a dent in the sex life. Although we tried to make up for it when I was home. Then in 1999, the side effects of life long diabetes crippled her and destroyed the sex life entirely. Unfortunately, the older I get, the greater my sex drive seems to get. Over the last 26 years, I've had a couple affairs. A multiple year affair with a female military friend and coworker. Then a couple years back I had a very brief affair with a fellow Lit member. I love my wife dearly and will always be there for her, but I personally have no problem with having an affair. Some will probably call me a cold-hearted bastard, but I don't really care. I believe that a man or a woman has the capacity to care for, or even love, more than one person at a time. Although, it does take some emotional skills along with maturity in order to keep your priorities straight.

 

[pink]

...I wouldn't be happily married if I were sexually unfulfilled.

i was thinking about this earlier and i wouldn't be either.

 

[covariant]

Sadly there are lots of us. I'm 57 and have been with the same woman for almost 25 years. She is a wonderful person and I care for her deeply, but we very seldom have sex and when we do it is not very exciting. I have cheated once, but don't want to go down that road. I hope we can turn it around someday, but in the meantime I'm hoping to find a cyber or phone sex partner, or even just a few friends.

 

[lastingpassion]

Me too. I'm having trouble getting my husband to be less selfish in the bedroom, and we only have sex maybe once a month!!!! I've found thiis place to be a great outlet. Even met someone to talk to!

Sorry to hear that your husband is not being considerate to your needs. Hope the situation becomes better for you. Also glad you found Lit to be a good place for support and friendships.

 

[sweetsparkles]

JHuson, I couldn't have written it better myself. I've been married for 28 years and had 7 children and still love my wife incredibly. She, like your wife, seems to be satisfied with once-a-week sex, while I, at 57, still desire more and come here and to Yahoo to satisfy those urgings, sometimes with cyber and roleplay, sometimes with phone sex. Sometimes, although not very frequently, I have strayed in person. Have you been tempted to stray?

Love that pic

 

[jw2801]

I posted the following in the Playground, but perhaps this is a more appropriate place for it:

Is anyone else out there (male or female) for the most part happily married/satisfied with their spouse yet unfulfilled with the sexual/physical nature of their relationship? Does anyone else use LIT as a means of escape or as a channel for your surplus sexual energies?

................

This could so easily have been me writing that! Amazed that I'm not alone! The only differnce is that my wife doesn't want sex of ANY kind (she doesn't even want to get herself off occasionally) and she turns her nose up at the idea of me wanting to satisfy myself. As a result I have to keep all Lit activity (and associated communications!) very private.

Being married to a 'friend' isn't what I wanted or expected, but for reasons too long & complicated to go into here, I have to remain. For a man who just loves sex (and used to get plenty of compliments for technique!) it can be really hard to stay on the straight & narrow - Lit helps (but may eventually be my downfall!)

 

[Artina Heartflash]

***********

 

[jhuson]

Thanks To All Those That Responded

I'm really overwhelmed and comforted by the responses -- comforted in the fact that I'm not alone.

I almost feel like creating a support group: The Calloused Hand and Pruned Finger Coalition of Horny Married People.

I really hoped my original post didn't come off as too much of a whine-fest. Like I said, I am really happy. I just wish the physical part was more frequent and passionate/adventurous. But I accept it. In the grand scheme, things could be much worse -- and for that I am grateful.

Now to some individual responses:

Doctor Joe: You sound a lot like me.
"Have you been tempted to stray?"
Does the Pope shit in the woods? Does Foghat suck? Is Bill O'Reilly an asshole? Of course I have. And I've had a few tempting oppts. But in all honesty, I never let it get to a point where I was alone with someone in a place where something could happen. I really believe in the "lead us not into temptation" theory because if end up with a horny woman alone in a hotel room, someone is getting fucked.

Seshena: Nice to hear from you. Thanks but it's really not that bad. The other aspects of our life are so good (kids, family, friends, jobs, prosperity, etc.) that it makes this one thing a bit easier to, ahem, swallow. LOL.

Granite: I completely agree. Family comes first. I have heard that the declining libido is lnked more to fatigue and being tired than hormones. REgardless, Good luck.

Andrew: ROTFLMAO. It's like those "Glade" air fresheners. The commercials would be great. We see a bedroom. A man with a protruding hard-on in his sweats looks at a pic of his wife on the night stand, then the bed and plugs it in and says "This looks like a good place for a stick up."


Pink: I doubt I'd be complaining about too much sex with you. Thanks.

Smallstyler: Glad you met someone to talk to. If you ever need to chat, PM me please. What is with all these men not appreciating their wives? Once a month?

Blue: Sent you a PM.

Mike: I know this won't help but your libido won't slow down that much as you age. I had always hoped mine would. I sometimes wonder if the doldrums of everyday life make it worse.

ScubaDude: Great post. Very articulate and well thought-out. Good luck.

Covariant & JW: Looks like were in the same boat. Except, JW, my wife is totally cool with me looking at porn online and pleasuring myself. She sometimes even likes to hear about it (chatting is an entirely different matter, however. She wouldn't like to know about that).

Artina: Thanks and good luck to you as well. Loved your take on ScubaDude's post.

 

[fingermagic]

The magic is within you.........

Seems a very common theme with no real solutions. I have always taken the attitude that new experiences keep a party interested. SOmetimes a lover is responsive to this, other times not. I will always try something at least once (how many times have we heard this one) even if does not at first apeal to me because it may to my lover. I have made some wonderful discoveries with this approach and I think it has made me a better lover. It has also expanded several areas of sexuality for me. Openmindedness and kindness on the part of both (or all) players helps keep the ball rolling.

 

[lovin69]

I'll jump in here too. This is my first time in the forum, but I guess I have to vent. I'v been married 40 years and have the same problem. I love my wife dearly and have been extremely happy. But the sex has always been exactly as you said. I have a great sex drive and like to get off at least once a day. Although I am 62, I can still get off twice in a love making session. My wife is exactly as you described, so I compensate by coming to Literotica (no pun intended). I have never strayed and never will. But I have to get release somewhere. So it's here. I've tried everything, but she just doesn't like sex, and never has. I don't know what else to say, except I feel for you. Don't leave just because the sex isn't great. There is a lot to be said for spending your life with your best friend.