Mr Blonde
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2001
- Posts
- 864
I am pleased to announce that my girlfriend and I will be moving in together fairly soon. We've been together for about a year but have been getting a lot closer in the last six months. It's a big step but we are ready to see how far this relationship can go. I've been in contact with some posters privately and appreciate the encouraging advice I have received. Thanks and it was nice interacting with you.
On a less positive note, let me announce that not only am I leaving Lit-BDSM but I am leaving BDSM altogether. Why? BDSM has way too many unhealthy practitioners and way too much negative cargo to accurately describe what happens in the context of my romantic relationship.
While the relationship with my girlfriend will continue to closely resemble D/s, we are dropping our affiliations and instead focusing on the actual relationship. While some aspects of a relationship are easy, other parts can only be dealt with as situations arise and there is no one else who can help me sorting out my feelings or what is happening better than my girlfriend. She feels the same way towards me.
The decision to leave BDSM was not made lightly. This is something I've been thinking about in recent weeks and has nothing to do with the fluctuating quality of this small forum. It extended into meeting BDSM people in other venues, and the decision is based on an overall trend that became clear to us.
When associating with any group or activity, picking a standard reference point to describe a personal philosophy can be beneficial. I had hoped to find like-minded people where I could interact and get insight into ourselves, share a little moral support when we needed it, and learn more about how others outside my own experiences live their life. I did meet some people matching that description, but far too often it was like finding a needle of relevance in a haystack of dysfunction.
BDSM is filled with people who struggle to exist in regular society. When I look at the number of BDSM practitioners who have problems, anything from being immature to poor self-esteem to living off others to being unemployed to feeling apathetic about their lives in general, it is hard for me to relate to any of that. When people speak of being outcasts, or cyber-addicts going into a deep depression because of something happened in a chatroom, those are issues that don't even exist in my reality. But beyond that -- while I am not exactly a "teacher" by temperament, these people clearly didn't want to learn about my life so there is absolutely zero point in continuing the interaction.
So why bother posting this? Because I want people to know why someone like me is leaving. Besides the lack of meaningful interactions with other BDSM'ers, I had to deal with BDSM having such a horrible reputation with the general public. People view BDSM as a place for Trekkie-like outcasts and lonely daydreamers who are hopelessly single and overweight people wearing ill-fitting costumes. That was very uncomfortable for me to endure.
Now some might challenge me to be a good role model and show mainstream society that all BDSM’ers aren't like that. But what is the point when most so-called BDSM practitioners (who actually don't "practice" that much in real life) obsessively spend their time trying to look deliberately weird? The odd thing is that according to the polls my tastes are significantly "heavier" than the average dominant so while these people try to appear weird, I am the one who is actually living it and doing things that go beyond their fantasies.
While this is mostly an attack on BDSM in general, and this forum in no way equals the entire world of BDSM, the people who hang around this place do approximate what sort of people are interested and/or practice BDSM. There are a few good people but Lit-BDSM is also filled with whackjobs and 50+ losers that ended up on my ignore list. This forum needs a lot of work but I won't be around to witness what happens next.
In conclusion, BDSM was a limitation that could only get in the way of me making progress in real life. Any knowledge to be gleaned was so dilute and accumulated at a much slower pace than what I could get from simple openness with my girlfriend. I can already do everything I want to do without such baggage, so why not focus on my relationship and get there quicker? Even if my current relationship doesn't work out and I end up single again, I feel my best chance for lasting happiness is to separate myself from all the dysfunction and delusions. BDSM offers nothing supportive or productive to someone who leads a mostly normal life but has different ideas when it comes to the form of their romantic relationships.
On a less positive note, let me announce that not only am I leaving Lit-BDSM but I am leaving BDSM altogether. Why? BDSM has way too many unhealthy practitioners and way too much negative cargo to accurately describe what happens in the context of my romantic relationship.
While the relationship with my girlfriend will continue to closely resemble D/s, we are dropping our affiliations and instead focusing on the actual relationship. While some aspects of a relationship are easy, other parts can only be dealt with as situations arise and there is no one else who can help me sorting out my feelings or what is happening better than my girlfriend. She feels the same way towards me.
The decision to leave BDSM was not made lightly. This is something I've been thinking about in recent weeks and has nothing to do with the fluctuating quality of this small forum. It extended into meeting BDSM people in other venues, and the decision is based on an overall trend that became clear to us.
When associating with any group or activity, picking a standard reference point to describe a personal philosophy can be beneficial. I had hoped to find like-minded people where I could interact and get insight into ourselves, share a little moral support when we needed it, and learn more about how others outside my own experiences live their life. I did meet some people matching that description, but far too often it was like finding a needle of relevance in a haystack of dysfunction.
BDSM is filled with people who struggle to exist in regular society. When I look at the number of BDSM practitioners who have problems, anything from being immature to poor self-esteem to living off others to being unemployed to feeling apathetic about their lives in general, it is hard for me to relate to any of that. When people speak of being outcasts, or cyber-addicts going into a deep depression because of something happened in a chatroom, those are issues that don't even exist in my reality. But beyond that -- while I am not exactly a "teacher" by temperament, these people clearly didn't want to learn about my life so there is absolutely zero point in continuing the interaction.
So why bother posting this? Because I want people to know why someone like me is leaving. Besides the lack of meaningful interactions with other BDSM'ers, I had to deal with BDSM having such a horrible reputation with the general public. People view BDSM as a place for Trekkie-like outcasts and lonely daydreamers who are hopelessly single and overweight people wearing ill-fitting costumes. That was very uncomfortable for me to endure.
Now some might challenge me to be a good role model and show mainstream society that all BDSM’ers aren't like that. But what is the point when most so-called BDSM practitioners (who actually don't "practice" that much in real life) obsessively spend their time trying to look deliberately weird? The odd thing is that according to the polls my tastes are significantly "heavier" than the average dominant so while these people try to appear weird, I am the one who is actually living it and doing things that go beyond their fantasies.
While this is mostly an attack on BDSM in general, and this forum in no way equals the entire world of BDSM, the people who hang around this place do approximate what sort of people are interested and/or practice BDSM. There are a few good people but Lit-BDSM is also filled with whackjobs and 50+ losers that ended up on my ignore list. This forum needs a lot of work but I won't be around to witness what happens next.
In conclusion, BDSM was a limitation that could only get in the way of me making progress in real life. Any knowledge to be gleaned was so dilute and accumulated at a much slower pace than what I could get from simple openness with my girlfriend. I can already do everything I want to do without such baggage, so why not focus on my relationship and get there quicker? Even if my current relationship doesn't work out and I end up single again, I feel my best chance for lasting happiness is to separate myself from all the dysfunction and delusions. BDSM offers nothing supportive or productive to someone who leads a mostly normal life but has different ideas when it comes to the form of their romantic relationships.
