Hanson Center- feedback wanted on F/F humiliation

[powerlady18]

Hi everybody,

First of all, thanks so much for voting for my first story, and for all the comments on the first part. I guess what I am writing for is that I seem to find myself wanting to express more and more severe humiliation in my stories. I know some readers were probably confused by the big turn toward humiliation in the second part. What do people think about this level of humiliation? Do you find it arousing? Why? What parts? If not, can anyone say why? Thank you so much. - Linda

Here is the link.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=228391

 

[Flashlight7.5]

I don't get it

What was the point?

Why is Tasha in this program? Why is the dominatrix a dominatrix? There doesn't seem to be anything else to the story apart from a 43-year-old ordering a young black woman to ass fuck herself with a zucchini. You could've done that in one page.

It needs trimmed. You should also tweak your dialogue. Reading someone say "Yes" and "No" is boring. You should also remove your "stutter words" (p-p-p-please). Don't write these out. Describe how she's saying them. Make the reader's mind work more.

You obviously love the subject material, so I think you could write a good story. You just need to reformulate it and figure out the point of the story.