Handjob naivety

[ScottyS]

I had a recent experience in which a girl who was trying to give me a handjob didn't seem to realize that the shaft of the penis is not usually slick. Pre-cum can do the job, but one actually has to rub it on the shaft. She seemed to think she could rub hard on my dry shaft without hurting me! Once she realized she wasn't doing it effectively, she got scared and self-conscious, and needless to say it ruined a potentially good experience.

I blame a lack of education, of course, and not the girl herself. So here's the deal, girls: if you want to give a good hand job, either use good lubrication, or apply a generous amount of pre-cum and saliva to the shaft. To give a dry hand job, wrap your entire palm firmly but gently around the shaft, then pull up rhythmically on the skin. This is close to the way men masturbate if they don't have any lubrication.

Any one else, ladies or gentlemen, have a prescription for common mistakes or misconceptions?

 

[SweetErika]

It seems like the only thing/one to blame in this situation was you for not speaking up about your preferences sooner and bringing out the lube at the start of play.

The problem I have with these "here's how you're supposed to do XYZ" type of posts and threads is this: everyone is different, and there's no single technique that works well for every person and situation. For instance, while plenty of men do like lube and the technique you described, more than a few enjoy the type of technique your partner used.

Anyway, I favor communication over following instructions from random people online or offline, or even doing what previous partners have enjoyed. In this situation, had you communicated sufficiently from the start, you two likely would have avoided all the accidental pain, embarrassment, and had a positive experience instead of a ruined one.

 

[Eilan]

Anyway, I favor communication over following instructions from random people online or offline, or even doing what previous partners have enjoyed. In this situation, had you communicated sufficiently from the start, you two likely would have avoided all the accidental pain, embarrassment, and had a positive experience instead of a ruined one.

Exactly. How is your partner supposed to know what you prefer unless you tell her?

 

[Firebrain]

I've hardly ever given a handjob with lube or been asked to do so. It has always proven to be rather, er, effective. Never been with anyone circumcised though; is this the difference you're getting at?

Anyway, stop whining. Ungrateful toad.

 

[mickwannabe]

I had a recent experience in which a girl who was trying to give me a handjob didn't seem to realize that the shaft of the penis is not usually slick. Pre-cum can do the job, but one actually has to rub it on the shaft. She seemed to think she could rub hard on my dry shaft without hurting me! Once she realized she wasn't doing it effectively, she got scared and self-conscious, and needless to say it ruined a potentially good experience.

I blame a lack of education, of course, and not the girl herself. So here's the deal, girls: if you want to give a good hand job, either use good lubrication, or apply a generous amount of pre-cum and saliva to the shaft. To give a dry hand job, wrap your entire palm firmly but gently around the shaft, then pull up rhythmically on the skin. This is close to the way men masturbate if they don't have any lubrication.

Any one else, ladies or gentlemen, have a prescription for common mistakes or misconceptions?

My best "prescription" is that I had to get over being a puss and start asking for what felt good instead of just being glad to get anything haha.

 

[DrHappy]

As others have mentioned, being able to communicate during sex is important. There will surely be times when a guy is with a girl and he'll not be doing something correctly. Unless he's psychic, she'll have to give him guidance. In your case, you could have

• Suggested "let's get some lubricant"
• Reached over and grabbed some lubricant
• Politely stated "I need to lubricant for that to feel good."

Trust me, some of the comments here have sounded harsh, but they are VERY important lessons for a fun sex life.

 

[Jackotheshadows]

Screaming "Oww!", and curling into a fetal position usually gets the point across....

Sorry, couldn't resist. Seriously, if things are going awry, gentle, *positive* suggestions usually help quite a bit.

 

[shiny5437]

Agree totally with the above

Tell her how you like it, then when it's her turn you guys have a format for how to communicate. Can only lead to success.

Oh, and when giving feedback it's never "that's wrong but this is right" better try "that's good but this better!"

On no account slap her wrists and tell her to put the kettle on while you take care of business.

 

[swampydonkey]

handjob is a great source of pleasure. I like it very much. I don't prefer using lubricant in a handjob. I like to wet my cock with my girl's tongue.

 

[Reba67]

Just talk to your girlfriend about what you need to feel good. My boyfriend had never asked me to use lube (and did occasionally say ouch, and I would stop what I was doing). I tried some lube on him recently as a surprise for him......he had no idea that he liked it better with lube because he'd never done it that way.

 

[infinity706]

I can say for sure that lube isn't universally needed, though. I've had serveral guys that actually like what the OP described better.

 

[SilkyDave]

ouch ................friction burn

 

[ScottyS]

Like I said, I tried to show her the way I would have liked her to do it, but the very idea of me having to explain it put her into self-conscious mode. I'm all about communication, but some people are easily spooked.

If a male partner went attacking your clitoris prematurely, Erika, would you put up with it because he's different and that's what he likes? Or would you try to educate him a little about the female sexual response, like I tried to do?

 

[Erosian]

There had been a couple of times when the girls thought that it would be pleasurable to thumb the sensitive tip at the start of a job, wet or not. I ended up wincing a little and kindly informed them that what they were doing was not pleasurable, and everything was fine.

How did you do it to the point that it would ruin the evening?! That's almost very impressive.

 

[Eilan]

So here's the deal, girls: if you want to give a good hand job, either use good lubrication, or apply a generous amount of pre-cum and saliva to the shaft. To give a dry hand job, wrap your entire palm firmly but gently around the shaft, then pull up rhythmically on the skin. This is close to the way men masturbate if they don't have any lubrication.

The problem with the "advice" you gave in your initial post (and the reason you got the responses you did) is that you came across as condescending by assuming that all men like their handjobs just like you do. If I want to know how to improve my handjob technique, I'm not going to take advice from some random Internet stranger: I'm going to ask my partner what he prefers.

I'm thinking that if the woman you were with felt scared and self-conscious after you "corrected" her that she's inexperienced or overly sensitive to criticism. Or there was a problem with how you got your message across.

 

[ScottyS]

Therein lies my point, Eilan. If it had been you in her place, you would have asked first, instead of grabbing onto my cock like it was the last candy cane on the Christmas tree and wrenching it with all your strength. Maybe it sounds nice in theory, but try doing it to a guy and after he recovers from the pain ask him if he likes it.

And the experience did not ruin ANY evening. In fact, we went on to have a pleasant afternoon together. I was very gentle about how I tried to handle it. It was her idea in the first place so I didn't think my input would bother her. If she had been telling me how to eat her out, I would have listened and put what she said into practice. I wouldn't stop in the middle of what I was doing and say "hey, I don't think I can do this." Then again, maybe it's good that things didn't progress beyond that point; I can only imagine what kind of blowjob she had in store. We're talking about someone whose primary sexual experience before that had been with girls, so she just wasn't that familiar with the equipment.

 

[satindesire]

If she's going to be that oversensitive to being sexually educated, she shouldn't be having sexual contact with anyone.

 

[CWatson]

handjob is a great source of pleasure. I like it very much. I don't prefer using lubricant in a handjob. I like to wet my cock with my girl's tongue.

So what do you do, just grab it and swab it around?

 

[CWatson]

Therein lies my point, Eilan. If it had been you in her place, you would have asked first, instead of grabbing onto my cock like it was the last candy cane on the Christmas tree and wrenching it with all your strength. Maybe it sounds nice in theory, but try doing it to a guy and after he recovers from the pain ask him if he likes it.

And the experience did not ruin ANY evening. In fact, we went on to have a pleasant afternoon together. I was very gentle about how I tried to handle it. It was her idea in the first place so I didn't think my input would bother her. If she had been telling me how to eat her out, I would have listened and put what she said into practice. I wouldn't stop in the middle of what I was doing and say "hey, I don't think I can do this." Then again, maybe it's good that things didn't progress beyond that point; I can only imagine what kind of blowjob she had in store. We're talking about someone whose primary sexual experience before that had been with girls, so she just wasn't that familiar with the equipment.

Then what you're going to have to do is be very very patient and let her discover her comfort zones for herself. Encourage her to expand her boundaries, but also be accepting when she refuses. Congratulations: you are now dealing with what all men deal with when they are with shy women.

 

[madelinemadly]

How about just very sensually take her hands in your hands and give them each a good lick?

 

[subwannabe]

Having lubrication at the time feels good. It's kind of like getting a blow job. You need real lubrication of some sort though.

 

[ScottyS]

Well, I did have some good lubrication (as always) but it didn't even occur to me to go get it.

That's quite true about shyness. I discovered only fairly recently that I'm somewhat more attracted to extroverted women, which is a problem because my disposition is more laid back. More introverted types are drawn to me, and the extroverts often take offense at me, confusing me for a snob (which I might sometimes be guilty of, but I give everyone a chance) after they get over their initial curiosity at my not seeming interested in them.

I guess the lesson for me is if you're going to give out an introverted vibe, expect to get it in return and deal with the issues of shy people. Then again, I'm sure there are plenty of loud, talkative girls who suddenly become shy in the bedroom so either way I suppose I should be willing to communicate.

 

[Many Feathers]

This seems only fitting...

Thought I'd post it here from out of my collection of writings.


Hand Job
by Many Feathers©

Work it, jerk it,
Make it cum

Rub the head,
With just your thumb

Make it juicy
Make it slick

Pump it slow
Then fast my dick

Slap a little
Make it sting

Kiss and lick it
Everything

Squeeze the head
See the liquid there?

Smear it, rub it
Everywhere

Pump it up
And pump it down

Tease the sensitive
Tip and crown

Suck it softly,
Suck it fast

Then lick it lightly
Make it last

Up it comes
That frothy cream

Fuck that was
A nice wet dream