Haiku Feedback Please

[bubbliebabs]

these were my favorite types of poetry in school, but it has been soooo long! I want to write a few and get some opinions! These have a minor sexual thought just to make you wonder..

#1
Red burning embers
Dreams dancing upon the walls
He walks out the door

#2
Snow-white birds flying
Flowing green fields beneath her
Riding crop in hand

#3
Water falling down
Trees encompass their shadows
Officer knocking


Thoughts please!

 

[palisa]

Haiku

I'll give them a thumbs-up, with a couple of comments and quibbles.

You have a kigo in all of them, which is nice and traditional and will please purists.

Your kiregi in all three are at the last line (I think, but see my comments on #3 below). No problem with that, of course, but do you have some with the opposite structure?

The third one is too obscure for me. I think I got hung up on "trees encompass their shadows," and the only image I can conjure up (if I'm reading it correctly -- they encompass their own shadows), is that it's noon. I can't link that to the other lines, though. There seem to me to be three distinct points rather than the single juxtaposition.

 

[bubbliebabs]

The third one is too obscure for me. I think I got hung up on "trees encompass their shadows," and the only image I can conjure up (if I'm reading it correctly -- they encompass their own shadows), is that it's noon. I can't link that to the other lines, though. There seem to me to be three distinct points rather than the single juxtaposition.

Thank you. This one I had a rough time with though also in a way. What I wanted to say was too long. Guess I have to rethink that one. Thanks for your input!