Haiku, and the Shatner-Estrada Principle

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

So I've noticed an interesting trend in people of and around my generation. In the interests of multi-cultural education, we were all made to write haikus in grade school, in a rather myopic attempt to distill the essence of the entire rich, noble tapestry of Japanese culture into a handy-bite size snack. What a way to take a whole culture and frost it like a donut.

In any case, this left us all rather confused about Japan for many years. I find now that I simply cannot stop writing haiku about everything- sea urchins, carbeurators, lint, the Unabridged Annotated Works of Hemingway, the Bee-Gees...

and this, my pet theory, which I like to call the "Shatner-Estrada Principle". My principle basically espouses the idea that Erik Estrada is the Mexican equivalent of William Shatner. To illustrate the Shatner-Estrada Principle, I give you- haiku

Barrel-chested men
Why were you cast as beefcake?
Now you are puffy

 

[Quasimodem]

I merely see them as having been 'processed.'


Polished grains of rice
Slim and weighty, shot from guns;
Now, puffy flotsam.

 

[TheEarl]

and this, my pet theory, which I like to call the "Shatner-Estrada Principle". My principle basically espouses the idea that Erik Estrada is the Mexican equivalent of William Shatner. To illustrate the Shatner-Estrada Principle, I give you- haiku

Barrel-chested men
Why were you cast as beefcake?
Now you are puffy

A very well deserved 'eh?' I don't get what the hell you're talking about.

The Earl

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by MlledeLaPlumeBleu Erik Estrada is the Mexican equivalent of William Shatner

Dear Ms Blue Pen,
I think I can see what you mean. Captain Kirk never had a set of incisors like Ponch, though. Oh, them pearlies.
Dentitionally,
MG

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

Yes, Ponch had some fine masticators- mighty white 'n strong like a quarterhorse. He was also posessed of magnificently binding trou- remember those CHiPs motorcycle breeches? It was as if he'd showered in them and painstakingly adhered them to his flesh with a blow-dryer.

 

[Guest]

Mlle: I have to use this thread, can't think when else I'll get the opportunity. But you'll see there's a slight connection to the posts.

One of the worst ever productions of Sh're's "Antony and Cleopatra", except for the two leads, is an American production available on video. Timothy Dalton was an exciting Antony, Lynn Redgrave a good Cleo., though a bit dowdy (which may have been intentional).

Anyway, one of Cleo's handmaidens, Charmian, was played by Lt. Uhuru, and Pompey was played by the Star Trek Russian guy who gave the worst Sh'rean performance ever, at least preserved on tape. Also, a daytime soap actor (Luke from Gen. Hosp.) played Octavius/Caesar; I'd rate him just above the bad Russian accent guy. As with most Americans acting Sh're they all shouted when speaking anything 'serious'. Still, the damage is negligible as I use FF when watching it (I have my own tape).

Thanks for the space, Trova

L. Malle

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

It can't be worse than Keanu Reeves. He is- absolutely- the worst actor breathing between thetwo poles. His Shakespeare was beyond deplorable.

 

[Guest]

Keanu

Did you see him in person? Or was there a Sh're film I missed? Otherwise yes, he is the worst actor alive at the moment.

 

[lovinanalandy]

Purdy...

Not to send this thread careening further off track, but Keanu "Whoa" Reeves graced the big screen in Branagh's early 1990s "Much Ado About Nothing." I'm usually not a big fan of the over-acting Mr. Branagh, but his decision to use young Reeves was quite brilliant. Keanu's over-the-top performance and idiocy is perfect for Branagh's tongue-in-cheek version of the Bard. Reeves is awful as always, but it works because the rest of the cast knows it and winks at the audience the whole time.

And to bring this all back around...a Keanu haiku (written at 3 a.m., mind you):

River’s Edge was dope
but then you thought you could act.
Don’t say whoa again.

 

[snooper]

What's happening?

Is there some sort of virus in this thread???

I went to print it out and my computer said:

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

 

[Guest]

lovinanalandy & Snooper:

Hahaha. Nice a.m. laughs. I forgot about Much Ado, even have the vid. Lovin, you may be onto something re. KR. I think the same way of a couple of Winona Ryder's performances wherein she plays a vapid young thing or a cyborg and presumably thinks she is acting. She's a woman under the influence only of herself.

I appreciate Branaugh, particularly enjoyed his Henry V and was so pleased he cut nothing from Hamlet, but he is not a filmaker. I hate the insertion of silly sex scenes (e.g., Hamlet and Ophelia doing it), dream sequences, and pop stars in minor* roles. (*IMO there are no minor roles in Sh're.) I think only unimaginative or pedogogical productions can ruin Sh're; I liked the recent R&J (despite di Caprio) and the Hamlet set in Manhattan (Bill Murray was a fine Polonious and Sam Shepard a cool Hamlet Sr.)

I simply cannot write haiku, just can't do language that way. But I love yours and the others on this thread.

Perdita

Cassavetes

 

[MathGirl]

That hai-stuff

Could someone explain haiku to me? I think it's something that DurtGurl might like to try.
MG

 

[Vincent E]

My principle basically espouses the idea that Erik Estrada is the Mexican equivalent of William Shatner.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho he ho ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Now that is funny.

 

[Guest]

Re: That hai-stuff

Could someone explain haiku to me? I think it's something that DurtGurl might like to try.

MG: It's a shot in the dark, but frankly I think haiku is in bigtime opposition with Durty's style. If she really has an itch to try it I think Mlle speaks well of the form.

If the gurl isn't up to the strictest forms she can just try writing 3 lines of 7-9 syllables each, the total syllables is often 17. The basic idea is to condense something visually profound into the three brief lines. If she needs further help, please refer her to the poetry forum and absolutely no PMs to me.

Perdita

Peter Sellers

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

MG-

I think the noble art of haiku would greatly enrich Durtgirl's already greatly enriched literary tapestry. Of couse, one cannot condense the lyrical prose of such masterpieces as "Mom's Submarine Anal Birthday Surprise" into a scant three lines- however, I think she may find new vast new vistas within its strictly liberating format.

Haiku in its strictest form is three lines of 5-7-5 syllables. It should not rhyme, because that disrupts the inanity of it.

Tradition holds that most haiku is about the loamy forest floor and stately orchids and cherry blossoms. However, I prefer haiku about asinine celebrities, inanimate objects, George Bush jr. and sex acts. This is an artistic choice.

To help you on your syllabically mandated journey, here is another haiku.

On Dale Chihuly, pirate, "artist" and bane of my city:

Dale Chihuly sucks
Oh, and he makes glass stuff too
Did I mention that?

I loved the Keanu Reeves and toner haikus. They capture the essence of this form in fragile hands of glass.

 

[MathGirl]

Of couse, one cannot condense the lyrical prose of such masterpieces as "Mom's Submarine Anal Birthday Surprise" into a scant three lines

Dear Ms Blu Pen,
You have mentioned the one opus in the collection which was not personally written by DG. She's very proud to have the author in her 'group,' though.

Thank you, and I'll pass on the haiku information to her. I think the Jukes family antics might be appropeaux for her first foray to the esoteric shores of the haiku.
MG

 

[lovinanalandy]

Tradition holds that most haiku is about the loamy forest floor and stately orchids and cherry blossoms. However, I prefer haiku about asinine celebrities, inanimate objects, George Bush jr. and sex acts. This is an artistic choice.

Just to clarify: You like haiku about little Bush, about sex acts or about Shrub and sex acts? I prefer the latter. Actually, you should love this one, Mille. It contains asinine celebs and inanimate objects, too. (I count Bush has a largely inanimate object.):

Shrub has drunk daughters.
Girls gone wild, boys come running.
Did they learn at home?

P.S. Feel free to switch line two with "Girls gone wild, boys run coming."
P.P.S. I bet Durt Gurl likes this one.

[Edited to appease Mille's delicate sensibilities and eternal quest for accuracy]

 

[sailorm72003]

Here's one for DG


math girls prose whispers
the durt girls, it shrieks and grates
still i laugh and laugh

 

[sirhugs]

MG-

I
Tradition holds that most haiku is about the loamy forest floor and stately orchids and cherry blossoms. However, I prefer haiku about asinine celebrities, inanimate objects, George Bush jr. and sex acts. This is an artistic choice.

ewww....the idea of GWB and sex acts in the same sentence makes my skin crawl.

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

I agree, Sir Hugs. Unfortunately, in the face of true evil, there is often no recourse but to write scathing haikus.

Andy- your Bush is very nice.

To wit:

How could our nation
elect a sociopath
who says "nu-cu-lar"

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

Wait a minute-

the Bush girls look like anthropomorphic potatoes.

"Drunk" might mean fun, but it don't mean "hot...

 

[lovinanalandy]

Yes, yer right. "Drunk" works better all around. And the alliteration of drunk with daughters is divine. It's been changed. Perhaps I was thinking that they're hot when I'm drunk...

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Almost totally unrelated:

http://www.miserablemelodies.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/miserabl/search.pl?search=s

If you want to hear William Shatner embarrassing himself. Or is that just tautological?

Actually, I have nothing against Shattner. I kind of think of myself being to writing what he was to acting, and he at least had the grace not to take himself seriously, which is more than I can say for myself.

On the other hand, I've never drunk a quart of Cuervo Gold, wrapped myself in green chintz and thrown myself around a recording studio like Shattner does in "Tambourine Man" (click on link). It's kind of like a car crash: you don't want to see, but you can't help but look.


---dr.M.

 

[sailorm72003]

Having been tortured with the video clip before, I think I'll spare myself the pain this time!

S